Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Friends, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Finding a Balance. Finding Me.

Another morning… We have company so I am overly self-conscious about how much noise I am making. I guess it is an excuse to write and read. I don’t really feel like doing either. I slept in since I don’t have to be to work until noon. I feel like I should’ve gotten up at my normal time. But what would it have accomplished? I would still get the same amount done and make the same comment that I should’ve gotten up earlier.

I am struggling to find a balance of some kind. There are things that I want to do/start but don’t. Yoga is a good example. My mind wonders when I am going to squeeze it in on workdays. There is my writing. This is the only consistent writing I am doing right now. My journaling is sporadic, and my novel has stalled out. My gardens… I am doing pretty well on all things considered. But I still have to get those raised gardens done and my rock garden cleaned out. And the backyard mowed. Stella still has no harness and our walks have become fewer and fewer. My motorcycle needs to be ridden. I need to keep pushing with my guitar. There is keeping in contact with friends and family (I suck at it, but I try).

I bust tail at work and do my best to get things done around the house and for us when I am home. It just feels like there is so much! I have thought about a schedule like Mondays I do this and Tuesdays that. But with my schedule I have to fit things in when I have time. So I don’t know what to do.

I also find myself saying that I will do things for others and then drop the ball. I have the best intentions but I either don’t have the time or… don’t have the time it seems. I can’t pare back anymore. Next week is my last week off from the paper. It will be good to be back. If they still want me. We’ll see. I will shoot out an email once I post this. I should wrap this up. No rain is in the forecast so I may put my hammock swing back up. And Stella needs a walk. Even if it is just on our property.

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Storms and Buds and Goats! Oh My!

OMG. There are goats across the street. I heard what sounded like a whiny human child but the more I listened (and there was a lot to listen to) it sounded like what it was. Goats. They were quiet for a few minutes but then started up again. I have no idea if these people looked to see if they could have goats on their property or if their neighbors will be knocking on their door to complain. And I also wonder if they have put any thought into what is going to happen once winter sets in. I see a large fenced in area but no out building for them. This will be interesting.

Things feel like they are going borderline crazy anymore. Like someone who is barely holding it together. One wrong word will set them off. And you don’t know what that word is.

I am going to have to shut the front window. All I can hear are those goats. So much for getting a nice cross breeze through the house. Bah.

I let myself sleep in. I could’ve slept longer but I wanted to get things done before I had to leave for Mom’s. I slept about 12 hours as it was. Mom keeps trying to weasel out of going to the doctor. I don’t want to go anywhere today so it is difficult to keep pushing her to still go at times.

I’m going to go over and smack those kids. The human ones, not the goats. They find it entertaining to get the goats to bleat. No sooner are the goats quiet then I hear a human child make the bleating noise only to have the goats mimic it. And so it goes. I am glad I am not next door.

We had storms roll through in the wee hours this morning. Stella was not a happy girl. I had the light on for a bit to help. As soon as the storms ended, she hunkered right back in and went to sleep. Everything got watered well from the storm. I have been taking my little watering can and watering everyone outside. The hoses leak more water than they disperse so I have given up on them. Pepper plants have buds and are blooming. One of the cantaloupe plants has a big orange bloom open. I also used some fresh basil and oregano in dinner last night. I marinated some chicken then grilled them in a tin foil wrap with the fresh herbs inside. We also had a ranch bacon pasta salad. Not a lot but I felt that I should make dinner on Father’s Day for Chris.

It looks like it wants to rain again. If we have storms it will be hard to leave Stella. I might just have to take her with and stay in the car with her. I can’t leave her freaking out at home. But we’ll see. I did take lots of photos yesterday so I will share some of them today. The plants are the recent editions to the gardens. Everything was budding like crazy yesterday so the rain will be a push for things to get moving. I’ll get more photos in a few days to show their growth. I hope you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Movies, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Bring Me My Lists!

There is so much to do! There are people I said I would help with things and I just haven’t had the time. I was reminded by two friends about offers of help that I didn’t follow through with. Last night as our friends were leaving one of them asked if we were still going to get together and have a writing day. I felt sheepish but I said that I usually work til 2pm on Saturday so we could try at 3pm. She said that worked. Now I’d better check my schedule. I know I have several changes from my normal one. Yep, we are good.

I got as much planted yesterday as I could. I still have several plants that need to go out front. They are tiny plants so I don’t need much space. I did get two flats of plants in their various homes. I am keeping things we will use year round in pots to bring in. I have enough of done things that I have them both in the ground as well as in pots. Mom will be getting some plants as well.

I don’t know what to differently to squeeze everything in anymore. I find myself exhausted more often than not. Our friends went home late (we had a movie marathon) but we don’t get to hang out very often. Then I kept picking my head up to check the clock about every 30 minutes. I hate to have my alarm wake Chris on his day off. Even if he can fall back asleep.

I notice some of my anxiety tics are coming back. I try to stop when I notice myself doing them but once my attention goes elsewhere…. I am trying hard to be positive. I am trying hard to get it all done.

