Emotions, family, Food, Life, retail, the World, Thinking

Looking at Another Lockdown

Today will be a long morning. I am exhausted but if I can make it to the afternoon work seems to go a bit quicker. We are on partial shut down here in Michigan. I believe it takes effect on Wednesday and will last for three weeks. A lot of people are getting up in arms about the whole thing. I tend to be neutral because it doesn’t affect me. Since I work the front lines and Chris is a machinist the lockdown won’t shut our places of work down. That being said I am curious to see if the stores will have more cases of COVID since we will no doubt have a surge of customers once this starts. I am already a homebody so staying home will be easier for me than for most.

It is weird to have people recognize me and I don’t recognize them when we haven’t spoken since before the mask mandate. I had the wife of a coworker come through my line last night and we were chatting. She knew who I was right off the bat but it took me a few minutes of conversation to realize who she was. I’m not sure if she knew or not but I did feel stupid. Lol.

I am wondering how everyone will be taking this “new” shut down on top of the election results. People were already angry. On the plus side yesterday was the opening of deer season so the hunters can get out and do their thing and hopefully not be as angry when they get home. Hopefully the hunters will be putting food on their table as well. I don’t know if there will be many trophy hunters. To be fair around here just about everyone uses all of the deer they kill.

Well this is not the blog I had envisioned last night but there it is. I hope everyone is safe. Thanks for reading!

Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking

A Day in the Life

I feel like I have too much going on right now. A good part of it is that I am so tired. Not much sleep the night before and work was summertime busy for me at the gas /courtesy counter. We had a .30 off gas text go out and everyone was gassing up their vehicles. This was new for me so I had to learn how to do the discount etc. (which really wasn’t too hard). I was pretty much non stop for most of my day. (I did receive a few gifts. One customer brought me some hot sauce and another gave me $5 for giving him a winning ticket (he got $110). So that was a nice way to start my day.)

Yesterday’s plan was to get groceries after work (which I did) and then do a little around the house (which I did not). I got home and unloaded groceries and played with the kids and then hit my wall. I had a headache from the mask I had been wearing all day so that did not help. I did manage to get the few pieces washed in the dirty dishes and watered my plants. Both of these were just before bed.

This morning it is cold, wet and gloomy. I just want to stay home, get everything accomplished that I need to then hibernate until Spring. I think this will be an easier winter for me mentally but physically and emotionally I just wanna jump to Spring. Too cold too fast. I don’t do well with no sunshine and it has all but disappeared the past few weeks.

I’ve not taken any recent photos so the plan is to finish this then sneak out to the yard and take a few to add to the post. It is gonna suck to have to get out in the snow to take pictures. Blah…. might actually have to purchase winter boots. Bah humbug. But I can’t stop taking photographs. I am thinking about pulling stuff together to show the seasons here. Again I need to sit down on my laptop and learn the photography programs I have installed, download all the photos and put things together. Another project for another day.

I have taken a few photos to show how dark it is getting here. The leaves are falling off the trees already. It is going to be a bitter cold this winter. Be that as it may I hope you like the pictures. I still have some flowers open and doing their thing. The yellow is one of my Chinese bushes and the white are my garlic chives. The chives are actually still blooming!

Before I keep going on and on I am going to download the photos and upload the post. Thanks for reading and your awesome comments! Stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Guitar, Learning, Life, Nature, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

A Weird Day

One more shift and I will have a day off. The only thing planned is to get my hair trimmed. I don’t know what the weather is supposed to be like (I have heard cooler temps all the way to almost summer ones). But I am looking forward to my hair cut. Nothing spectacular just a little off the ends. When I keep them trimmed up my hair seems to grow like crazy and I am curious to know what will happen.

Yesterday was a day. I got part of my story for class written. I had hoped to finish up this morning but I think that will have to wait for tomorrow morning. When I got to work I spent a good part of the morning putting up Halloween decorations. That was fun and I have gotten a lot of compliments on my handiwork. Later in the day I had an irate customer who later came back and apologized. I was both surprised and grateful. The customer even went so far as to tell my manager that I acted like a real professional. I got out of work to find out that Eddie Van Halen had died. For those of you who don’t know Eddie is considered a Rock God for his guitar playing talent. He was amazingly talented. Another musician, Johnny Nash known for singing “I Can See Clearly Now” (one of my all time favorite songs even when I was little) also died. An upswing to the day was after I got home I got a call from work. A customer I had been discussing beer with a few days ago had gotten a peanut butter porter that he did not like and left it at the store for me. I am still not used to being able to accept gifts from customers. It is kinda cool.

