Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Exercise, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Looking Ahead

The winter doldrums are a knockin’. The leaves are falling off the trees faster and faster with all the wind and the colder temperatures. There is so much to do inside but it usually requires you to be in one place (playing games, reading, etc) and I am one of those who wants to be outside. Just not in snow and cold weather. I also need to keep the kids active. So I guess I could design a workout routine of sorts. They do like to play tug of war a lot and catch (not fetch because they want to actually catch the toy, not chase it and bring it back). I’m sure that with some thought I can come up with something to keep us busy atleast for a little bit every day.

With October winding down and November looming before me I am staring NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in the face. I got myself this year’s tee shirt since I am participating. I’m not gonna lie, I am a bit anxious about this. It is such a huge undertaking. Essentially writing a complete novel in a month. I feel more confident about it than previous years because my job is not long hours that I use up all my energy (especially my creative energy) so when the time comes I have nothing to write. I also have two stories to chose from this time and I have a good background for both. But the question still remains… can I do it? You can preorder a tee shirt that says you finished NaNoWriMo successfully. I am tempted to do it. But if I fall short? Will that be a reminder of a failure? Or will I let myself off the hook and let it remind me that I won regardless because I made the effort? I would like to think that with the improvement of my mental health I would take the positive outlook. But you never know with me.

Work is slowing down considerably. Part of me is grateful but then the other part gets bored. And that means I don’t have to wash everything down as often. My hands are so dried out and hurt from the constant washing of my surroundings as well as the hands themselves. They are starting to crack and bleed. I need to find something that will help. The other gals at work are always putting lotion on but they aren’t always waiting on customers. They might be stocking, facing the shelves of doing work in the offices. When they put the lotion on it will stay for awhile.

Every time I hear the furnace click on I find myself getting anxious. Over the past few years I’ve worried about various things being stuck outside in the weather because we had no place to store them out of the elements. Usually it has been the motorcycles. But this year all four of them are tucked safely in the garage. I can go out and see them etc (this reminds me I need to put my bike on the charger to make sure I have juice in the battery incase I need to ride to work (no he never came to get the Jeep, some medical appointments have put things off until later this week) because the Jeep hasn’t wanted to start). It is weird not having anything to worry about. I try to make sure I notice why I am worried and then tell myself that I don’t have to have that habit anymore. Because that is what it is at this point a habit.

I guess I should wrap this up for now. I found some visitors outside the kitchen windows this morning. The bunnies are getting bold. I tapped on the window and they just looked at me. Before they would take off. Well thanks for reading and all the lovely comments! Stay safe!

Books, Creativity, family, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Reading, Riding, Thinking, Writing

A Day to Do???

The day has dawned dark enough that I have the light on in my office to see. The wind has been pretty fierce the past few days too. Now that the colors are peaking around here the leaves are really falling off the trees. It’s gonna be a mess once I start riding the bike to work (please let him get my Jeep in this week). For those of you that don’t ride it is like taking the motorcycle on ice. You can (and usually do) slide all over. The side road I take home was just coated in leaves. Just sent a text to our mechanic to ask when I could drop the Jeep off.

Last night I had to fly solo in the deli. I gotta say that everyone went above and beyond to help. Two employees even came in on their time off to help me finish up. I was never made to feel guilty for calling in nor for saying I couldn’t come in to work the other day. It is so weird. It will take some getting used to. That is how toxic Younker’s was.

The sun is finally out enough for my little bobble heads to start working. When I started this post everyone was motionless. Classwork is caught up for the week. I am debating about starting the next lesson or not. I still need to get people to read my stories for class. I also need to stop in at work and ask for Tuesday night off for a meeting. The last of the month for me unless something else comes up. I can’t believe that we are halfway through the month already! I am finally ordering myself an Otter Box for my phone. I need something to protect it. I am getting this pretty purple. Actually it is quite a bold purple. I won’t get it until a week from today (hopefully Amazon will continue to surprise me and I will get it earlier… now that I ordered it I will be paranoid about damaging the phone before then).

