Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Trying

Today it has been one year since we lost Essie. Having Archie helps a lot but… Just too much death this month.

I did manage more than 30 minutes of sleep last night. The down side it that it was even harder to get up because my body was enjoying its hard earned sleep. I am just glad that I have a short day today.

My body aches from doing stock and moving cases of beer. Once again things were just put wherever. So I redid everything again. The nice thing is the store owner now knows about it so hopefully something will get done. I helped put the truck away since we were pretty dead and I don’t like just standing (or sitting) around. I was able to keep myself extra busy because I cleaned up the shelves as I went.

Today… today I just want to stay home with my family. I don’t want to deal with people. In a perfect world I could go back to bed and then putter in my gardens when I got up (I did say perfect world, we have a new layer of snow). I did get my violet repotted. She seems to be ok. I am just worried because I did not realize she was overwatered in her old pot (I stick my finger under the leaves and check the soil before I water my plants so I’m not sure what I did), so when I gently shook her loose to repot her the main root just broke. It was about as thick as one of my fingers. As I said she seems ok. I will keep an eye on her.

The clock tells me I need to wrap this up and head to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

anxiety, Creativity, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Hoping For the Best But…..

Oh please let this shift go fast! I am on about 30 minutes of sleep today. Nothing I did helped. Either my mind kept me awake or my body. I really should’ve stayed home yesterday. I had no business being out with that headspace. I don’t know if today will be much better.

My liquor order did not arrive yesterday. The wine order did. When I called to ask where it was I was informed that it would be arriving a day late due to Monday’s holiday. Why didn’t it have that on the site when I ordered? Why did the wine arrive and not my liquor? It is from the same company.

I had to redo a lot with both the beer cave and back stock (once again I forgot a photo, sorry). They are back to shoving product wherever. Beer is never to be stacked directly on the floor. I had four stacks. There are empty spots in the beer cave and on my display. Apparently they decided to put whatever product they had a lot of in those spots. Those spots are not just for random fills. There is actually stuff that goes there. I also got a bunch of new stuff (that no one mentioned I was getting) that I had to find room for. There was a lot of swearing on my part.

My coworkers did try to take care of me. I received two painted rocks that had been found around the store and I got some candy and a fun little Minion toy. For the most part I kept to myself. I wore the ribbon from my Aunt’s funeral as well. I plan to wear it again today.

I can hear ice bits hitting the windows. It should be an interesting day weather-wise. I know a lot of people came in to get things so they wouldn’t have to go out today. There is a chance we could be very slow. I only hope I can make it through and that tonight I actually can get some sleep. Thanks fir reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

What Now?

Things are off this morning. Outside it looks like someone has sprinkled confectioners sugar all over. I am concerned with my car, Angus. By the time I pulled into the church parking lot Monday the engine did not sound right. I am hoping that the rest will make a difference. I’ll find out when I leave for work. I don’t have the money for car issues right now. I have to have the money for Archie’s vet appointment this coming Monday. I only hope that everything will be ok until then. But the next paycheck has to go toward my car payment.

I had my little to do list written out for yesterday but I did one thing on that list. Everything else is unaccounted for. Writing did not go as planned not did working with my plants. What I did manage to get done got done right before bed. I feel like I need another day off. But I close tonight and open tomorrow. I need to make sure that I only get what we need at the store. No treats for any of us. They are calling me on Friday to let me know the specifics for Archie’s surgery. I will need to remember to put the water bowl up on Sunday before we go to bed.

I hope that the kids don’t get into anything while I am gone. It seems more likely to happen when I am upset. And I am. Friday will also be the one year anniversary of Essie’s death. Did I mention how much I hate the month of January? I was looking at the calendar earlier and thought to myself that it is a good thing that I quit the paper. I would’ve had two meetings that someone else would’ve had to cover for me.

I have no new photos to share. It has been dark and very blah here. So I will share older ones. We seem to have a winter storm watch going on. The snow is coming in from the north. I know this because I can barely see across the road to the front of the house (which is north) and if I look out the back (this is south) things look clear with no snow. It doesn’t seem to be moving either. It’s almost like our road is the divider and the snow won’t cross it. Weird.

