Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Using A Little Bit Of Sunshine

Sadly we did not go to the haunted house last night. When it came down to it we were both too tired. And truthfully I did not know if I would be able to walk through it. This morning’s pain is at about a 14 on a scale of 1to 10. I am having severe mobility issues. So I guess it is time to call the doctor again. Sigh. I was hoping not to have to do that.

Despite the pain there are several things that need to get done around the house. Not a lot. If I can get just that little bit accomplished then I will be happy. The sun is out and that helps. The girls want me to be outside playing with them. I threw a lot of toys last night for them. They went to bed very tired girls. I guess they want a repeat performance. We’ll see.

I had a bit of an epiphany when I was taking photos last night. The ones I took of the trees really popped with the darkening sky. I need to adjust the part of the camera that allows the light in and see if that will get my colors to pop. I need to pull out my camera books and see what I need to adjust it to or what it is normally at and see what I can see. If we have a bit of cloud in our sunset that will get me some color to practice with.

Reading is also on my to do list for the day. I have a new issue of The Writer that arrived the other day and a coworker leant me his copy of “The Ocean at the End of the Lane” by Neil Gaiman. It has been on my want to read list for a very long time. We have been sharing books for several months now. Mostly me bringing the various Discworld books by Terry Pratchett. The running joke is that I am the Librarian from the books (who is an orangutang… long story you have to read the books to get the joke) so I say “Ook” a lot. But I am excited to read my first Neil Gaiman novel.

Speaking of coworkers I got a very special gift the other day from some other coworkers. It is a sparkling purple rose suspended in water. I will share some photos. It is so beautiful! When I showed Chris he was surprised by the beauty. You really don’t expect a rose in full bloom covered in purple glitter to be as beautiful as it is.

I had better get this posted. I slept in a lot longer that I expected this morning. I hope you all have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Write and Wrong

I have had a lot of people ask me why I write in my blog every day, why not just write on the weekends or on specific days. The big thing is my schedule or lack of a consistent schedule. If I had say Wednesdays off all the time I could do my blog posts every Wednesday. But my days off vary so I try to keep my blog consistent (as well as my writing) and I write this every day. I also know me and if I try to only do it a few days a week I will drop the ball and eventually I won’t do it at all.

I have received a message from the writer in Argentina about helping him polish his story to win an award. I am struggling to explain that it is going to take a major rework. Possibly just starting from scratch. With all that has been going on I had forgotten that I needed to respond to him. (I feel a bit like a failure…. I keep forgetting things like this.) I suppose that I will have to message him back once I finish with this. The dread hangs heavy. I don’t like telling other writers that their work needs… well it’s just not good enough. I sit and stare at the previous line and my mind freezes. I don’t ever want to tell someone that. But the amount of work needed to get his story even read able is going to take a complete rewrite (did I mention that there are 70 pages?) with constant communication between us. I just can’t even face something like that. It’s just not a good story. That is honestly what it comes down to. He just needs to start over. But how do I say it without hurting his feelings? Or crushing his dream? I don’t think there is a way.

And now the guilt rolls in. I think of all the things I need, should and have to do. Times I let people down. Etc etc. This is another reason I drag my feet with things. I want too much to help others and when I can’t I beat myself up.

So I need to try to focus on the good that I can and have done. Yesterday’s accomplishments include washing several walls and a good bit of floor as well as finishing laundry (all before work). Moving everything out and around in preparation of my Father-in-law moving is has freed up a lot of space that was once buried behind things (or under things) so I am scrambling to to a decent clean up before company comes over on the 30th. I know they will be surprised at the changes as it is but I want to make the extra effort so that I can be proud of how things look. I know there are things that I will have to cope with (not getting all the dust gone is a big one as I am not a consistent duster and with all of us I can dust one day and within a few hours I can see the dust starting to build up again) but I want to get as much done as I can.

Stella is dreaming. Her tail is wagging and she is woofing. It sounds like she is playing with someone or something. Silly girl. I really should get this posted before I decide I shared too much. Thanks for listening. Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Deep Breath….And Relax!

Ahhhhh! Blessed blessed day off! Oh how I need you! In all honesty I’m not going to know what to do with myself. I am so used to cramming what I can into my day before I head out to work. That means I can get some work done on my novel! Yay! I feel bad because I haven’t really touched it in a week now. But work took everything out of me. Last night seemed to be the topper. Instead of an “easy” day it was a long day. Two of us not very experienced back in the deli… I was the slicer person for orders because my coworker is afraid of the slicer. And I was the one trying to make sure we all got stuff to do (I was barely making sure I had stuff to do). But despite all the obstacles we survived and may have even become friends.

