Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Life, retail, the World, Thinking

Start of Idiot Season

The day after tomorrow will begin what I not-so-lovingly referred to as the idiot season in retail.  All beginning with, not Black Friday, but with what dubbed Grey Thursday.  T remember when 6am was the hallowed hour at which stores opened.  Not 10am on Thanksgiving.  That was what we did the last year we were open.  And everyone hated it. Being part of the management team had it’s perks because I could hide out in our shared office.  I could also drift back to the breakroom and snack when I got the munchies (we worked 12 hour shifts and usually got the 10pm to 10am shift).

I tried to make the holiday season better for my co-workers over the years.  My best one was when I organized the Secret Santa.  It got to the point that in October I was being asked if we would be doing the Secret Santa that coming December.  A few years I even did an Ugly Sweater Contest.  I’d like to think that I helped us get through the month of madness a little bit happier.

Last year was the first year in 15 that I actually spent Thanksgiving as the holiday it was meant to be.  I was with family and I was very very grateful.  People forget that here.  They forget that it isn’t about the almighty dollar. It’s supposed to be about family and gratitude.

So for those of you who plan on going shopping for those Black Friday deals (that you can get year round if you pay attention to sales) please be respectful towards the sales staff. They have to give up family time not for any good cause (not really) like saving a life or keeping people safe but because of greed.

I would also add to be grateful for anyone that has to work the holidays because you wouldn’t be able to do all that you can without them.

Aging, dreams, Emotions, Life, retail, Thinking

Examining the Past

Tis a cool and wet morning but that is ok.  The leaves in the trees and all the plants in the yards are coming along nicely.  We have an anniversary party to go to this evening.  I think we will both be well enough to go.  The kids let me sleep in til after 8am for which I am very grateful as I stayed up too late watching Murder She Wrote.

Last night in my journal I was writing about how much faster time seems to be going by.  I’m not sure why this has hit over the past year or so.  Maybe because I am no longer with Younker’s and running around every day like an idiot trying to get everything done by yesterday.  There is time to observe and live.  Part of me feels that the 15 years I gave them were wasted just because I literally gave them most of my time.  I know they got all of my energy and most of my soul.  I spent too much there.  The cost was too high.  Yes I did get a lot out of there but it was nothing in comparison to what I gave.

Now that I am back with the living it seems as though time has passed me by.  I seem to be years behind everyone else.  Time and life have moved on without me.  So I scramble to catch up.  I try to do too much too fast.  Like a child gulping down her meal to get back outside and play with her friends in case she misses something.  I don’t think that it’s too late to rejoin life and the world.  I just need to stop trying to cram it all in.

I think that is the main reason I won’t willingly work retail again.  I gave up too much.  And for what?  A paycheck.  Supposed security.  I need more than that.  I get that they are there to make money.  But they won’t do it at the cost of my life and well being.  Not again.


Aging, Emotions, Life, retail, Thinking

Changes That Change Can Make

I thought about putting this off until I got back but I might as well do it now.  I have the time.  I am glad I have been busy with both jobs.  I can come home and be the good tired where you feel as though you actually got something accomplished instead of that bored tired or the I’ve-done-too-much-that-I-hate tired.  The only time I came home with a satisfied tired from my previous job was when I was in charge of truck.  We’d get there at 4am and unload the truck of goods and process the whole thing so that they could put it away on the floor.  Yes it was a lot of heavy lifting and hard work.  But you felt like you had done something.  Every place else there was a never ending list of things that needed to be done.  And most of the time you didn’t do it right so do it again.

It’s difficult to get out of that mind set so that you believe you can actually do things right the first time.  So many new situations that I just knew my old boss would tell me it was wrong, no matter how well I did or thought I did.  Now I have to force myself to think that I won’t fail right out of the gate.

I think that was the main reason that I needed the time off.  If I had gone right back to work after the company liquidated I would be no better off.  I needed time to process my life on my terms.  I needed time to shake off and get rid of all the negativity that had been drilled into me over the past 10 of my 15 years with the company.  I needed time to start believing in my and my dreams.

Every time the old me went after a dream there was something that would happen with the job that made me have to give up on whatever dream I was pursuing.  It was like the job saw me trying to escape and be happy and it would create a circumstance that made me give up and be miserable.  Now I will atleast try and if it doesn’t work then I will try something else.  But I will try.  I am not such a defeatist anymore.

Some days it’s hard because it feels like I am just not doing the right thing no matter what I do.  But more often than not I feel good about myself and what I am doing.  I think that is contributing to my hate of this winter.  The warm and sun are always positive for me.  I want to try this new life in my favorite time of year.  If I can do well during the crappiest time of the year then what kind of amazing stuff will I accomplish in the best time of the year?  The possibilities are endless!  I am anxious to move forward.  Even a bad day now will just make me tired and I look toward the next day to be better.  That hasn’t happened for a long time.

I need to get ready to go.  I hope everyone has a good day!  Cheers!

Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life, retail, Thinking, Writing

Making My Inner Life a Better Place

   I want to write.  But what to write?  I thought seriously about doing a biography but that seems to be out of reach.  There is almost too much information about my subject… and I have access to very little.  Then I thought about doing a book on depression using two of my favorite celebrities as subjects.  But that might hit a bit close to home.  And again the subject matter is daunting.

   I can’t seem to write much fiction anymore.  My imagination just won’t work for me on paper.  I don’t know why.  I will have flashes but blip! and it disappears.  I miss fiction.  I am still passionate about reading it but I can’t seem to write it.  That was one thing that spurred me to learn guitar (again).  I hoped that another creative process would help loosen the choke hold on my fiction writing from whatever inner demon had it captive.  I just don’t know.

  Speaking of guitar I did practice yesterday morning for a few hours.  Much to the dogs chagrin.   They all wanted me to do anything but that.  I would get frustrated with them and my lack of prowess with the guitar.  But I made myself stick with it and I was actually able to see progress after I was done.  So I’m glad I pushed my way through.  I have just one more week of class then I’m on my own.  I hope that I will have enough to start learning songs but I think I will have to try some of the apps I have for tuning and such to learn a bit more.

   I am in comfort mode due to the weather.  I don’t know whereas warmer weather would get me any further.  I would just prefer to putter around the house and the yard then.  Maybe I will make an effort in another way for my writing.  I have all these wonderful ideas to get myself writing again but never follow through.  So I guess it is time to follow through.  I need to atleast try.  I will start small and go from there.  Maybe I can work up to writing a book.

It’s funny how stepping away from all the stress of my old job has let go.  Sadly it has still done lasting damage that I am still working through.  But I feel I am a better person inside and out.  I am atleast trying to live my life on my own terms instead of scrambling for corporate needs at the cost of my own life.  I gave up so much inside and out.  It’s the inside damage that I am still struggling with.  Thus my writing and learning to play guitar.  I’m trying to fix what got broken.

art beach beautiful clouds
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail, Thinking

Coffee and Love Can Make It Better

Here we are.  Back up at 7am.  Coffee in hand.  No idea if the guys will be here or not.  No word from the contractor as to what is going on.  Sadly the neighbors just around the corner started theirs the week of Christmas and have a good bit of it done just in the past two weeks of working on it piecemeal.  They are doing it themselves.   I am trying not to get irritated with the whole mess but it can be hard.  Motorcycles and equipment that are meant to be sheltered are out in almost a foot of snow because the garage (that will be up before the snow flies, ha ha) is not done.  And that is just the tip of the problematic iceberg.

Today is the day.  The first day in the New Year.  Yesterday was more of a quiet stay at home day.  Chris goes back to work and I get motivated to get back at everything.  I’ve not done stuff because Chris has been home since just before Christmas.  I’ve practiced guitar but not as much as I need to be.  I’ve not watched any of my class videos.  I’ve not exercised as much as I was either.  So today I will be getting back into my groove.

It was nice to actually be home for the holidays.  Normally right now I would be drawing my map and laying stickers for inventory.  I am grateful I don’t have to anymore.  Things weren’t stress free but there was a lot less of it.  Things have gotten accomplished that have needed doing for years.  I am very proud of that.

It is time to move forward with barely a glance back.  Life wasn’t waiting and neither am I.  So onward and upward!  It’s gonna be a good day!


Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail

What It Means to Be Me

We are almost to Christmas.  I feel kinda bad.  It is a big deal to everyone but me.  Everyone is asking what I want for Christmas.  Nothing.  I’m tempted to put it bold capital letters.  NOTHING.  It’s not just working me in retail for so long that has soured me.  The only family I have nearby is my Mom.  We don’t need a reason to get together or get each other something.  I am Wiccan so my “reason for the season” is different than most.  My husband spoils me year round and the dogs just don’t care.  It is another day off.

When I was a kid I loved Christmas.  Not because of the presents either.  What I loved was that all the unique and odd people that I didn’t get to see the rest of the year came over to Gramma and Grandpa’s during the holidays.  They might just drop in for a few hours to say hi or they might stay for dinner.  What I loved were the stories!  Everyone always sat around and told the most wonderful stories of things that had happened to them over the years.  Before my parents divorced I was blessed with a double round or stories because we would go to both sides of the house and visit.

Do you know what the really cool thing was?  They enjoyed telling me their stories.  The fact that someone my age actually wanted to hear what they had to say was priceless to them.  (I think that is why I enjoyed going to old folks homes when I was a Brownie and in Girl Scouts, once I got over my fear of going.  They told me of amazing things that had happened to them and the life they lived.)

