Aging, Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Up And Down We Go

Today’s major task is to balance what I need to do with rest. My back was bad enough at work that I asked to go home. I should’ve probably gone to ER but I can’t add a big chunk of money to my already expanding medical bills (it’s about $300). So here I am. I do have the day off. I do also plan to call to try to get an appointment with my GP (this is only $40).

Yesterday just felt like a disaster for me. It feels like so much went wrong. And it’s not so much that things went wrong as they changed in rapid order. Home, work…. me.

The girls got a special treat yesterday. I tore up three rotisserie chickens for wraps. They only save the clean white meat for those. I hated to just toss them into the trash so I put them in a baggie and that was their dinner. Happy girls! Essie channeled her inner Moose. She laid on the bed and I held the bowl for her as she ate. (It kind of freaked me out that she did that. She always insisted on getting down and going to the kitchen to eat.) But it was a little something special for them.

Oh, so the interior lights in my car (the ones you can turn on and off) are NOT my friend. This is the second time I was searching for some thing in my car and forgot to turn them off. And went to leave the next day with a dead battery. This time was even more irritating because I told myself I needed to remember to turn them off. I still forgot (I was searching for my phone that had fallen out… not in the car but in the driveway). So Chris was a jewel and jumped Angus so I could go to work. Sadly despite my best efforts it didn’t charge anything that short distance. So after work Sunday I had to message him to once again come and jump Angus so I could come home. And after that shift (it was now after 10pm because I was closing manager) I was just wiped out. I had no tears left to cry.

I did get some fun photos last night. I didn’t try any filters but I just changed the mode and that kept the shutter open longer for more light. I think they turned out pretty good. I also found a wild looking maple leaf that was turning it’s colors. Oh and I got my Kitchen Witch from an artist friend of mine. I’ll share that too, She smells like cinnamon (the Kitchen Witch, not my friend 😉). Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Change In Plans

I am guessing another storm will be rolling through this morning. Both girls are on the couch together. Essie was by the bedroom door but got up on the couch, something she usually doesn’t do. I have been hearing rumblings through out the morning. The wind has been steady and strong.

Chris has finished cleaning out what will be his Dad’s room. Only it won’t be. After a lengthily discussion with his siblings it was decided that it will be best to get their Dad medical attention first. There is concern over his cancer coming back as well as other issues. So for now Chris is just going down to see what he can do to help. There is relief but still we are concerned about his health. So.

Yesterday’s projects got partially done. I did mess around with my camera (my filters only work on my short lens), I did talk to both my parents, laundry and dishes got done. I did not mow the yard, learn how to refill my ink for my fountain pens or work on my novel (every time I tried something came up). I’m not happy with myself for what I did not get done. But there are only so many hours in the day. I have tomorrow off and will probably get out early tonight so I will try again.

I should wrap this up so I can head out for the meeting. I hope there is no storm but something is brewing out there. I’ll share some of the photos I took with the different filters and such. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Knowing The Unknowable

A day at home. I hope. I have a meeting tonight that will not be Zoom so I have requested that someone else go. My back hates those seats and tomorrow morning’s meeting will be longer on those same seats. So if I only do one meeting I am hoping to limit the pain. We’ll see if anyone can do it. I am frustrated because the other night meetings do Zoom but not this one. I hate to step back from my meetings. I am also unsure as to what I can do once my Father-in-law arrives. The Zoom meetings won’t be a problem but I’m not sure about the in person ones. I don’t know if I want to leave him alone. But that will be next month. Hopefully we will be settled into our various routines.

Why is it that in the beginning I had all these good thoughts and ideas regarding the move now my mind is just focusing on all the things that could go wrong? I was wide awake at 3:30am. I took a sleeping pill but I didn’t manage to get back to sleep until after 5:30am. Every time I would start to drift off my brain would spit out a “what if” and I would be wide awake again.

Today’s goals are to get the backyard mowed (I know it will screw with my back but it needs to be done before the move), work on my novel, work on using my new lenses (I am going to try not to get frustrated… some photo opportunities only “happen” and won’t pause while I switch lenses), learn how to use my various fountain pens (they have refillable cartridges and there seems to be some trick to doing it that I don’t know so I have a DVD on how to do it from the set Mom gave me) and talk to Dad. I will try to talk to him on Wednesday as well. I am not sure when I will be able to again once the move happens. Dad and I can have very open conversations and I am not sure how the father-in-law will be regarding that. Talking on the phone is an option but a very expensive one. An hour will be several hundred dollars and we usually talk for several hours. I can’t afford that. Facetime is free. So.