I had a very strange thing happen last night…. It was around the time Chris was due home from work and she did her little talk (she sounds like she is chewing her words). I woke up and listened to try to hear what she did. She did it again and I heard “Shhhh! Shhhh!” and Stella settled back in and fell asleep. I figured Chris was home and waited for him to come say good night. Nope. Chris came home about 15-20 minutes after that. On that note I am going to get ready for work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Life, retail, the World, Thinking

Start of Idiot Season

The day after tomorrow will begin what I not-so-lovingly referred to as the idiot season in retail.  All beginning with, not Black Friday, but with what dubbed Grey Thursday.  T remember when 6am was the hallowed hour at which stores opened.  Not 10am on Thanksgiving.  That was what we did the last year we were open.  And everyone hated it. Being part of the management team had it’s perks because I could hide out in our shared office.  I could also drift back to the breakroom and snack when I got the munchies (we worked 12 hour shifts and usually got the 10pm to 10am shift).

I tried to make the holiday season better for my co-workers over the years.  My best one was when I organized the Secret Santa.  It got to the point that in October I was being asked if we would be doing the Secret Santa that coming December.  A few years I even did an Ugly Sweater Contest.  I’d like to think that I helped us get through the month of madness a little bit happier.

Last year was the first year in 15 that I actually spent Thanksgiving as the holiday it was meant to be.  I was with family and I was very very grateful.  People forget that here.  They forget that it isn’t about the almighty dollar. It’s supposed to be about family and gratitude.

So for those of you who plan on going shopping for those Black Friday deals (that you can get year round if you pay attention to sales) please be respectful towards the sales staff. They have to give up family time not for any good cause (not really) like saving a life or keeping people safe but because of greed.

I would also add to be grateful for anyone that has to work the holidays because you wouldn’t be able to do all that you can without them.

Aging, dreams, Emotions, Life, retail, Thinking

Examining the Past

Tis a cool and wet morning but that is ok.  The leaves in the trees and all the plants in the yards are coming along nicely.  We have an anniversary party to go to this evening.  I think we will both be well enough to go.  The kids let me sleep in til after 8am for which I am very grateful as I stayed up too late watching Murder She Wrote.

Last night in my journal I was writing about how much faster time seems to be going by.  I’m not sure why this has hit over the past year or so.  Maybe because I am no longer with Younker’s and running around every day like an idiot trying to get everything done by yesterday.  There is time to observe and live.  Part of me feels that the 15 years I gave them were wasted just because I literally gave them most of my time.  I know they got all of my energy and most of my soul.  I spent too much there.  The cost was too high.  Yes I did get a lot out of there but it was nothing in comparison to what I gave.

Now that I am back with the living it seems as though time has passed me by.  I seem to be years behind everyone else.  Time and life have moved on without me.  So I scramble to catch up.  I try to do too much too fast.  Like a child gulping down her meal to get back outside and play with her friends in case she misses something.  I don’t think that it’s too late to rejoin life and the world.  I just need to stop trying to cram it all in.

I think that is the main reason I won’t willingly work retail again.  I gave up too much.  And for what?  A paycheck.  Supposed security.  I need more than that.  I get that they are there to make money.  But they won’t do it at the cost of my life and well being.  Not again.

 

Aging, Emotions, Life, retail, Thinking

Changes That Change Can Make

I thought about putting this off until I got back but I might as well do it now.  I have the time.  I am glad I have been busy with both jobs.  I can come home and be the good tired where you feel as though you actually got something accomplished instead of that bored tired or the I’ve-done-too-much-that-I-hate tired.  The only time I came home with a satisfied tired from my previous job was when I was in charge of truck.  We’d get there at 4am and unload the truck of goods and process the whole thing so that they could put it away on the floor.  Yes it was a lot of heavy lifting and hard work.  But you felt like you had done something.  Every place else there was a never ending list of things that needed to be done.  And most of the time you didn’t do it right so do it again.

