Uncategorized

The Path

  (Photo courtesy Connie at C Marie Images and Inspiration copyright 2016)

   It was a path they had walked every day together for the past 50 years.  Sometimes hand in hand.  Sometimes one of them looking at the sky and the other looking at the ground, both searching for treasure.  Sometimes he had his coffee while she had her tea.

   But today… today she walked it alone.  She had his ashes with her.  But she didn’t feel his hand in hers.  She didn’t feel the warmth of his smile.  She felt empty.

   She walked up to his favorite tree and sprinkled his ashes beneath.  When she was done she started to walk home.  But it really wasn’t home anymore, was it?

   She stopped at the fork in the road.  In those 50 years they had never gone down that other path.  She looked toward what had been home.  She looked down the unexplored path.  Home.  The path.  Home.  The path.  She took a tenative step home.  Then she walked a few steps down the path. Then a few more.  And a few more.

Uncategorized

What have I done? :)

Well.  My journal just seems so small for this.  I am a writer because I have to be.  I haven’t published much lately.  Lately being years sadly.  But I have blogged and journaled.  I am also an avid (some might say “rabid”) lover of riding and motorcycles.  That being said I tend to ride more and verbally talk with other riders instead of writing about it.  The few blogs I have done on riding have pretty much been ignored.  I am a big girl.  I still have my bike and she loves me…  Actually both do.  I include my husband’s motorcycle since I ride her too  ๐Ÿ™‚

So.  I was approached this evening/morning to try Periscope.  This is apparently something put out by Twitter.  I do not “tweet” nor am I a “twit” as I like to call them.  I am much too wordy.  But I was approached by a friend to do it as part of an all female riding group.  (Ladiesletsride.com)  Yes, shameless plug.  It’s a really awesome group for female riders of all ages, rides, experience etc.

   So I try to follow directions and do a “test scope” as it’s called.  Feeling like a fool (I wasn’t up for showing my messy office but I could not figure out how to switch the camera around so I filmed my new helmet while saying,”Test scope.”).  After consulting with my friend I decide to try again.  This time with a bit more sucess.  I manage to switch the camera around and don’t look like a complete hag (it’s well after midnight now).  So I do a short and sweet “test”.  Well now people are typing their little messages and I find myself answering them!  Good grief!  I realize my peril (not only am I the only one awake in the house but I need to be up in the morning) and nip things in the bud. For a little over half a minute I had nine people total following me.  One said I was a natural for that medium.  Gods help us all!

   So here I sit writing this trying to lull myself back to my sleep stage.  I have said I will do a few more videos (or are they legitimate scopes now?) with me and my motorcycle tomorrow.  We’ll see how they go. 

 

Uncategorized

Family

   About two weeks ago now I swallowed my anxiety and fear and drove downstate to my youngest cousin’s wedding.  Setting aside my personal issues of road trips by myself when I’ve no idea where anything is, my biggest fear was this…. I hadn’t seen anyone in about 25 years.  We had kept in touch via e-mail, Facebook, phone calls and a few Skype sessions.  I have been invited to almost all of my cousins weddings but had been unable to go.  When Grandma died last summer I had planned to go down but the day before got stung by a wasp and had an allergic reaction.  I promised come hell or high water I would be down for this wedding.

   But what would I meet down there?  I felt guilty for missing so much.  As my excuses seemed so flimsy (couldn’t I have found someone to drive me if I was unable?) I worried that they would think so too.  Did they resent me not coming down more?  Did they think I had made up bullshit excuses because I didn’t want to see them?

   A few of us had started talking about getting tattoos together when we met for the wedding.  Something to represent our family and what we mean to one another.  After a few days we decided on what you see in the photo.  The only difference between them is placement and the color in the hearts.  I got mine (at the suggestion of my awesome husband) just above my heart, because that’s where I keep my family.

   I am happy to say the day was way more than I had hoped.  I was welcomed with open arms (I dubbed myself the long lost cousin).  It was amazing!  It was like I had never left.  Even family I hadn’t seen since they were toddlers welcomed me back with open arms.  Literally.  I can’t tell you how many hugs I got.  Even from family I was only related to by marriage who remembered me!

   I got to spend time with family I loved dearly.  Family I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to see.  It was awesome to see how really no one had changed.  They just got better!  Spending time with them not only brought memories back in a flood but the love I’d unknowingly stashed over all these years.

   So don’t ever think you don’t belong.  Family is there for you no matter what.  It doesn’t matter if you are blood related or not.  Family is family.  Love is love.  That love never dies.  No matter how many years might pass. 

Uncategorized

Writers are people too

It’s hard to remember after reading a riveting short story or finally finishing that book you couldn’t put down (at 4 am and the alarm goes off at 6 am).  It’s hard to remember that the person who wrote that little piece you just finished (no more late nights!  But what’s that in the corner?  A pile of blankets…. Gotta be.  Right?) might be a fear genius but is still a person.

It both amazes me and boggles my mind that I can call some of these magnificent minds of imagination my friends.  I am a fair writer (I need to stock up on well water and chair glue… Writers will get that ๐Ÿ™‚  ).  But to actually interact with them…. They laugh, they cry, they snort at a good joke…. They may even idolize that same writers I do!

So a thank you for being people, being approachable…. And most if all being an inspiration!