I am trying to adjust by not thinking about it. Which gets my mind thinking about it. The closer we get to the date the more anxious I become. I know it is the same for Chris… all the “what-ifs” that could happen as well as a game plan for what will happen (such as getting him into the doctor for a general check up).

Right, this novel is not going to write itself nor will the experiences happen without me so I’d better get back to it. Thank you for all your support and for being a constant reader! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Pushing Through The Walls

Ok. I give. Between my physical pain and mental anxiety I feel broken. Right now everything is out of my control and I feel broken. I can barely walk in the mornings. My feet are swollen enough that even the bottoms are rounded so it is easier to lose my balance. Everything hurts when I try to get up in the morning. (I’m not complaining this is just my reality right now.) I am also second guessing having my Father-in-law stay with us. It is a done deal at this point. I can’t back out but everything that could go wrong is now playing in my head. Add to that the anxiety of not having Chris for about a week.

I am trying to find joy in the small things. I got my handmade wooden fountain pen. I was so excited last night! Then I could not figure out how to use it. The ink cartridge that was sent it very small and doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. The second cartridge is a refillable one. I have not yet mastered that ability (I do have two other pens that have this so I need to get watching the DVD that came with the one on how to do it). I am tempted to try one of my other cartridges to see if it will work. I would like to use it. I am hoping I could use it on the leather journal that Chris got me. The pages are handmade so finding a pen to write on it is a bit difficult because of the rough and unevenness of the paper.

Another small thing, out of my multitude of rocks and stones I pulled out a Petoskey stone and I thought about polishing it by hand. Literally. Using my hands to slowly polish and smooth the stone with the natural oils in my skin. Well I got a heck of a start last night! I am very pleased with how it is turning out. I didn’t think to take a before photo but I will share some of how it is coming along. It has become darker and different aspects are getting a lot more defined.

I truly don’t want to go to work. My body feels like it is trying to pull in on itself. I just want to stay home and rest. I do have tomorrow off but I have a meeting that night. Thankfully it is via Zoom. The one the next morning will be in person and I will have to work that night. But I believe I have the following day off. I am trying not to think of next weekend. There will probably be a lot of tears shed on my part. Thankfully I will have the dogs with me. The girls have been trying to get our mind off of things with love and constantly wanting to play. I had better wrap this up for now. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Big Changes For Love

This morning has dawned with sun and blue sky. There are some fat fluffy white clouds but nothing too intimidating. It didn’t get very warm yesterday. But I was able to stand in the sun and feel very good. Atleast until more clouds rolled in. I don’t really want to go to work tonight. I would rather stay home and try to get everything where it needs to be. Chris is leaving a week from tomorrow to drive to Missouri to get his Dad. It has been about 10 years since we have been apart for more than a few hours. It will be several days. I am not looking forward to that. The week after that will be colonoscopy (yay) but then I will have the following week off to help get everyone acclimated. I have only one meeting that week so I should be able to spend most of my time with the family.

I am both excited and nervous about having my Father-in-law. I believe that we are doing what is best for him. He doesn’t belong in a home. He has no family contact living in Missouri (there are phone calls and a random visit here or there but no one lives near him). We are hoping that being around people (especially family) will help. He deserves a chance to live.

I’m sure we will get on each others nerves at one point or another but we have rooms with doors that shut so it’s not like we will be in constant contact. I think the hardest thing is going to be resetting our routines. I need my quiet when writing but I may have to figure out another routine. Or learn to write with noise. I remember before I would go to a coffee shop or bookstore to write. So I can write with sounds going on around me. I have no idea what my Father-in-law’s routines are or if he has any. It will be a learning process for us all. But I am happy to have him as part of our home. I would rather do that than send him to a retirement home. He doesn’t deserve that when we have a place here for him.

