anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Hocus Pocus I Gotta Find My Focus

This is one of those mornings that my body just aches. I asked Mom if she would mind not going today. Truthfully neither of us can afford a girls day (which is what it would turn into). She just dropped $400 at the vet’s office the other day and I guess her car needs more repairs. I told her she could have what she wanted from the seeds I had gotten for the exchange. So we will try another time to get together.

Lat night I didn’t get much sleep despite the sleep aides. I also had weird dreams when I did sleep. I dreamt of the death of three family members. This was after dreaming of a death night before last. I’m not sure what to make of all the death dreams. I haven’t had them in years.

This morning has dawned cloudy. The sun was out for a bit but a gauze of clouds moved in. Yesterday was beautiful… Everyone was in a good mood too. It was over 40F (4C)! That also helped everyone. A lot of snow got melted between the warmth and the wind. I was eye balling the drive way to see if I could get the motorcycle out if it was nice today. Still a bit thick with snow and ice. But there are shovels around so we’ll see.

I am looking at my list. It is a good list. It is an accurate list. I am hoping it will be a finished list. I already have taken care of two things on there. Most of it is writing. I need to get my head straight with my writing. I am blowing it off and I shouldn’t. That is another reason I wanted to cancel with Mom. I need to stay home and work on my writing. I haven’t done any class work lately either. I need to get my rhythm back. All the emotional drama has got me all over the place. Speaking of which Dad sent a text saying that the only text or email he received was the one he was responding to which was the one asking why he hadn’t responded to anything. I haven’t said anything to him. When I do I will point out the text from me just above that from several days ago asking how he was that got no response. I am trying not to be an ass but I am hurt and frustrated. And I don’t want to talk to him today.

I did get some pretty awesome photos yesterday morning just before dawn. I went out to warm up the car and as I was walking back to the house I happened to see the moon. She was northwest of the house and HUGE! But what made it awesome was that the clouds were flowing over her like she was set in a brook or a river. I went in and grabbed my phone camera and came back and she was gone. I was bummed but I stood out there anyway. After a few minutes the clouds revealed the moon again and I took a bunch of shots as the clouds moved over her. I will share those with you. I am quite pleased with how they turned out.

I should get this online and get writing on my interview and article. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Projects?

Another day. Still no word from Dad. Mom on the other hand has been blowing up my phone. She is all excited about Saturday’s seed exchange in Traverse. I have everything set aside so that all I have to do is remember to grab it. I figure I will get her around 12:30pm (we are scheduled to “shop” between 1 and 2). That will give me a chance to find where we are going. Right now I’d rather stay home but the whole thing was my idea.

I get out of work early today so hopefully I can some photos taken. I didn’t get any yesterday. Before I left I was able to write and send in my article to the paper and just got out of here on time. By the time I got home the sun was already going down (I ended up staying a little late). I did get a lot accomplished last night despite myself. Laundry is done and put away (minus the last load going through the dryer), I got stuff mailed, I got my shower in…. I also have my little list I made before bed of things that need to get done this weekend (another reason I want to stay home). A lot of writing is on there. I have been blowing off quite a few projects. And that bothers me. I think that is another part of my problem. I keep not doing projects so I can do things for and with others then I am angry with myself because my pile just gets bigger. I am even more frustrated because it is all on me. My choices to do or not to do.

Speaking of projects one of my high school friends sent me two flamingo Christmas counted cross stitch patterns to do for Mom. But do I do them for her or would she get more pleasure if she did them herself? I’m not sure which. I know she would love something like that from me but I also know a project like that would make her happy and she would probably finish it in short order (unlike myself). I suppose I could show her and let her decide. That would kill the surprise factor but oh well.

Looking at the clock I guess I should get myself together and get ready for work. I’ll see if I can find some suitable photos to repost. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Writing

Roaming and Writing (or Roaming in My Writing)

And another day begins. Essie ate part of her breakfast. That is a huge relief for me because she didn’t eat her dinner last night despite not having had breakfast. We still got to bed late despite my best efforts. Lol. If it wasn’t me “oh just one more!” or “Oh just a few more minutes!” then it was a friend online checking on me to make sure I was doing ok. But that’s ok. I am relaxed and I only have the meeting tonight. Dad has things going today so we won’t be able to chat.

Essie is all up and in my business. Hang on… Ok. She’s outside with her frisbee. Goofball. She wants attention and to play all at the same time. I will work on this as I keep an eye on the door for her.