Uncategorized

Been a long time

I haven’t written anything in a while. Too much negative and bad stuff going on, both inside and out. I didn’t want to continually gripe about everything so I pissed and moaned in my journal and left the digital page blank.
And I’m still not sure what to write about. Too much death and pain. Too much unhappiness. Here at home we have officially disowned January 2015. More bad than good happened.
But I can be grateful for the friends and family that have supported me and dried my tears. Small gifts to cheer me up from people I’d never met. I’m very grateful for both family and friends…. And my virtual friends if you will. Despite all the poo-pooing of online friendships I have found a bunch that I call my friends in the real world. They have been there even just to hold my hand as I cry or duck when I begin one of my rants. I might not ever meet them face to face but we have become a family of sorts. And I am extremely proud and grateful for that.
So I suppose I ought to change the title of this but I’m too tired to come up with something else. ๐Ÿ™‚
And thank you to you for taking time out of your day to listen to me talk.

IMG_1629

Uncategorized

A Good Winter Sunday

The Husband is playing his birthday gift (Assassin’s Creed: Rogue) with me as shiny scout. ๐Ÿ™‚ He has gotten every version for his birthday as they get released (handy his birthday so close to release dates). He enjoys the game play as well as the historical info. I’m in it for the historical info. They did their research!
They pups have played and had their chewy treat and all four are asleep. The Pitbulls are snoring. One of my favorite sounds!
The snow has stopped both outside and on screen. The game was creepily accurate to our weather these past few hours.
Everyone is content. This doesn’t happen very often for us anymore. So I am very grateful for this.
Hope everyone’s day goes as well!

IMG_1142.JPG

Uncategorized

Lost

I haven’t written on here for a few months. I was so gung-ho about doing a blog again…. This is what happens. I am so pumped and excited about doing something but then it wears off. I get bored. Or scared. Or I just don’t know what to do.
I signed up for three classes online that I was soooo excited about! But I dropped out of two of them. The third I have done nothing with. Part of it is work. Things have become more difficult with lack of people to work and lack of hours. I am doing the job of atleast five people anymore. This is also the start of the idiot season. (I hate this time of year both because of work and because my motorcycle is put away for the season.) By the time I get home from work I have given everything I can….110%. I am exhausted. And I still need to take care of my animal family.
I am to the point that I resent my job. Hate is a word that fits as well. I give so much (especially dealing with the public) I have nothing for myself. Nothing. No hopes. No dreams. No energy. I am lost.
I would say I miss writing but I don’t know. It’s been so long since I seriously wrote. So long since I cared and trusted myself. I am an empty vessel.
I am optimistic for a while then something happens and it is all gone. I must start from scratch.
I find myself being negative a lot of the time it seems. The cold moving in does not help.
But I have my family and friends and I try to work thru it. I don’t think they realize half of what goes thru my head. It would probably scare them if they did!
I’m going thru various books hoping to find something to latch on to. Today I got one of my favorites from years past (no longer in print etc (think you Amazon!)). “Deep Writing” by Eric Maisel. I have started it many times but never got far because it was always a borrowed copy. Now I have my own copy.
As a Witch this time of the year always symbolizes looking within. I’m hoping to do just that. I just need to find the keys. Or a lock pick. Things have been locked up for too long.

IMG_0791.JPG

Uncategorized

Pushing

I’m taking the bike to work today. This might not seem like a big deal for someone who is passionate about bikes like myself. But it is when you are constantly second guessing yourself and not trusting yourself like I do. There are days when I purposely will look for an excuse NOT to ride because I don’t believe in my riding abilities.
But then I see videos that my friends share of themselves or others with disabilities who are out there riding. Two that I can think of race competitively on track.
Today I sat and watched some of those videos (one racer is paralysed from the waist down and another is missing an arm and leg on the same side). As I watched those videos I thought to myself of how much harder it would be to ride with my fears if I was in their positions. The racer missing an arm and leg is currently in Mugello, Italy racing that awe inspiring track. The other racer is dirt track. DIRT track. As much as those guys use their feet and legs to turn etc….. And did some jumps.
Both these guys are amazing! If they can overcome not just their mental fears but their body’s limitations as well then surely I can push myself a little harder to conquer my fears.
So thank you to all the riders and racers out there who continue to ride and race despite challenges that we may or may not see. You inspire some of us to keep pushing.
IMG_0513.JPG

Uncategorized

Gratitude

As I sit outside and enjoy my afternoon it makes me think of all the good things. Simple things like not being at work, doing what I want, be outside in actual summer weather…
But there is more too. The unconditional love and support of family and friends (some of my friends I have not even met yet), the love and patience of my fur babies (because I know I don’t play with them as often as they’d like). Patience with myself and trying to know when to push myself both on and off my bike. Gratitude for the beauty that surrounds me in my yard (the grass may be way long but my plants and flowers are beautiful! And the wildlife that comes everyday… Hummingbirds, dragonflies, chipmunks , our resident frog to name a few).
And the powers that be gently throwing challenges my way like my forensics and paleontology classes. Things that I can push myself with but if things don’t work out it was still an experience.
You don’t think you make a difference in the lives in other people. You just try to do the right thing . It’s nice to learn that you really can and do make a difference by just being yourself. A simple thank you, a birthday card or even just a hug.

I know this is a lot of general rambling. I guess what I want to say is thank you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the opportunity to give my two cents.

IMG_0260.JPG