Oh my fierce Pittys! They are scared of the rain that is falling. I am trying to type around 120lbs of Pitbull right now. Silly pups. I need to go get yogurt (I forgot with everything going on at work) so Essie can have her medicine. If she doesn’t get yogurt in her tummy first she will throw everything up in a matter of minutes. But if the girls are spooked then they will wake Chris up while I am gone. So I supposed I will wait a bit. I could take Stella but then Essie would be alone. (Essie is not fond of car rides.)

On the plus side it is a dark day so I will be more inclined to hunker inside and work on my novel. I also need to write a few letters and emails today. I have friends and family members that I have not been in touch with for a bit. I am hoping that (as I look around the room/house) I don’t have much to do around the house. I think all my major projects are done. I do need to glue some flooring down. So it will be just upkeep for a bit. I am going to do my best to relax today. I am not sure how tomorrow will go. I have the memorial service at noon (remember to take your camera…) but I do need to leave early as I have no idea where I am going besides Traverse City somewhere. I am not sure how long things will last either. I am going to push Mom to come out and meet me at a coffee shop I think. I want to get her out of the house. She is becoming a recluse and as much as I want to see my little sissies (her two pups) I want her to get out around other people.

I have so much that I want to read right now! But I need to work on my novel and play with the girls. I do have treats to bribe them with though. I have some soup bones for them to eat later. So much relaxing that I want to do today…. reading, writing, playing with the girls, puttering around in my office…. I got my violet plant repotted the other day. I was so scared that it would die on me! I have had it for several years and it had filled up it’s original pot long ago. I finally bit the bullet and put him in a pot about twice the size of his original. He has bee doing wonderfully! I am so excited!

I guess I should wrap this up before it gets too long. Now that I have the luxury of time for a little while… I will add a few photos and get this posted. The weather is nice enough that I still have plants blooming like crazy (for which I am very grateful). And for you rock hounds out there I took a few photos of a few of my “hunting grounds” on our property. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Lazy Day With Much To Do

This morning has dawned cool and damp. Not a bad thing really. But everyone is sleepy. It is a lazy day to be sure. Unfortunately there is a lot going on so… Hopefully I will get my work schedule today. I think I would’ve been ok but having the Memorial Service on Friday means I needed the whole day off. I can work either of my meeting days though so that shouldn’t have been an issue. I guess we’ll see.

I finally got sleep last night! Yay! Means I will be playing catch up for a few days with it though. It was nice to pretty much sleep the night through. I don’t know how busy work will be. Things have died right down for the most part. I had to make sure everyone stayed busy last night. I sent several people home early since we didn’t have anything for them to do.

Today is one of my long days so I won’t have much time to do anything before work. The girls are pouting. They want to play since their daddy is awake but I haven’t finished this so they will have to wait. I am hoping to sneak in some writing before I have to go. I didn’t get any done last night. I did get almost two pages written Thursday morning. We’ll see what happens. I might just come home and go to bed. I should actually. I just remembered that I have to work at 10am tomorrow. I will be in the deli so I can be grumpy and not really have to deal with people.

I finally finished reading two novels that I have been reading seemingly forever. I usually have several books going at once so I have different books for different moods. I finished a cozy mystery and a horror compellation. Both good. And yes I have several other books that I am reading. They are nonfiction though. I might grab an Elizabeth Peters to keep with me. Either an Amelia Peabody or Jacqueline Kirby mystery will do nicely. Both are sassy heroines that I love to read about. I see by the clock that I need to wrap this up and get moving for work. Thanks for reading and especially for your comments! I love hearing from everyone! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Priorities… And What Got Done

The sun is bright this morning. Part of that is due to the blinds being pulled almost all the way open. I have moved the shelves to the sunny spot so I can start putting the plants on there. I also got the houses vacuumed and the kitchen swept. The island counter top did not get cleaned off. I did also catch up on my various series and finished a novel I had been reading. So I believe that I found a balance yesterday. I still hurt but I also don’t feel like I completely slacked off yesterday either. I only got one thing on my to do list done but that was because I ended up with a completely different list in my head. The meeting was listened to and the article written once I had this posted as well.

