As I sit here in the way too early morning I look at my blog and think that it isn’t what it was supposed to be. But what was it supposed to be? A place to show my writing for sure but what kind? Was it for my non fiction? My fiction? Photography is a new love so it wasn’t that. I don’t know.
But I do… it was supposed to be a place where people could come and learn new things, learn about topics they didn’t know about or were curious about. I think I’ve done that over the years. But what, then, has it become? It feels more like an online journal. And while that might be nice for a while it is not what it was meant to be.
So should it change? I don’t know. I wanted it to grow organically and it has. Just because it has gone in a different direction does not mean it is wrong. Just different. I guess I am looking at things because it feels as though it has become a whine fest and that is NOT ok. I try to keep my bad days short on here because there is enough of that in the world without me adding my two cents. Yet when I go through tough times what should I do? Part of me wants to share to show that everyone has bad things happen and we can all make it through. Yet… yet where do I draw the line? I don’t want my readers to think that all I do is whine (I might not but it feels like I do).
I have made many friends through my writing. I have learned things I would not have otherwise through my writing and reading that of others. My writing has always been very much a part of me, even when it went dormant for a few years. I am trying to find new ways to water, feed and nurture my writing garden. That is why I continue to do this blog.
Despite getting good solid sleep I am exhausted. On the positive side I have gotten two articles written and sent out. I plan to watch atleast one class video before work this morning. The sun is up and out so it should be a beautiful day. Even though I wish I could stay home it will be a good day to be out and about.
I got three tees from Maui Brewing Company yesterday and I love them all! You gotta love random choices!
I got some more photos over the course of the day yesterday. Some I think turned out pretty well while others will be used as a learning tool.
I am getting more and more antsy about Moose’s Friday appointment. I want to know now what is going on. I wonder if it had been one of the regular vet techs if we would have gotten in sooner. Moose does a little then sleeps a lot. He is down to pretty much one meal a day. He is drinking a lot of water as well. All bad signs with kidney disease. So we will see soon I guess. Just not soon enough for my liking.
My mind is kind of all over the place. I am trying to make sure that I get everything done I need to before work. I was supposed to add some thing to the grocery list for today but I have forgotten them. Grrrr… I will get another cup of coffee and then start watching my class videos. Sorry this is so short but I hope you enjoy the photos! Thanks for reading and stay safe!
Last night I closed and this morning I open. I’ve been awake since Chris came to bed around 3am. Poor Stella got us up around 4:30am to be sick and while she was doing that Moose came quickly through the door because his tummy was not happy. So it will be an interesting day. I do get out at 2pm so once I get groceries I can come home and chill out. I have tomorrow off so once I get stuff done around the house I can relax til the meeting tomorrow night.
I hope I can pull my camera out for a bit. I’ve not been able to take photos in a few days. I may be able to pull all the plants out either today or tomorrow. Yesterday was beautiful but the night was chilly. So we’ll see. At one point I do need to get more dirt to try to transplant some of the smaller plants to give the big ones more room. Then maybe the smaller ones will be able to grow more.
There has been a steady wind for the past few days. It can be rather soothing if you can just focus on it. Since I will be manning the courtesy /gas counter today I will be able to atleast feel it through the window. Sometimes it will blow up dust devils through the back part of the parking lot. It was nice to sit out in it yesterday before work in the sun.
Speaking of work I need to get going. I have found a few photos that I haven’t shared yet so I will post those. Thanks for reading and be safe!
The goal today is to ride the motorcycle to work. Yep. And I don’t pick a nice day to do it (then I beat myself up if I don’t do it). No, I pick a cold day with frost in the morning. To ease the guilt if I back out? Maybe. Regardless I got all my gear etc laid out and ready last night so I don’t have to do anything but go today. As simple as just taking another vehicle. Atleast on the surface.
I have only allowed myself glimpses into the emotional box that I pulled out from under the bed by deciding to do this. If I pull the cover off and look inside I would never take the bike. So I peek beneath every once in a while to see if anything has changed, to see if I can control anything that is in the box. I allow myself little tastes of feeling in regards to the upcoming ride. I let myself feel a bit of excitement, but not too much because that can quickly turn to anxiety. I let myself think about where I will park once I get to work but not too much because then concerns over other things happening (or not happening) will take over. I do this for a little while then I shut the lid and make myself think about something else. I try not to wonder if it is a good idea or not. I try not to talk myself into it or out of it. I turn to just let it be.
The sun is out so that is a good sign. I checked all my gear so I will have music because my helmet Bluetooth is charged and paired with my phone. I am choosing to wear chaps instead of my full blown riding pants. Since I am only going a short distance I should be ok. If I was riding to Traverse I would put on the pants. I am not hooking up the heated gear again because of the short distance. I do have all the jacket liners zipped in and my purple Ride Like A Girl Racing hoodie to wear.
