anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Hocus Pocus I Gotta Find My Focus

This is one of those mornings that my body just aches. I asked Mom if she would mind not going today. Truthfully neither of us can afford a girls day (which is what it would turn into). She just dropped $400 at the vet’s office the other day and I guess her car needs more repairs. I told her she could have what she wanted from the seeds I had gotten for the exchange. So we will try another time to get together.

Lat night I didn’t get much sleep despite the sleep aides. I also had weird dreams when I did sleep. I dreamt of the death of three family members. This was after dreaming of a death night before last. I’m not sure what to make of all the death dreams. I haven’t had them in years.

This morning has dawned cloudy. The sun was out for a bit but a gauze of clouds moved in. Yesterday was beautiful… Everyone was in a good mood too. It was over 40F (4C)! That also helped everyone. A lot of snow got melted between the warmth and the wind. I was eye balling the drive way to see if I could get the motorcycle out if it was nice today. Still a bit thick with snow and ice. But there are shovels around so we’ll see.

I am looking at my list. It is a good list. It is an accurate list. I am hoping it will be a finished list. I already have taken care of two things on there. Most of it is writing. I need to get my head straight with my writing. I am blowing it off and I shouldn’t. That is another reason I wanted to cancel with Mom. I need to stay home and work on my writing. I haven’t done any class work lately either. I need to get my rhythm back. All the emotional drama has got me all over the place. Speaking of which Dad sent a text saying that the only text or email he received was the one he was responding to which was the one asking why he hadn’t responded to anything. I haven’t said anything to him. When I do I will point out the text from me just above that from several days ago asking how he was that got no response. I am trying not to be an ass but I am hurt and frustrated. And I don’t want to talk to him today.

I did get some pretty awesome photos yesterday morning just before dawn. I went out to warm up the car and as I was walking back to the house I happened to see the moon. She was northwest of the house and HUGE! But what made it awesome was that the clouds were flowing over her like she was set in a brook or a river. I went in and grabbed my phone camera and came back and she was gone. I was bummed but I stood out there anyway. After a few minutes the clouds revealed the moon again and I took a bunch of shots as the clouds moved over her. I will share those with you. I am quite pleased with how they turned out.

I should get this online and get writing on my interview and article. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Lame…

My eyes feel like they are filled with sand. I didn’t get much sleep. I tried everything. So here we are. I am going to talk to my manager about Friday. I know I won’t have the day off but I am hoping he will agree with me coming in after my appointment. I am NOT cancelling my tattoo appointment. (I also know that I am over reacting since he will do something to fix this but…)

I have felt off the past few days at work. It just feels like something is wrong. I’m not sure what. Even customers have mentioned it so I know it’s not just me. I did a little bit on my novel before bed last night. I hope to do a bit more tonight. Right now it’s character development more than story. I am changing the general direction of things so I am ditching the old characters and making new ones.

I don’t really have much to talk about this morning. And I don’t really have much in the way of pictures either. I spent the rest of the morning after I finished this doing dishes and making treats for the girls. I still haven’t installed the trickle charger for the motorcycle.

I’m sorry this is so short. My words are just not working this morning. So I will just go cuddle with the girls before I have to get ready. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

anxiety, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Emotions, family, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Prioritizing

Yesterday was a success. I didn’t get everything done but I got the important things done. I got the time with my family (both at home and on the phone), I exercised and I got the article first draft written. Once I finish this I will go over the rough draft and polish it up then send it in. Today I feel relatively sedate. But I can feel panic trying to creep in. I really wish it would go away.

Yesterday I spent more time out of the house than I planned. Chris needed a few more things to make us potato soup so I said I would go to the store. I decided to take the long way “around the block” (the same route I use to take Rogue out for a ride (my motorcycle)) before going to the store. Angus (my Subie) has just been going the short distance for home to work all the time and I try to run him through his paces once a week or so to keep the engine happy. When I got to the store I ended up chatting with seemingly everyone employees and customers alike. I also picked up my schedule for next week. I need to take to the manager because despite me having left him a note about my appointment on Friday morning at 11am he has scheduled me at 11am to work. And that appointment is for my tattoo of Moose’s paw. I have waited 3 weeks and I’m not rescheduling it. I know he will fix my schedule but I am still annoyed that it even happened. What will probably happen is that I will come on after I am done. I have door duty that day so we’ll see. (We now have to have a greeter at the door because it is mandatory to have a mask on when you come in to shop. The nice thing is it sounds like it is an extra $5 an hour when you are the greeter. I am a greeter twice this upcoming week. That will be a nice addition to my check!)