It’s difficult to get out of that mind set so that you believe you can actually do things right the first time.  So many new situations that I just knew my old boss would tell me it was wrong, no matter how well I did or thought I did.  Now I have to force myself to think that I won’t fail right out of the gate.

I think that was the main reason that I needed the time off.  If I had gone right back to work after the company liquidated I would be no better off.  I needed time to process my life on my terms.  I needed time to shake off and get rid of all the negativity that had been drilled into me over the past 10 of my 15 years with the company.  I needed time to start believing in my and my dreams.

Every time the old me went after a dream there was something that would happen with the job that made me have to give up on whatever dream I was pursuing.  It was like the job saw me trying to escape and be happy and it would create a circumstance that made me give up and be miserable.  Now I will atleast try and if it doesn’t work then I will try something else.  But I will try.  I am not such a defeatist anymore.

Some days it’s hard because it feels like I am just not doing the right thing no matter what I do.  But more often than not I feel good about myself and what I am doing.  I think that is contributing to my hate of this winter.  The warm and sun are always positive for me.  I want to try this new life in my favorite time of year.  If I can do well during the crappiest time of the year then what kind of amazing stuff will I accomplish in the best time of the year?  The possibilities are endless!  I am anxious to move forward.  Even a bad day now will just make me tired and I look toward the next day to be better.  That hasn’t happened for a long time.

I need to get ready to go.  I hope everyone has a good day!  Cheers!

Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life, retail, Thinking, Writing

Making My Inner Life a Better Place

   I want to write.  But what to write?  I thought seriously about doing a biography but that seems to be out of reach.  There is almost too much information about my subject… and I have access to very little.  Then I thought about doing a book on depression using two of my favorite celebrities as subjects.  But that might hit a bit close to home.  And again the subject matter is daunting.

   I can’t seem to write much fiction anymore.  My imagination just won’t work for me on paper.  I don’t know why.  I will have flashes but blip! and it disappears.  I miss fiction.  I am still passionate about reading it but I can’t seem to write it.  That was one thing that spurred me to learn guitar (again).  I hoped that another creative process would help loosen the choke hold on my fiction writing from whatever inner demon had it captive.  I just don’t know.

  Speaking of guitar I did practice yesterday morning for a few hours.  Much to the dogs chagrin.   They all wanted me to do anything but that.  I would get frustrated with them and my lack of prowess with the guitar.  But I made myself stick with it and I was actually able to see progress after I was done.  So I’m glad I pushed my way through.  I have just one more week of class then I’m on my own.  I hope that I will have enough to start learning songs but I think I will have to try some of the apps I have for tuning and such to learn a bit more.

   I am in comfort mode due to the weather.  I don’t know whereas warmer weather would get me any further.  I would just prefer to putter around the house and the yard then.  Maybe I will make an effort in another way for my writing.  I have all these wonderful ideas to get myself writing again but never follow through.  So I guess it is time to follow through.  I need to atleast try.  I will start small and go from there.  Maybe I can work up to writing a book.

It’s funny how stepping away from all the stress of my old job has let go.  Sadly it has still done lasting damage that I am still working through.  But I feel I am a better person inside and out.  I am atleast trying to live my life on my own terms instead of scrambling for corporate needs at the cost of my own life.  I gave up so much inside and out.  It’s the inside damage that I am still struggling with.  Thus my writing and learning to play guitar.  I’m trying to fix what got broken.

art beach beautiful clouds
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail, Thinking

Coffee and Love Can Make It Better

Here we are.  Back up at 7am.  Coffee in hand.  No idea if the guys will be here or not.  No word from the contractor as to what is going on.  Sadly the neighbors just around the corner started theirs the week of Christmas and have a good bit of it done just in the past two weeks of working on it piecemeal.  They are doing it themselves.   I am trying not to get irritated with the whole mess but it can be hard.  Motorcycles and equipment that are meant to be sheltered are out in almost a foot of snow because the garage (that will be up before the snow flies, ha ha) is not done.  And that is just the tip of the problematic iceberg.

