A Low Blow

Today’s post will be short. I woke up around 1:30am with a nasty panic attack and my body in rebellion. It got bad enough that I almost went to the ER but I hurt so bad there was no way I could drive. Essie only got up every two hours last night.

Right now I feel like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck and dragged for a few mikes. I guess it’s a good thing I am getting my own insurance through work soon. It doesn’t help that today will be the first day I am home all day without Moose. He really was my emotional support dog which made my attack last night get so bad. All I had to hold was his blanket and collar.

Essie is out here with me on the couch. I’m going to spend my time reading and taking notes. A bright spot to all this is I rediscovered all my werewolf research so I plan to haul those out to help with the horror novel.

I hope everyone’s day is going better than mine. Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

A Frosty Lense

My phone has been busier than normal with the laptop down and the meeting last night. I did manage to get the article written and sent this morning. It was a difficult choice whether or not to put it off and do it tomorrow. Essie had to go out at 22 minutes past the hour EVERY HOUR last night. I finally got angry at 1:22am and she didn’t ask to go out until Chris got home around 3:30am. But then 4:22am guess who had to go out. And 5:22am and 6:22am. Since I got up at 7am she has not gone out more than once. 🙄

As I wrote the above both girls came into my office. Stella wanted out but Essie is pacy and can’t seem to settle anywhere.

This morning dawned a cold hard frost. I went out and got a few photos to share. I keep looking for Moose to call him in…. 😢

There is not much to say since it has been work and covering the meeting with a few sprinkles of sleep. I will download the photos from my camera to share and then get ready for work. I just have to make it one more shift (albeit longer than intended since I said I’d come in an hour early to cover a shift) and a day off.

Thanks for sticking with me and reading my posts. As always stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, retail, Thinking

My Little Bubble

Essie and I are out here in the living room this morning. It is hard not having the laptop online but I want to sit down with Chris to reset up my internet connection and that can’t happen until Saturday. So tonight’s meeting will be on my phone as well. I set myself an alarm since I can promise I won’t remember once I get home. Once I get home I just spend time with the girls and remembering Moose.

I just want to stay home today. I’ve not really had time to process everything. They vet got here at 5pm or so and I had to work the next day. And the next four all told. (This isn’t work’s fault. I picked the next day I had off once I got my schedule for Moose since he was getting worse quickly.)

An interesting thing happened at work yesterday. I caught a shoplifter and got him to pay for everything. I wasn’t going to say anything since no one else was there but I mentioned it to the day shift manager and she said I needed to tell the store manager. When all was said and done I got handed a check for $100 and a thank you.

Since Moose has been gone the usual sleeping arrangement seems to be one pup at my back/beside me and the other at/between my legs. I am still having my crying jags but they are easier to hide. Once I am alone though all bets are off.

I have had time (or light) to take any photos except a few of the girls. I’ll see if I can find some good ones to repeat from previous posts. I

am overwhelmed at the wonderful support from my readers! Thank you again for reaching out and sharing your stories!❤️🐾

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other

I want to sincerely thank everyone who has reached out to me over Moose’s death. It means a lot. I am still raw and hurting. Coming home and not having his happy bounce and kisses was the worst so far.

I know that even though I am still messed up inside you folks are going to get tired of me going on and on so I made an effort to take some more photos to share.

Writing anything has become difficult. I have a meeting Thursday night (via Zoom thankfully). Next week I have meetings Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So busy, busy,busy. I keep hauling my research materials around with me in hopes that I can put pen to paper.

This morning both girls ate. Essie has been my near constant companion since we lost Moose. Stella has been trying to do the same but she is more about playing to cope whereas Essie is a cuddler. Stella has started cuddling with me at night though.

Everyone at work (everyone who knows me really) has been very kind and understanding about the mess I have become. I am trying to find a balance between grieving and putting on my brave face.

Essie has been with me all morning. Since I am still using my phone to do this I’m in the living room on the live seat and she is beside me. I feel bad for her as this is the fourth brother she has lost in her 10 years.