Please excuse any typos. I am writing this on my phone and I may have missed some. The photos are repeats again today but I will make it a point to take photos of the new plants if nothing else. Thank you for all the support and comments! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Looking For My Map

Ugh. My laptop battery was all but dead, so I decided to try writing in a new spot. I wanted to still be with Stella so I was looking for new spots somewhere in the living room. Right now (after several attempts elsewhere) I am sitting on the floor with my laptop on the seat of on of my bistro chairs. I am right in the doorway to go outside. The cord is not long enough to reach to the table. And the sun is making it difficult to see the screen as it is. Trying to find a spot was annoying because everywhere I wanted to go I couldn’t. Now I am typing in my lap because I hear my fan going. A few moments partly in the sun makes things too hot apparently.

I am trying so hard to be in a good mood today! I did pretty well yesterday. The last two hours of work though… I was really feeling it. The wrist is in bad shape today. I did pretty much all the work with my left hand, but I guess it was still too much. Everyone was so surprised at how well I did with my left hand. I explained that my Grandmother (Mom’s mom) was ambidextrous and Dad is left handed so I learned at a young age to use both hands. I am right handed but I can use both to do pretty much everything. You can even read my writing when I write with my left hand.

I need to get my stuff in the ground today. I have to cram everything into a few hours because we are having company. I don’t resent that. I just had the idea that I could putter in the garden for a few hours then Chris and I go out somewhere for a while. They will be here at 2pm so if I am going to do anything with the raised beds it will have to be as soon as Chris gets up. I don’t know how loud the tiller will be. And I don’t know how much I can do with this wrist. Running the tiller might be a bad idea. I might cram as many as I can in the memorial garden and hope for the best. They won’t all fit though. I do have space in the side gardens though. Not what I had planned but they need to go in somewhere. The poor things are getting root bound.

I keep saving because I am not sure this is charging. The symbol is there but it doesn’t look like it is doing anything. It might be best if I wrap this up and just go put it in my office to charge. Thanks for listening. I hope you have an amazing day! And as always stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Medical, Thinking, Travel, Writing

With a Cause

This morning’s anxiety attack I understand the cause. I talked with both my parents last night (this wasn’t my intention but oh well). Mom has not been doing well. She needs to go to the doctor. She tried what we refer to as rent-a-doc or Urgent Care. They pretty much said ‘Take two aspirin and call if it gets worse.” I hope that going to her regular doctor Monday will tell us something. Mom kept trying to back out of going. I finally asked if she wanted me to take Monday off and drive her. She agreed so I texted my boss immediately asking to have Monday off. I have it off and he also said to give her their best (meaning work).

I feel like I am running behind. I see by the clock that I am. I had things to take care of here before I did this and that used up a bit of my time. Stella came out to be with me. She is curled in a tiny ball behind me. I am very tired. I slept but I am still catching up on sleep from previous days. My brain is all over the place. I am just a cashier today so that might help.

I’m sorry this is a bit all over the place. On the flip side it will be short. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Brightish and Defiantly Early

I can officially say I got about 20 minutes of sleep. Not long after I got home there was thunder and lightening. By the time I got out of the shower it was going in earnest pouring rain. It was supposed to last til midnight. So I stayed up with the light on. At midnight off went the light and we snuggled in. I tossed and turned for a bit. Then came more rain, thunder and lightening. On went the light. We were still up when Chris got home from work. Naturally when I could finally fall asleep I couldn’t get comfortable etc. So here we are.

Work has been crazy with having to stay later due to late shoppers. I locked the doors and not only did we have five shoppers still in the store (one was a huge cart full of groceries) but several more people pulled in and tried to come in. The gas was the same way.

My parents have finally broken radio silence. Dad sent a one word text. “Migraine.” Mom sent me several random links and a brief complaint that Google won’t let her search for COVID symptoms. (This worries me on several levels.) I sent Dad my love and Mom my links to her query. So.

I am looking forward to getting out at 1pm today. Ten hour shifts when dealing with the public can be a bit much. Add a dash of freezers going down and a sprinkle of putting ignored stock out (no one put liquor away) it has been a crazy two days. Tomorrow I am a mere cashier. (Ha ha ha. Let’s see what I really end up doing.)

Stella got up for a bit with me this morning. She was my cuddle bug once we settled in after the storms had passed. She helped me yesterday morning and I helped her that night. (All my canine friends stopped by work to see me yesterday as well. Do I must’ve needed a lot of puppy love.😊)

I’d better wrap this up and get going for work. I appreciate all the positivity and love! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Stronger and Stronger

We have another heat advisory today. It’s already past 80F (26C)! The AC is going full on in the bedroom. Stella came out for a bit and laid outside. It’s just too hot for her. My anxiety has been kicking in all morning. I am trying all I can to tamp it down. It feels like if I let it lose to run its course it will be debilitating, and I still have another 10-hour shift in front of me. Stella is back out in the sun.

