Emotions, Life, Love, Thinking

Broken?

This morning I have no words. I have no pictures. All I have is a bruised and battered heart.

As a writer I should be able to explain things…. how I feel, why I feel that way, what I think etc. But I can’t. Isn’t that ironic?

Essie knows something is wrong. She keeps pacing through the living room. I’m going to join her. Thanks for reading. Stay safe.

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Being an Example

I have been doing so much this week that I have just set myself an alarm to make sure that I am not late for work. Essie is upset with me too. I just stepped out of my office to do something and she came running up to get love and play. Then she kind of looked at me. I told her I still had to do this and write my article. She looked at me one more time then went back to the couch and laid down. I was two hours late coming home last night because someone called in. I figured it was easier for me to stay than for them to find someone to work a few hours. Don’t laugh but I had Chris tell the girls that I would be home late. I know they can read the clocks and know what time to look for me.

Now I don’t know which way is up. I have another long day today which is going to be longer now that I see work has done a 10% off your grocery order today. We will probably be busy. But I have tomorrow off. And tomorrow I HAVE to write the book review and article for my online editor. I blew it off Wednesday to talk to Dad. Too many writing projects due at once. If I can get them written early then I can use the rest of the day to play with the girls and spend time with Chris.

I don’t have any meetings next week but (depending on how I am scheduled) I will be working straight through til next weekend. Wednesday is our anniversary (30 years if you can believe it!) but we are going to celebrate next weekend. The schedule will be out either today or tomorrow. I also need to spend some time on my classes. The frustrating thing is that the problems I am having with my photography will be addressed in my classwork. The same for my writing (oh and I do need to make more of an effort for my novel, it thinks that I don’t love it anymore). Sigh.

Next week should be easier even if I am working. I can pace myself to get writing done in the morning and late at night before bed. Classwork I can do after work when I work mornings. I just need to stay focused. On that note I do need to write the article for the paper and get that sent in. Thanks for reading and stay safe! And thank you for all the wonderful comments!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Tattoos, the World, Thinking, Writing

Going a Little Cray Cray

I am experiencing one of those weeks where you have so much going on that you really have to take things day by day because you really aren’t sure what day it is thus what you have to do that day. This upcoming week is going to be beyond crazy. Three meetings (Monday night, Tuesday morning and Wednesday night), one article and one book review due, I have to set up training for work (we are getting a whole new system) and all that on top of my work schedule (I’ve never been trained for some of the stuff I am doing at work this week and I am going to be on my own so it will be interesting). This doesn’t include any class work, exercising or working on the novel.

I got Moose’s tattoo yesterday and I am beyond happy with it! No this did not hurt and even when it was done it just felt like a sunburn. Now I can’t even feel it. The piece is not only true to life in the way it looks but also the size. I guess my tattoo artist was surprised that I showed up yesterday. All his other appointments had cancelled due to weather. I told him a) the tattoo meant too much for me to not do it and b) I only lived down the street so I could’ve walked if needed.

I didn’t go to bed until late late last night and my brain had me up at 7:30am. I had all this great stuff I was going to talk about and share but it is all gone like wisps in the wind. My damn “n” button has something wrong with it. Half the time you push it and you have to push it again or go back and put it in because the key didn’t register the pressure. Grrr….

I did get some amazing photos (there goes that stupid “n” key) yesterday. I had to force myself to put my camera down so I wouldn’t be late for my appointment. Lol. Which reminds me I need to watch the next class on my photography course. And my writing one too. But I need to one thing at a time. (Sorry, I just paused there to get pictures of a new type of bird at the feeder.) The problem is I only have a little bit of time to get things done so I am trying to cram. And there is so much to do my days off don’t feel like days off. Just a day that I can cram more stuff that I have to do into. Sigh. How did my days get so full all the sudden?

I should wrap this up so I can share the photos with you all. I am pretty pleased with some of them! Thanks for reading and your support! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Life, Love, Nature, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Almost There….

Well today is the big day. I sit here and anxiously stare out the window. We got hit with a storm last night and it is still snowing. A light snow to be sure but my mind is concerned that I won’t be able to get my tattoo. My heart is ignoring my head because it doesn’t even want to consider that possibility. I will probably cry a lot today. Yesterday was the month anniversary of Moose’s death.

The wind has shifted since last night. Last night is was blowing from East to West. This morning it is blowing West to East. That is never a good thing for us. We are in a storm “watch” until 7pm tonight. Since it has already dumped a lot of snow one would think it would be changed to a warning but I am no meteorologist.

https://horrortree.com/

Above is the link to the article I wrote last week. I’m sorry I didn’t share sooner. I would always remember after I had posted my blog for the day. Better late than never! And feel free to share the information with any fantasy writers you know.