I need to wrap this up and atleast get my violet repotted before it dies. I was supposed to do that yesterday. Both pups are behind me asleep. I hope you have a good day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Grief

Today has dawned dark. Atleast yesterday morning I got to witness a beautiful sunrise. I had all I could do not to pull over and take some photos. The colors and the way the clouds wisped through the sky and over the sun as it came up…. I drove home in freezing rain. The sun was out a good portion of the time I was downstate. I gave my two cousins each a unicorn coloring book and a box of crayons. I don’t know why I felt the need to do that but I just hope it helps.

It was good to see everyone. I even got to see family I had had no contact with for years. I was sad to see that they were so stand offish but that was all on them. We tried to include them. I spent most of my time with my one cousin. She is very smart but she is also special needs. She has a lot of change that she will need to come to terms with once she gets back home. She hasn’t had a proper chance to grieve at home. She will be all by herself. The family is trying to get her to move back to Michigan so she will have a support system. I think some of them are also planning to go to New Jersey to try to help. My other cousin has her wife and son.

I reconnected with my Aunt’s in-laws as well. I am not sure how we met and ended up so close but they seem to be at all the family functions and search me out. I also spent some quality time with each of my aunts and uncles. My one Uncle pulled me aside and asked if I wanted his military medals when he dies. I said definitely. It was hard watching everyone. My remaining aunts and uncles were really hit hard. I helped several up and down the aisles at the funeral. Everyone (expect two uncles) had some kind of walker or cane. And once the sobbing started it was hard to keep balanced.

I have a lot of tears soaked into my jacket from holding everyone. And that is ok. I connected with some of the younger cousins (I am now the cool cousin… it didn’t hurt that I arrived in jeans, boots, an orange tank top that says “Beach Please” and my turquoise Hawaiian shirt. Hey, I was told no black!) and finally met my cousin’s wife and son. We talked a lot about rescues (her wife drives rescued pets to their new homes) and other interesting stuff.

My cousin made everyone these beautiful ribbons in memory of her Mom. The close female family members got special ribbons. They are turquoise ribbons topped with a pretty floral one (it was from fabric she had planned to make a quilt for her Mom with but ended up making herself a skirt for the funeral as well as the ribbons) and a delicate pink rose where the ribbon crosses over. My Aunt had ovarian cancer and turquoise ribbons represent that. I had completely forgotten that when I dressed myself in the dark that morning. My colors were spot on as it turned out.

I left at 7am and got home at 6pm. It was a long day. Archie was bad. While I was gone he got into plants again. So today will be spent trying to figure out where I can keep everything. This Spring definitely needs to see me putting up a greenhouse. Since I now have some empty pots I may do some repotting today. I am going to wrap this up. I will try to add some new photos. I want to share the ribbon one if nothing else. Thank you so much to everyone that has reached out. I appreciate all the love and hugs. It does make a difference! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

It’s That Time

This is going to be a short one. My anxiety is up so sadly I have been awake since 4:30am. I don’t want to go, but I promised. Both pups are out here with me. I just released a big sigh and they did the same right after me.

I have no idea what to wear. I have been told not to wear black. I got everything together last night so I could just go at 7am. But I forgot to lay out what I was going to wear. So there I was at 6am with the flashlight on my phone trying to pick out what I was going to wear. I am going for fun casual. I think she would’ve liked that.

I have no idea where I am going. I clicked on the link in the obituary for the church. I hope google doesn’t screw it up. It’s going to be tight as it is if their time frame is correct. I don’t know if I am driving in the funeral procession or riding with someone else. If we are going to lunch right after I guess I’ll be driving myself. I hope to be on the road home well before dark.

I need to get myself together and head out the door. Wish me luck! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

What Is Up?

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I didn’t sleep well last night despite my best efforts. I woke up at just before 2 then 3 am thinking my alarm was going to go off, only to realize I had more time. Stella needed to go out around 3am so I guess that worked out.

I did a lot of planning yesterday for what was going to change in my departments. One of the things I did was find some recipes that used various liquors that I carry. My goal is to have some recipe cards people can take. That way the liquor isn’t just for drinking. I am also working on pulling different liquors that aren’t selling. I hope to replace them with other liquors.

I am feeling very blah this morning. My anxiety is threatening to creep forward. I just don’t need that today. Or tomorrow for that matter. But I will muddle along as best I can. Ironically my back seems to be improving. I refuse to limp. And when I got home yesterday the sun was out, so the pups and I picked up the yard a bit. My back was screaming by the time I was done but it may have been the right thing to do. It feels almost normal this morning.

