anxiety, dreams, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

I See… I See…. Sleep? Naw

Another cram session for writing this morning. I need the sleep so I did the 5:30am wake up again. I just need to make it to 2pm today. Yesterday went pretty quick despite the rude people. I am hoping for more of the same quickness today. Not so much the rude people. Then I have tomorrow off. And I can sleep in! Wheeeee!

It is supposed to be more rain today. The wind seems to be picking up. It is a struggle to keep my eyes open this morning. It will probably be another early night tonight but this time I can get as much sleep as I want. I am very excited about that!

Tomorrow it will be a week until my birthday. The month is going by too fast. That means that fall is just around the corner! Then the dreaded winter…. It’s creepy when I talk about the rain and I look down on my screen to see the phrase “rain coming.”

Ok, I need to get this wrapped up and posted. I just looked at the clock. I hope you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and thank you for all the great comments and support! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Skunks and Storms

This is supposed to be short and sweet this morning. I took an extra 30 minutes of sleep. I was all ready to got to bed at a decent time when the storms started rolling through. So I stayed up longer to spend time with Chris since the girls were both shaking and panting in my lap (I apparently wasn’t getting sleep anyway so…). Twice the girls calmed down and twice thunder and lightening started back up. Then if that wasn’t enough fun I threw toys for the girls hoping to get them to go potty when I smelled the tell tale scent. We had spooked a skunk. So I hustled the girls back in before it got too bad. It took about another hour before the scent dissipated. Once it did no one would stay out long enough to go to the bathroom. Frustrated I got ready for bed and finally went to sleep.

Once asleep though my dreams were real. I had a tough time waking myself. You know when nothing odd happens in your dreams? Things go on like they would in “real life”? That was me. I cracked an eye every little while to check the clock and fell right back in the dream where I left off. Things still feel a bit off.

And on that odd note I need to let you go. Work beckons and since I am opening manager and gas I need to get there a little early…. didn’t think about that til just now. Nuts. Have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, History, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Wounds Old and New

This morning is not a good one mentally or physically. The sun is shining and the insects are humming. The birds are chatting away. I am hoping the I will get in a better place as the day goes on. But right now…. not so good. It all boils down to me doing too much. I went outside my comfort zone for too long yesterday. I got a lot accomplished but too much of a strain. I am going to just stay home and putter today. Spend time with Chris and the girls while trying to find my balance. I can feel my anxiety pushing forward. There is a little bit of darkness mixed in as well.

Talking to my son (it feels so weird to say that and mean it… to have that specific connection and have it acknowledged by both sides….) Is opening old deep wounds that I had thought healed up. This is also made difficult because the questions he is asking are not meant to hurt me. He just wants to know about me. So that will be today’s…. hardship? Not really. Challenge? Better. I need to respond to his questions today. After I finish this as a matter of fact.

I was able to talk to both my parents yesterday. I shared more stuff with Mom and told Dad about my son. Right now I feel like I have gone in for invasive surgery to see if my wounds have healed. I went to bed way early for us (as soon as it got dark we were in bed). The long sleep did some good.

I did something good yesterday too. My beloved bracelet that has the human hand holding the dog paw? I am passing it on to a Vietnam Vet that ran point with his German Shepard. They basically went ahead of the platoon and spotted out the mines and such. His wife wanted to get him one but they are no longer available. So… I am giving him mine. He saw things that no one should and come home to an unwelcome at home. He was unable to bring his service dog back with him. I met the woman when I was checking in at the doctor’s yesterday. I wore my REDD tank top (Remember Every Dog Deployed) and she asked about it so we got to talking. She gave me her phone number to give to the gal about getting a bracelet like mine.

I can feel the tears coming on so I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Riding, the World, Thinking, Writing

A Shaker Full of Everything

This morning is darkening with the impending rain. We had bits of sun here and there when we got up. Now a darkness falls upon the land. The earthy richness of the blueberry coffee I got for the Keurig is a very welcome flavor and warmth this morning. It’s not cold this morning but since we sleep with the AC on it takes me awhile to warm up in the morning.

Today is a manager day so that means I probably won’t get out until 10-10:30pm. Which would be ok but I am back at 9am tomorrow. But that means the girls and I can play more tomorrow.

I am contemplating doing a book review once a week. The one I posted last night seemed to go over really well. If I do it it will be the same thing as yesterday. I would have it as well as a regular post. Let me know what you folks think. Also let me know what genres you would be interested in. I have a wide selection here at the house so it shouldn’t be hard to do requests. Maybe call it the Wednesday Review (unless someone has a clever name they would like to suggest). Nothing concrete just getting a feel for things.

