Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Guitar, History, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Lost In the Bread Crumbs

The promised wind from the past few days seems to have arrived today. Winnie the Pooh would refer to it as a “rather blustery day.” My relocated bird feeder is still holding strong wedged on the branch of the maple tree. The clouds are moving around swiftly so we’ll see how that affects the weather. The ponds are icing over.

There is so much that I want to read and research and learn. I’m not sure where to start so I peck at everything like a chicken. A little here and a little there. Usually not the same subject each peck. Which limits my learning because that peck might be a book but if I don’t finish reading the book and start another that has caught my attention…. which is what I tend to do. There are research books I bought a year ago that I still haven’t finished reading. I have beginner guitar music and lessons, learning Italian, keeping up with my French, all my varied history books and biographies…. all been read a little but never finished.

I am watching Moose and hoping he is dreaming. He has been my shadow since we went to bed last night. I don’t think he feels good. When he was outside eating some of the small bit of snow we got parts of his body started shaking. I thought he was cold but then I noticed that it was just random places he was shaking. Not all over like he was cold. He is doing it again now but I can possibly contribute it to dreaming. Right? Some of the muscle shakes do not coincide with his dreaming. I may be reading too much into this but there it is.

I feel scattered. So much I want to do, things that need to be done, things that should be done. All seemingly to be done now. What to do? How to chose? I try to calm my mind and pick one thing off the important list and try to do that. Then maybe something off the list just below that. Some days this works. Other days panic sets in and I give myself a stress headache and do nothing but berate myself because I’m getting nothing done.

I can say that the birds have found the feeder in it’s new spot. I am glad. When I find a replacement I will try to hang it from one of the branches of the maple trees. I got a few photos of birds at the feeder (just outside my window yay!). One is a woodpecker (red head) and the other is a chickadee (tiny one). A lot of chickadees but there is one little blue bird trying to defend from all comers. Let me see if I can get a picture… I got a few shots that I will share. I’m gonna need to get that other bird feeder asap with the battles that are going on out there. Sheesh!

I’m going to upload the photos and try to get one thing off my have-to-do list. I don’t work until 2pm so that will give me some time. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Guitar, Learning, Life, Nature, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

A Weird Day

One more shift and I will have a day off. The only thing planned is to get my hair trimmed. I don’t know what the weather is supposed to be like (I have heard cooler temps all the way to almost summer ones). But I am looking forward to my hair cut. Nothing spectacular just a little off the ends. When I keep them trimmed up my hair seems to grow like crazy and I am curious to know what will happen.

Yesterday was a day. I got part of my story for class written. I had hoped to finish up this morning but I think that will have to wait for tomorrow morning. When I got to work I spent a good part of the morning putting up Halloween decorations. That was fun and I have gotten a lot of compliments on my handiwork. Later in the day I had an irate customer who later came back and apologized. I was both surprised and grateful. The customer even went so far as to tell my manager that I acted like a real professional. I got out of work to find out that Eddie Van Halen had died. For those of you who don’t know Eddie is considered a Rock God for his guitar playing talent. He was amazingly talented. Another musician, Johnny Nash known for singing “I Can See Clearly Now” (one of my all time favorite songs even when I was little) also died. An upswing to the day was after I got home I got a call from work. A customer I had been discussing beer with a few days ago had gotten a peanut butter porter that he did not like and left it at the store for me. I am still not used to being able to accept gifts from customers. It is kinda cool.

I had a very strange thing happen last night…. It was around the time Chris was due home from work and she did her little talk (she sounds like she is chewing her words). I woke up and listened to try to hear what she did. She did it again and I heard “Shhhh! Shhhh!” and Stella settled back in and fell asleep. I figured Chris was home and waited for him to come say good night. Nope. Chris came home about 15-20 minutes after that. On that note I am going to get ready for work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, Emotions, Gardening, Guitar, Life, Music, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Music and Creativity

I have a song stuck in my head so I have turned on Pandora to get rid of it.  I am listening to my Spanish Guitar Station.  Like me the sun doesn’t know if it wants to stay out or not.  We got awakened by rain and a bit of thunder in the wee hours this morning.  It was supposed to be dry but SURPRISE!  It has made everything feel that much more comfortable.  Last night it got warm once I shut the house up for the night.

I am considering trying to send out my two novellas to be published.  I need to type them into the computer first but if there is interest that might get my motivated enough to keep things up consistently instead of in fits and starts.  I am going to to work on my classwork today but that might wait until Chris has gone to work.  This morning I feel the need to be outside.  So I will probably take my notebooks out and do my writing out there.

