Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Change In Plans

I am guessing another storm will be rolling through this morning. Both girls are on the couch together. Essie was by the bedroom door but got up on the couch, something she usually doesn’t do. I have been hearing rumblings through out the morning. The wind has been steady and strong.

Chris has finished cleaning out what will be his Dad’s room. Only it won’t be. After a lengthily discussion with his siblings it was decided that it will be best to get their Dad medical attention first. There is concern over his cancer coming back as well as other issues. So for now Chris is just going down to see what he can do to help. There is relief but still we are concerned about his health. So.

Yesterday’s projects got partially done. I did mess around with my camera (my filters only work on my short lens), I did talk to both my parents, laundry and dishes got done. I did not mow the yard, learn how to refill my ink for my fountain pens or work on my novel (every time I tried something came up). I’m not happy with myself for what I did not get done. But there are only so many hours in the day. I have tomorrow off and will probably get out early tonight so I will try again.

I should wrap this up so I can head out for the meeting. I hope there is no storm but something is brewing out there. I’ll share some of the photos I took with the different filters and such. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Pushing Through The Walls

Ok. I give. Between my physical pain and mental anxiety I feel broken. Right now everything is out of my control and I feel broken. I can barely walk in the mornings. My feet are swollen enough that even the bottoms are rounded so it is easier to lose my balance. Everything hurts when I try to get up in the morning. (I’m not complaining this is just my reality right now.) I am also second guessing having my Father-in-law stay with us. It is a done deal at this point. I can’t back out but everything that could go wrong is now playing in my head. Add to that the anxiety of not having Chris for about a week.

I am trying to find joy in the small things. I got my handmade wooden fountain pen. I was so excited last night! Then I could not figure out how to use it. The ink cartridge that was sent it very small and doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. The second cartridge is a refillable one. I have not yet mastered that ability (I do have two other pens that have this so I need to get watching the DVD that came with the one on how to do it). I am tempted to try one of my other cartridges to see if it will work. I would like to use it. I am hoping I could use it on the leather journal that Chris got me. The pages are handmade so finding a pen to write on it is a bit difficult because of the rough and unevenness of the paper.

Another small thing, out of my multitude of rocks and stones I pulled out a Petoskey stone and I thought about polishing it by hand. Literally. Using my hands to slowly polish and smooth the stone with the natural oils in my skin. Well I got a heck of a start last night! I am very pleased with how it is turning out. I didn’t think to take a before photo but I will share some of how it is coming along. It has become darker and different aspects are getting a lot more defined.

I truly don’t want to go to work. My body feels like it is trying to pull in on itself. I just want to stay home and rest. I do have tomorrow off but I have a meeting that night. Thankfully it is via Zoom. The one the next morning will be in person and I will have to work that night. But I believe I have the following day off. I am trying not to think of next weekend. There will probably be a lot of tears shed on my part. Thankfully I will have the dogs with me. The girls have been trying to get our mind off of things with love and constantly wanting to play. I had better wrap this up for now. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Big Changes For Love

This morning has dawned with sun and blue sky. There are some fat fluffy white clouds but nothing too intimidating. It didn’t get very warm yesterday. But I was able to stand in the sun and feel very good. Atleast until more clouds rolled in. I don’t really want to go to work tonight. I would rather stay home and try to get everything where it needs to be. Chris is leaving a week from tomorrow to drive to Missouri to get his Dad. It has been about 10 years since we have been apart for more than a few hours. It will be several days. I am not looking forward to that. The week after that will be colonoscopy (yay) but then I will have the following week off to help get everyone acclimated. I have only one meeting that week so I should be able to spend most of my time with the family.

I am both excited and nervous about having my Father-in-law. I believe that we are doing what is best for him. He doesn’t belong in a home. He has no family contact living in Missouri (there are phone calls and a random visit here or there but no one lives near him). We are hoping that being around people (especially family) will help. He deserves a chance to live.

I’m sure we will get on each others nerves at one point or another but we have rooms with doors that shut so it’s not like we will be in constant contact. I think the hardest thing is going to be resetting our routines. I need my quiet when writing but I may have to figure out another routine. Or learn to write with noise. I remember before I would go to a coffee shop or bookstore to write. So I can write with sounds going on around me. I have no idea what my Father-in-law’s routines are or if he has any. It will be a learning process for us all. But I am happy to have him as part of our home. I would rather do that than send him to a retirement home. He doesn’t deserve that when we have a place here for him.

I should wrap this up so I can try to get some work in on the novel. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Actions and Words

The rain and clouds have gone away. The birds are twittering away and the bugs are humming along too. The sun is out making the coolest diamond and crystal reflections off of the standing rain on leaves and petals.