There are no birds or other critters out this morning. I am going to have to check the feeder tomorrow. Everything looks full now but once the weather clears a bit there might be a big hit on the feeder. I hope all of them have a safe and warm place to hunker in today. Oh! There is a little chickadee! And the small woodpecker has arrived as well!

I am just clock watching now. I have another hour before I plan to get ready. I will leave a bit early and get out some extra money incase the price is more than he guessed. I always hate when I have to wait because that seems to be all I can do. My mind won’t focus on anything else.

I will try to add some more photos from Wednesday. I am sorry if I duplicate. I will try to go back and forth with my blog post to make sure that I don’t but just in case. Thanks for reading and thank you for all the support and comments! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

So Many Choices aka Where Do I Start

This morning we slept in. Mostly. I was wide awake at 4:30am for no reason. But within a few minutes Stella had darted off the bed so I followed suit. Just in time to get her outside to throw up. But I got myself back to sleep by 5:30am the the girls wanted to get up just before 8am. Funny thing is I stayed up past 10pm last night despite being wiped out doing reading and research.

Have you ever had so much around you that you wanted to do and/or learn that you didn’t know where to start? That is very much me right now. I have two novels that I am writing and researching (the werewolf story seems to be getting the most attention right now), I got three more classes that I want to do (learning guitar, creative writing and creative nonfiction) as well as the photography class. Let’s not forget the photography class that I’m already doing and the new magazines that I got in the mail the other day. Oh and the abundance of potential photographs that seem to be jumping out at me. Then I also need to keep the girls and I active which means exercise routine for me and lost of chasing, tea kettle and toy throwing for them. And let’s not forget my all important family time. When did my life get so complicated? Lol.

This morning I took a bit longer in reading other writer’s blogs. I am making an effort to try to make more comments on blogs (I know that I like to hear from my readers so it’s only fair). And there were a lot that I was drawn to comment on. Keep up the good work everyone!

Nuts. Hang on. I’m out of coffee.

Ok, I’m back. I also had to give Essie a belly rub. Anyway, there is just so much to do! I’m not even sure where to start. I have the research that is ongoing for the werewolf novel as well as my resources from my personal library to help write it (the current reference I am using is Robert J. Ray’s The Weekend Novelist. I figure if I can just work on it my two days off a week (I am fully aware that I am going to probably doing something related to the novel every day because that’s just me) this book will give me help in staying focused. I hope. I have the article that I need to research and write today. I need to do my exercises. Dad wants to chat. I need to call Mom to see how her date went the other day (the first one in almost 30 years… I am very proud of her, it took a lot for her to go out). I need to watch atleast one more class in my photography course. I have narrowed down my tire search for my Subie but I keep forgetting to call around locally. And everyone is closed today. I also need to get the motorcycle hooked up to the trickle charger (it has been bitterly cold lately so I have put it off). And apparently I need to see to the bird feeder. The chickadees are getting very vocal when they see me. On that note dear friends I suppose that I should wrap this up. I have a few good photos I will share with you (oh and I need to get some more photos uploaded onto my online shop). Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Ed. Note: This is my 800th blog! Yay!

anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Changing Mindset

It is hard to change one’s mindset when you have drilled it into your own head for years. I did some much at Younker’s that seemingly anything I did extra curricular I could turn into a imposition because I was doing too much and I hated my job. I didn’t matter if I enjoyed said activity or not. In the years that have followed that job it has been difficult to undo that mindset. But I am, slowly and brick by brick.

I started thinking about all this this morning after I got up. I was waiting for the girls to come in from going potty and the laptop to warm up. I was trying to go over what I could get done this morning and what I would need to do after work. My brain started getting anxious and angry. There was simply too much to do! I calmed my brain and looked at it all. I could get my article written, this written and my exercises doe before work. I had ample time. I could also get in my two photography classes after work. It would be only an hour. And this stuff wasn’t an inconvenience. These things were for me. They are to help me. And with the exception of the exercising I enjoy doing all of it. My mind was determined to not enjoy any of it. Because of past experiences. I have to keep changing my mind set. Once I get myself to seriously look at things instead of assume I can take another brick out of the wall. Having a job that I enjoy and don’t bring home every night helps more than you would think.

I just looked out the window and it is snowing big fat flakes. I still can’t seem to catch them in a photograph…. Some thing to work on in class. Since I have more to do yet before work I’m going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Add a Bit of Snow

Feels like I just got up yet it is almost time to go to work. We did get the promised snow last night. It is almost up to Essie’s belly. The girls are really good about going out together after breakfast. Come to think of it the seem to eat at the same pace as well. Stella isn’t gulping her food down as much.

As I look out the window I see that the bird feeder area is busy after all the snow. I see blue jays, tufted titmouse (mice?) and mourning doves to name a few. I’ll need to get more bird seed after work. I have to make a small list of things so I don’t forget. There isn’t much.