The day has dawned a bit overcast. It is still a bitter cold so I haven’t got the trickle charger hooked up on the motorcycle. Sigh. Call me a wuss. When my hands get too cold though they hurt and I’m pretty sure that they would get very very cold outside trying to get everything hooked up. I still might try before work. We’ll see how the final draft goes. Speaking of which I need to wrap this up and get that written. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

So Many Choices aka Where Do I Start

This morning we slept in. Mostly. I was wide awake at 4:30am for no reason. But within a few minutes Stella had darted off the bed so I followed suit. Just in time to get her outside to throw up. But I got myself back to sleep by 5:30am the the girls wanted to get up just before 8am. Funny thing is I stayed up past 10pm last night despite being wiped out doing reading and research.

Have you ever had so much around you that you wanted to do and/or learn that you didn’t know where to start? That is very much me right now. I have two novels that I am writing and researching (the werewolf story seems to be getting the most attention right now), I got three more classes that I want to do (learning guitar, creative writing and creative nonfiction) as well as the photography class. Let’s not forget the photography class that I’m already doing and the new magazines that I got in the mail the other day. Oh and the abundance of potential photographs that seem to be jumping out at me. Then I also need to keep the girls and I active which means exercise routine for me and lost of chasing, tea kettle and toy throwing for them. And let’s not forget my all important family time. When did my life get so complicated? Lol.

This morning I took a bit longer in reading other writer’s blogs. I am making an effort to try to make more comments on blogs (I know that I like to hear from my readers so it’s only fair). And there were a lot that I was drawn to comment on. Keep up the good work everyone!

Nuts. Hang on. I’m out of coffee.

Ok, I’m back. I also had to give Essie a belly rub. Anyway, there is just so much to do! I’m not even sure where to start. I have the research that is ongoing for the werewolf novel as well as my resources from my personal library to help write it (the current reference I am using is Robert J. Ray’s The Weekend Novelist. I figure if I can just work on it my two days off a week (I am fully aware that I am going to probably doing something related to the novel every day because that’s just me) this book will give me help in staying focused. I hope. I have the article that I need to research and write today. I need to do my exercises. Dad wants to chat. I need to call Mom to see how her date went the other day (the first one in almost 30 years… I am very proud of her, it took a lot for her to go out). I need to watch atleast one more class in my photography course. I have narrowed down my tire search for my Subie but I keep forgetting to call around locally. And everyone is closed today. I also need to get the motorcycle hooked up to the trickle charger (it has been bitterly cold lately so I have put it off). And apparently I need to see to the bird feeder. The chickadees are getting very vocal when they see me. On that note dear friends I suppose that I should wrap this up. I have a few good photos I will share with you (oh and I need to get some more photos uploaded onto my online shop). Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Ed. Note: This is my 800th blog! Yay!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Exercise, family, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Sleep, But Not Enough

I am sorry this is so late. I had an alarm set for 7am but I just couldn’t do it. I have been so tired in the mornings regardless of when I go to bed. This morning it was just overwhelming. I got up before my alarm and just turned it off. I close tonight and have to be back at work at 6am tomorrow so I’ll need to get a bunch of pictures taken before work. Right now it is snowing hard.

I did get a lot done yesterday. I did my exercise routine, mailed out my car payment, played a little with the girls before work, got my article submitted, did research on tires for the Subie. Then after work I watched one of my videos for class, read the next chapter in the accompanying book, showered, played some more with the girls, worked on my novel, read more research for same novel and did some journaling.

Yesterday I took pictures mostly with my phone. I couldn’t get the lighting right with the camera and the pictures of the girls the phone was right there. If I’d gotten up to get the camera the moment would’ve been lost. So the photos I plan to share today are all from the camera on my phone.

As I reread my post am I doing too much? I don’t know. Maybe I need to find a happy medium. I think my original plan was to watch my videos for class on non exercise days since I am supposed to do that every other day. But I wanted to make sure that I kept up with both. I am trying to make sure that I don’t become too lazy. I know if I give myself free rein then I will end up getting nothing done.

Chris got me a trickle charger for the motorcycle. This keeps just enough juice going in the battery so that I can leave it in the bike instead of pulling it out for the winter. I need to get that installed. It has been bitterly cold out so I have been putting it off. Saturday I will have the whole day so I think that would be a good time to do it. I also need to take back bottles and cans. Well bottles. And I may do that today. If I load up Angus when I go start him to warm him up I can open the back and then load him up. If I leave a few minutes early then I can roll them in and get my money before work. Everything is beginning to build up in the corner we keep bottles and cans (we couldn’t return them for months and now it is just a habit of not returning them). So I think that will be the plan.

I am going to wrap this up. Again I am sorry for this being so late. I know I missed a lot of my early morning readers today. On the plus side I definitely won’t tomorrow! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, Guitar, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Setting Goals

The bird feeder is mighty busy this morning! Our latest group of visitors seem to be mourning doves. That is rather surprising to me. They are very visible this time of year one and two I don’t really like them (they were the ones that would hang out and poop on the cars and motorcycles before we got the garage built). Both myself and the dogs tend to chase the mourning doves off when they arrive. And they haven’t been around very much for the past few years.