We have two tomatoes on the big tomato plant!  I am so excited.  I am anxious to see what else we will have to eat.  I have had my plants grow big and beautiful but no food.  So we will see.  I think we will have a good crop this year.  Some of it might be late due to my planting the seeds later but it is supposed to be a warm Fall so it might just turn out ok.

I really hate the ads on Pandora.  I am tempted to try the free ad free on but I don’t want to get sucked into the monthly fee.  I may though.  I like having my guitar music to listen to as I write.  I have a lot of CDs but nothing to play them on sadly.  I miss my stereo!  I used to listen to my jazz, classical and acoustic guitar CDs while I wrote.  Pandora does a decent job but it is a hodge podge versus me playing the songs I want to hear.  Just being able to hear my CDs again would be worth it.

I think I will stop here and head outside.  It’s too nice to be inside.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Evaluations

Moose is gently snoring on the floor behind me.  I am in my office waiting for the rain to fall.  We had a storm last night.  Poor Stella hid in the bathroom for a bit while Essie curled up closer to me.  Moose did not care.  He just laid his head on me and went back to sleep.

I have no idea what to do today.   I didn’t do much yesterday beyond keep an eye on Essie.  I take that back.  I got my custom made leather bag (I ordered this way back in April) in the mail yesterday.  I sorted through and packed it with some necessities and am trying to get used to having it.  It’s quite beautiful.  I also planted a white onion that had sprouted as well as a few garlic cloves that had sprouted.  We’ll see how they do.  It was good timing with the rain.\

I still haven’t done my class work.  I need to do it or cancel the class.  I go great guns then stall out.  I pulled out my guitar and tuned it the other day.  And it is still sitting here in the office unplayed.  Chris loaned me a guitar stand so it is up off the floor.  It all sounds good and fun until it comes to the execution of the project.  Then I stall out.

I think I will make pasta salad for later.  If I do it now it ill have time to cool in the fridge instead of wasting all those ice cubes to cool it in a few minutes.  I’m not sure what to do about the funeral Friday.  I might ask Chris to borrow his truck.  I don’t know if the Jeep will be up to it.  Hell, I don’t know if I am up to it.  But that is the day after tomorrow.  I have a local meeting tomorrow night.  Truthfully I don’t want to do it.  But the flip side is that once I am there I will be fine with it.  It is the thought of leaving the house.  Chris is not going to work Thursday so he can stay home with Essie while I am at the meeting.

I’ve not written any reviews.  I’ve not worked on either novel.  The dogs are restless and so am I.  Nothing interests me.  I usually end up reading or watching tv.  I am currently binge watching The X-files.  We are well into season 8.  I just can’t find anything to hold my interest.

The coffee is almost empty so I will rap this up.  Thanks for reading.  Stay safe.

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Up Too Early

It is a dark early morning.  The rain started a little yesterday but got serious in the wee hours of the morning.  I managed to get maybe a half hour out of each hour since 2am.  I finally gave up around 6am.  I didn’t get much done yesterday.  My mind was restless.  I know part of it is worrying about Moose’s test results today.  He goes back in to have his diagnosis of kidney disease verified.

I’m glad I checked the master bathroom before I shut the door when I got up this morning.  I noticed that the bathroom door was partly open.  I figured something spooked Stella and she had gone in there.  I looked in before I shut the door again and there she was still curled up on the floor on one of my rugs.

I got no further in my classwork.  I got my guitar tuned and cleaned up.  I pulled out my notes and diagrams for my guitar class.  And that is all I got done.  I had intended to write a review for The Fishermen this week as well.  Nada.  I am disappointed in myself but not.  I will just keep trying today.

I’m not sure what today holds but I will give it a shot.  Atleast I don’t have to water the gardens today!  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Thinking, Writing

Guess Who’s Taking Classes…

Today’s big news is that I signed up for an online class.  Actually classes.  It’s a creative writing collection of courses through Coursera.  I am paying for them so I will get a certification at the end.  Chris didn’t seem too enthused when I told him.  He thought I would go for a photography class.  I don’t think he sees the use in me taking this course since I already know how to write stories.  His second guess when I said I was taking writing classes was journalism.  He knows I can earn money doing that so that would be normal to guess.  But creative writing seems like a waste to him.  Mind you he’s said none of this.  This is all what I am reading into his response.  I didn’t mention that I was paying for the courses.  (You can take all the courses on there for free but you won’t get certified and you might not be able to access everything available in the course.)

I am taking the classes because I am hoping that talking with other creative writers I can get more consistent with my writing.  And I am stuck in my novel so I am hoping that I can use that over the course exercises and get that back on track.  I already have ideas after the first class.  It started yesterday.  I have done everything but write the 250-350 word story and critique others.  I cranked out a rough draft last night before bed (one of the reasons I didn’t get to bed until almost 1am) and I hope to tweak it today and get it submitted.  The twist for it is that they have listed 12 random words and you need to use atleast 6 of them in every other sentence to create movement.  I got a bug after watched a bunch of diverse short documentaries last night.

