Emotions, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Photography, Riding, Thinking

And A Riding I Will Go

The goal today is to ride the motorcycle to work. Yep. And I don’t pick a nice day to do it (then I beat myself up if I don’t do it). No, I pick a cold day with frost in the morning. To ease the guilt if I back out? Maybe. Regardless I got all my gear etc laid out and ready last night so I don’t have to do anything but go today. As simple as just taking another vehicle. Atleast on the surface.

I have only allowed myself glimpses into the emotional box that I pulled out from under the bed by deciding to do this. If I pull the cover off and look inside I would never take the bike. So I peek beneath every once in a while to see if anything has changed, to see if I can control anything that is in the box. I allow myself little tastes of feeling in regards to the upcoming ride. I let myself feel a bit of excitement, but not too much because that can quickly turn to anxiety. I let myself think about where I will park once I get to work but not too much because then concerns over other things happening (or not happening) will take over. I do this for a little while then I shut the lid and make myself think about something else. I try not to wonder if it is a good idea or not. I try not to talk myself into it or out of it. I turn to just let it be.

The sun is out so that is a good sign. I checked all my gear so I will have music because my helmet Bluetooth is charged and paired with my phone. I am choosing to wear chaps instead of my full blown riding pants. Since I am only going a short distance I should be ok. If I was riding to Traverse I would put on the pants. I am not hooking up the heated gear again because of the short distance. I do have all the jacket liners zipped in and my purple Ride Like A Girl Racing hoodie to wear.

Another bonus of riding in is that I can’t buy anything. Last night I brought home four plastic trick or treat buckets that I am going to use as planters. I also brought home a mum plant to go in one of them.

The Jeep can’t go in for atleast another week due to unforeseen circumstances with our mechanic. So atleast I have a date of sorts. And if I am riding the bike now it will be less of a shock when I have to ride in colder weather. I am grateful I don’t have to ride all the way into Traverse anymore.

I think I will wrap this up for now. I’ll add a few photos I took yesterday around the yard. Probably the last nice day this week but we’ll see. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Getting It Together

I just have to get through today.  I switched with the other Jennifer at work because they had me working 6 days in a row.  Yesterday morning was miserable.  Anything that could got wrong did.  I’m not sure why I am closing all the time.  I seem to be the only one that is doing that.  The other new hires are working more mornings and getting out at a normal time.  It was my understanding that I would be on mornings but… I guess not.

This morning I am writing in the living room.  I told the kids that I would come out here for a bit so they didn’t all have to cram into the office.  Moose takes up as much room as he can to keep his sisters out.  Then he gets mad because Stella is content to curl up and sleep on my feet.  Lol.

Next week will be my first week with both jobs (the grocery store and the paper) as well as class.  I am going to try to keep ahead a week for as long as I can.  That way if a week is too busy and I fall behind my classwork won’t suffer.

I’ve gone from all kinds of time to no time for family and friends.  Mom and I barely text and Dad has asked if we can FaceTime (I think his computer has been repaired but I’ve not had a chance to ask) but I’ve had to say no because I was at work.  I don’t think it would be such a big deal but it happened so fast.  I mean I was hired on the spot and started almost the next day and have been going full time ever since.

I think Monday will be my day to catch up on everything.  I need to do some stuff around the house and yard as well as try to catch up with family and friends.  I am grateful I have been able to come home to Chris and the kids these past few days.  I need to keep reminding myself that I have a meeting on Tuesday that I need to cover.  It is via Zoom so I can stay home and watch.  Out of the 4 monthly meetings that I cover only one still meets in person.  I prefer the Zoom meetings and will be sad when I have to start driving to all the meetings again.