I may or may not remember all of their stories (I’m sure I have all of them tucked away somewhere) but I have never lost the ability to listen to them.  That ability has been one of my greatest joys and sometimes greatest weakness.  Just letting people vent without judgement or listen to their stories I consider a privilege.  But sometimes those stories are so horrible that I am asked never to repeat them.  Not even to the person that told them to me.  They want to purge their system of that poison and try to move on.  There are times that I feel a bit like a confessor as well.  People will tell me what they feel or want deep down inside or why they are the way they are.  And that’s ok.  I’m hear to listen.  Not to judge.  I will never do that.  It is not my place.  I am hear to listen.

person holding red and white gift box with ribbon bow
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com


Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail, Writing

Navel Contemplation and Other Linty Problems

The trusses arrived yesterday afternoon.  Apparently the companies Menard’s deliveries are up to 5 weeks behind.  *eye roll*  So the guys will be here around noon and the hoist around 1pm.  And of course Mother Nature  set down a fresh layer of snow overnight.  Could be worse but it is frustrating none the less.

My blessed pups let me sleep extra late since I am sick.  Essie started about 9:30am so I got an extra hour and a half of sleep.  I am trying to catch up around the house but it is difficult when I am sick.  (Well it’s hard anyway but being sick actually gives me an excuse so I gotta work thru that.)   I didn’t get what I wanted done yesterday so hopefully today I can muster myself to get moving.

Amazing how relaxing this time of year has the potential to be since I am not in retail.  No floor moves, no trucks three days a week, no surprise Santa Fests, no long hours… For that I am very grateful.  I still need to figure out what I want to do with myself.  Writing is good but I need a steady income to be able to pay bills as this grows.  I thought about going back to school but that does not help with bill paying if I am doing school and no job.

My mind is in a good spot right now.  Which is odd with everything still going on.  It’s like my mind has stepped back and is chillin’ in a recliner with a beer just contemplating instead of stressing.  Which is a nice change.  I think I reached my new max level of stress capacity these past few weeks.

The kids are back asleep and I need to make some effort on my Writing.com site. Cheers!

family, retail, Writing

Themes and Holidays

It’s hard to know what to write on this.  People say you should pick a different theme each time and write forever on it.  I can’t do that. I don’t do politics.  That is not the kind of energy I want to put out into the world.  But what else can I do that is relevant?  Or do I just keep doing the same thing each time?  I don’t know.  I suppose then I ought to do some more research and see what I can find.

Meanwhile back here at the Griffin Zoo and Racing Emporium we have turned the furnace on. I hated to.  Tomorrow is the last day of September.  I hate the cold.  This year is going to be especially painful for everyone I think.  Stella’s hips and knees are getting a little worse as it gets colder.  Dante’s back and hips aren’t doing well either.  Essie is having problems getting on the bed (it is on the floor so Dante can get up) which she never had before.  My right hand is beginning to show bad strong signs of arthritis at the base of my first finger and pinky.  And everything in me seems to crack when I move the past two days.  And that is just the stuff I know about!

I am drinking some interesting coffee this morning.  It’s that VitaCoffee stuff.  It’s being advertised all over the place it seems.  It has your daily allotted vitamins and in one type it has extra vitamins to help boost not just your energy but superboost your thinking as well.  I got a free sample to try.  I am very bad at taking any kind of pill so I thought I never forget to drink coffee…  And if it will help my thinking as well then that is an added bonus.  I will let everyone know what happens (or doesn’t as the case my be).

The month of October brings many things for me.  It brings the joy and happiness of Halloween (giggity!!! I’m ‘”normal” for a month!) as well as chillier days.  It has always been dreaded by me as well because when working retail once October was over that was the beginning of the silly season.  And being a manager of two departments also meant extra work for the next three months (once the holidays were done we had inventory to contend with and we had to draw maps of all our departments as well as sticker each arm and shelf and be part of the counting process).   This year no long hours.  No open past 9 and 10pm.  No early opens.  No coupons.  No scrambling to fill in shifts when someone has called off.  No cranky customers wanting things for free.  No major floor moves.  No trucks to unload or put away three times a week.

This is going to be very different this year.  I don’t have to drive 30-45 minutes to get to work.  I don’t have to make that drive in bad weather.  I can actually be home with my family for Thanksgiving.  I can even cook if I want to (this will be a first in 15 years… each year we seemed to open earlier and earlier, last year we opened at noon on Thanksgiving and stayed open right through Black Friday at 10pm).

I was always very resentful (actually it should be resent full because I was that angry) because people would always feel sorry for those of us who worked and moan with us… but they were still there at those stupid hours shopping.  If you feel so bad about it why are you here shopping?  I was never in a good mood because I felt that (still do) people and companies are being greedy.  I hated being controlled to do things that contradicted the holidays (holy days) for the sake of the almighty dollar.  It never did us any good.  We lost time from our families that we could never get back.  The people in Corporate stayed home with their families for the holidays while we busted ass to line their pockets.  They got six figure bonuses while our raises never broke a dollar.  I am completely serious.  35 cents was a big raise in the company I worked for.  the only time you got over a dollar is if you changed your position (became full time, a manager etc.).    Is there any surprise that there was anger and resentment in the stores?

Anyway, pardon me as I get off my high horse.  The holidays will be much different this year.  And no, I don’t plan on going shopping Black Friday.  So it will be new and interesting.  Family time actually with family.  Such a concept!

And now I will go and treat myself to an old school horror movie.  Maybe something with Vincent Price or Peter Cushing.