I should wrap this up so I can try to get some work in on the novel. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

The Songs of Mother Nature

This will be a stop and go post. When we got up I thought I heard the rumbles of thunder. It has gotten progressively louder. Fortunately the girls ate and went outside before it got really loud. I thought the sky looked really yellow when we got up. It kind of freaked me out. Right now Stella is hiding out in the utility room (there went lightening) and Essie is pacing around. Both girls are shaking.

Well we just got a severe thunderstorm warning. For the next 30 minutes. It is moving slowly in from the west. The way the sky looks I am grateful the see a small breeze. Good grief…. the thunder was just a low continual rumble for about 30 seconds. Kind of like a big monster giving you a warning growl.

There is a female cardinal at the feeder but I can’t get to my camera across the room. You can’t see anything without a light it is so dark in here. And the slight breeze is really picking up. Hang on, I need to shut up the house….. You know to worry when the neighbor has moved all the vehicles in his driveway either into the garage or beneath trees. (He has his son’s truck for the week.) The wind is coming from two directions. West (where the storm is coming from) and East. Well this should be fun! The skies to the South are kinda scary. Big thick colorful clouds moving in. The North is atleast straight thick grey storm clouds.

We got a lot done yesterday, even with Chris going to our friend’s to help with the flea bombs. (Yes, clothes went right into the washer and him into the shower when he got home.) I was able to get the living room cleaned up a bit more as well as laundry done The last load is in the dryer. I also got quite a bit done in the yard. I am paying for it but it had to be done. I know there is a lot more to do but I am happy with what we have been able to get done.

The thunder and lightening are almost continual now and all around us. I will sign off and hopefully be able to post this before we lose power. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Actions and Words

The rain and clouds have gone away. The birds are twittering away and the bugs are humming along too. The sun is out making the coolest diamond and crystal reflections off of the standing rain on leaves and petals.

I hurt still. Most of it is from the procedure (I feel like I need to put it in quotes or capitalize the first letter) but there is an underlying soreness from compensating for that pain. Like walking awkwardly because my back hurts or holding my body a certain way because it is the only way to ease the discomfort for a minute or two. I still need to call the doctor back and give them another update.

My days are off. It feel like it should be a day off. When I get to work it will be weird as well because I am usually the closing manager on Sundays. Not today. I am a mere cashier. I have tomorrow off but I am going to a friend’s house to help with his two dogs for a few hours. I guess he is doing a bug bomb. I am worried about bringing some home. I might strip down a soon as I get home, wash those clothes and hop in the shower. And I don’t want that stuff in my car so I hope he doesn’t expect me to take them anywhere. We’ll see.

I just want a day where I don’t have to worry about anything. No phone calls, no going anywhere just stay at home and do whatever. I am over my anxieties and physical issues.

I have discovered that what I thought was an invasive vine parasite is actually a bunch of wild grape vines! We have them all over the place. So I am going to scope out a few plants tomorrow and see if I can find some bunches of grapes. I saw some the other day when I mowed the front but I never went back for them.

I am going to wrap this up. I want to try to spend some time outside before work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Was This Supposed To Help?

My first instinct is to say a miserable day yesterday was. And it was. The procedure hurt like hell. Everyone was concerned because I was pretty much silent the whole time but when I got up I was balling my eyes out. Things took longer than anticipated. After all that I wanted to just go home and be with Chris and the girls. I still hurt worse than when I went in and some of the injection sites are tender and inflamed.

But I was able to spend some quality time with Mom and her girls. Bless her for being so understanding. I know I was a pain. But while we waited to got back to pick my phone up (the appointment was at 11:20am but I was told that they would need to keep it until 2pm to get the screen replaced… reasonable unless you just want to go home as soon as possible) we went to McDonald’s (I got a cheeseburger Happy Meal with extra fries) then back to Mom’s house. We ate and chatted then wandered out to her backyard. She had a metal trellis that she needed to get unstuck from a dying bush. She had sawed parts of it off to get it but she ran out of energy. After my procedure they said to do things that would normally hurt my back so I did. The first thing was to saw branches off to get the trellis loose. That accomplished we managed to get the trellis over the remaining bits of bush. I had to be careful because I noticed that there were green shoots coming out. I didn’t want to damage those if we could help it. Between us we managed to get the trellis free.

