Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Looking Within… A Little Too Deep

Stella is curled up behind me on the love seat. She has been my shadow since yesterday. Essie has curled up in the man cave. I shut the door to the bedroom while the girls were eating so Chris could get some sleep without them getting up and down from the bed. I don’t know what Stella’s issue was last night but she was in and out of bed til around 2:30am. She would get up and pace and then need to go outside every little while. I didn’t get much sleep. My back has found new and interesting ways to hurt as well.

I am trying not to think about work today. Me being anxious isn’t going to help anything. But I can feel the panic and anxiety building behind the wall I put up around it. I can also feel the little naysayers in my head starting to wake up too. On the plus side I have tomorrow off. I will have Matt there with me tonight working so if I have any problems or questions I will be ok. In theory. I still don’t know if I will walk into having keys and codes this afternoon or not. I ended up leaving a note to remind the store manager.

Yesterday was not a flop but it feels like it. I had such grand plans in my head but I didn’t get near the amount of things done that I had hoped. The flip side of that is I was able to relax for a few hours. Which is really what I needed. I was able to breath and I played with the dogs enough that they would nap for extended periods. I did get some research done on my novel but I didn’t get the amount of work done on my novel that I wanted to. I did get some photos taken but I didn’t do anything with all the photos I already have. I talked with Mom because I was worried about her. She usually sends me updates on how the house clean out is going. She’s been doing pretty good with it. But I hadn’t heard anything in a while so I decided to call and check on her (even though I said I wasn’t going to call anyone). She was out and about so she called when she got home. Three hours later we hung up. I’m glad I called because she obviously needed to talk to someone. Then there is always the “but” in my head. It’s not like I would’ve done great things with my time if I wasn’t on the phone with her but my head always says “what if” and then goes from there. I was going through my Supernatural dvds and watching my favorite episodes when she called. Hardly earth shattering. Odds are I would’ve squeezed in a few more episodes before bed and that was it.

This morning I got a text from Dad and he’d not doing too good. He is getting more frustrated and scared with his condition. He can’t articulate the way he’s feeling physically or mentally. He is scared that early Alzheimer’s is setting in. I’ll tell you what freaks me out is that both my parents are going through the same thing. Mind you they are divorced and Mom wants nothing to do with Dad so I don’t really share any updates or anything. Neither really knows what the other is going through. But they do because they complain to me of the same things. Forgetting words or ideas mid-conversation, unable to focus especially for extended periods, unable to complete tasks because they forgot what they were doing or how to complete said task…. Some times it would be easy to forget which one I was talking to once they start voicing their concerns. It is scary.

I guess that is why yesterday feels so much like a failure. I had to face mortality and see that it didn’t matter what I did or said or wrote there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Well this isn’t where I had intended to go with the post this morning. I guess I had better wrap this up and either work on my novel or write to my pen pal. Which reminds me I need to get post card stamps on the way to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Exercise, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

My Happy Place

My day off! Yesssss! It will be hard to do anything other than read and write today. I got my research books (although I am angry with UPS as it was raining out and they left the boxes out in the rain so some of the books got some water damage) and I got a letter from my pen pal. Giggity! I almost skipped this but it is a serious part of my writing routine and I can’t.

I want to give a shout out and a thank you to tanyafyfe for sending me a message yesterday to let me know that the rock eating dog Ike is still with us. He has been adopted yet again by a third person who has paid for his surgery (again). I hope Ike stops eating rocks. He is a very lucky boy to have all these people willing to help him. (Go check out her blog http://tanyafyfe.com/)

Despite the cold Nature is pushing forward with Spring. Things are greener and fuller each day. It has been raining on and off for several days now so there has been a lot of growth.

After a miserable physical therapy appointment (my therapist has not given up per say but is at a loss as to what to do to help so we are just going to do the allotted amount so I can qualify to get the MRI done on my back to see what is going on) I came home and no one knew. I was home almost two hours when Chris and the girls got up. I was surprised that I was able to stay so quiet.