I hurt still. Most of it is from the procedure (I feel like I need to put it in quotes or capitalize the first letter) but there is an underlying soreness from compensating for that pain. Like walking awkwardly because my back hurts or holding my body a certain way because it is the only way to ease the discomfort for a minute or two. I still need to call the doctor back and give them another update.

My days are off. It feel like it should be a day off. When I get to work it will be weird as well because I am usually the closing manager on Sundays. Not today. I am a mere cashier. I have tomorrow off but I am going to a friend’s house to help with his two dogs for a few hours. I guess he is doing a bug bomb. I am worried about bringing some home. I might strip down a soon as I get home, wash those clothes and hop in the shower. And I don’t want that stuff in my car so I hope he doesn’t expect me to take them anywhere. We’ll see.

I just want a day where I don’t have to worry about anything. No phone calls, no going anywhere just stay at home and do whatever. I am over my anxieties and physical issues.

I have discovered that what I thought was an invasive vine parasite is actually a bunch of wild grape vines! We have them all over the place. So I am going to scope out a few plants tomorrow and see if I can find some bunches of grapes. I saw some the other day when I mowed the front but I never went back for them.

I am going to wrap this up. I want to try to spend some time outside before work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Was This Supposed To Help?

My first instinct is to say a miserable day yesterday was. And it was. The procedure hurt like hell. Everyone was concerned because I was pretty much silent the whole time but when I got up I was balling my eyes out. Things took longer than anticipated. After all that I wanted to just go home and be with Chris and the girls. I still hurt worse than when I went in and some of the injection sites are tender and inflamed.

But I was able to spend some quality time with Mom and her girls. Bless her for being so understanding. I know I was a pain. But while we waited to got back to pick my phone up (the appointment was at 11:20am but I was told that they would need to keep it until 2pm to get the screen replaced… reasonable unless you just want to go home as soon as possible) we went to McDonald’s (I got a cheeseburger Happy Meal with extra fries) then back to Mom’s house. We ate and chatted then wandered out to her backyard. She had a metal trellis that she needed to get unstuck from a dying bush. She had sawed parts of it off to get it but she ran out of energy. After my procedure they said to do things that would normally hurt my back so I did. The first thing was to saw branches off to get the trellis loose. That accomplished we managed to get the trellis over the remaining bits of bush. I had to be careful because I noticed that there were green shoots coming out. I didn’t want to damage those if we could help it. Between us we managed to get the trellis free.

Things kind of went down hill from there. What they had injected into my back/spinal column wasn’t working. As a matter of fact I was feeling worse than when I went in. I was supposed to call around 2pm to give them an update. I couldn’t do that because I didn’t have my phone. I had to wait to get my phone because they were busy. (None of this is Best Buys fault. They were amazing! I brought my replacement screen protector for them to put on. Apparently the corner had something wrong with it. So they replaced my old one with one of theirs at no cost. They were also very accommodating to me with my back issues.) I did get my phone fixed and returned. It also has a new case to help when I managed to drop it again.

I got home in time to say goodbye to Chris as he left for work. I wanted to spend some time with him but it’s better than nothing. I did a few more things around the house to get ready for the end of the month (yes I know… I should’ve just taken it easy but I I figured I hurt already a little more was no big deal) and settled in to watch a horror movie before bed with the girls. (It was pretty good. It was called “The Mad Hatter” and I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t the greatest film ever made but it was actually pretty good.)

Today I have to get the yard mowed. I’m not sure how well this will go. Chris is home for the holiday weekend so his allergies are going to kick up. And then there is my back. As miserable as I am I need to atleast get the front yard mowed. The back might have to wait. I need to pick up a lot of fallen branches and I’m not sure that is a good idea right now.

I want to thank my awesome readers for the constant support. You guys and gals reaching out means a lot. I try to keep up with everyone but some days it is hard. So thank you for keeping up with me. And as always stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

One Big Ball of Emotions

Oh today is going to feel so rushed! No coffee either this morning. Not even so much as a very desired banana either. Both girls got up with me and have eaten. I texted Mom to have her let me knw when she was leaving so I could try to meet her outside. She texted a few minutes ago so now it is the mad dash to write this and read your blogs before I have to leave.

There were a lot of tears shed (on my part) as big chunks of the house got rearranged yesterday before work. Even more will happen in the coming days. I’m not sure if I will be able to do anything after my procedure in that regard but I did make a decent dent before work yesterday. If just feels like too much too fast. Losing my friend is still a raw spot. And my feelings about losing Moose have come bubbling back up to the surface. In short, I am a mess. I try to hide it as best I can but I’m not doing too well. And it’s not like I am the only one who is stressing over this big move. Truthfully I believe it is for the best. It’s the getting there that is the stresser.