My personal To Do list has a lot of writing on it. It is getting hard to set aside writing time because everyone it getting the shack nasties (aka cabin fever) from being stuck in the house all the time. We are restless for Spring and being outside on a regular basis. The girls want to play and get attention all the time now. Especially after Chris gets up for the day. I feel guilty for not spending more time with them so I blow off my writing. The hard thing is Essie doesn’t like to go for rides so I can’t really do anything outside of the house for her. Stella loves rides but I feel bad leaving Essie.

Mom and I are going to a Seed Exchange this Saturday. I am going to the Dollar General to get some stationary later and I had hoped to pick up some seeds for planting. I may pick up some extra to exchange. I think it is pushing 40F (4C) here and that is nice for us. The snow is beginning to melt. Essie is still outside wandering (another sign of Spring coming).

Ok, she’s back in. My big goal today is to get caught up on my writing. Last night I wrote my little list of goals for the day. If I can get atleast one of my writing projects done (or continued if I start on my novels) I will be happy. My novels…. I have come to a rolling stop with them. At this point I am doing mostly research for the werewolf novel. Since the bulk of it is set in Italy I am having a hard time seeing the surroundings other than the historical places that everyone goes. I know the history but I don’t know the modern Italy. So I spend time looking at photos etc (which would be fine but I can’t print them because my printer is black and white only). My surfing novel… well, I need to get more into the story and what is supposed to be going on. Or where it is headed. It goes one way and it doesn’t feel right. So I try another way and that doesn’t feel right either. I like my characters. (This is another thing I need to do with my werewolf novel… flesh out my characters more.) One novel I have the story and no characters while the other I have characters but no real story.

I did manage to get some photos taken yesterday. The sun came out for a bit and warmed things up enough to melt more snow. Despite that some areas in our yard are still up to poor Essie’s belly. I watched her break trail out in the far back this morning. Well, I will share some pictures and wrap this up. I would blather on for quite a while so I need to stop and try to harness some of that into an article. Thanks for reading! Stay safe!

Books, Creativity, Emotions, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

From Inside the Clouds

The sun really struggled to come out for a while this morning. But it got swallowed up by grey clouds filled with snow. I did get some photos before she disappeared. I feel much the same way. I felt good, mentally, when we got up. Now… like I am lost in the cold snow filled clouds. The snowflakes are steadily getting bigger and falling faster. Makes me wonder how much snow we will get. One of the smaller woodpeckers has hunkered down in the middle of the trunks and gone to sleep. (For those of you that didn’t know the maples that I have the bird feeder in is actually a group of four trees grown up together. I don’t know the logic behind it as the person that did it was supposedly a “Master Gardener” with a degree but there it is.)

I am partly looking forward to work because it will get me out of my head but at the same time I will have to be social. I don’t really want to talk to anyone. Speaking of my head I can’t seem to get rid of this headache either. Might be the weather. The snow is coming in from the West so we’ll probably get a lot. The bird feeder has gotten very busy all the sudden. I think I will try to fill it when I am done writing this.

Today is the first day of a seven… no six day stretch. But I am not working any really long shifts and I don’t have to be to work any earlier than 9am on any given day. I’m grateful. That will make things easier. I don’t have any meetings this week. Just one the following week. I do need to get my head straight and get my article and two reviews written. Maybe I will try today. I have rough drafts done so all I need to do is fluff them up a bit. We’ll see. I couldn’t focus much yesterday so I read a lot until everyone got up then I pretty much lost myself in CSI. When bedtime rolled around I read some more.

I will add the photos I took this morning and get this posted. Then I need to try to do some stuff around here. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Exercise, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Many Many Projects

Well I am up earlier than normal (I don’t have to be to work until 2pm). The girls are back asleep. I thought I might try to sleep later but once my mind started working forget it. I’m not feeling very motivated. I talked with both my parents yesterday (I am beginning to think this is a form of procrastination for me). Dad apparently got inspired to start working on his big “to do” list. Mom and her crew are supposed to come out Monday afternoon to exchange gifts and to introduce the girls (she has two girls as well). I have all of Monday morning to write but I start thinking that it will mess up my writing rhythm (you have to be writing to have a rhythm to mess up self) and and and…. I am making excuses.