I am happy to say that the Pearl (also known as the Black Pearl my 1992 Honda CBR600) is now residing in the garage.  My awesome husband moved her in there from the shed yesterday while I was at work.  I think I will atleast clean her up tomorrow.  I am very excited because this means I can start trying to get her running again.  She has been sitting stuck in the shed for many years (since I had to lay her down) so she needs to have everything gone through.  It would be awesome to have both bikes running! ❤

I have run on quite a bit this morning.  But the bottom line is things are looking up.  Thanks to everyone for their kind words and support!  As always thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Pushing Past the Impossible

When I started this this morning I was contemplating not doing anymore online classes due to it being so difficult with everything going on.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized that it would be the easy way out.  It would be easy to say I couldn’t do it because of work and writing for the paper.  But it wouldn’t be accurate.  What would be accurate would be that I quit because I was afraid to fail.  I was afraid that all my efforts would fail and someone would tell me that I was no longer a writer.  (Writing for the paper is journalism and that is a different type… yes it is writing but there is a difference (to me atleast) between being a journalist and being a fiction writer.)

So after some soul searching I decided to stick with it.  Which means that I need to write my story after I finish doing this.  I do this a lot.  I stop doing some thing I enjoy (or even love) because I am afraid that I will make a mistake and mess it all up.  Riding the motorcycle is another prime example.  I am afraid I will make a mistake.  It doesn’t matter that I do know what I am doing.  I know all the mechanics of riding and I really do enjoy it.  But I psych myself out.  The flip side of that is that I have been ok mentally and even excited to ride and I get on the bike and completely freeze up.  I get so overwhelmed that I have to get off the bike and not ride.  And so my beloved motorcycle sits (thankfully in the garage).  I guess that is how I know that I care about something.  I am terrified of messing it up or making a mistake.

People will tell me that is how you learn but it depends on the mistake.  If I make a mistake on the bike then I will either suffer cosmetic damage to the bike (low end of the spectrum) to death or injury (high end of the spectrum).  If I mess up my classes then I will feel that I am no longer a writer even though it has been my dream forever and I have been writing since I could pick up a pen.  I would lose a piece of my soul.  (I faced similar heartbreak when I tried to go to school for archaeology.  Mom paid for my first semester and I was having trouble getting my paper (which I was very proud of) submitted.  Nothing worked.  I would send the paper via the net and they never got it.  We finally decided to try by mail but I would be penalized with my grade and then I didn’t have the money for postage…. essentially it snowballed and I dropped out.  I still feel like a failure.  But I would try doing the class again if I could.)

So now that I have reopened old wounds it is time for me to get to work on my writing paper.  Thanks so much for reading.  Have a great day and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Good Things Happen So Why So Sad?

I am happy to say that I got the job.  I start tomorrow morning.  This will mean I need to get up extra early on work days to make sure I keep up with this.  I have also been nominated for a Liebster Award.  (I will do a separate post to take care of the qualifications for that.)  You would think that I would be over the moon with all these blessings.  But the truth is I woke up in a funk.

Last night I had the kids running around the house and playing for a few hours.  I thought that they would tire out but lo! as soon as I would get up to get something or do something they were all ready to go again.  I had a good long chat with Mom last night too.  My new phone should arrive today.  So why the depression?

I think I spent all my energies yesterday and I have none today.  I didn’t sleep badly but one of the last dreams I had was a motorcyclist getting accidentally beheaded in front of us on the road.  (No idea where that came from.)  Everything just feels blah.

I let the paper know about the new job that way if they need me for other meetings they know I might not be available.  And my writing petered out just like that.  Oh, that’s another thing that hit me this morning.  I am going to have to buckle down with the classwork as well.  If I plan to keep going with the online classes I need to make sure I get my classwork in on time.  Now I know that all this is possible, I really do.  But I just feel like a deer in headlights right now.

I work all weekend.  Sunday I close so that means Chris will have to feed the dogs.  So I will have to make sure that he remembers to give Moose his food and not what he feeds the girls.  This will be the first time he has fed the kids in months.  It’s not a big deal but it feels like it is.

I promised that I would get the Liebster award qualifications done this morning and I still have some videos to watch for class so I had better wrap this up.  Thanks for reading and thanks for all the well wishes!  As always stay safe!

Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Motorcycles, Riding, the World, Thinking

Tourists

I am trying not to be bitter and angry as I see all the out of state license plates as the tourists start to pour in for the holiday weekend.  I get especially angry when I see plates from states with growing COVID-19 cases.  I really wish they would stay home.  Up here we are fairly isolated so we haven’t been hit hard.  But I am willing to bet that after this week and weekend we will see a very large spike in cases.

Local government and the State government both require travelers to self isolate for 2 weeks after their arrival.  No one is going to do that if they are only up here for the week or weekend.  Hell I doubt if they would do it anyway!  I understand that people are a bit stir crazy from all this but now they are putting all of us at risk just so they can have a good time.  And once everyone gets drinking I’m pretty sure that social distancing will be forgotten.

It is so frustrating to be doing the right thing and seeing that it is working then in a matter of days it all gets thrown to the wind because people from out of town come up here and don’t give a damn.  They might be forced to wear masks at home but by God they are on vacation!  They don’t have to!  Besides, everyone up here is relatively healthy so they don’t have to worry about catching anything.  Selfish bastards.

I apologize for the rant.  The kids and I ran to the vet to get their monthly medicine and M72 was packed with tourists.  I even saw plates from Texas and that really got me going because Texas and California are the two hot spots (oh and Florida) for the new outbreaks that are getting out of hand.  Yes, please come and share.  Grrrr…  And the fireworks.  The dogs don’t like it any more that the vets with PTSD.  But no one bothers to think about that.  Especially right now.  With everything going on it is showing how selfish people can be.

Chris has the rest of the week off.  If he wants to go anywhere I might have to say no unless we are riding the motorcycles.  And even then I will probably refuse to get off and go in anywhere.  Atleast on an a motorcycle I have my helmet and such.  I have fussed enough.  Thanks so much for listening.  Stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, family, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

I Am a Hot House Flower

The morning has dawned sunny and humid.  I am loving it but I know a lot of people don’t.  We have been pushing 80F (26C) to 90F (32C) the past few days.  Last night we got hit with multiple storms (finally).  It’s like they all decided to show up the same day now that the area has been opened up to everyone.  Chris’s weather app said only a 10% chance of rain.  So he rode his motorcycle in.  Yeah… He was gone maybe 10-15 minutes and the black clouds started to roll in.  I think he got caught about three times in the various storms (he had physical therapy for his shoulder yesterday).  It is supposed to cool off later this week with more rain so that should make people like my Mom happy.  She has been very unhappy and crabby with the heat and humidity.

Moose would not eat again this morning.  I’m not sure why.  I just hope cleaning his teeth fix the problem.   Essie has more medicine to take.  I told the vet something was in her paw when she went in for surgery.  They supposedly checked it.  It didn’t look any different when she came home.  She went back yesterday for her post-op check up and I said that her paw wasn’t any better.  Well when they looked at it and cut into it they found two pieces of stick.  It kind of made me angry because Essie had to go all that time with those in her paw.  They were sizeable (they sent them to me in a Ziploc bag with her meds).  Stella is just Stella.  No problems she’s just happy-go-lucky and plays with her ball and anyone else who is interested.

I have been reading rather than writing lately.  Even my journaling has fallen by the wayside.  Now that I have more new stuff to chose from…  But I do need to sit down with my novel.  So if nothing else try my hand at a short story.  I sometimes feel like I have lost my voice.  I reread some of my old stories and am amazed at myself.  Then I stare at the blank page…  I have to say having a pen that I want to write with is very nice.  I just grab that and make myself write something just so I can use the fountain pen.  Hey!  Whatever works1

My rib is telling me I need to find a different position as it is starting to hurt.  So I will wrap this up for now.  Maybe go and take some more photos of all the awesome critters visiting our acres.  Have a great day!  Stay safe and thanks for reading!