I woke up to the furnace going off. Then when I opened the door to let the girls out I realized that I had left some of the more tender houseplants outside when we were moving things before work. I almost cried but held off. I hope they will be ok because this morning I have neither the time nor space to bring them in. It will warm back up to summer temps when the sun comes up but until then…

Stella is out here with me. Essie has gone back to be with Chris. It is too early for all of us. I am going to try to share some photos before Mom gets here. Thanks for reading and all the support! Stay safe!

*editor’s note: no photos today. Camera is in the other room and Mom is here. Will try to add a special post later today. Cheers!

anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Keeping to the Path

The girls are already outside soaking up the sun. The nights are getting chilly and the mornings are slow to warm up. I know that many people are happy to see the summer go but I am not one of them. Locals are happy mostly because the tourists will leave. I have decided that if I have to give up my Summer then I will celebrate Halloween starting today. And it will last through the month of October. People celebrate Christmas that long and longer so I don’t feel any qualms about this.

There is so much that is going on here I am trying to lighten my mind. I was able to get out early from work and that was so nice! Now that it is back to getting dark before I get out of work I feel like my whole day is lost. I go home, got to sleep and get up to do it all again. Today is day 8 of 8. Tomorrow is my procedure for my back to try to isolate the pain. No idea how early I need to get up. Mom and I are butting heads about what will happen tomorrow after the procedure. She wants to go back home to her dogs so I can “rest”. I have an appointment to get my phone screen replaced and she said “We’ll see how you feel.” If that is the case I will have her drive me home and I will drive my car. And yes I am not supposed to be driving after the procedure. I also need to pick up the girls medicine. So we shall see what transpires.

I did get a lot of photos taken yesterday. So I will have a lot to chose from. I still need to get more in my shop. I’ve not sold one photo despite the web site’s claims for that happening. I’m not sure what I am doing wrong (besides not adding on a regular basis). I’m flying by the seat of my pants with that whole thing. We could use the extra money but I’ll keep plugging along. Something is bound to happen right?

Stella is usually asleep but she is just laying and staring out the window. I think I will go spend some time outside while I still can. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Want to Do, Need to Do, What to Do?

Here we are with another beautiful morning. The insects are a constant buzz with the cicadas reigning supreme. It is very hot and humid already. A day to be lazy. But my mind whirls to dishes that need to be done, lawns that need to be mowed and….. It has been like that every time I have free time. My mind will not let go of stuff like that. I feel guilty that I am not doing anything. Then I fight the mental battle when I want to just relax or do something else and then nothing gets done. Or I do other things and feel guilty the whole time because nothing got done. I get so mad at myself…. but try and try again right? I have a meeting tonight but I plan do attend via Zoom. That is all I really have to do. Yes there is laundry (I did start that last night) and dishes and mowing but if I don’t do everything right away that is fine.

Grandpa’s flag is up on a top shelf here in the living room. I also brought out all the dog tags I have collected from family and draped them over the peak of the case. I need to make sure it stays dusted (I am awful at the whole dusting thing). I shared a photo with my family once I got it set up. I almost took Gram’s engagement ring off of there but it feels right to have in there. (I have her ring on with Grandpa’s dog tag.)

Dad and I were talking last night (over four hours) and I mentioned that I still want to learn Italian. I have the tools. Several years ago Dad got me Rosetta Stone Italian. I also have several books that Mom has gotten me as well as little cards that they used while learning Italian almost 50 years ago (Mom has the same set at her house). Do I start? Or am I putting too much on my already full plate? More excuses?

Listening to the rhythm of the cicadas as the song goes up and down like a wave. There is one right outside the door in a tree. It’s song just flowing. And more take up the same rhythm but at a different time. Just like sitting at the waters edge as the water laps at the shore. Sigh….

Visiting with my cousin Wyatt and seeing what he can do with a camera makes me want to learn more about photography. I think it is time to move on to the next chapter in my dvd course. I stopped at one point because I was trying to get a handle on how to use what I was being taught on the camera. I am comfortable now and I think I will move forward and see what is next. Mom and the girls got me a book on advanced photography. So that will come in handy. I want to learn to use what I have in my kit before I try to get more stuff. Wyatt has a full rig for his camera (which is a Cannon like Mom had) but is looking to upgrade several pieces. I think he had a total of three cameras. He’s looking to sell one and several lenses that he doesn’t use. I was sorely tempted but I’m not getting anything more until I am better and use everything that I have in my kit. There is a lot in there I have no idea what to do with.