I am excited to report that the garage is almost ready to use! Chris has been busting tail before work and on weekends to get all the fixes done so we can have a final inspection before the snow flies. This might be the winter we don’t have to clean off our cars before work!

I have too many books I want to read. I have many started that are scattered through my things so I can read on the go. Not to mention the various piles and bags (I put all my books related to the current novel in a bag of some kind that way it is all together). But then I clean or move something and find another book I forgot I had and I want to read or reread. It is very frustrating sometimes.

I guess I had better get it together and “go to class” since I atleast need to find a few people in my class to review my work. I hope you have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

P.S. The tomatoes are from the big plant in the house. I was able to fill the whole container!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Riding, Thinking, Writing

What to Do Next

The sun is out but it is deceptively cold out. I think I might, at the very least, bring in the orange plant. I can leave it by the door to get the sun. I may have to harvest what beans we have and cove the whole thing up by the looks of the weather. The temperatures here are dropping steadily. So do I leave everything out til I get home tonight (I close so after dark)? Or do I pull them in before I go and cover the memorial garden? I think I will leave everyone out and uncovered since the sun is out. It has been a few days since we have seen any sun and I think the direct sunshine will help more than bringing them in. I will bring everyone in tonight after I feed the kids.

I have gotten a lot of color photos between the two cameras. No Monarch butterfly yesterday so I am hoping that it is on it’s way to warmer climes. I need to check my blog capacity for photos. It may have been increased when I upgraded but I have been posting a lot of photos since then. I don’t know if deleting older photos would gain me more space or not. I hate to do it but….

This morning I am writing back in the living room. All three kids are happily snoozing instead of wandering back and forth every few minutes to see me. Although I am still expected to stop every little while and love on everyone. Sigh… snots. Lol.

I have a friend that is trying to get me to go on a color ride next weekend. Truly I want to go but I don’t want to go. I want to take photos of all the colors but I also want to ride my bike. I cannot do both. I suppose I could ride on back and click away as a passenger but…. and I have no idea if I will have the time off. And I also have classwork that I need to keep up with. I usually do that on my days off. Oooooo…. and another problem. He wants to leave at like 9am. Which means I would be going on my own since Chris works nights. And I do my classwork in the morning while the house is quiet. I guess I am gonna have to say no then. Maybe we just do our own color tour sometime soon.

I need to wrap this up so I can try to get some classwork done before work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Emotions, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Photography, Riding, Thinking

And A Riding I Will Go

The goal today is to ride the motorcycle to work. Yep. And I don’t pick a nice day to do it (then I beat myself up if I don’t do it). No, I pick a cold day with frost in the morning. To ease the guilt if I back out? Maybe. Regardless I got all my gear etc laid out and ready last night so I don’t have to do anything but go today. As simple as just taking another vehicle. Atleast on the surface.

I have only allowed myself glimpses into the emotional box that I pulled out from under the bed by deciding to do this. If I pull the cover off and look inside I would never take the bike. So I peek beneath every once in a while to see if anything has changed, to see if I can control anything that is in the box. I allow myself little tastes of feeling in regards to the upcoming ride. I let myself feel a bit of excitement, but not too much because that can quickly turn to anxiety. I let myself think about where I will park once I get to work but not too much because then concerns over other things happening (or not happening) will take over. I do this for a little while then I shut the lid and make myself think about something else. I try not to wonder if it is a good idea or not. I try not to talk myself into it or out of it. I turn to just let it be.

The sun is out so that is a good sign. I checked all my gear so I will have music because my helmet Bluetooth is charged and paired with my phone. I am choosing to wear chaps instead of my full blown riding pants. Since I am only going a short distance I should be ok. If I was riding to Traverse I would put on the pants. I am not hooking up the heated gear again because of the short distance. I do have all the jacket liners zipped in and my purple Ride Like A Girl Racing hoodie to wear.

Another bonus of riding in is that I can’t buy anything. Last night I brought home four plastic trick or treat buckets that I am going to use as planters. I also brought home a mum plant to go in one of them.

The Jeep can’t go in for atleast another week due to unforeseen circumstances with our mechanic. So atleast I have a date of sorts. And if I am riding the bike now it will be less of a shock when I have to ride in colder weather. I am grateful I don’t have to ride all the way into Traverse anymore.