So that is where I am right now.  This morning I feel a bit run down.  I felt like this last night so not sure if it is merely the continual heat or just me coming down with something.  I think I will wrap this up and go read or work on some writing.  Oh and they are letting me finish the guitar class if I want to (I was almost done before I stopped… maybe one or two hours of work left I think) so I guess I’d better tune the guitars back up and get at it.

Thanks so much for reading and thank you for your thoughtful comments!  Stay safe and have a great day!

Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life, retail, Thinking, Writing

Making My Inner Life a Better Place

   I want to write.  But what to write?  I thought seriously about doing a biography but that seems to be out of reach.  There is almost too much information about my subject… and I have access to very little.  Then I thought about doing a book on depression using two of my favorite celebrities as subjects.  But that might hit a bit close to home.  And again the subject matter is daunting.

   I can’t seem to write much fiction anymore.  My imagination just won’t work for me on paper.  I don’t know why.  I will have flashes but blip! and it disappears.  I miss fiction.  I am still passionate about reading it but I can’t seem to write it.  That was one thing that spurred me to learn guitar (again).  I hoped that another creative process would help loosen the choke hold on my fiction writing from whatever inner demon had it captive.  I just don’t know.

  Speaking of guitar I did practice yesterday morning for a few hours.  Much to the dogs chagrin.   They all wanted me to do anything but that.  I would get frustrated with them and my lack of prowess with the guitar.  But I made myself stick with it and I was actually able to see progress after I was done.  So I’m glad I pushed my way through.  I have just one more week of class then I’m on my own.  I hope that I will have enough to start learning songs but I think I will have to try some of the apps I have for tuning and such to learn a bit more.

   I am in comfort mode due to the weather.  I don’t know whereas warmer weather would get me any further.  I would just prefer to putter around the house and the yard then.  Maybe I will make an effort in another way for my writing.  I have all these wonderful ideas to get myself writing again but never follow through.  So I guess it is time to follow through.  I need to atleast try.  I will start small and go from there.  Maybe I can work up to writing a book.

It’s funny how stepping away from all the stress of my old job has let go.  Sadly it has still done lasting damage that I am still working through.  But I feel I am a better person inside and out.  I am atleast trying to live my life on my own terms instead of scrambling for corporate needs at the cost of my own life.  I gave up so much inside and out.  It’s the inside damage that I am still struggling with.  Thus my writing and learning to play guitar.  I’m trying to fix what got broken.

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Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life

Not Playing My Tune

I got to bed late because I am struggling with learning guitar.  Just to wake up to find out that someone has tried to hack my email account.  So I spent the first 20 minutes or so trying to verify my email and get my password changed.  I need to practice more with my guitar but trying to learn to read music and learn to play is difficult for me.  I was getting more and more frustrated as I went along.  It didn’t help that I was having problems with the quiz and every time I got one wrong (which was A LOT) the note asked if I needed to go back to review the lesson in week 5.  Week 5?  This was supposed to be a week 4 quiz?!  After not passing for like the 5th or 6th time I gave up on it.  I sent a message to the forum about it.

As a result I am loath to pick up my guitar to practice.  I feel too frustrated and overwhelmed with the whole thing.  I had planned to try again this morning after I finish this and go to Writing.com but I am dragging my feet.  I even rewatched all the videos from week 4 to try to get things straight in my head.  How did Mom do this?  I want to badly to learn to play but I am ready to throw it all in at this point.  And I don’t feel good practicing around Chris because he is so good.  It’s all me not him.  He will give pointers if I ask but he is so much better than I and that adds to the frustration.  He doesn’t read music but he can teach himself a song by listening to it.  He has learned classical pieces as well as more modern ones.  He taught himself “Little Wing” by Stevie Ray Vaughn as well as Tesla’s “Love Song” (to name a few).  Yes I know he spent hours upon hours when he was a kid practicing.  That doesn’t help me now.

The snow feels non stop as well.  Plow trucks were going through last night as late as 11pm last night.  They haven’t done that in a few years.  They were back at it early today as well.  I was going to try to head into town to do some running but I don’t know whereas I want to be out in this mess.  I could wait til tomorrow if need be.  I just don’t want to not take the kids (my dogs) because I know they are going a bit stir crazy like me.  Although we did run to the store yesterday.  Maybe I will chance it. Then I can stay home tomorrow.  We’ll see.  I won’t go anywhere til Chris gets up anyway.

Thanks for listening.  I suppose I’d better go and practice my guitar.  I can do this….

pexels-photo-164854.jpeg
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com