Today is a day that I want to stay home. Mostly to read. I got two more research books yesterday and they are both very good. The Worlds Favorite Ghost Stories complied by Tony Brueski and Campfire Macabre edited by Brhel and Sullivan. Ghost Stories has classical ghost stories written by long dead authors who are probably ghosts themselves. The stories are a bit long but very good. Campfire Macabre is a collection of shorter short stories that are also very good. The shorter stories make it easier to get through in a quick sitting on break at work. I also know one of the authors in the collection.

This is a tee that Chris got me I honor of Moose. ❤️🐾

I guess I had better wrap this one up and send it out so I can get going to work. Where did the morning go? We’ll see how fast the rest of the day goes! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Puppies and Writing, A Wintry Mix

I’m not sure how much time extra to give myself this morning. Overnight it was a rain/ice mix that fell from the sky. A plow truck has gone by sprinkling sand to help with any ice on the roads. I usually leave a half hour before the meeting. Hmmmm… Glad I don’t need to scrape the car or anything!

Essie is out here in the living room with me again. Chris got her to eat after he got up and she has eaten both dinner last night as well as breakfast this morning. I will give her another day to see how she does. If she is still improving then I will cancel Friday’s vet appointment.

Part of me really wishes that they would Zoom this morning’s meeting (they haven’t done that at all even with everything going on) but then the other part of me is glad fir the adventure of getting to go some place out of the norm. I do need to make sure that I have warm stuff on when I leave. Or atleast have it in the car with me. Since I am usually too hot on a regular basis and only have a short distance to go for work I am usually only wearing a light jacket. If I am driving any distance I try to have extra gear. Just in case.

Essie and I stopped playing at 5:20pm yesterday and just looked at each other. Then I said to her, “It has been exactly a week down to the minutes since we lost Moose.”

It has been dark and dreary (or dark or dreary) so I’ve only taken photos of the girls. They have been playing more (I don’t think Stella really cares since he is no longer around to vie for our affections). Stella I think would be happier as a single dog. But she has to cope with Essie being the eldest and, especially now, getting more attention. I try to be equal but when Stella starts being a little turd….

Once I get home I need to write and submit both my articles. I need desperately to get the laptop back online because it is very tedious writing everything on my phone. That being said I am grateful to have that as an option. I may spend the rest of the day off and on with one of the novels. Probably my horror novel since that one is inching forward.

I see by the clock that I need to start getting ready to go. Wish me luck! Thanks for reading and thanks for the love and support!❤️🐾 Stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, retail, Thinking

My Little Bubble

Essie and I are out here in the living room this morning. It is hard not having the laptop online but I want to sit down with Chris to reset up my internet connection and that can’t happen until Saturday. So tonight’s meeting will be on my phone as well. I set myself an alarm since I can promise I won’t remember once I get home. Once I get home I just spend time with the girls and remembering Moose.

I just want to stay home today. I’ve not really had time to process everything. They vet got here at 5pm or so and I had to work the next day. And the next four all told. (This isn’t work’s fault. I picked the next day I had off once I got my schedule for Moose since he was getting worse quickly.)

An interesting thing happened at work yesterday. I caught a shoplifter and got him to pay for everything. I wasn’t going to say anything since no one else was there but I mentioned it to the day shift manager and she said I needed to tell the store manager. When all was said and done I got handed a check for $100 and a thank you.

Since Moose has been gone the usual sleeping arrangement seems to be one pup at my back/beside me and the other at/between my legs. I am still having my crying jags but they are easier to hide. Once I am alone though all bets are off.

I have had time (or light) to take any photos except a few of the girls. I’ll see if I can find some good ones to repeat from previous posts. I

am overwhelmed at the wonderful support from my readers! Thank you again for reaching out and sharing your stories!❤️🐾

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other

I want to sincerely thank everyone who has reached out to me over Moose’s death. It means a lot. I am still raw and hurting. Coming home and not having his happy bounce and kisses was the worst so far.

I know that even though I am still messed up inside you folks are going to get tired of me going on and on so I made an effort to take some more photos to share.

Writing anything has become difficult. I have a meeting Thursday night (via Zoom thankfully). Next week I have meetings Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So busy, busy,busy. I keep hauling my research materials around with me in hopes that I can put pen to paper.

This morning both girls ate. Essie has been my near constant companion since we lost Moose. Stella has been trying to do the same but she is more about playing to cope whereas Essie is a cuddler. Stella has started cuddling with me at night though.

Everyone at work (everyone who knows me really) has been very kind and understanding about the mess I have become. I am trying to find a balance between grieving and putting on my brave face.

Essie has been with me all morning. Since I am still using my phone to do this I’m in the living room on the live seat and she is beside me. I feel bad for her as this is the fourth brother she has lost in her 10 years.

If I am going to add photos I had better get to it. Again that you all for your amazing support! ❤️🐾 Thanks for reading and stay safe!