I think I will wrap this up for now. I’ll add a few photos I took yesterday around the yard. Probably the last nice day this week but we’ll see. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Getting It Together

I just have to get through today.  I switched with the other Jennifer at work because they had me working 6 days in a row.  Yesterday morning was miserable.  Anything that could got wrong did.  I’m not sure why I am closing all the time.  I seem to be the only one that is doing that.  The other new hires are working more mornings and getting out at a normal time.  It was my understanding that I would be on mornings but… I guess not.

This morning I am writing in the living room.  I told the kids that I would come out here for a bit so they didn’t all have to cram into the office.  Moose takes up as much room as he can to keep his sisters out.  Then he gets mad because Stella is content to curl up and sleep on my feet.  Lol.

Next week will be my first week with both jobs (the grocery store and the paper) as well as class.  I am going to try to keep ahead a week for as long as I can.  That way if a week is too busy and I fall behind my classwork won’t suffer.

I’ve gone from all kinds of time to no time for family and friends.  Mom and I barely text and Dad has asked if we can FaceTime (I think his computer has been repaired but I’ve not had a chance to ask) but I’ve had to say no because I was at work.  I don’t think it would be such a big deal but it happened so fast.  I mean I was hired on the spot and started almost the next day and have been going full time ever since.

I think Monday will be my day to catch up on everything.  I need to do some stuff around the house and yard as well as try to catch up with family and friends.  I am grateful I have been able to come home to Chris and the kids these past few days.  I need to keep reminding myself that I have a meeting on Tuesday that I need to cover.  It is via Zoom so I can stay home and watch.  Out of the 4 monthly meetings that I cover only one still meets in person.  I prefer the Zoom meetings and will be sad when I have to start driving to all the meetings again.

I am happy to say that the Pearl (also known as the Black Pearl my 1992 Honda CBR600) is now residing in the garage.  My awesome husband moved her in there from the shed yesterday while I was at work.  I think I will atleast clean her up tomorrow.  I am very excited because this means I can start trying to get her running again.  She has been sitting stuck in the shed for many years (since I had to lay her down) so she needs to have everything gone through.  It would be awesome to have both bikes running! ❤

I have run on quite a bit this morning.  But the bottom line is things are looking up.  Thanks to everyone for their kind words and support!  As always thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Pushing Past the Impossible

When I started this this morning I was contemplating not doing anymore online classes due to it being so difficult with everything going on.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized that it would be the easy way out.  It would be easy to say I couldn’t do it because of work and writing for the paper.  But it wouldn’t be accurate.  What would be accurate would be that I quit because I was afraid to fail.  I was afraid that all my efforts would fail and someone would tell me that I was no longer a writer.  (Writing for the paper is journalism and that is a different type… yes it is writing but there is a difference (to me atleast) between being a journalist and being a fiction writer.)

So after some soul searching I decided to stick with it.  Which means that I need to write my story after I finish doing this.  I do this a lot.  I stop doing some thing I enjoy (or even love) because I am afraid that I will make a mistake and mess it all up.  Riding the motorcycle is another prime example.  I am afraid I will make a mistake.  It doesn’t matter that I do know what I am doing.  I know all the mechanics of riding and I really do enjoy it.  But I psych myself out.  The flip side of that is that I have been ok mentally and even excited to ride and I get on the bike and completely freeze up.  I get so overwhelmed that I have to get off the bike and not ride.  And so my beloved motorcycle sits (thankfully in the garage).  I guess that is how I know that I care about something.  I am terrified of messing it up or making a mistake.

People will tell me that is how you learn but it depends on the mistake.  If I make a mistake on the bike then I will either suffer cosmetic damage to the bike (low end of the spectrum) to death or injury (high end of the spectrum).  If I mess up my classes then I will feel that I am no longer a writer even though it has been my dream forever and I have been writing since I could pick up a pen.  I would lose a piece of my soul.  (I faced similar heartbreak when I tried to go to school for archaeology.  Mom paid for my first semester and I was having trouble getting my paper (which I was very proud of) submitted.  Nothing worked.  I would send the paper via the net and they never got it.  We finally decided to try by mail but I would be penalized with my grade and then I didn’t have the money for postage…. essentially it snowballed and I dropped out.  I still feel like a failure.  But I would try doing the class again if I could.)