I can’t get my mind to focus. It wants to run all over the place and cause havoc. My body is working on its flight response. I can feel my heart racing. I don’t know what has set this off, but it needs to go away. I can’t call in because I am manager tonight.

I got the last three flats of plants from work yesterday. They were given to me. Chris laughed. But there are a lot of herbs and such so I can use them. I know there is catnip. I’m not sure what to do with that. I might plant that out back. Hang on… I turned the AC on in the living room and put Stella’s food away.

I am trying to breathe through this, but I can feel the cracks and the panic attack gets worse. I wish Moose was here. He always knew when something like this was happening and would be right there to comfort me. I am going to wrap this up and see if I can find something to do to change things. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Easy Come, Easy Go

Mother Nature is not sure what she is doing this morning. There was a rumble of thunder not too long ago so I am pretty sure that Stella will not come out of the bedroom. Sometimes the sun is out fully, and you blink opening your eyes to thick clouds. The breeze has been steady. Since we did not get any rain last night as promised I will need to water all the plants outside once I finish this.

I got a huge piece of disappointment yesterday. My writing class got cancelled. I am so very disappointed. I got both a phone call and an email explaining things. I did get a full refund. I am still very bummed. I was hoping for feedback on what I had for my novel. But there it is. I feel like I am writing in a vacuum.

I did some research reading yesterday for my novel. More along the lines of the craft of writing versus a topic related to the novel. I wrote in my journal as well. I hadn’t written in there in almost a week. I will try to get that habit back.

I need to wrap this up. My wrist is not happy with using the laptop. It didn’t do well writing in my journal either. So I will give it a break. For now. There will be some heavy lifting at work (the cash drawers are not light and require two hands on a good day). Hopefully I will find out more about the liquor department manager position either today or tomorrow. Sorry, I keep staring off into space. I didn’t get any new photos so I will share some repeats. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Overcast With a Chance of Creativity

This morning I am finding it hard to find a place that doesn’t hurt. Last night I couldn’t eat the excellent dinner that Chris made us. Beef kabobs, rice, and asparagus. It looked so good. But for whatever reason my stomach started. I ended up in bed with a little bucket next to me. It pretty much lasted all night. My body was rebelling everything. Even water made me nauseous.

I do feel better this morning. I even got up extra early (I went to bed extra early). I am hoping to get some writing done as well as some yoga. It feels like a good time to bring that back into my life. Stella is on the love seat behind me dreaming of chasing something. Chipmunks and birds seem to be a focus lately. A bird flew in the house yesterday (flew right back out fortunately) and this morning as I was standing on the back porch a chipmunk ran right up next to me and sat. We have a lot of animals here, but the direct contact doesn’t happen often. It’s more observation.

For whatever reason I have been thinking of one of my best friends through school lately. (Those of you who are my long-time readers might remember a few years ago when I found out that she had commit suicide.) While I was lying in bed debating on actually getting up or not, I started remembering things we did together. We were very close. I still have several of the gifts she got me over the years. One of them is a small Paddington Bear. I had always been a Pooh Bear girl, and this was my first exposure to Paddington. (I never really loved orange marmalade until I was an adult though.) Anyway, I pulled Paddington off my desk in our bedroom as I came out here this morning. He is stanning to right of my laptop as I type this.

I don’t know what my plans today are. As much as I want to garden, I don’t know if my wrist is up for it (I sprained it Saturday at work). I have seeds that need to get in the ground. But before that can happen, I have to clean out the raised beds. My wrist is really starting to hurt with this small effort. I don’t think holding and shaking machine or pulling weeds will help. Using a pen probably won’t help either but it will be easier on the rest of my body.

The sun was out and shining when we got up but now it has become overcast. I might put my swing up again (a sure sign that it will rain). I am trying to get myself to write in other places of the house and yard. I have the table in the breakfast nook, a desk in our bedroom, a desk in my office, my little chair and bistro set on the back porch (apparently expensive since my hands tried to type “porsche”), my swing, the ground (I pull out my Minion quilt and we sit on it) and my big blue Adirondack chair. So far nothing out of the normal, that being here on the floor at the table, on the love seat or in bed. Today might be a good day to start that as well.

I see that this is becoming extra-long so I will stop here. A big thank you to everyone who has reached out to me. I really appreciate the support. As always thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Short and Not So Sweet

This morning I am a hot mess. Literally. Despite having the AC on all night I would get so hot that I woke myself up. I would pull the covers off then drift back to sleep. Only to wake up freezing a little while later and crawl back under the covers. As the night progressed it got harder and harder to fall back asleep. Thus I am trying not to be crabby from lack of sleep. What makes it more frustrating is that I managed to get to bed at a decent time.

I have tomorrow off but that doesn’t mean anything right now. My body temperature has kicked into high again. This morning Stella has stayed in bed. I am envious.

I don’t know what the day will bring. I just want to be back home as soon as possible. Hopefully the day goes well. For all of us. Thanks for reading and stay safe.