Things kind of went down hill from there. What they had injected into my back/spinal column wasn’t working. As a matter of fact I was feeling worse than when I went in. I was supposed to call around 2pm to give them an update. I couldn’t do that because I didn’t have my phone. I had to wait to get my phone because they were busy. (None of this is Best Buys fault. They were amazing! I brought my replacement screen protector for them to put on. Apparently the corner had something wrong with it. So they replaced my old one with one of theirs at no cost. They were also very accommodating to me with my back issues.) I did get my phone fixed and returned. It also has a new case to help when I managed to drop it again.

I got home in time to say goodbye to Chris as he left for work. I wanted to spend some time with him but it’s better than nothing. I did a few more things around the house to get ready for the end of the month (yes I know… I should’ve just taken it easy but I I figured I hurt already a little more was no big deal) and settled in to watch a horror movie before bed with the girls. (It was pretty good. It was called “The Mad Hatter” and I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t the greatest film ever made but it was actually pretty good.)

Today I have to get the yard mowed. I’m not sure how well this will go. Chris is home for the holiday weekend so his allergies are going to kick up. And then there is my back. As miserable as I am I need to atleast get the front yard mowed. The back might have to wait. I need to pick up a lot of fallen branches and I’m not sure that is a good idea right now.

I want to thank my awesome readers for the constant support. You guys and gals reaching out means a lot. I try to keep up with everyone but some days it is hard. So thank you for keeping up with me. And as always stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

One Big Ball of Emotions

Oh today is going to feel so rushed! No coffee either this morning. Not even so much as a very desired banana either. Both girls got up with me and have eaten. I texted Mom to have her let me knw when she was leaving so I could try to meet her outside. She texted a few minutes ago so now it is the mad dash to write this and read your blogs before I have to leave.

There were a lot of tears shed (on my part) as big chunks of the house got rearranged yesterday before work. Even more will happen in the coming days. I’m not sure if I will be able to do anything after my procedure in that regard but I did make a decent dent before work yesterday. If just feels like too much too fast. Losing my friend is still a raw spot. And my feelings about losing Moose have come bubbling back up to the surface. In short, I am a mess. I try to hide it as best I can but I’m not doing too well. And it’s not like I am the only one who is stressing over this big move. Truthfully I believe it is for the best. It’s the getting there that is the stresser.

I woke up to the furnace going off. Then when I opened the door to let the girls out I realized that I had left some of the more tender houseplants outside when we were moving things before work. I almost cried but held off. I hope they will be ok because this morning I have neither the time nor space to bring them in. It will warm back up to summer temps when the sun comes up but until then…

Stella is out here with me. Essie has gone back to be with Chris. It is too early for all of us. I am going to try to share some photos before Mom gets here. Thanks for reading and all the support! Stay safe!

*editor’s note: no photos today. Camera is in the other room and Mom is here. Will try to add a special post later today. Cheers!

anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Keeping to the Path

The girls are already outside soaking up the sun. The nights are getting chilly and the mornings are slow to warm up. I know that many people are happy to see the summer go but I am not one of them. Locals are happy mostly because the tourists will leave. I have decided that if I have to give up my Summer then I will celebrate Halloween starting today. And it will last through the month of October. People celebrate Christmas that long and longer so I don’t feel any qualms about this.

There is so much that is going on here I am trying to lighten my mind. I was able to get out early from work and that was so nice! Now that it is back to getting dark before I get out of work I feel like my whole day is lost. I go home, got to sleep and get up to do it all again. Today is day 8 of 8. Tomorrow is my procedure for my back to try to isolate the pain. No idea how early I need to get up. Mom and I are butting heads about what will happen tomorrow after the procedure. She wants to go back home to her dogs so I can “rest”. I have an appointment to get my phone screen replaced and she said “We’ll see how you feel.” If that is the case I will have her drive me home and I will drive my car. And yes I am not supposed to be driving after the procedure. I also need to pick up the girls medicine. So we shall see what transpires.

I did get a lot of photos taken yesterday. So I will have a lot to chose from. I still need to get more in my shop. I’ve not sold one photo despite the web site’s claims for that happening. I’m not sure what I am doing wrong (besides not adding on a regular basis). I’m flying by the seat of my pants with that whole thing. We could use the extra money but I’ll keep plugging along. Something is bound to happen right?

Stella is usually asleep but she is just laying and staring out the window. I think I will go spend some time outside while I still can. Thanks for reading and stay safe!