As it turns out I have the day off. So here are my goals… Work on the novel, start my exercise routine, do some photography (this includes delving back into the Dummies Guide for the camera), do some housework and pull out one of my guitars and practice. I don’t know how much I will accomplish but I can get it all done today should I so chose without using up my whole day.

It is snowing again. I think that is big reason that all the birds are hanging out. So I guess I ought to add checking the bird feeder to the to do list. I filled it the other day…. and holy crap it’s almost empty! I looked at it from my window here and I can see a lot of trees through the windows. So fill the bird feeder….

I am also trying to mentally make plans for riding season. It will be here before I know it. And this year I need to kick my fear habit and just ride. Being close to work will help. It is a short jaunt and if I want to “go around the block” I can after work (I am already looking forward to more sun and warm weather). Regardless… I need to break through the mental block that is holding me back. I can’t justify doing track days if I’m not putting the time in on the road.

All that being said (or written as the case may be) I need to get started. I did get a bunch of cool photos yesterday so I will pick some to download from the camera and see what I took on the phone and add them to the post. I hope you all have a great day and thanks for reading! As always stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Motorcycles, Music, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Options Options

The start of a busy day. The kids are back asleep. Essie won’t eat. I think she has an upset tummy. Moose keeps trying to eat his sisters’ food and I have to remind him that it makes him sick so if he wants to eat he needs to eat what is in his bowl. After this little speech he usually eats atleast part of his meal. Stella has been actually taking her time when she eats lately. No more of the furious gulping down of food.

I sat down and tried to figure out my Christmas shopping. Most of it is done but I do want to pick up a few more things here and there. I want to set a time to get together with Mom for a bit and exchange gifts.

I think I have Moose’s medicine schedule for the day in my head properly. I decided to just take it day by day since it can be so damn confusing with the timing of each medicine and trying to work around my work schedule. I had to call the vet again yesterday afternoon AGAIN since no one called me to with test results. Grrrr. Since they got their new staff members I haven’t been happy there. But I don’t want to throw my hands up and walk away after over 20 years there.

I have my meeting in another hour. This is the one meeting that for whatever reason has been in person through the whole pandemic. But it will be a nice drive in the Subie. I am looking around my office for music to bring with. I can actually have time to listen to more than one or two songs before I have to stop the car and get out. I’m not sure what to bring though.

This morning is dark dark. Someone said snow before the week is out. But the question is will it stay? So far it hasn’t even when it has been colder temperatures. We shall see. I still need to clean the garage out enough to get the vehicles inside. I especially want to make sure to sweep and get up any stray nails from the repairs. I would also like to at the very least replace some of the old and/or broken stuff on the Pearl this winter. I know that I need to go through her engine but if I can get some of the little things done maybe I can work up to that. I have the space heater from the trailer and there is a full tank of propane for it so I can heat the garage if needed.

I am happy to report that I was looking at the wrong schedule for tomorrow (why they put both of us, Jen and Jennifer, right beside each other on the schedule is a mystery). Jennifer is the one working at 6am. I work at 10am and get out at 6pm, just in time to fly home and feed the dogs before the meeting. Fortunately this is a Zoom meeting.

I see by the clock that I need to give Moose his next medication and get ready to get out the door. Thanks for reading ! Have a great day and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Busier than busy

We are getting up earlier so that I have enough time to give Moose both his meds before I leave for work. This means an extra 15 minutes awake. This morning I had to get Moose out of bed. The girls had come out already and were eating. I was frustrated because I had to make sure he got his first medication in enough time for me to wait over an hour to give him the second medication just before I leave. I wanted to be in bed too but we were up early for him. But he was good about taking his medicine.

I have been awake since 2am which doesn’t bode well for the rest of the day. I may need to get some energy drinks (I’m drinking coffee with white chocolate raspberry creamer as a treat) at work. I have a meeting tomorrow morning then work at 1:30pm to close. Then I am back at work at 6am on Wednesday. So at one point I need to write the article for that meeting. I have a night meeting on Wednesday. Aaaand I just realized that I still have last week’s article to write. Crap.

My little coffee talk with my coworker went really well. We had a good long talk about a lot of things. I’m not sure what prompted her to tell me all that she did. She has had a lot happen to her. She has three sweet dogs and a very nice husband. They both used to ride Hondas so I am a shoe in to the family, lol. I said I would ride Rogue over one day so he could see him. If the weather holds out I can do it now. I have heated gear and there is no snow to speak of. Anyway she and I had a good talk and exchanged very similar stories which was a bit wild. She made me a beautiful bowl from stones/rocks (I have no idea what the difference between the two is).