I notice that a lot of my plants are beginning to die despite my best efforts. I think a part of it is because it gets so dry during the winter and the lack of sun. Another problem is mites. I get rid of them for a while but then the little s.o.b.s come back. I have tried all the natural stuff I can think of. So I guess once again I will dump the dead plants outside and keep cultivating the survivors. I am really disappointed. Both my orchids are still doing well and the two avocados are going strong. I notice that my Christmas cactus is budding again as well. So all is not lost.

Today I need to fill the bird feeder again. All is quiet out there. Usually there is atleast one small bird hanging out. A very light dusting of snow is falling from the sky. You have to look hard to see it. Part of me wishes I was already at work so I could have the rest of my day but I have Monday off regardless so I guess it’s no biggie. Today is also an exercise day. Bah humbug. But I am noticing a difference (for the good) so I will keep going with it. I am tempted to do it before work just to have it done but if late evening has been working for my body I kinda hate to change that. (For those that have been asking about the workout it is in the January/February 2021 issue of Women’s Health pages 88-93.) So I guess I’ll wait til I get home to do my workout.

I also need to add some photos to my shop. I didn’t do that yesterday. The biggest pain is adding the title, description and then five tags so people can search for it and find it. Twelve photos can take 15 minutes or longer. Then I wait a day for them to ok the photos before they add them to my shop. So I suppose I ought to do that. I’d better get myself motivated and get stuff done before work. Thanks for reading and all the lovely comments! Stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Getting Excited

Last night I was in such a good mood and optimistic about today. Then we got up this morning. The simpler the plan the more that seems to go wrong. Lol. Moose wouldn’t eat his breakfast, Stella got caught with some suet she got from somewhere (there is none out because my neighbor had the bird feeder and was fixing it for me), I forgot I said I would do a load of laundry when I got up and then the laptop doesn’t want to load properly (I even ran the cleaning programs)…

On the side of good I got a lot accomplished last night including getting more work done on one of the novels and a bunch of stuff around the house got cleaned and/or picked up. Bills got paid and things generally caught up. The big thing is that my neighbor fixed my bird feeder. So now I can fill it and hang it out! Yay!

I have my little to do list for today as well. My meeting is at 9am and then I do all my running in Traverse. Once I get home I will write my articles and send them in (I had a meeting last night). I am very excited about getting back to my fiction. I like my storyline and the story itself. My big problem is I have been writing articles for so long that I am used to boiling things down to their simplest form and not adding to it to make it bigger. So a lot of what I am doing now is making copious notes as to what happens in the story or how things happen in the story. Then I will try to flesh parts out. I am really excited about the whole thing to honest.

Hang on. I’ll be right back…. It was time for Moose’s second medication. I’m pretty sure my dogs can read clocks. Moose knows what time his medicine is due and always seems to come and find me at that time to remind me.

I see by the tick tock that it is time for me to roll. Thanks for reading ad stay safe! I hope you enjoy the photos of this morning’s sunrise. I took these with my phone camera.

Creativity, Dogs, family, Gardening, Holiday, Life, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Writing

Tinkering (or a Bit of Everything)

The sun is out again this morning. Yay! But I’m not sure if leaving the mums out was good or bad. I found mites on the one plant and put them both out yesterday morning. Vinegar and water did not work as they came back on two of my plants. The one plant I’m sure isn’t going to make it no matter what I do. But I’ve had it for a few years so I guess… It seems prone to the mites whenever I have to bring it in for the winter and I have no way to prevent it. I don’t want to go with the stuff they sell at the stores because it could hurt the dogs.

I spent the chunk of yesterday talking with Dad. A good thing but the problem is that I got nothing done that I was supposed to. And since I’ve not slept well the past few nights I was falling asleep not long after dark. So I went to bed much earlier than I intended. This morning I need to crank out the second article I was supposed to submit yesterday. I got my research done before Dad called but nothing more. I just hope it turns out ok.

I took photos at odd moments yesterday but I’ve not looked to see if they turned out. Most of them were the kids while I was talking to Dad. I will share what I have. I got a nice one this morning of the sun coming up. Not quite sure what just happened but the sun suddenly flooded the room. There are no clouds out so I don’t know why it was so sudden.

I need to expand my vocabulary. I find myself using the same words and phrases, some times in the same paragraph. I need more variety. I might get myself one of those desk calendars that you learn a new word each day. I’ll wait until after the holidays though.

I have been blocking these random text messages from strangers the past two days. I’m pretty sure that the video sent this morning was not something I needed to see if you follow me. I had another one yesterday. I blocked both numbers but I want to know how my number got in their hands to begin with. I’ve not had any problems until now with stuff like that. Mom has been getting texts like that two over the past month.

