Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Sussing Out the Breadcrumbs

There is so much rolling around in my head this morning. My brain and body are finally to the point that when I crash at night, I crash hard. So I am starting to get some steady sleep. That being taken care of for the time being I am turning back to my writing. I am going to try to set aside time on my days off (to start with). I just realized that I signed up for the July NaNoWriMo Writing Camp. Oof. I did that in a peak of creative hope at the beginning of June. I can but try. I also sent an email to my editor at the paper saying that I was ready to come back. I hope I am not over doing things. I can but try. I am going to not doing much to doing a lot again. But maybe not. We’ll see.

It is pretty nice out so once I post this, I will take Stella for a walk. I should drive her to the park. But I have a feeling that if I plan to get any writing done, I need to just to our back 40. I am trying to focus on forward without constantly looking back. I will be turning 50 in a little over a month. I need to be looking forward. Not back.

I find myself wanting to stay home more and more. A lot of that is because I deal with people all day. The other part is that I am just not up to running around all the time. I need some down time. (This from the one who just filled her plate back up. Sigh.) But I also need new experiences. I need to be alive. Not in a fog reaching out for sleep. So I guess…. I guess I need to figure things out a step at a time. Time to make more lists!

Stella is restless. I don’t blame her. I haven’t spent much time with her lately. I am going to wrap this up and get her outside for a bit. Then I will write one page on my novel. I can do this. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Friends, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Finding a Balance. Finding Me.

Another morning… We have company so I am overly self-conscious about how much noise I am making. I guess it is an excuse to write and read. I don’t really feel like doing either. I slept in since I don’t have to be to work until noon. I feel like I should’ve gotten up at my normal time. But what would it have accomplished? I would still get the same amount done and make the same comment that I should’ve gotten up earlier.

I am struggling to find a balance of some kind. There are things that I want to do/start but don’t. Yoga is a good example. My mind wonders when I am going to squeeze it in on workdays. There is my writing. This is the only consistent writing I am doing right now. My journaling is sporadic, and my novel has stalled out. My gardens… I am doing pretty well on all things considered. But I still have to get those raised gardens done and my rock garden cleaned out. And the backyard mowed. Stella still has no harness and our walks have become fewer and fewer. My motorcycle needs to be ridden. I need to keep pushing with my guitar. There is keeping in contact with friends and family (I suck at it, but I try).

I bust tail at work and do my best to get things done around the house and for us when I am home. It just feels like there is so much! I have thought about a schedule like Mondays I do this and Tuesdays that. But with my schedule I have to fit things in when I have time. So I don’t know what to do.

I also find myself saying that I will do things for others and then drop the ball. I have the best intentions but I either don’t have the time or… don’t have the time it seems. I can’t pare back anymore. Next week is my last week off from the paper. It will be good to be back. If they still want me. We’ll see. I will shoot out an email once I post this. I should wrap this up. No rain is in the forecast so I may put my hammock swing back up. And Stella needs a walk. Even if it is just on our property.

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Easy Come, Easy Go

Mother Nature is not sure what she is doing this morning. There was a rumble of thunder not too long ago so I am pretty sure that Stella will not come out of the bedroom. Sometimes the sun is out fully, and you blink opening your eyes to thick clouds. The breeze has been steady. Since we did not get any rain last night as promised I will need to water all the plants outside once I finish this.

I got a huge piece of disappointment yesterday. My writing class got cancelled. I am so very disappointed. I got both a phone call and an email explaining things. I did get a full refund. I am still very bummed. I was hoping for feedback on what I had for my novel. But there it is. I feel like I am writing in a vacuum.

I did some research reading yesterday for my novel. More along the lines of the craft of writing versus a topic related to the novel. I wrote in my journal as well. I hadn’t written in there in almost a week. I will try to get that habit back.

I need to wrap this up. My wrist is not happy with using the laptop. It didn’t do well writing in my journal either. So I will give it a break. For now. There will be some heavy lifting at work (the cash drawers are not light and require two hands on a good day). Hopefully I will find out more about the liquor department manager position either today or tomorrow. Sorry, I keep staring off into space. I didn’t get any new photos so I will share some repeats. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Aaaaand There She Goes!

As foretold this will be a quick one this morning. I was almost in the free and clear. Then I got a message asking me if I could still come in at 5am. So here we are.

The yard is coming along. When I came home yesterday Chris was mowing the backyard (the fenced in area). Since that is done I will be able to concentrate on the gardens and get them caught up. If I can muster the energy I would like to finish up the front gardens after work so I can work on the back ones. Then Stella can be out with me if she wants.

I’ve not been working on my novel but I have been journaling so that is something. I am so worried about forgetting about class on Thursday night. I get out at 1pm so I will have some time at home. I am equal parts anxious and excited about class. I have to have pages to turn in so I have to have time to write.