This morning I feel like my body is betraying me. I could barely get out of bed and it has been hard to move. Everything is stiff and painful. But I need to make the best of it. The girls are very understanding and don’t snatch their toys as often when I go to take them. And when we play tug-of-war they don’t pull near as hard as they could.

I did about 20 minutes on my novel last night before bed. I worked on my main character. So if I can keep that up I will be happy. My goal is 30 minutes to an hour a day on my novel. With my schedule (especially next month) all over the place I want to do small time frames so I will actually do it.

I was going to try to take my motorcycle out the other day and I couldn’t stand and keep the bike balanced, even as light as it is. So I just left it plugged in the charger. It is very frustrating. I haven’t ridden once this year. Many of you are going to ask why don’t I just sell the bike. Because I am determined to still ride.

Ok, I see that I have gone on a bit more than normal. We lost a great bassist yesterday and my mind is still processing that. We got to see the band with my Mom in concert a few years ago. It was a great time! Dusty Hill of ZZ Top will always be remembered.❤ And with that dear friends I will wrap this up. Stay safe and as always thanks for reading!

Books, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, History, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Photography, Racing, Riding, Sports, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Motorcycle Book Review

   I don’t think that Alicia meant to be hero when she put together this book but in the end she is as much a hero as any of the other women represented in this book.  As a rider who is on again/off again on her motorcycle due to both physical ailments and anxieties of my own making buying this book has been the best money spent in a long time.  It rekindled the passion that lay buried beneath fear and anxiety to burn hot enough to break through to the surface like a Holy Grail.

   She lovingly recounts the lives and passions of role models new and old.  Many of the women I recognize as they are some of my own personal heroes.  I even found a few new ones to admire from like Lois Price who has been all over the world on solo riding tours (even places like Iran and Africa) as well as being an amazing author.  Then there is Mary McGee who was ground breaking in getting women into motorsports.  She has even been inducted into the AMA Hall of Fame!

   I also found more women to learn from.  New examples of a passionate life and a love for motorcycles.  Women who show us that women really can do anything.  They can ride, race, take solo tours around the world, set world records and even be mechanics and motorcycle designers.

   This is a perfect gift for someone- anyone- you love who thinks they can’t do it.  These women have beat the odds.  Better still this is the perfect gift for yourself.  Women to learn from.  Women that can show you your own inner strength and passion.

Find your inspiration.

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Taking Care

I am glad to finally see some of the new bloggers that I follow finally appearing on my feed. I enjoy reading the new voices out there. 😍 The day has dawned warm and sunny. It will probably get a lot warmer but it will be heaven not to be freezing in the AC at work! Yesterday went quickly. I was all over the store but once I got settled in the deli we just went for it. There was lots to do and I am proud to say that pretty much all of it got done. The last two hours of my shift I was closing cashier. It was then that my body informed me I had done way too much.

But I have the next two days off. I am hoping to be able to relax myself mentally. My anxiety has been right up there but hidden away so I could function. I need to address that while I am at home. If I don’t and keep hiding it then there will be a melt down at one point. I also need to look at my physical limitations as well. Despite any medicine my body is one big ball of pain. I have an appointment with the pain clinic at the end of August.

Today’s goals are to work on myself and my novel. I have been pretty consistent with taking care of others. I am going to try to take care of me. This might include a bit of housework but….😁 The girls are already outside enjoying the day. I think it is time for me to do the same. Thank you to everyone for your support! It really means a lot! Have a great day and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Tattoos, the World, Thinking, Writing

I Need To Be Here, There and Everywhere

Aaaaaand back to the late posts. 🙄 I felt so guilty leaving the girls yesterday morning! The storm really started kicking in about the time I left for work. Stella even came out of the bedroom and was shivering. But everyone was happy to see me when my grouchy self got home last night. (I just keep telling myself “one more shift and then you get a day off.”) Chris made an amazing dinner (no photos because I was too busy eating).

I enjoy my job, I really do. It’s just that we are busy and short handed (witness me being cashier and working in the deli today then next Sunday I am manager and working in the deli). everyone is just getting fried. We have had some job applications come back but not all are up to the task.

I have a small moth that is all over me and my laptop. I brush it away or blow at it and it comes back. Not sure why. I see that and think about my hand tattoo I am getting. I am very excited! I think that my artist is going to do a 3D rendering instead of just a straight picture of a Monarch butterfly.