There are things I should’ve gotten done but did not. I did not work on my novel. Instead I called Mom. After that I binge watched my shows to catch up. I can excuse the counter not getting cleaned off since I got so much else done but the novel…. not so much. So my goal is a page on the novel before work.

I got a bit of a surprise? shock? yesterday. I got a message from my friend’s daughter telling me about the memorial service they were holding for her next week. It still brings a tear (several actually) to my eye. So that will be on my list for work today. Since I will have Thursday off for a meeting I will miss handing my list in for time off. So I need to do it today. I might try to hook up with Mom. We’ll see how I feel. I might make her meet me somewhere. She needs to get out more than just the grocery store.

I am looking around the room… I realize that I really need to start uploading my photos to my web page. I have several hundred saved to my phone that I have shared on here that need to be uploaded on to my site. I put that off because it is such a large project. Even doing say 5 or 10 takes atleast 20 minutes with the whole process to upload, write all the text that goes with the photo, ok everything and then do a final upload onto the site. And I really don’t want to spend the time. If I do less than 5 it’s not really worth the time. What I need to do is stop procrastinating and post this so I can get going on my novel. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Gratitude and Relaxation

The bird feeder has been filled and apparently it is a blue jay restaurant this morning. Three big males have been dominating the scene. Holy cow! There’s like 10 of them out there! I peeked out to see and if they are not at the feeder they are on the ground. Busy place this morning! A bit chillier than yesterday. And wet. Oh my gosh! There’s even a bunny! I just saw a set of small brownish ears pop up.

Well at this time yesterday I was filled with anxiety and crabbiness headed up to the top floor at the hospital with Chris. Everything turned out fine and everyone was extremely nice despite my less than sunny disposition when I got there. Mind you by the time I left I was a chatty Cathy lol. I shared stories as well as tattoos. I stopped in the bathroom just before I left and when I stepped back out there were about 10 people waiting. Word of my Monarch butterfly tattoo got out so everyone came to see. I also got to show off my Supernatural tattoo as well as my dragons on my back. When I left I received a very nice thank you card as well as a mug with a packet of Nestle hot cocoa.

The girls pushed their way out the door when we got home. Lol. Essie wasn’t taking no for an answer and shouldered her way past Chris and the door. Little blessing! We were just as grateful to be home.

We seem to be getting a lot of cardinals this year. There is a very young female at the feeder. Every year brings new and different birds to the yard! Well today’s goal is to get working on my novel. I have done a page almost every other day. I hadn’t noticed that was the pattern until I went to type it in here. But anyway I want to get a bit more done. I pulled out my latest issues of my writing magazines in bed last night and was reading. Several articles fit where I am going in my story so I have added push to keep at it.

That being said I supposed I out to get at it. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Here And Poof!

I just need to get through today…. Sadly that just means the colonoscopy is that much closer but atleast I will be home tomorrow. I have started stocking up on my “food” for this adventure. I got some white tea, Tang (there is a blast from my past!), Gatorade, Jello (I made some last night but I am going to get more and put them in my Halloween molds to cheer me up) and chicken broth.

I am sorry I did not get to everyone’s blog as I had intended this morning. It is way early and I (surprise!) did not give myself enough time. I am sitting here with a Pitbull sitting on the front of my calf. Goofball. She has now moved to the couch.

We pretty much sat and talked for the last hour of work last night. There was no one but us. We are all hoping that we go back to the 8pm close. With tourist season over there is no real reason to stay open til 9pm.

Despite my early out I still don’t want to go in. I am wiped out. But 4 days off start at 2pm… That is going to be my mantra today. Poof! And just like that I have to get ready for work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Reassembly Required

It is going to be a challenging week. But hopefully I will come out of the end of the week with some answers with my back. And my phone will be intact. I am able to take off the last week of September. I asked yesterday. So that will hopefully help everyone while we transition into having roommates again (and I mean all of us including our house guest). Essie has spent the morning stalking around the backyard showing everyone whose yard it is. I did get her to come into eat between patrols. (The white shepherd from next door is lose again.)

I feel a little calmer. I tried a little meditation before bed last night. It was either that or the fact that I am just burnt out mentally but I slept hard last night. Some interesting dreams. My best friend from school was in them. Usually when she appears something is going to happen and she was a major player in my dreams.

Friday I am going to try to get things cleaned up a little more. I am hoping that I can do something every day off (more if possible but I’ll shoot for days off to make a decent dent in things) around here. Thursday I might not get much done with everything I have going that day but I will try to maybe do something with my rock collection that has grown exponentially over the past year or so. Part of it is me finding things in the yard. The other part is that customers know that I am a rock hound and will bring me rocks and stones as gifts.