My lower back is starting to spasm so I ought to wrap this up. My back has not been happy since I got back from my road trip Sunday night. Sorry this is so long but thanks for reading! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Holiday, Learning, Life, Movies, Nature, Photography, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

New Tattoos and Halloween Festivities

Another day full of ink and fun is in the books! Two of the four of us never had any tattoos. Even though she had a panic attack part way through once she was done my friend Erin was ready to plan her next bunch of tattoos. I am so proud of her! She got angry with herself because she had the panic attack but we talked her through it and our artist was amazing with her. He had her laughing loud at some points.

I went first, then Chris, Erin and Jim. We all got essentially the same thing in the same spot. Chris and I were the oddballs. Mine went on my back because Moose’s paw is where everyone else put their piece. Chris has the words “Death Is Certain, Life Is Not” in runes at the top and bottom of his piece. The ink will remain with us forever and mean even more to all of us because we were together to support each other when we got them.

Other plans were made once we were all together again chatting. As Halloween is a massive favorite (Chris is really just along for the ride, he enjoys it but not like the rest of us do…. which is to say that we love horror and Halloween year round) we decided to do another movie night but this time over several days if I can get the time off. We did it last year in lieu of the movie marathon we did at a local theatre in Traverse the year before. (There were games and prizes and we watched the Halloween horror movies til around 6am. I have my certificate on the wall still.) And since it will be a cheat day for their keto diets we can get pizza, wings and have popcorn. We might even dress up! I am thinking of trying to go to one of the local haunts. There is an amazing one in Traverse. I have a friend that works it every year (he’s a big tall guy… I think 6’3″ or something like that so he towers over most people) and keeps telling me I need to come. The last time Chris and I went we had a blast. So I am thinking that I might throw that out as an option.

Tonight is the first night of the full moon. Tomorrow will be the official Blue Moon, the biggest and best of the year according to the astronomers. I got some really cool night shots last night with the camera that I will share. Truthfully I prefer a bit of cloud cover when photographing the moon at night. It give a very awesome light contrast.

I should wrap this up. I need to get myself ready for my trip downstate to see my family. Chris and the kids are staying home. I am strangely calm about it all. For now. I think part of it is that I am in pain with my back. Not the tattoo mind you but my lower back really hates me. Anyway I will share a few shots from yesterday. I will have a photo of my full back tomorrow to share. I really like how the new tattoo goes with my dragons! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Mental Sparring

I can tell I have my my medication for my back in my system again. I slept hard and deep last night. The only times that I woke up were when I felt a dog get off the bed. Sadly it was Essie. Her tummy isn’t well again. I need to find out what is wrong. And the vet’s office is closed today. So process of elimination time.

On some more positive notes today is the day I get my Monarch tattoo. I will share a photo in tomorrow’s post. I am super stoked about this! Another positive is the hand written birthday card I got from a coworker yesterday. On the inside she wrote: “Happy Birthday! Thank you for being a Big sister and being someone I can look up to. Your so much fun to be around! Love you Lots!” It brought several tears to my eyes. She is such a sweet young woman and has been through so much this past year. (And yes I know she should’ve written “you’re” instead of “your” but I chose to ignore that.)

I have to laugh because it seems that it will be a week of birthday celebrations instead of just one day. I have so much going on that I feel like my birthday is almost every day! I am trying not to psych myself out of driving down to Bay City on Sunday. And I have to go. Not only are two of my distant relatives arriving (and I mean distant in distance from me) but the family also voted to keep the family dinner on Sunday when I can be there instead of Monday for when the “missing” uncle can get there (he seems to always want another day just for him because he can never make it when everyone else can.) I know I can do the drive and Angus certainly can. It will be my first road trip with him too. But my mind wants to stay home where it is safe. My mind creates all these scenarios in which I can potentially be hurt. Not just physically but mentally as well. So my defense is to not think about it until the day arrives. The problem is my brain is still thinking about it in the mental box that I crammed it in. So when the day arrives the metal box pops open like some demented jack-in-the-box and all the mess that it has been thinking about comes pouring out like hot lava trying to burn away all the good. I am hoping that sharing on here will get rid of some of the pressure in that mental box. An air hole if you will.

I should wrap this up for now. I look forward to sharing the photo of the new tattoo with all of you tomorrow! Oh and the photo of the bunnies is fuzzy because it was taken through two panes of glass at our backdoor. I didn’t want to spook them by opening the door. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this today! Stay safe!