I need to wrap this up. I hope you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Thinking Ahead

I took a bit longer to read your posts this morning so I am running behind. That’s ok though. Stella is asleep behind me and Archie is on my feet asleep. I got decent sleep last night but not enough apparently. I can’t seem to wake up.

I went through my stock yesterday and made a list of what was selling and what wasn’t. I asked the powers that be if I could start changing my stock. Not just ordering what was selling but pull stuff and get rid of it, then replace it with something else. I was given the go ahead. So now I need to start pulling things out a little at a time. I am going to spend my morning figuring out my game plan. There are probably about 15 items that have not sold in over a year.

Only one day off this week to stay home. I am glad that it is after the funeral. I’ll have one day to recoup. I see by the clock that I am running late for work. Thank for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Big Work Changes

Well that’s interesting…. I cannot access anything online. I can’t read anyone’s blog, read the news…. Nothing. So I guess I will get this written and hope it posts.

Yesterday was steady. Busy at times but I kept myself going pretty steady for most of my shift. Towards the end I let myself chill a little. I’m not sure how today will be. I know several deliveries will happen today.

Some major changes are going down at work. We are getting three self check outs. They will replace the first register. Also , when we replace the one fuel tank we are getting all new pumps plus two more. I know that the floor layout is also undergoing some big moves as well. It sounds like the bulk of this will start in March.

I’m not sure how the newsletter is going to work. My intent was to have something printed for the customers. The owner is still sitting on what I sent him (he was to make printed copies to hand out). That being said (apparently my new catch phrase since I seem to be saying it more and more), he has decided to also publish it on the store’s Facebook and Instagram pages. I knew about the Facebook page but I did not know about Instagram.

All three of us did not want to get out of bed this morning. I slept hard. Since my sleep has been less than stellar over the past few months whenever I get nights like this my body is left gasping for more sleep when I wake up. Stella is beside me dozing. Archie is across the room working on a bone. He has been very restless lately.

I should probably wrap this up before this gets much longer. I will try to read your blogs over the course of the day once the internet settles down. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Preparing

Another dark o’clock writing. Stella is asleep in my lap. Archie is quietly chewing a bone in the dark. He surprised me this morning. I didn’t hear my alarm go off (despite turning the volume to max). But he hopped off the bed and pushed the bathroom door open and sat down, waiting for me. Little blessing❤️

I am still not up to snuff emotionally. I am weary of explaining why to everyone. Any other time information spreads like crazy. I did get everything done that I needed to yesterday. Mom started blowing up my phone at one point, despite the gentle reminder that I was at work,

I get to sleep in a whole hour tomorrow. I’ll take it. I am wiped out. As of right now I have to be up by 5am on Monday to make it on time for the get together before the funeral. I probably won’t cry much. I’ll just get very quiet. I’m not sure what everyone will make of it. Honestly I don’t care.

I hope this shift goes quick. And we’ll. But I would rather be home. I’m not a huge fan of people right now. Too much drama and I don’t care to be a part of it despite their best efforts. I ought to wrap this up. I know there are things I wanted to share with you but no idea what they are right now. Hopefully I can remember and make notes over the course of the day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Weirdness

A lot of craziness going on here. Last night the whole state of Michigan had no 911 services for several hours. Then this morning I wake up to all flights have been delayed in the U.S. due to computer problems. What bothers me the most (besides the obvious) is that my Aunt’s body is due to fly out today. The funeral is Monday so there will be time but it is the principle of the thing.

I busted tail on my novel yesterday. I made some headway but I also found a possible issue. But I could have it work to my advantage. It will take some finessing though. Archie is his happy self but Stella seems a bit sad. It has been going on for several days now. I worry.

Nuts, My battery saver just went on. I forgot to plug both my laptop and Kindle in yesterday. This may be cut short. The day is again grey. It has been so long since I have seen the sun! I hear the birds out back. I did get the feeder refilled yesterday. It was completely empty with the exception of a bit of suet.

I don’t know how work will go. I hope well. I hope quickly. There will be a lot to do. I guess I will add a few photos and get this posted. My mind is all over the place. I am sorry of all the disjointed writing. Thanks for reading and stay safe!