And the clock tells me to get myself moving for work. Thank you for all your support! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Bright ‘n Early

This morning I find the birds’s singing annoying. I’m not sure why. Hopefully the day goes quickly. And well. Tomorrow’s post might not be much. As of right now I have to be there at 5am to let the deli people in.

I spent a bit more time in the garden that I had intended. As a result I am almost done with front and side gardens. I transplanted a few plants but with the temperature dip last night I don’t know if they will all make it. I brought all the plants I took out in as well. Most of them had just been repotted and I worried that the cold would hurt them. The only other things I got done were laundry and I swept the kitchen floor. Oh and we did go for a walk, but on our property.

I would really like a cup of coffee right now. However it is a process using the French press. So I will have to wait until I get to work. I think we will be busy. Hopefully I can get bakery stocked before we get too busy.

I see by the clock that I need to wrap this up. I’d intended to go back out on the property without Stella and get some photos. But I did not. I have several small groves that have appeared. They look rather cool. I hope to get out today and try again. Anyway the photos are repeats. Reprints if you will. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

June Fun In The Sun

It looks like it wants to rain. I hope it does. I repotted a bunch of plants yesterday and pulled everyone outside. They could all use the rain despite my watering them all yesterday. I think I will need to check everyone every day now. Not all of them need to be watered every day but I find a lot of them are drying out quickly. The big repotting project was the peppers. I separated them into the long window box and several pots. They all seem to be handling the move well.

I decided I am going to take the month of June off from the paper. I have so much going on this month I would miss several of them as it is. I hope they can find someone. I just sent the email so we’ll see how it goes. It will be one less thing that I have to juggle. I said I would be able to step back in for July.

I paid for my class this morning. So I need to remember that I have class on Thursday nights all of June. Hopefully I continue to get Fridays off! I need to let my boss know what is going on too. There are also graduations that I have been invited to and I need to make it to Bay City to see my aunt. Aaaand I guess they changed the date for one of my graduations. I need to get next Saturday off. Fudge. I was told one date and now it is another. Right.

My goal for the writing class is… well there are two. The first is that I will have a publishable finished piece when I am done. The second is that I will have some momentum for my novel. I seem to have petered out. I am just so exhausted all the time. I’m tired of cramming everything in as well. So June will be my month to try to prove that I can write with things going on around me.

I also need to set up an appointment to get my tattoo fixed. That will happen on the first. I will message as soon as I get up. I will get the appointment set up hopefully before I go downstate. But we’ll see if he puts me off. I love all the other work I have gotten from him. Just no portraits. I don’t know how our relationship will be after this.

I still have some quiet time left so I think I will wrap this up and pull out my novel. Maybe push for a page of writing today. Warm up some coffee and get to it! Thank you for all your kind words and support! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Now Entering Powersaver Mode

This might be a short post. Stella is draped in my lap and wants love. My laptop has just gone into powersaver mode. I slept in this morning because I was up late (as usual it seems). I was falling asleep in my book but when I turned the lights out… oh well. I did fall asleep eventually. Yesterday was busy all things considered. I, thankfully, had a lot of staff. I keep putting more on my plate at work as well. I have offered to take over the liquor department while my coworker is out for surgery and I have offered to help with the annual flower sale. The liquor department will be a longer time at it while the flower sale is a Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Which reminds me the local library is having a flower sale today. Hmmm….

Tonight I have a meeting. I was hoping for a Zoom link but there has been none posted. I just don’t want to drive. But the paper is nice enough to pay me for doing it. Tomorrow I will purchase my seat in the writing class. I hope I don’t regret it. The big concern is me resenting having to go after work. I need to get over it.

On a rather happy note my signed book Kill! by Kane Hodder arrived yesterday! It is an expanded edition of his autobiography that I have titled Unmasked. It has been 10 years since Unmasked and the expanded edition has all kinds of extras. About 400 pages of extras. It is a signed limited edition. It goes well with my photo! And it is now on of my treasures.

Ok, battery is almost dead and Stella is heavy in my lap. It also sounds like the stupid squirrel is causing issues outside. Sorry this is so late and short. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Eeny, Meany, Miney….

I have gotten myself a new tarot deck. Not to do readings with but just to work with on a daily basis. I like to pull a card out and see what it tells me. And the deck is beautiful! I is all herbs and trees… Nature. The booklet that comes with is especially enlightening to those of us who are gardeners. Since each card represents a certain aspect of the tarot the booklet shows how the natural abilities of each plant or tree represents what we can find in ourselves. The artist also shares different resources to find out more about each plant or tree. I just really really love it!

Another deck that I recently acquired is for writing. Natalie Goldberg released a deck of cards to help writers get past writing blocks and stumbles. It might be something random to write about or it might be something that pertains to your current work. There are many ways to use the deck. I am excited to use this deck with another that I have had for years that I love called The Observation Deck A Tool Kit For Writers. It is a similar concept and I think using both decks will help spur me on. (Yes these are crutches but right now I need all the help I can get to get myself out of my head and on to the paper.)