Today is the day.  The first day in the New Year.  Yesterday was more of a quiet stay at home day.  Chris goes back to work and I get motivated to get back at everything.  I’ve not done stuff because Chris has been home since just before Christmas.  I’ve practiced guitar but not as much as I need to be.  I’ve not watched any of my class videos.  I’ve not exercised as much as I was either.  So today I will be getting back into my groove.

It was nice to actually be home for the holidays.  Normally right now I would be drawing my map and laying stickers for inventory.  I am grateful I don’t have to anymore.  Things weren’t stress free but there was a lot less of it.  Things have gotten accomplished that have needed doing for years.  I am very proud of that.

It is time to move forward with barely a glance back.  Life wasn’t waiting and neither am I.  So onward and upward!  It’s gonna be a good day!

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Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail

What It Means to Be Me

We are almost to Christmas.  I feel kinda bad.  It is a big deal to everyone but me.  Everyone is asking what I want for Christmas.  Nothing.  I’m tempted to put it bold capital letters.  NOTHING.  It’s not just working me in retail for so long that has soured me.  The only family I have nearby is my Mom.  We don’t need a reason to get together or get each other something.  I am Wiccan so my “reason for the season” is different than most.  My husband spoils me year round and the dogs just don’t care.  It is another day off.

When I was a kid I loved Christmas.  Not because of the presents either.  What I loved was that all the unique and odd people that I didn’t get to see the rest of the year came over to Gramma and Grandpa’s during the holidays.  They might just drop in for a few hours to say hi or they might stay for dinner.  What I loved were the stories!  Everyone always sat around and told the most wonderful stories of things that had happened to them over the years.  Before my parents divorced I was blessed with a double round or stories because we would go to both sides of the house and visit.

Do you know what the really cool thing was?  They enjoyed telling me their stories.  The fact that someone my age actually wanted to hear what they had to say was priceless to them.  (I think that is why I enjoyed going to old folks homes when I was a Brownie and in Girl Scouts, once I got over my fear of going.  They told me of amazing things that had happened to them and the life they lived.)

I may or may not remember all of their stories (I’m sure I have all of them tucked away somewhere) but I have never lost the ability to listen to them.  That ability has been one of my greatest joys and sometimes greatest weakness.  Just letting people vent without judgement or listen to their stories I consider a privilege.  But sometimes those stories are so horrible that I am asked never to repeat them.  Not even to the person that told them to me.  They want to purge their system of that poison and try to move on.  There are times that I feel a bit like a confessor as well.  People will tell me what they feel or want deep down inside or why they are the way they are.  And that’s ok.  I’m hear to listen.  Not to judge.  I will never do that.  It is not my place.  I am hear to listen.

person holding red and white gift box with ribbon bow
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

 

Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail, Writing

Navel Contemplation and Other Linty Problems

The trusses arrived yesterday afternoon.  Apparently the companies Menard’s deliveries are up to 5 weeks behind.  *eye roll*  So the guys will be here around noon and the hoist around 1pm.  And of course Mother Nature  set down a fresh layer of snow overnight.  Could be worse but it is frustrating none the less.

My blessed pups let me sleep extra late since I am sick.  Essie started about 9:30am so I got an extra hour and a half of sleep.  I am trying to catch up around the house but it is difficult when I am sick.  (Well it’s hard anyway but being sick actually gives me an excuse so I gotta work thru that.)   I didn’t get what I wanted done yesterday so hopefully today I can muster myself to get moving.

Amazing how relaxing this time of year has the potential to be since I am not in retail.  No floor moves, no trucks three days a week, no surprise Santa Fests, no long hours… For that I am very grateful.  I still need to figure out what I want to do with myself.  Writing is good but I need a steady income to be able to pay bills as this grows.  I thought about going back to school but that does not help with bill paying if I am doing school and no job.

My mind is in a good spot right now.  Which is odd with everything still going on.  It’s like my mind has stepped back and is chillin’ in a recliner with a beer just contemplating instead of stressing.  Which is a nice change.  I think I reached my new max level of stress capacity these past few weeks.

The kids are back asleep and I need to make some effort on my Writing.com site. Cheers!