I guess I should stop here and add the photos so I have enough time to write the article and get it out to the editor. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

The Wonder of It All

We have internet and power but I’m not sure about the rest of our little town. All day we were hit by hard, cold winds and heavy (at times) snow. We only got a few inches but the combination of the two caused city wide power outages yesterday. My store was the only one open in Rapid City. All the others had lost power. Our power went off and on a few times wreaking havoc with the computers but we pulled through.

This morning has dawned cold and dark. I am upset because when I let the kids out this morning I saw that the winds had pulled the tarp mostly off of the memorial garden. I’m going to try to cover it back up but I fear the damage has already been done.

I am still dragging my feet about replacing the Jeep. It has to be done. The cold isn’t doing it any better and I really don’t know how much longer the Jeep will last. Today just feels overwhelming. I’m trying to make some life changes personally and then It feels as though everything else needs to be tended to instead of being able to focus on what I need to do. So I suppose it is back to my lists. I will sit down and write everything that I need to do and then figure out what comes first etc. The dark skies aren’t helping.

Dad messaged me last night at work with a deep depression. I had to explain to him that I was at work and couldn’t talk. Everything he tried to do felt like a major disaster to him because he couldn’t understand what was wrong (his text messages to me say “sent by Echo” and he has no idea what it is or how to just send a regular text). Trying to help between customers was near impossible.

Today is the second day of NaNoWriMo and I have not written a single word. After I finished with this anxiety kicked in and I spent the remaining time before work on the couch with the dogs. I woke up a few times in the night and spent the time trying to fall asleep thinking about the novel and ideas for the story. Hopefully today I can atleast get my first days numbers in. If I can do more great but I want atleast day one.

I need to change all the calendars today as well. The one that takes the most time is my Winnie the Pooh perpetual calendar. I have to replace the honey pot shaped dish (each month has a different scene related to that month) as well as replace all the little wooden bits that have the days listed on them. I also have special wooden bits for holidays and birthdays that I can put in as well.

I suppose I should stop here. I am procrastinating the rest of my day. Ahhhh… but Mother Nature does care! The sun has just come out and is streaming into my office. Yay! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Cooking/Baking, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature

Sorting Through

What a mess yesterday’s blog turned out to be! It said I posted it in the morning on the laptop without photos. But on my phone app it said that nothing had posted… despite 8 views. So when I got home I monkeyed with it some more on the phone app and apparently it officially posted last night. Sigh… Oh and I have to delete a lot more photos than I want to share. For example, I deleted about 12 photos but it only let me add two to the post last night.

I am dropping my Jeep off some time today. It was supposed to be earlier this morning but I slept until 9am (don’t be too impressed, I was in and out of the bathroom til late and then I was wide awake from 6:30am til 7:30am). Hang on… that was my mechanic. I don’t have to drop the Jeep of til around 2pm. Yay! I had hoped to take back a batch of bottles before I dropped off the Jeep.

The sky looked so hopeful when we got up. Clouds but a lot of blue sky poking through. Then our great blazing maple trees just outside the door. It’s like having a clump of sunbeams just hanging out. Sometimes the yellow is almost too bright to look at. But right now it has darkened enough that I had to turn on the office light.

I am happy to say that I really don’t have anything that I have to do today. I cleaned so well for company (and we have been able to keep it up) last week that there is nothing to do around the house. I might double check the plants for watering. I watered everyone the other day but it has been so cold and the furnace has been on so much that the house is really dry. Some of the plants are ok with that but others need to be watered more than once a week. I also need to get more information on my orchid. I can’t tell when or if she needs more water (she gets ice cubes verses liquid water).

One of my coworkers in the deli is learning to cook. We are both excited about it. I have been giving him little hacks and I am bringing him my ever popular bread recipe from my Winnie the Pooh cookbook. He’s very smart and enjoys cooking so it is fun to share stuff like that. We had a lot of fun last night with all of us. I seem to be fitting in really well.

Despite how cold it is out the air smells really good. Like when you got outside on a Spring day and the sun is out and you can smell the earth, flowers just Nature. It made me feel good. I think I will wrap this up and try to take back some bottles (we get 10 cents for every bottle we return so that is a HUGE help for groceries and such). Thank you for reaching out and commenting! As always thanks for reading and stay safe!