Even though I really need to work on my photography I need to work on my writing. I have been slacking on my beta novel reading again. So I will probably do another three chapters today. I am very excited about the research books I got! I managed to find just what I needed this round. And yes the photo does show a book teaching Norwegian. I am familiar with Italian (and I have language reference books because it is a language I hope to learn) but not so much with Norwegian. Since I am using both countries in my novel (yes it is getting bigger) I figured I should be familiar with the language (I plan to use brief bits of each countries language… yes I will translate). And since I have Norwegian blood in me…. why not!

Off I go to work on my novel and get my letter written to my pen pal (I still haven’t heard anything from my British one so I will assume after a few months that she is not interested in having me as a pen pal. Ah well. Thanks for reading and all the supportive comments! You folks rock! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Putting It All Together

Such a day! The first part of my shift didn’t go all that well but it got better as it went along. When I got home I had the new issue of Rue Morgue waiting for me as well as my box of lotions from Bath & Body Works. Yay! I was also able to spend some quality time with the family. It has been a bit since we all spent more than a few minutes together. So the day ended on a good note. A coconut scented one too. I got a nice long shower in and I used one of my new lotions.

I have to make a special effort to remember what day it is. My schedule is all over the place since I took the promotion. I am a bit frustrated as I still have yet to get my keys and codes. If they are only going to train me for two days before letting me off on my own then I need to have all my equipment. I believe Wednesday and Saturday are my two nights I am manager this week. I also have to remember that I have a physical therapy appointment tomorrow morning. I set an alarm. With the way the days are blurring together I am worried about forgetting something. I made my car payment today as well. Before I forget that.

I am hoping that my day off Tuesday (I have a meeting that night to cover) will allow me to get my headspace cleared up. It feels like everything is rushing through changes and I am fighting to keep up. My big concern is the manager training. I don’t feel two days is enough before throwing me in the deep end. I talked to Matt (who is training me) and he has offered to stay with me one of the nights after close. I told him that I wanted to make myself a check list so that I had something to follow. I think that will be a big help having some thing to reference instead of trying to remember something I have only done twice.

I got a few photos taken yesterday. I found a rogue tulip in one of my gardens that has a big bud on it. I am excited to see what color it is! Hopefully the temperatures stay decent enough that it doesn’t die before it blooms. I also found a third type of daffodil in the garden! It has smaller flowers and blooms in clusters of three or so. Very delicate yellow color. I took some photos with both the Nikon and the cell phone camera of the sunset colors. There are almost no colors in the photos from the Nikon. Yet my phone camera can capture the colors. (Neither seems to capture the purples and blues for some reason.) I am still trying to work out that mystery.

Tomorrow’s blog should be at a regular early morning time since I have a physical therapy appointment. I’m still not sure about the rest of the week. I close all week but hopefully I can get myself to bed before 1am. I hope. Poor Essie. She can’t find a comfortable place to lay because she hurts (too much frisbee the past few days). You can see it’s her back legs and hips that are giving her trouble when she walks. Damn it. When I call to get their medicine tomorrow I will see if I can get her some pain medicine.

Ok, I am going to stop blathering on. Lol. Thanks for reading and thanks for the awesome comments as well as the support! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Adulting Is Hard

I feel like I am underneath a brick wall right now. I didn’t get home until almost 10pm last night. Despite having done pretty much everything on Wednesday night I had a hard time remembering what needed to be done and in what order last night. Matt was very patient with me. It helps that our brains work the same way so he was able to help more than others could. Next week I am on my own. I won’t have a co-manager with me. I will have another manager working as cashier or at the gas counter but I am the lone wolf next week. Yay. I still don’t have my keys nor my codes. If I get them today I will feel a bit better about things. As it is I still haven’t been able to do everything because I don’t have my codes. We will see today when I get there.

I didn’t get to bed until late again. Getting home so late is hard because my brain won’t let me sleep for a few hours after I get home. Sooooo I’m gonna be lacking in the sleep department again for a bit. Essie and I still try to get up at 8am (that didn’t happen today mind you) because that is my quiet time to get my writing done. This is going to be difficult if I’m not get to bed until late. But I need to keep trying.