If I am going to add photos I had better get to it. Again that you all for your amazing support! ❤️🐾 Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Dogs, family, Life, Love


This will be short. Moose is gone. I buried him in the backyard. I have done a lot of ugly crying and I have no idea how I am going to get through work today.

Moose did run and play a little yesterday and the sin came out fir pretty much the whole day. I will share photos from the day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Thinking

Moose’s Last Day

This is Moose’s last morning with us. When he was outside going to the bathroom it was blood coming out. So I had to make the choice. Fortunately our vet was able to make plans in short notice. She’s coming over tonight after she gets out of work. Chris got his grave dug yesterday so I don’t have to do it today.

I am writing on my phone again because the laptop can’t get online. Everything else is online. When you look at the connectivity under settings it says it’s online. No one has messed with any settings that I know of so there shouldn’t be any problems. Sigh. This will be a major pain in the butt because I can’t use WordPerfect and send files.

We slept in until almost 9am but I spent about 30 minutes fighting with the laptop to try to get it online. Only Stella has eaten this morning. Moose wouldn’t even try broth. I think Essie realizes that today is Moose’s last day with us. Stella has been extra cuddly with me as well.

I am grateful that I have today off so Moose doesn’t have to wait. He was really perky last night when I got home. He ate some goodies too (like pizza crust and chili dog beef jerk from work). He’s not gotten sick yet so atleast he’s able to eat something.

I need to pull his food and medication together. Our vet might as well take them with incase someone else can use them. I also need to figure out which blanket to wrap him in for his shroud. I have plenty of time to do this but sooner is better. Then I don’t have to think about it. It will all be together and done.

I’m going to wrap this up for today. My attention span isn’t very good and I want to spend as much time with Moose as I can. Thanks for reading and stay safe. And thank you all so much for the love and support.

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Thinking

Trying to Say Goodbye

I guess I’m writing this on my phone again. The laptop says it’s connected to the internet but Microsoft edge says that it isn’t. So here we are.

I got nothing done yesterday. I did take Moose for a ride to the store. He enjoyed it. I am trying to figure out what to do. He ate some chicken yesterday afternoon but threw it up a few hours later undigested. He slept or hung out on the couch for pretty much the whole day. Last night I would feel him start to shake and I’d get up to comfort him. I don’t know if it was shivers because he was cold or shaking because he was scared. I finally ended up sleeping beside him at the foot of the bed. I think I got maybe three hours all together. I let both he and Stella out at different times in the morning.

He is very lethargic and weak. He is still drinking water. I keep getting the words to “Wayward Son” from “Supernatural” running through my head. “Carry on my wayward son. There’ll be peace when you are gone. Lay your weary head to rest. Don’t you cry no more.”

I guess I will text our vet once I know my schedule for next week. I‘m sitting out here in the living room with him as I type this. He and Essie got up with me. Essie ate. Moose stayed out on the couch. So I came out here to be with him. He is just staring out the sliding glass door. I made him comfortable with his blue moose blanket. I told him he can go over the rainbow bridge and play with Dante. He can finally meet Max too. I’d rather him go in his sleep than me have to call the vet. A few times he stopped breathing last night. When he was breathing it was very soft and barely noticeable.

Tonight will be a rough night at work. But it is only six hours. I am working gas and courtesy counter.

I’m going to wrap this up and spend some more time with Moose. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

For Better or Worse

Some forward progress has been made. When I got home from work last night I was able to get everyone but Essie to eat (she did eat this morning and she did have some of the treats I shared with the other two). This morning Essie got up with me and was her perky self. Stella got up a few minutes later and both ate breakfast and went potty. The big surprise was Moose. Food stayed down from last night and I think it got digested. Not too long ago I heard the sliding glass door open and I got up to see what it was. Moose had opened the door to let himself out to be sick. While I am very proud that he let himself out I am also pleased to see that what he threw up was just bile. So that means dinner stayed in and he got some nourishment. He seemed interested in eating but not the beef so I will go get him some more chicken and some chicken broth when I finish with this.

