Depression and Winter

Finally a day off!  🙂
   I have felt depression creeping in lately.  I do not like this.  Unfortunately there is not much I can do right now to fix it.  The weather here keeps getting worse which makes the roads bad.  And with a forty five minute drive to work (which has turned in to an hour each way with weather) with white knuckle driving…. Let’s just say the stress level goes up quite a few notches!
   Days off turn into a day of me curling into a ball and doing nothing.  I take care of the zoo and that’s about it.  I hate the cold.  I hate the snow.  And this year we have had an abundance of both.  Yesterday was snow and blowing snow.  Today we have sun but -20-30°F with wind chill.  I am seriously thinking of getting some tanning minutes.  The UV seems to help my moods.
   I also have not had a drink in a week/seven days as of today.  I managed to scare myself pretty good the last time I did cocktails so I just stopped.  Good I guess but I don’t feel a sense of accomplishment.  Just something I did.
   See what I mean?  I’m not happy.  I’m coasting along in neutral.  Riding season seems so far away (this attitude is an improvement as I didn’t really care one way or the other before).  I am trying to find joy in the little things.  Then I feel guilty for not being happy for everyone else.  I don’t want to bring others down.  But I am tired of faking it.  A vicious circle.
   I have been good about doing my journal every day and I am drinking water every day now.  So there are steps forward.  And I am struggling not to type the dreaded “but”….  I guess it’s just not enough. 
   Winters have been getting harder and harder for me.  Since I got the motorcycle I guess but I don’t think that’s the only reason.  I hate being cold and being stuck inside.  Being indoors by choice is one thing.
   I keep trying to move forward and now wish my days away.  My family keeps smiles on my face.  My friends do too.  I am grateful for them.  It’s the little things.  Forwards or backwards it all matters in the end.