Today is International Female Ride Day. Besides how I feel it is supposed to rain. So my ride today will be a bust. I am disappointed. I had hoped to pull out Rogue (my motorcycle) and atleast shake some dust off my riding skills. Yesterday it was just going to be overcast. As of this morning it will be rain. But it might be a blessing in disguise. My head it just not in it with everything going on at work. And not sure about parking either. With construction going on with the building expansion employee parking has been squished into the main lot. No one wants to park near the entrance due to the craziness of many of the drivers. And I am not sure there would be a safe spot to park Rogue. So maybe that is ok. I can’t spend my whole shift worrying about whether or not some idiot has backed over my bike.

I got a load of laundry done and dishes caught up when I got home last night. So I feel good about that. The girls and I played a bit so they were a bit tired out when we went to bed. Although they we not happy with me leaving the light on for so long.

Monday I have physical therapy early and then I work that night. Such a joy that will be! But I do have Tuesday off so I can hopefully stay home and work on my writing. A bunch of my research books are due to arrive Monday. I am looking forward to that!

I went through my backlog of emails this morning as well. I deleted A LOT. I had things from two and three years ago. I kept some stuff like birthday wishes from various sources but I got rid of a couple hundred emails. Yay!

I should wrap this up. I need to delete some of my old photos from when I first started this blog as I am running out of space to upload my new photos. So there may be a few posts without photos in the near future. Hopefully not but we’ll see. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Making A Way Forward

Have you ever gotten so much accomplished on your day off that you are exhausted the next day? That is me. I got work done on my novel, I got caught up on the chapters I am going over as a beta reader, I talked to both my parents, I did some housework and I finally caught up on the Supernatural series. The last one was hard. 15 years I have watched the series and it has come to an end.

The girls and I went to bed at a decent time but I still feel like I didn’t get enough sleep. I still have to go get groceries before I work this afternoon. I work at 1pm but I wanted to get groceries before since it is a fairly big list this week. Then I can come home and shower and head back out for work.

Essie has been coming out to get love from me every few minutes. I’m not sure why. Stella went right back into bed after she ate. I found two accidents in the hall. It was raining when we went to bed so even though I got both girls to go outside there is no guarantee that they went potty. I’m pretty sure it was Stella that had the accidents.

I keep watching all the birds go by outside. The sky is blue and the sun is out (for once). The grass is a lush green. I’m going to have to mow the yard soon. I know the battery is charged so that will make it easy. I need to check the bird feeder again today since it has been so busy the past few days. I also need to check my plants. When I did the other day no one seemed to need any water but it gets so dry in the house that I try to check them every few days.

The wind has really picked up outside. Must be why my mind feels so restless. It can focus but when it get s windy like this it just feels like it is pacing in a cage. I did get a few photos taken yesterday. Some of them turned out pretty good. I still need to sit down with my photography site and figure out what I want to do with it. All I have done it add photos here and there and occasionally share the link. If I am going to be serious about selling my photos I need to do a bit more than that. So some thing for my next day off. If I try it today then I will not have time to get groceries or get other things done before work. So on the check list for later.

Speaking of which I do need to get this wrapped up if I am going to get everything done. Oh please little bird don’t try to come in the house…. there is a small birch hanging around just outside the sliding glass door. Some times they try to come inside when the door is open. Ok, the little one flew off. So I will download some photos and get this posted. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Feeling Good

The first night of training is under my belt. It lasted about an hour and a half longer than if I was just on the floor but that’s ok. I did learn a lot. I just have to retain it. I have today off then I got at it again on Friday. On of my coworkers was so funny. He’s maybe 16 or 17 years old and kept going on about how I was growing up so fast when he learned that I was doing the training. He’s just a sweet nut! Lol.

I did manage to eek in my Morning Pages yesterday. That is also one of the reasons I was up so late. Between me and Stella getting up several times to go outside I think we got to bed around 2:30-3am. Essie was up and ready to go at 8am. So here we are. I am glad I have to day off. I plan to work on my novel as well as take notes on the book I am beta reader for. I am behind a few days so I need to reread atleast three chapters today. I also need to see if Dad will Facetime. He is having a very hard time of it lately. He is scared that it is an onset of Alzheimer’s. Living alone with no real contact with the outside (he lives in Montreal and they are under quarantine) is also a contributing factor. But it happened to his mother and he has been terrified of it ever since. And getting a response from his doctor is near impossible. So I will try to help if he can deal with the physical pain (he has arthritis in his neck and back as well as fused discs for starters). We’ll see.