I was able to get everyone but Moose to play last night. He is definitely more thargic. He made a half hearted effort to go after the ball when I tried to get him to play last night. He actually came in here and spent some time with me not too long ago when I started this. I think that I will see if he wants to go with when I go to the store. So far he is the only one that has been in Angus since I got him.

I apologize for only writing about Moose lately but he has been my main focus. I am going to try to do some work on my horror novel. There have been some subtle hints from the Universe that I need to get back to that this morning. I also need to pull out my Nikon and see about getting some new photos to share. (Speaking of which I have just captured a few of the blue jay and small woodpecker at the feeder this morning.) Sorry this is so late. I hope everyone has a great day. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail

What the New Year Brings

Sigh…. None of the pups got up with me this morning. No one has eaten breakfast. Stella had diarrhea in two big spots on the carpet (I let both her and Essie out around 5:30am). Not long after I got my laptop up and going Moose threw up. Yay 2021.

I sent a text to our vet (it turns out that the office is closed through the weekend because of the holiday) and she called me back. She apologized for not calling sooner. She was just getting ready to call the ER vet to get my phone number from our records. Well the news wasn’t good. My options are to take him to the ER vet and have them give him fluids to keep him alive a few more days/weeks or I can euthanize him.

I was able to come home early last night from work. About 5:30pm instead of 7pm. To be fair I was a mess. Today we are open from 9am til 5pm. I’m working the full day. We’ll see how the day goes. All three dogs are asleep on the bed. Chris is up finishing the rest of the clean up on the stains on the carpet from Stella so I can get this done before work (bestest husband ever).

We stayed up to see the new year in. I got us a bottle of champagne to celebrate. We were binge watching CSI (we are about halfway through season 3) and talking. Moose kept trying to get me to go to bed. He finally gave up around 11pm and went in on his own.

Moose just came into my office to see if I was coming back to bed. He tried really hard to get me to. But I told him I had to go to work and he just looked at me and then went in by himself. My heart feels like it is shattering in pieces this morning.

I hope we are slow. I honestly don’t want to deal with people that much. People I don’t know I can be polite and ring up. People I know expect me to be chatty and carry on a conversation. Not gonna happen today. I had a few regulars try to be cute (read joking and teasing) and that just made me angry. Kept my mouth shut but that just made them try harder until I finally told them about Moose so they would stop and go away. They were suitably chagrined but I am not up to speaking about it without starting to cry.

Still no more photos. No time nor inclination. I have tomorrow off. Hopefully there will be sun. I will pick a few to add that are repeats. I hope everyone has a great 2021. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Love, Thinking


Fair warning this is going to be a sad post unlike all the other optimism going on with all my other blogger friends for the New Year. It will probably be a short post too. Moose isn’t keeping anything in his stomach including his medicine. He is throwing up everything but the water he drinks. If he doesn’t eat then his kidney disease will escalate at a rapid pace and kill him. He got up long enough to go out and go potty and take his medicine this morning. He has since gone back to bed. I am beside myself.

The vet’s office is closed on Wednesdays (I have problems remembering what day it is anymore as they are all running together) so right now I am biding my time until they open so I can call and find out if there is anything I can do.

Mom is having more issues and is getting more in a panic to move out here. I am not looking forward to working on that project. Mom is going to be constantly bugging me on things once I get going on it. I know she means well and I understand that the will be both excited and relieved one she gets out here but that makes it no less annoying for me when she is constantly bugging me about it when things are out of my hands. The situation with Moose isn’t helping it either.

I don’t want this to be what it is….. a sad angry post. So I am sorry that I am ending the year on a sad note. Right now that is all I have. As of right now 2021 will be worse than 2020 for me because I will probably lose my baby boy. Thanks for reading and stay safe. I hope you all have a loving and prosperous 2021.