Another bonus of riding in is that I can’t buy anything. Last night I brought home four plastic trick or treat buckets that I am going to use as planters. I also brought home a mum plant to go in one of them.
The Jeep can’t go in for atleast another week due to unforeseen circumstances with our mechanic. So atleast I have a date of sorts. And if I am riding the bike now it will be less of a shock when I have to ride in colder weather. I am grateful I don’t have to ride all the way into Traverse anymore.
I think I will wrap this up for now. I’ll add a few photos I took yesterday around the yard. Probably the last nice day this week but we’ll see. Thanks for reading and stay safe!
This morning has been busy already. I have emailed with Dad (he is home and there was a doctor there that actually paid attention to what Dad needed namely help with his physical pain because that was accelerating his depression). So Dad is on a new regiment that includes pain therapy. We are both very excited about this. Then I answered an email from my Aunt in Florida. But before all that I got my article written for the paper. It was a blessedly short meeting last night so I covered it even though my editor told me not to worry about it. The one I missed however might stay missed. I still have my classwork to do this morning before Chris gets up as well as meeting Mom at 1pm and then Facetiming with Dad this afternoon. I also need to make treats for the kids.
I left the plants outside last night but when I let Stella out a few times last night I was worried that it had been a bad idea. Everything seems to be ok this morning but I need to check everyone to make sure. We have beans too! I am so excited as I have never grown beans before. I will share photos. I am worried that the cold nights have affected the new goodies growing. I think that is what happened to the green pepper buds that I had going. It got too cold and they just fell off. I am happy to say that I have more buds growing in the memorial garden.
The sun is out but the wind is strong. I might need to see about propping some plants up. It is supposed to be nice and warm today so I plan on doing my usual shorts and a tank top. I do have a cool sweater that I want to try out but I can wait.
That is about all the news from here right now. I’d better refresh the coffee and get to watching my videos for class. Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!
It is cool and raining her this morning. I want to still be in bed asleep but apparently the power blipped out at one point because Essie came and got me directly. So we are up. Or rather I am. The kids are all asleep in the living room. I am tired and sore from all the yard work I did. The weather makes me want to curl up with a book but I still have stuff that I need to get done. Like an article and my classwork. I desperately don’t want to do either.
My mind is blank this morning. I sit here and look around the room and listen to the rain not thinking about anything. I find myself drifting around mentally. And noticing that I have a headache coming on. I think it is due to the weather. Yesterday was beautiful. I am glad that I was able to be outside.
I suppose that I should try to get the writing done. This will be a very short blog entry for today. Thanks for reading and stay safe!
The sun is out in earnest this morning. And it will have a time of it warming things up. It was almost cold enough for frost this morning. That being said it is supposed to warm up quite a bit for the next few days so I may uncover the plants in the memorial garden and pull out the ones I brought in. I am hoping the nights stay as warm as they say or warmer. I don’t want to bring them all in and out everyday.
Today is 9/11. It feels like a somber day for those of us that were alive when the 9/11 bombings happened here in the U.S. It seems as though we have gone from outside enemies to inside enemies since then. With no end in sight. I had to unfollow a fellow blogger this morning because of the posts they were writing. They were getting angrier and angrier. Anyone that did not do and think as that person did would incur the wrath of God because that person was right. I don’t need to see that on my feed. That type of thinking is part of the problem. It certainly is NOT part of the solution.
It feels weird not watching the clock to see how much time I have before I need to get ready to go. A good weird. I got a bunch of stuff done last night after I got home so that will be less I have to do today. I do need to see if I can get the mower going today. If not I may ask for help from our neighbors across the street.
I feel like I want to work on my writing today. I got inspired by a documentary on Amazon last night about the controversial Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark. I had all three books as well as the on based on the movie (thanks Mom!). I really love the art and the content. For those who have never read the books they are a collection of scary stories and folktales from all over. This type of book is what got my love for horror started. Just sitting around telling stories to each other in the dark (or with just a flashlight). I still have my first collection that I convinced my parents to buy me (they were still married so I had to be in the single digits with my age). It was at the local bookstore in Ferndale, Michigan called “Paperback Books Unlimited.” This place was a staple of my childhood. I snuck a peek at my first Fangoria Magazine there as well. My parents tried to take me there as often as they could. I just dug the book out of my shelves. It was printed in 1973 so I had to be around 5 or 6 years old. Some Things Strange and Sinister edited by Joan Kahn is the book.