Emotions, Exersise, family, Gardening, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking

Rain and Flowers

We got rain over night but no storms.  Apparently those storms will be coming this afternoon.  Atleast I will be awake and not trying to sleep.  Not much sleep was gotten last night as I couldn’t find a comfortable position for very long.  Even laying flat on my back hurt my rib.  I felt a click at one point with sharp pain that woke me.

I did get through two rounds of the yoga warm up before I quit yesterday.  Most of the poses for yesterday were bending and that is a no go right now.  So I will stick with doing the warm up in the morning and my plank at night.  I got four different seeds planted yesterday.  I wanted to makes sure I got some in the ground since we were slated to get all that rain over night.

I am almost finished reading the first of two Supernatural novels I got.  I have something like 30 pages left.  So I will probably start the next today at one point or another.  The problem is I have to sit straight up and down to read.  I can’t sit back in the love seat.  I know.  I tried.  And each time it brought a tear to my eye.  I need to work on the novel as well.  I’ve not picked it up in a few days.

Chris wants to go out today.  I’m not sure how good that is going to be but it will be time for us so I will try.  I am grateful that the storm(s) are coming in the afternoon and that there is a threat of rain all day.  I am really not up to riding a motorcycle.  Mine or anyone else’s.

With all the rain and sun I believe that my lilacs are going to bloom any day now.  As of yesterday I figured maybe sometime this week.  But when I got up this morning the buds look about ready to burst open.  I have been taking a lot of photos (wish I could share on here but even if I delete some of my old photos they won’t let me upload new ones unless I want to pay for the site) as Spring has progressed.  I am looking at some cameras on Amazon that are for sale.  I still need to replace this laptop too.  Buuuuut I don’t know if I should… I should replace the laptop because I need to be able to have it function on a regular basis and this one is old enough (I got it used) that I cannot get a current version of WordPerfect for it.  And I really do need some kind of word processor on here.  It would make submitting articles and reviews so much easier.  So.  And if I can get proficient with the camera I might be able to sell my photographs.  Even if I don’t sell them I would like a chance to see if I can get the colors I see to appear on film instead of the washed out stuff that I get on my phone camera.  But we’ll see.  I should be able to use both purchases on next year’s income taxes as they will be used for my business.  Something to think about.

I do need to wrap this up.  Stay safe and thanks for reading!

Animals, Books, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Riding, Thinking

The Floating Rib

I got a lot done yesterday.  Mom and I hung out in a parking lot and talked for a bit (I remembered to give her the flamingo mug and paid her back for her help with Essie).  Then I came home and did some work in the yard.  I got both my big rose bushes trimmed up and weeded around.  I also washed the front of the house.  Unfortunately in all that I managed to pop out my right floating rib.  It hurts but I can deal with it.  The highlight after that happened was I went to the store and they had ordered my Magic Hat #9!  I haven’t had that beer in years!  I could find it all over the place up here… then it was gone.  It is just as good as I remembered!

We are supposed to get storms tonight.  I need to figure out if I am putting some of the plants in the ground or not.  Even hurt I should because the rain will help them get settled and grow.  I just need to figure out which ones.

Yoga should be interesting this morning.  I did my plank last night.  The rib didn’t being to hurt until I was almost half way done so I am going to try some yoga.  I will probably skip some of the poses (like anything that involves twisting) but I want to atleast try.  This kind of puts a kibosh on my riding this weekend.  All the kids were really good in bed last night.  No one bashed into my side or plopped down when they changed positions.  Although I did have to get up at 3:30am to let everyone out.  Oh and a little bit before we got up Moose kept wanting to lay his head on me.  Which was right on the rib.  After moving around I finally just laid on my stomach so he could rest his head on my back.  That got me a bit more sleep.  Sadly every time I moved last night I woke up.  Ahh well.

I got two more Supernatural novels to read (they are based on the tv series had happen between the episodes portrayed on tv).  I thought I had gotten the next two as I got the first one published but I seem to have skipped from the first season all the way to the last season.  Soooooo…. But they are still good.  I will sit down and read once I try the yoga situation out.  I just don’t want to be inactive.