I remembered to put in my events that I had for next week even though I got my physical therapy time wrong. I wrote 8:15am instead of 8:45am. I had forgotten to grab my note paper when I left for work so I was winging it. So I hope the schedule for next week is ok. I am paranoid that I got my days or times wrong. Which I did but not too bad. My brain is still worrying on it though. Unfixable mistakes is what the brain is worried about.

I am going to (hopefully) share a short video clip with you. We have the two ponds in the backyard. This year we have two peepers that are living there. Right now they are in the big pond but I have heard them in the smaller one as well. Last night I was able to record them singing together. I hope the clip posts!

I didn’t get any photos before work so I don’t really have much new to share. I did get a cute picture of Essie with my phone. I was shocked that she actually posed for the phone photo. she normally won’t look at the camera if she knows that I am using the phone camera. I will make it a point to get some new photos today. I do need to download photos onto my laptop both off my phone and camera. My phone has over 11,000 photos. Holy crap! And yes most of them are dogs photos. Don’t judge. Lol.

I’d better wrap this up so I can get it posted. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Friends, History, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

The Little Engine That Could But Chose Not To

I said I needed to be out the door by 9am today. I hurt and I really don’t’ feel like rushing around on my day off. The girls are stuck out here with me. When I leave and it’s not for work they will go in and out of the bedroom until I get back home. So I said I would shut the bedroom door to keep them out here while I do my running today. I had several places I was going to go today but I just hurt so my list keeps getting smaller. I would whittle the list down to one place but I need to get a few things before I run out. Sooooo…. But I am seriously thinking about not going all the way into Traverse to the bank. Problem is that is the closest branch. I am hoping I can scoot in and out quickly. I have to deposit cash otherwise I would be banking via my phone app. Looking at the clock tells me that I won’t be leaving at 9am. Oh well.

Physical therapy was a mess. Everything we tried I could only do for a limited amount of time if at all. One of the exercises that I did on my first day I can no longer do. Everything they have suggested I have tried doing before I even decided to go to a doctor. And things are just getting worse. I told the gal I had yesterday that I felt bad because it was like I was giving them too much information. She was very nice but I think she was getting frustrated.

I did my morning pages yesterday as well as going over another chapter for the author I am beta reading for. My goal is a chapter a day (or more) so I can get my notes together and send them out. I am hoping to do some more work on my novel today. But I seem to be doing mostly research, which is fine, but I feel that I am not working on the story (even though I am). I am making progress just not in the way I normally look for. I have managed to pick places that have limited info available on what I need. I hate to make things up (hahaha) but I like to base my work with some bits of truth and history in them. So I toil away at finding just what I need.

Alright, I guess I ought to wrap this up and get myself out the door. I am only running a few minutes late. Stella is upset with me. She has curled up on the couch as far away as she can get from me. Essie is asleep in the man cave by the sliding glass door. Here’s to hoping that I can get it all done and be back to meet my friend in Kalkaska by 11am. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Exercise, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Keeping Up

I was dead to the world when my alarm went off this morning. That rarely happens. My brain usually wakes me up a few minutes before. That way I don’t wake everyone else up too. Essie got up with me and Stella came out a few minutes later. After breakfast and going outside Essie went back to bed with Chris and Stella is out here with me.

Physical Therapy was an exercise in frustration. Not only did I have a new person I was working with (so I had to explain everything over again to clarify the notes of my original therapist) but he was almost 10 minutes late. Once we got talking he also gave conflicting advice. So.

Once I got back home I proceeded to knock out my list (my physical therapist would’ve given me grief… I was told I needed to not try to knock everything out all at once) I got the floor swept, mouse cage cleaned, dishes done, trash out, laundry done (and put away except for the comforter in the dryer), plants watered, bird feeder filled and the house vacuumed. The house feels better for the cleaning I got done. I got everything on my list done except for working on the notes for the novel I am beta reading. So that will probably get worked on tonight and Sunday (my next day off). I did get some photos taken as well.