I have always loved short stories because they are small bites that you can snack on if you aren’t in the mood for a full novel (or don’t have the time). It has been a long time since I last wrote a short story. The last one I sent out into the world was college and was a runner up in a contest. They were only going to print the winners but they liked mine so much they made and exception. I still have the copy of the magazine. I have a few done that I need to polish and get out there. But, again, I need to get myself a copy of WordPerfect. Everything is digital now. Very few places will accept hard copy sent through the mail. So I need a reliable program that I can edit and send my work on. That may be something I save up for. I need to make sure bills get paid and Moose has a vet appointment coming up.
Ok, I see that I have talked quite a bit. I will wrap this up and share a few photos. I hope you have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!
I just need to make it through my shift today. When I got home last night I got the kids fed, laundry done and showered. But this morning I am struggling to stay awake. Moose is back to not eating his breakfast. I also notice that Essie is eating less of hers. I am constantly finding Stella finishing it for her.
Stella is in the office with me while Moose keeps going in and out. He doesn’t look like he feels good. Poor babe. I am anxious about getting his bloodwork done to see what his kidney disease is doing. I have noticed some of the symptoms that I was warned about.
I honestly don’t know what to write about. I am tempted to work on one of the books or a short story. Something out of the now. Right now I have nothing to write about outside of my imagination since all I have been doing is work with a short stint at home between shifts. I am hoping to get the Jeep in soon to get fixed. I still haven’t heard anything though. I messaged our mechanic the other day. Usually he will get right back to me.
I will make an effort to take some photos to share over the next few days with the camera. I am excited to see what I can do once the Fall colors start (even though I am not looking forward to losing my Summer). Speaking of which the sun is actually out so I think I will take my coffee and go outside for a bit before work. The past few days have been cold, dark and rainy. When I get out of work it is almost dark now that the seasons are changing. I want to go enjoy the sun. Thanks for reading and stay safe!
Making it through tonight and tomorrow are going to be harder than I thought. Last night I was atleast optimistic about only having two more days to go before my day off. But this morning… day six of seven is kicking my butt. I am mentally exhausted. Things are feeling overwhelming. I am closing in the deli so we’ll see what happens. I got out early last night but I was working at the registers by the end of my shift.
I got a new book yesterday in the mail for researching one of my writing projects. It is on learning how to surf. It will hopefully help me move forward in the book. I am stuck because I can’t describe a scene that involves surfing because I’ve never done it and only seen it on tv. My character is a novice surfer and I wanted to be able to describe her situation and sensations better. It looks like a good choice (I skimmed it last night before bed). I also received my new memory card for the camera so I can start taking photos again. I took a few last night that I will share. Essie was particularly enthusiastic about me using the camera to take her picture.
I got all my class videos watched before work yesterday so I will try to get the paper written Saturday or Sunday. We’ll see what happens. There is so much that needs to be done around here that I have put off due to work. Next week’s schedule comes out tomorrow so I am hoping for a reprieve since I have two meetings to cover as well.
I will download the few photos I took last night and sign off of here. I am just too tired to focus. Thanks for reading and stay safe!
I should be at work right now but they needed someone to close tonight so here I am. I’m only working the deli until 3pm then I am at a register til close. It was nice night to have to get up in the dark but I will miss having the afternoon and evening free. Friday will be the new day to try to mow the yard etc. When I got home last night (afternoon really) I was just too exhausted. That being said I did get the plants covered and the moveable ones inside so that the temperature drop did not hurt them.
Since I don’t have to be to work until noon once I finish this the game plan is to watch my videos for class so I can get as much done as possible. Then Saturday I will write my paper. Monday and Tuesday I have meetings so I assume that he will give them to me off. It is what he has done thus far. We’ll see.
I am trying to stay focused. I am trying to remember the goals I have set for myself as well as what I need to do. Part of me feels bad because there are times that I don’t have much energy to spend on the family. Chris has been awesome about keeping the kids busy and keeping up with the everyday stuff while I have been working this 7 day stretch. But I get home from work and I am just tapped out. I don’t like that feeling. And I still have two more days after this.
It sounds like they really want me to work in the deli. A well as everywhere else. I am temped to say no but I think the plan is that when we start to slow down that I have some place else that I can work so that I don’t lose hours. We’ll see. There is a lot to learn there.
I have a new leave growing on my orchid. I am so happy! I think I need to add more dirt to the pot but I don’t think regular potting soil is an option. I need to find out what I need to do. She might need a bigger pot as well. I worry about the shock of going from one pot to another. I have lost many plants that way. I will add a picture of the new leave and wrap this up. A fresh cup of coffee and then off to study. Thanks for reading and stay safe!