The girls are restless and want to play. Me not so much. I am still tired. My mind is everywhere but here. It is one of those times where I could stay focused and get lost in a book but in the real life I don’t know where to focus. Do I play with the girls? Work on the novel? Photography? Think about work? Putter in the garden? I have too many distractions. I feel like there is so much I need to be doing. So I just sit and stare trying not to feel overwhelmed.

I had better wrap this up. I sit here and look around me at everything I haven’t done and should/need to do and I am getting myself overwhelmed and depressed. Sorry for a bit of a downer post. I hope everyone has a fab day! Thanks for reading and have stay safe!

anxiety, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Focused Randomness

I am beginning to think that Mother Nature has something against me. Once again nothing but sun and warmth when I work. Today? Supposed to be partly sunny and warm. But what do I have? Think dark clouds and chilly weather. I seem to get no summer on my days off. And I could really use some summer today.

I looked at my calendar for the month of August. It is very very full. I made mention of this to my boss yesterday. He seemed completely unconcerned and said that it was no biggie. We would work through it. A completely different response than I would’ve gotten at Younker’s.

My mind is jumping all over the place this morning. I had a strange dream that I remember a good deal of. Including two books that I needed to have in the dream, which I happen to own so I have dug one of them out. The other (I think) is in the bedroom so that will have to wait until Chris gets up. I find that if my mind shows me specific things it is for a reason. So in certain situations I will try to find those things and interact with them. In this case read.

I have been given an extra push to keep going on my novels. A coworker not only has published a book (apparently several) but we are selling them at work. Jealous does not begin to cover my feelings. That being said I am trying to use that to keep going and finish my novels. So wish me luck!

My problem is that there is so much to do on my days off because there is so little time to do anything on the days that I work. And it’s big things like mowing the yard (Chris has very bad allergies) or vacuuming or talking to either of my parents (our phone calls are usually several hours… thank goodness we aren’t charged by the minute anymore!). There is only so much that I can cram into one day. So I try to pick and choose. Some days I just get too overwhelmed and nothing gets done.

Well I need to make some choices. One of them is to wrap this up so I can get going on something else. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, retail, the World, Thinking

The Day That Blew Up

You don’t know how glad I am that yesterday is over! If it could go wrong at work it did. And the night was rounded out with a woman being hurt in our parking lot and being arrested. I am still upset over it. I left a note for the store manager with a brief account of what happened and said that I would be happy to fill in the blanks when I got there at noon today.

With everything happening I didn’t get home til almost 11:30pm. It was just short of a twelve hour day. And I get to do it all again today. Hopefully with minimal issues. I’m grateful that everyone at home was ok. (Not that they wouldn’t be but the way the day was going….) I have tomorrow off but I still have a meeting in Elk Rapids at 7pm. Thursday will be my day I can stay home. On the plus side today is the only day I am manager this week.

I did get a nice text from one of my coworkers about what happened last night. She gave my props for my actions and was very supportive. I had to make sure that everyone punched out etc. since they were in the store rubber necking til quite late. But to be fair everyone was really good with all the issues that cropped up.

I just want to get through today and be home for more than a few hours. I really wish I had today off. I am just tapped out mentally. I am going to wrap this up and try to spend a little bit with the girls before I have to go back to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

A Little Here And A Little There

Another day. It’s cloudy but the sun is filtering through. I am hoping the day at work goes fast like it did yesterday. I am just plain tired. Weekends are always hard for me. I usually close and on Sundays I am usually always manager. I get home late and stay up even later to spend time with the family. I don’t get much sleep because I have to get up at a relatively decent time to get everything done before I head back out. I am grateful that I only live about 5-10 minutes from work. If I was doing this and working in Traverse (especially this time of the year with all the tourists) I would barely be functioning.

We got our first batch of tomatoes from the plants the other day. They have been ripening about one a day. The average size is about the size of a tennis ball. They are very sweet! I am looking forward to more treats from our gardens this year. I am very excited to see how the pumpkins do. i need more dirt so I can plant some hot peppers (the seeds are a variety pack). I plan to do those in pots so I can keep them year round.

I got a lot done yesterday before work on my novel. It doesn’t look like much but I am pleased. This is gonna take a while at the current rate though. I am just too tired most days to even attempt working on it. But I want to keep going at it. I know we will slow down once summer is over (which sucks because I haven’t really been able to enjoy my favorite time of year and I have plenty of time during the season I am not very fond of) and I will have more free time.

I got a letter from one of my pen pals and I want to read it before I have to go to work. So I need to wrap this up. I will share some more photos from my little trip on Thursday. Have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!