So now that I have reopened old wounds it is time for me to get to work on my writing paper.  Thanks so much for reading.  Have a great day and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Good Things Happen So Why So Sad?

I am happy to say that I got the job.  I start tomorrow morning.  This will mean I need to get up extra early on work days to make sure I keep up with this.  I have also been nominated for a Liebster Award.  (I will do a separate post to take care of the qualifications for that.)  You would think that I would be over the moon with all these blessings.  But the truth is I woke up in a funk.

Last night I had the kids running around the house and playing for a few hours.  I thought that they would tire out but lo! as soon as I would get up to get something or do something they were all ready to go again.  I had a good long chat with Mom last night too.  My new phone should arrive today.  So why the depression?

I think I spent all my energies yesterday and I have none today.  I didn’t sleep badly but one of the last dreams I had was a motorcyclist getting accidentally beheaded in front of us on the road.  (No idea where that came from.)  Everything just feels blah.

I let the paper know about the new job that way if they need me for other meetings they know I might not be available.  And my writing petered out just like that.  Oh, that’s another thing that hit me this morning.  I am going to have to buckle down with the classwork as well.  If I plan to keep going with the online classes I need to make sure I get my classwork in on time.  Now I know that all this is possible, I really do.  But I just feel like a deer in headlights right now.

I work all weekend.  Sunday I close so that means Chris will have to feed the dogs.  So I will have to make sure that he remembers to give Moose his food and not what he feeds the girls.  This will be the first time he has fed the kids in months.  It’s not a big deal but it feels like it is.

I promised that I would get the Liebster award qualifications done this morning and I still have some videos to watch for class so I had better wrap this up.  Thanks for reading and thanks for all the well wishes!  As always stay safe!

Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Motorcycles, Riding, the World, Thinking

Tourists

I am trying not to be bitter and angry as I see all the out of state license plates as the tourists start to pour in for the holiday weekend.  I get especially angry when I see plates from states with growing COVID-19 cases.  I really wish they would stay home.  Up here we are fairly isolated so we haven’t been hit hard.  But I am willing to bet that after this week and weekend we will see a very large spike in cases.

Local government and the State government both require travelers to self isolate for 2 weeks after their arrival.  No one is going to do that if they are only up here for the week or weekend.  Hell I doubt if they would do it anyway!  I understand that people are a bit stir crazy from all this but now they are putting all of us at risk just so they can have a good time.  And once everyone gets drinking I’m pretty sure that social distancing will be forgotten.

It is so frustrating to be doing the right thing and seeing that it is working then in a matter of days it all gets thrown to the wind because people from out of town come up here and don’t give a damn.  They might be forced to wear masks at home but by God they are on vacation!  They don’t have to!  Besides, everyone up here is relatively healthy so they don’t have to worry about catching anything.  Selfish bastards.

I apologize for the rant.  The kids and I ran to the vet to get their monthly medicine and M72 was packed with tourists.  I even saw plates from Texas and that really got me going because Texas and California are the two hot spots (oh and Florida) for the new outbreaks that are getting out of hand.  Yes, please come and share.  Grrrr…  And the fireworks.  The dogs don’t like it any more that the vets with PTSD.  But no one bothers to think about that.  Especially right now.  With everything going on it is showing how selfish people can be.

Chris has the rest of the week off.  If he wants to go anywhere I might have to say no unless we are riding the motorcycles.  And even then I will probably refuse to get off and go in anywhere.  Atleast on an a motorcycle I have my helmet and such.  I have fussed enough.  Thanks so much for listening.  Stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, family, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

I Am a Hot House Flower

The morning has dawned sunny and humid.  I am loving it but I know a lot of people don’t.  We have been pushing 80F (26C) to 90F (32C) the past few days.  Last night we got hit with multiple storms (finally).  It’s like they all decided to show up the same day now that the area has been opened up to everyone.  Chris’s weather app said only a 10% chance of rain.  So he rode his motorcycle in.  Yeah… He was gone maybe 10-15 minutes and the black clouds started to roll in.  I think he got caught about three times in the various storms (he had physical therapy for his shoulder yesterday).  It is supposed to cool off later this week with more rain so that should make people like my Mom happy.  She has been very unhappy and crabby with the heat and humidity.