Well nuts. That went quickly. I need to wrap this up, medicate Moose and fly put the door. I hope everyone has a great day! Stay safe and thanks for reading!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Exercise, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Looking Ahead

The winter doldrums are a knockin’. The leaves are falling off the trees faster and faster with all the wind and the colder temperatures. There is so much to do inside but it usually requires you to be in one place (playing games, reading, etc) and I am one of those who wants to be outside. Just not in snow and cold weather. I also need to keep the kids active. So I guess I could design a workout routine of sorts. They do like to play tug of war a lot and catch (not fetch because they want to actually catch the toy, not chase it and bring it back). I’m sure that with some thought I can come up with something to keep us busy atleast for a little bit every day.

With October winding down and November looming before me I am staring NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in the face. I got myself this year’s tee shirt since I am participating. I’m not gonna lie, I am a bit anxious about this. It is such a huge undertaking. Essentially writing a complete novel in a month. I feel more confident about it than previous years because my job is not long hours that I use up all my energy (especially my creative energy) so when the time comes I have nothing to write. I also have two stories to chose from this time and I have a good background for both. But the question still remains… can I do it? You can preorder a tee shirt that says you finished NaNoWriMo successfully. I am tempted to do it. But if I fall short? Will that be a reminder of a failure? Or will I let myself off the hook and let it remind me that I won regardless because I made the effort? I would like to think that with the improvement of my mental health I would take the positive outlook. But you never know with me.

Work is slowing down considerably. Part of me is grateful but then the other part gets bored. And that means I don’t have to wash everything down as often. My hands are so dried out and hurt from the constant washing of my surroundings as well as the hands themselves. They are starting to crack and bleed. I need to find something that will help. The other gals at work are always putting lotion on but they aren’t always waiting on customers. They might be stocking, facing the shelves of doing work in the offices. When they put the lotion on it will stay for awhile.

Every time I hear the furnace click on I find myself getting anxious. Over the past few years I’ve worried about various things being stuck outside in the weather because we had no place to store them out of the elements. Usually it has been the motorcycles. But this year all four of them are tucked safely in the garage. I can go out and see them etc (this reminds me I need to put my bike on the charger to make sure I have juice in the battery incase I need to ride to work (no he never came to get the Jeep, some medical appointments have put things off until later this week) because the Jeep hasn’t wanted to start). It is weird not having anything to worry about. I try to make sure I notice why I am worried and then tell myself that I don’t have to have that habit anymore. Because that is what it is at this point a habit.

I guess I should wrap this up for now. I found some visitors outside the kitchen windows this morning. The bunnies are getting bold. I tapped on the window and they just looked at me. Before they would take off. Well thanks for reading and all the lovely comments! Stay safe!

Books, Creativity, family, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Reading, Riding, Thinking, Writing

A Day to Do???

The day has dawned dark enough that I have the light on in my office to see. The wind has been pretty fierce the past few days too. Now that the colors are peaking around here the leaves are really falling off the trees. It’s gonna be a mess once I start riding the bike to work (please let him get my Jeep in this week). For those of you that don’t ride it is like taking the motorcycle on ice. You can (and usually do) slide all over. The side road I take home was just coated in leaves. Just sent a text to our mechanic to ask when I could drop the Jeep off.

Last night I had to fly solo in the deli. I gotta say that everyone went above and beyond to help. Two employees even came in on their time off to help me finish up. I was never made to feel guilty for calling in nor for saying I couldn’t come in to work the other day. It is so weird. It will take some getting used to. That is how toxic Younker’s was.

The sun is finally out enough for my little bobble heads to start working. When I started this post everyone was motionless. Classwork is caught up for the week. I am debating about starting the next lesson or not. I still need to get people to read my stories for class. I also need to stop in at work and ask for Tuesday night off for a meeting. The last of the month for me unless something else comes up. I can’t believe that we are halfway through the month already! I am finally ordering myself an Otter Box for my phone. I need something to protect it. I am getting this pretty purple. Actually it is quite a bold purple. I won’t get it until a week from today (hopefully Amazon will continue to surprise me and I will get it earlier… now that I ordered it I will be paranoid about damaging the phone before then).

I am excited to report that the garage is almost ready to use! Chris has been busting tail before work and on weekends to get all the fixes done so we can have a final inspection before the snow flies. This might be the winter we don’t have to clean off our cars before work!

I have too many books I want to read. I have many started that are scattered through my things so I can read on the go. Not to mention the various piles and bags (I put all my books related to the current novel in a bag of some kind that way it is all together). But then I clean or move something and find another book I forgot I had and I want to read or reread. It is very frustrating sometimes.

I guess I had better get it together and “go to class” since I atleast need to find a few people in my class to review my work. I hope you have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

P.S. The tomatoes are from the big plant in the house. I was able to fill the whole container!