I am looking at this mountain of paper work from all the medical crap I am doing. I asked to have all my bills consolidated on to one to make it easier to pay and know what I have paid. But yesterday I received yet another bill. So that request did not work. I have no idea what I still have to pay anymore.

My one bright spot was the letter and poem from my British penpal that arrived yesterday. It sounds like she is enjoying a much deserved vacation. I think I will wrap this up and answer her letter. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Time, Timing, Timeless

Despite the beauty of the morning I still feel a bit hopeless. Life seems to be moving too fast. Things that I want to do or need to do don’t get done. Too much to do or not enough time to do them? Or both? Am I a failure because things aren’t getting done? What about the things I try to do for other people? How do I chose what gets done?

As you can tell my mind is feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was able to get out of work a little early and spent pretty much the rest of the day with Chris and the girls. We had a lot of fun together. Despite my lack of sleep I still managed to stay up til almost midnight. I slept relatively well but I still could use more sleep.

I also notice that I have been buying things to fill a hole inside. Do you ever get things spur of the moment and then when you get them home wonder what you were thinking? Not that it is hideous or anything but you didn’t really need it (despite what you thought at the time). I have been doing that. I know part of it is missing my friend. Another part is I really don’t know what to do with myself. So I take photos. Or play in the garden. Or play with the dogs. Or read to escape. I don’t know what to do. I feel lost.

Essie really wants me to play. She and Stella both have come over while I am typing this for attention. Stella has brought me her ball. Essie has left her frisbee somewhere and I think I am expected to find it. Apparently this is part of the game. Now Stella is staring at me hard and wagging her tail. So I guess I need to wrap this up and go play for a bit before work. Thanks for reading! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Want to Do, Need to Do, What to Do?

Here we are with another beautiful morning. The insects are a constant buzz with the cicadas reigning supreme. It is very hot and humid already. A day to be lazy. But my mind whirls to dishes that need to be done, lawns that need to be mowed and….. It has been like that every time I have free time. My mind will not let go of stuff like that. I feel guilty that I am not doing anything. Then I fight the mental battle when I want to just relax or do something else and then nothing gets done. Or I do other things and feel guilty the whole time because nothing got done. I get so mad at myself…. but try and try again right? I have a meeting tonight but I plan do attend via Zoom. That is all I really have to do. Yes there is laundry (I did start that last night) and dishes and mowing but if I don’t do everything right away that is fine.

Grandpa’s flag is up on a top shelf here in the living room. I also brought out all the dog tags I have collected from family and draped them over the peak of the case. I need to make sure it stays dusted (I am awful at the whole dusting thing). I shared a photo with my family once I got it set up. I almost took Gram’s engagement ring off of there but it feels right to have in there. (I have her ring on with Grandpa’s dog tag.)

Dad and I were talking last night (over four hours) and I mentioned that I still want to learn Italian. I have the tools. Several years ago Dad got me Rosetta Stone Italian. I also have several books that Mom has gotten me as well as little cards that they used while learning Italian almost 50 years ago (Mom has the same set at her house). Do I start? Or am I putting too much on my already full plate? More excuses?

Listening to the rhythm of the cicadas as the song goes up and down like a wave. There is one right outside the door in a tree. It’s song just flowing. And more take up the same rhythm but at a different time. Just like sitting at the waters edge as the water laps at the shore. Sigh….

Visiting with my cousin Wyatt and seeing what he can do with a camera makes me want to learn more about photography. I think it is time to move on to the next chapter in my dvd course. I stopped at one point because I was trying to get a handle on how to use what I was being taught on the camera. I am comfortable now and I think I will move forward and see what is next. Mom and the girls got me a book on advanced photography. So that will come in handy. I want to learn to use what I have in my kit before I try to get more stuff. Wyatt has a full rig for his camera (which is a Cannon like Mom had) but is looking to upgrade several pieces. I think he had a total of three cameras. He’s looking to sell one and several lenses that he doesn’t use. I was sorely tempted but I’m not getting anything more until I am better and use everything that I have in my kit. There is a lot in there I have no idea what to do with.

My lower back is starting to spasm so I ought to wrap this up. My back has not been happy since I got back from my road trip Sunday night. Sorry this is so long but thanks for reading! Stay safe!