Moose would not eat again this morning.  I’m not sure why.  I just hope cleaning his teeth fix the problem.   Essie has more medicine to take.  I told the vet something was in her paw when she went in for surgery.  They supposedly checked it.  It didn’t look any different when she came home.  She went back yesterday for her post-op check up and I said that her paw wasn’t any better.  Well when they looked at it and cut into it they found two pieces of stick.  It kind of made me angry because Essie had to go all that time with those in her paw.  They were sizeable (they sent them to me in a Ziploc bag with her meds).  Stella is just Stella.  No problems she’s just happy-go-lucky and plays with her ball and anyone else who is interested.

I have been reading rather than writing lately.  Even my journaling has fallen by the wayside.  Now that I have more new stuff to chose from…  But I do need to sit down with my novel.  So if nothing else try my hand at a short story.  I sometimes feel like I have lost my voice.  I reread some of my old stories and am amazed at myself.  Then I stare at the blank page…  I have to say having a pen that I want to write with is very nice.  I just grab that and make myself write something just so I can use the fountain pen.  Hey!  Whatever works1

My rib is telling me I need to find a different position as it is starting to hurt.  So I will wrap this up for now.  Maybe go and take some more photos of all the awesome critters visiting our acres.  Have a great day!  Stay safe and thanks for reading!

Emotions, Exersise, family, Gardening, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking

Rain and Flowers

We got rain over night but no storms.  Apparently those storms will be coming this afternoon.  Atleast I will be awake and not trying to sleep.  Not much sleep was gotten last night as I couldn’t find a comfortable position for very long.  Even laying flat on my back hurt my rib.  I felt a click at one point with sharp pain that woke me.

I did get through two rounds of the yoga warm up before I quit yesterday.  Most of the poses for yesterday were bending and that is a no go right now.  So I will stick with doing the warm up in the morning and my plank at night.  I got four different seeds planted yesterday.  I wanted to makes sure I got some in the ground since we were slated to get all that rain over night.

I am almost finished reading the first of two Supernatural novels I got.  I have something like 30 pages left.  So I will probably start the next today at one point or another.  The problem is I have to sit straight up and down to read.  I can’t sit back in the love seat.  I know.  I tried.  And each time it brought a tear to my eye.  I need to work on the novel as well.  I’ve not picked it up in a few days.

Chris wants to go out today.  I’m not sure how good that is going to be but it will be time for us so I will try.  I am grateful that the storm(s) are coming in the afternoon and that there is a threat of rain all day.  I am really not up to riding a motorcycle.  Mine or anyone else’s.

With all the rain and sun I believe that my lilacs are going to bloom any day now.  As of yesterday I figured maybe sometime this week.  But when I got up this morning the buds look about ready to burst open.  I have been taking a lot of photos (wish I could share on here but even if I delete some of my old photos they won’t let me upload new ones unless I want to pay for the site) as Spring has progressed.  I am looking at some cameras on Amazon that are for sale.  I still need to replace this laptop too.  Buuuuut I don’t know if I should… I should replace the laptop because I need to be able to have it function on a regular basis and this one is old enough (I got it used) that I cannot get a current version of WordPerfect for it.  And I really do need some kind of word processor on here.  It would make submitting articles and reviews so much easier.  So.  And if I can get proficient with the camera I might be able to sell my photographs.  Even if I don’t sell them I would like a chance to see if I can get the colors I see to appear on film instead of the washed out stuff that I get on my phone camera.  But we’ll see.  I should be able to use both purchases on next year’s income taxes as they will be used for my business.  Something to think about.

I do need to wrap this up.  Stay safe and thanks for reading!