Where does my gardening fit in all this? Somewhere. I am trying to find a balance between my writing and gardening. I might do some before work today. Even if it is just that last little bit to get to the end of the house. I work better on my writing when everyone is asleep. Then I know that I don’t have to try to rush my words. I should get up earlier. That would solve a lot of problems. But I am a night person and have a hard time getting to sleep after I close at night. (I’m pretty sure that I was finally able to sleep around 2am. I refused to look at the clock after 1:30am.) My other problem is that I love to read. I have so many books going right now it is ridiculous. A lot of them are research for the novel. But what do I read when? Do I finish one before I begin another? What if I need the information from one book for my novel? There’s just so much! And I honestly don’t know what to do. Every night I haul a stack of books to bed with me. I may or may not read a bit in all of them. Then each morning I haul them back out in case I want to read before work. What I need is a vacation to get all this straight. But I don’t have that luxury right now. I need to piecemeal this together and find something that works.

The stack 🙄

Then there is poor Stella. She is so patient while I write. When I am finished with this she usually wants to play. But I normally have other plans to try to cram things in before I got to work. She has been in and out this morning. I think she is falling into a bit of a funk again. After I post this I will take her for a walk on our property and see if that helps. I have tomorrow off so we can do something more then. I have a meeting that night but I think I can Zoom it.

I am not a very good juggler. I am constantly dropping one of the many balls I have tossed into the air. Lately it seems to be the writing ball with the Stella ball. So I will keep trying. Eventually I will learn to keep them all going in the air. I hope. Thanks for reading and all your awesome comments! Stay safe!

anxiety, Automotive, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Music, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Writing

Finding the Good in the Bad

I know there will be some of my readers reading this to hear about some of the drama and trauma of yesterday. I am choosing not to write about that. Instead I am choosing to write about the good that happened.

I have a dear friend that is in recovery. I have done my best to be there for her as much as I can. Last night was one of those times. I asked her to come over as much for me as for her to be honest. I don’t know if the neighbors were happy with us or not (I haven’t heard any complaints so I think we are ok) but that doesn’t matter. We had a blast! We talked and played and danced and sang. When she came over I had a few goodies waiting for her. The big thing that I wanted to give her was a beautiful abalone butterfly necklace. I wanted her to remember that she was an emerging butterfly no matter what. And that she was loved. She’s been through a lot of crap in her life. I wanted her to have something with her that would remind her that she is loved. That she is worthy. She had a good cry over it. I guess no one had ever given her anything nice before.

This morning I hauled my sore and still exhausted tush out of bed and drove over to drop the car off. My mechanic had been up late as well doing an emergency repair on our mail lady’s Jeep. We both looked wiped out. I know I felt the better of both of us. (I just feel so good inside after last night despite the late hour that we stayed up til.) After I finish this I think I will do one of two things. I want to work on my gardens along the front and side of the house. They are looking very scraggly and unloved. The other thing is my novel. I am looking wistfully at my chair and table outside. I should do the gardens first as the temperature is supposed to get extreme again today. I can write in the house or wait til closer to evening if I want to sit outside to write. Ooooo! I can put my swing back out!

So I guess I will wrap this up and get my self outside. I do have some new photos to share (finally!). Tomorrow’s post might be a bit short as it is another 6:30am work day. I want to thank everyone for their support. It means a lot! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Like a Patchwork Quilt

This morning I am very frustrated. I went to bed exhausted. 4:30am wide awake. Now that I have to head out to cover a meeting I can barely keep my eyes open. Right now I am a mess. I found out that a dear friend is in the hospital due to a minor heart attack. My talk with Mom last night after I got home from picking another friend up at the airport did not go well. By the time we hung up I was very frustrated. Mom complained that she couldn’t do this and that but she really wanted to. If only… She refuses to apply herself to anything. She will even cancel needed doctor appointments because she doesn’t feel like going anywhere that day. If you give her a solution she immediately comes back with a counter problem to that solution.

I found some baby pictures of Essie yesterday on here when I went through to delete any duplicates and not so good photos. That made me a bit teary. I miss all my fur babies. I’m sorry I am kind of all over the place this morning. My mind is already going on what I need to do today. The sun is out again so it should be another beautiful day. The tiller has been put together so I might get some gas and give that a go this afternoon. I need to remember to call about brakes for my car tomorrow as well.

See what I mean? My mind is on everything but this. I got a good 20 minutes on my novel yesterday before my mind wandered off. The last 10 minutes it thought about everything but the novel and characters. Maybe working in the yard is a good idea today. Then my mind can wander and my hands can do something constructive. Maybe I’ll start in the front yard along the house. I need to try to write the article for this morning’s meeting today so I only have one article to write tomorrow morning (I have another meeting tonight). We’ll see how that goes.

I should wrap this up. I see by the clock it is time to try to get myself together and head out. Thanks for reading through my muddle. Stay safe!