On that note dear friends I need to wrap this up.  Wish me luck!  Stay safe and thanks for reading!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Thinking

Taking Stock

It is overcast this morning.  Maybe I will get something done today.  Mom and I are going to try to hook up today.  I found a flamingo mug for her as a thank you for her help.  I did get Moose’s appointment set up to get his teeth cleaned.  I am hoping I will have the money.  Things feel like they are moving too fast right now.  I spent a good portion of my night having a hard time breathing and a mild panic attack.  I can’t wait to try to function in the “real” world again.  NOT.

I find my mind is a constant state of simmering panic this morning.  As long as I don’t focus on my day and what needs to be done I am ok.  But when I start trying to plan things out for the day anxiety sets in.  This will be fun today!  Chris has the day off.  I think today is going to be the working-on-the-project-bike day.  I am hoping to hook up with Mom and bee back before he gets up but that will depend on what time Mom gets up and what we plan to do for the day.

The leaves on the trees are getting bigger and bigger as the days go on.  It is nice to see after feeling that Spring would never arrive.  I am back to leaving my plants outside.  I am still leery of planting anything but I am going to have to take the risk soon because the plants are really growing and need more room than are in the pots.  Maybe I will figure out where to put things today.  That means I need to dig around and clean spots up again.  The last time I went all out cleaning things up I messed up my arm so I need to pick a spot and not do more.  Grrrrr.

Moose is going to be upset that I am not taking him with.  I am tempted but again it will depend on Mom and I are going to do.  If I am just dropping off the money I might take him but if we are going to visit with one another (as of today restaurants, bars and retail is open but only at 50%) I’m not sure.  The sun peeks out every little bit and that can make the car too hot.  I would probably leave him home if we are going to hang out for a bit.

Sorry, I am babbling to try to distract my mind.  I think I am getting a stress headache too.  I will wrap this up.  Sorry it’s not more upbeat.  Stay safe  and thanks for reading.

Aging, Emotions, family, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Riding, the World, Thinking

What the Future May Hold

Apparently there is something wrong with the laptop. It acts like it gets online but then it cannot find anything online. So I guess I will be doing the blog on my phone. Joy. It if frustrating because it gets online for my email but it cannot find anything once I get into the main search program.

I am trying not to be frustrated with my Mom. If I tell her about Dad’s family or a mutual friend she turns nasty and starts making derogatory comments. To which I always reply keeping things is a positive light but I am getting tired of the nastiness. It is pervading more and more of our conversations regardless of the topic. So no, I can’t not mention someone or something and she will stop. She is turning into a bitter woman. And she knows that she is too. She just doesn’t care. It is very frustrating.

I ended up doing my main yoga routine outside on the deck yesterday. I still surprise myself as to how much I can still do. There are only a few poses that I can’t do fully. I’m pretty proud of that! Now to just keep it worked onto my morning routine… and that will mean getting up early when I finally go back to work. But there it is.

I find myself unhappy that the lockdown is ending. Mostly because I will have to deal with people on a regular basis. Despite being able to highly function when I am out and about I don’t do well with people. I don’t like going out and being around them. This seems to have developed over the past few years. On the outside you would never know but on the inside…. that is why I am thinking I might stock groceries or something instead of deal directly with the public (such as being a cashier). The lockdown has really brought out the ugly in people here in Michigan. I just don’t want to deal with it.

It sounds like Chris will finally have a weekend off! Yay! I know he wants to dig into his project bike (I want to get the Pearl into the garage and out of that cramped shed too). I offer to help as a) I enjoy stuff like that and b) his shoulder might prevent him from doing something. It should be fun for both of us. If my arm is stable enough I might take Rogue out for my “around the block” run (about a 30 minute ride). I am just concerned that I won’t be able to hold the grip. There are times when my right hand will just let go of whatever I’m holding. Not a good thing on the motorcycle.

Goodness! I have been going on! I need to wrap this up and go and read your posts! I hope you and yours are safe! Thanks for reading!