I got a really cool shot of a bird flying and the moon coming up. I will have to tweak it to get everything so you can see it the way my eyes did. I hope I have enough time before I need to get ready for work. I am downloading as I type this. For some reason my keys are not backlit anymore on the laptop. Damn it.

Stella is pulling an Essie. She is in and out of the bedroom and outside. I need to get going for my day. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Poetry, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Exploring

It’s a very late post for me. I just couldn’t fall asleep last night. I finally managed it around 1am. I was completely exhausted but I still could not go to sleep. I am a loss. Another odd thing going on… the girls aren’t eating all of their kibble. Atleast a quarter (sometimes more) of the food gets left. And they eat less if I leave them to it and go do other things. If I am standing in the kitchen with them they will eat more. I may try a new kibble on Thursday since I have the day off and can monitor them to see if they cope well with the change. I will gradually change over to the new stuff.

It is still cold here. Winter temperatures sadly. This year Spring has been through all seasons several times. Sometimes in the same day!

Work is getting busier. But we are going to have less people working soon. Two of the gals are going to nursing school so they will be working at the local hospital. I am very happy for them. We are also expanding the store. I am excited to see what they do with it. I am pushing to get a small garden center put in. I think I have gotten a favorable response so we’ll see. Naturally I have offered my services.

Not many photos have gotten taken so I may pick some old ones to share. I will try not to duplicate. I did bring home another plant. This one is a Gerber daisy. I love them! There is no scent to them (and really the hyacinth is scented enough lol) but they have such vivid colors and the days have been dark lately. Once things warm up I may try some night time photography. On a night where there are shooting stars etc. We’ll see.

I am working more on my creative side the past few days. I received my current issue of Poets & Writers yesterday. I spent some quality time reading that. I have found a few poets that I think I will read. I put their books on my wish list so that I don’t forget which ones I want first. Though not a poet myself I find that I drift back to that medium every little while.

But I do need to get this wrapped up so I can get going for work. Thanks for your wonderful comments! Thank you for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Breaking New Ground

Everything is dark dark this morning. It keeps trying to rain. That might be why I am so sleepy. I was exhausted when I went to bed but could not fall asleep. I have drug out my copy of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and decided to go through that 12 week journey again. I am hoping to start improving my writing and photography. Not just the actual task but help my creativity expand. I find my self in a dry spell creatively so I am hoping that this will get me out of my own head.

I am slowly ticking things off my to do list for other writers. I finished the first read through of a novel (I am a beta reader for her… or a first reader). I need to read through a second time to get my notes together. Then I can send them to her. I feel bad because I am a bit behind schedule. I did send her an email explaining but I never got a response so I’m not sure if she even got it. I just hope that she did respond and I did not inadvertently deleted it. I try to go through all my junk mail visually to check that it is actually junk (I’ve had my favorites list end up in junk mail for whatever reason).

I have nothing slated for this week except for my physical therapy on Wednesday after work. I’m supposed to go see Mom afterwards. I hope I feel up to it. We’ll see. My goal is to work on the novels every day. Even if it is just a single character sketch. I also want to upload some more photos to my site. I need to reshare my site as well. It seems to have gotten lost in the internet. I don’t think I’ve had any one view it in a month or longer.

Chris did an amazing thing yesterday. I’ve been talking about how the deck really needs to get pulled up (boards have been broken through) but neither of us has ever followed through until yesterday. He got the whole thing done yesterday while I was at work! He said it took him about three hours. Poor Essie isn’t used to the last step down being so long (it is a full step down instead of the half step to get to the deck) and she is always surprised when she runs down them to go after her frisbee. I hope she learns it soon. I worry that she will hurt her back legs. She’s almost taken a tumble several times. I think we are planning on paving stones this time instead of wood. That will help with the girls’ nails. I keep them trimmed as best I can but them running on cement will make a big difference.

This is the photo Chris sent me at work when he was done 🤩

I will wrap this up for now so I can get a few photos downloaded to share. Thanks for reading and stay safe!