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Gone Dream Chasing

   These maybe short and sweet over the next couple of weeks.  I am taking an online course for marine biology soon to be joined by an archaeology one at the end of the month. 
   They are both free and I can get a certificate at the end if I want.  I am excited because I love both subjects.  I had hopes of becoming a marine biologist or archaeologist when I grew up.
   I tried going back to a serious school for my degree in archaeology.  Paid a few thousand dollars too (well spent as it is a very good school and I did learn a lot).  The problem was me.  Working full time (with no set schedule) and having serious computer issues…. I just couldn’t keep up.  I felt very guilty as my parents had helped me pay for it to help me go for my dream.
   I’m hoping that I can follow thru with these courses because there will be less pressure.  They were free so if I mess up no worries. 
   I’m on to my second week now.  I stressed hard over my first quiz Monday.  Part of that was time.  I was only going to be taking archaeology but this popped up and I had to jump at it.  The course started last Monday.  I signed up Thursday.  Thank goodness I had the weekend off!  I got 8 videos watched and two papers read.  Not to mention a bunch of mini quizzes….  My main quiz was Monday.  Well had to be done by 9am Monday.  I got one chance (you actually have three) because I started my quiz 15 minutes before it was due.  Found out at the last minute that we were in the same time zone.  Sigh.
   But week one is under my belt and I’m having a good time with it.  Hope I can keep up with both classes.  The archaeology class should be a little easier as the reference books are the same as my text books from university.  🙂
   I need to get ready for work.  If I fall behind with this you now know why.  I’m off chasing dreams!

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Venting and fear

   Well I’m working six days in a row again so I’d better try to squeeze on in here.  Not really sure what to talk about today.
   I look around the house and it is a bit of a mess.  Not bad.  I look outside and think of everything we need to get done.  First and foremost we need some kind of fencing.  We have five acres with probably a half acre fenced in for the dogs.  This fence is made from chicken wire and wooden posts.  Fencing is coming down and the posts are rotting so they need to be replaced.  We are looking at an invisible fence.  I still want a physical fence so others can bring their pets over.  Then there is the grass (I’m pretty sure it’s still there under all that white stuff).  The mower that had been “fixed” has not worked since.  We have a lot of grass and despite having four big dogs they can only eat so much grass.  Soooo I need to figure out what I’m going to do.  Find a mower of my own or pay someone to do it for me.  And the gardens.  Ponds need to be cleaned.  Gardens cleaned.  Plants planted as well as up keep.  The bikes need to be cleaned up (translate fresh bodywork and engine maintenance).
   I feel like a basket case because instead of looking forward to changes and planning for them I am stressing to the max about where the money will come from.  I don’t enjoy the possibilities.  I freak out over cost.  More time to be spent at work and not at home where I want to be.
   Why don’t I let myself enjoy life anymore?  All I seem to do is picture all that could go wrong.  Or I really shouldn’t do this for myself.  I should be spending the money/time/energy on something else.  Did I do it right?  Am I going to have enough money/time/energy to do everything that needs to be done now?
   I feel like a rat in an electrified cage.  Smart enough to avoid most of the issues but not smart enough to find a way out.

   I really do have good days (yesterday was one of them) and even good weeks.  But I need to vent my fears and issues to try to get some kind of handle on them.  I cannot continue down this road of unhappiness and emotional roller coasters.  I want to enjoy my life most of the time instead of just once in a while.
   So thank you for listening to me vent!  I will try to make my next post more upbeat.  🙂