Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Learning, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Anyone Seen Me?

And here we are… Stella has come out here with me while Essie has gone back to bed. Both have eaten. Chris hasn’t gone to bed yet. I feel like I haven’t. I think maybe 3-4 hours of sleep. I was awake around 3am and just shut my eyes off and on while I waited for my alarm to go off. My poor girls are all confused with my schedule. I keep telling myself 2pm and you are out of there.

I do need to do my cigarette order today. I think I have everything I need to do so. I have two companies that we order from so I will have to call someone once the sun is up from the one because I have nothing to order online with. I wish we just got it all from one but there it is. The other company just sends it with our trucks.

People are getting sick off and on through out the store. Some colds. Some not. I know I am not feeling much better. I feel like I am getting a cold. Or have a cold might be more accurate. I am making it a point to wear a mask at work. I am tired of being sick. I cannot afford to stay home.

I sit here and stare into the dark. And yawn. I wanted to try to work on the novel but I am just too tired. I am so excited over the new ideas but I can do nothing with them. I fell asleep several times on my Kindle trying to read last night. I would wake up to see Essie watching me with a look that asked me why the light was still on. After the third time I gave up.

I don’t know what I have for photos because I certainly did not get any taken yesterday. I put my laptop away and got ready for work once I had this posted. I will go through and see. I hope you all have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Still Able To Make A Difference

I struggled for breathe as my body realized that it had to cough and fought not to. Just before 6am. I coughed once after several drinks of unhelpful water. I even got out of bed and went into the bathroom and took some cough medicine but as soon as I walked back into the bedroom the tickle started again. Tried laying down, more water but I finally gave up. I quietly sat up and stared into the darkness. It was too early to get up but there was no way I was going back to sleep. So I gathered my goodies and came out into the living room. Essie followed so she and I snuggled up on the couch together until around 8:30am.

I think I ended up doing too much yesterday and had a set back. I got dishes washed, groceries ordered and put away (I love my coworkers!), managed to have a decent conversation with my Mom and chatted via text with several coworkers. I also played a lot with the girls. Essie left her frisbee out somewhere in the yard and could not find it. After several minutes of asking her to go get it I found I was having trouble breathing and really needed to sit down. So my temper flared at myself and I told Essie to get her butt inside. I sat watching tv on my own for the next hour or so.

Another thing I did yesterday was renew my title of “Pitbull Whisperer.” This became my nickname at Younker’s when I was able to calm Pitbull pups that were freaking out by talking to them and holding them. They would fall asleep in my arms. I educated several people on Pitbulls in my time there and many have since become Pitbull advocates. I still get calls and messages from friends and family asking for help with dog problems in general but more often than not they deal specifically with Pitties. I got one such message from a friend about some issues she was having with her new rescue Pitty. We messaged back and forth for an hour or so. I gave her some suggestions that I think will help (her rescue may have been abused and has many problems that we had with Stella when we first got her). It makes me feel good to know that I can still make a difference.

It looks as though we used up our quota of blue sky and sunshine yesterday. We are once again wrapped in a thick cloudy blanket. On the plus side I believe that the girls’ kibble and toys should arrive today (I had to bump things up for free shipping and the girls really have been very good through all this). So I will unbox it all when it arrives and dole out the goodies. They were really excited last night to actually get beef again for dinner. I ordered several containers worth for them. It had been several days since we ran out.

I am thinking about calling my parents today. I think I can make it. I almost did yesterday but I am glad I didn’t. I got too tired and winded. I am concerned about work and this happening. But I may try one parent today and the other tomorrow. Chris had a good chat with his brother yesterday. I was grateful for that. So we shall see what the afternoon holds. I know it holds a little treasure that I forgot I had. One of the many vehicles that got repo’d when I worked at the lot was packed full of books. GOOD books! And when they never came to claim anything I got to bring what I wanted home. This included several Stephen King books that I either did not have or had not read yet. On such gem was Stephen King’s Nightmares & Dreamscapes. I thought I had read all of his short story collections that I owned. But I was pleasantly surprised to find a lovely thick hardback in my collection that had said title that I had not read previously.

I see by the clock that I have been at this for longer than normal. I ought to get this posted and try to get my day started. I will see what I can do about a few photos as well. Thank you so much for all your kind words and support! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Movies, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Baby Steps

I hesitate to say that I feel better. Whenever I do I have a set back. I know Chris is feeling worse. I still have a week before I will be back at work. I have about half a week’s pay coming next Wednesday for this week. I still have to make sure that I have enough for my car payment and bike insurance set aside (yes we keep the motorcycles insured year round). I did order food for the girls. Unfortunately it will get here Tuesday. So I will be doling the kibble out til then. I hoped for a date a lot sooner. But I think we will be ok.

I can see blue sky through the cracks in the clouds. The clouds seem colorful today. There is white, grey, iron grey, cream. In some spots it looks as though someone forgot to tape over the “hole” where the blue sky is creeping in. Last night we were supposed to get all this lake effect snow. We barely got dusted. What did fall was mostly ice.

Both girls are hunkered down beneath blankets this morning. Both dreaming. They were rotating cuddle bugs last night as I watched a few movies. We did play more yesterday than normal. I tried to keep them busy without winding myself.

I got several sweet text messages from coworkers yesterday asking how we were (and when I was coming back). It’s nice that I am not being treated like a pariah for being sick. That is what normally happens. Me not being there…. I am missed. I’m not being made to feel that my being sick is an inconvenience because they have more work to do. It is a unique feeling for me, not being made to feel guilty for being sick.

Then there is Mom. When she has texted she asks why we aren’t in the hospital or what medicine are we taking. When I try to explain that it is like a very bad case of the flu and we are just riding it out (barring extreme symptoms) she just stops talking to me. The problem is that Mom was in the medical field so she thinks that there is a magic pill we can take to fix it. She doesn’t understand just riding it out (which is something she had me do a lot as a child) and it will get better. I am frustrated because if I try to explain I just get shot down. She knows better than me what I am going through because she has read about it. So I just try to text as little as I can without seeming rude.

I can’t believe that next week is Thanksgiving! We just finished Halloween! Christmas will be here before we know it (and I have gotten nothing for anyone so far). Then the first of the new year…. I am honestly dreading it. It will be a year that Moose has been gone. Not an anniversary I want to celebrate.

I did accomplish a lot yesterday. It took me all day but I got the plants watered, shed door closed (twice since it was open again this morning), laundry done and put away (ok, I have the stuff that is still in the dryer to put away yet but still) and I got our bedding all washed and put back on the bed. It took a lot out of me but if felt good to see that I did something besides sit on my butt all day.

I am contemplating groceries. Not going shopping but seeing if I can do our curbside (a cool thing that we started doing when COVID hit in 2020). I really need to get us some stuff. I might ask if anyone would drop it off if they are uncomfortable with me picking it up. I don’t know if I should be out and about (I still feel pretty lightheaded) but I need to get out of the house.

Speaking of things that need to be done I see that my laptop battery is rapidly disappearing. So I need to wrap this up. Thanks for listening and thanks for all the support! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Day 4 of ???

It’s like everything is wrapped in clouds this morning. It feels like I have slept the day away… even if I just got up. Everyone is still sick and trying not to be crabby. When I am sick I prefer to just be left alone but when both of us are home sick that isn’t really practical.

Aaaand this is why I should just focus on one thing at a time. My Mother just sent me an article about a massive outbreak of COVID at a University of Michigan game. She then asked me if someone from the store was there. So now I am responsible for all the current outbreaks? Thanks Mom. Really. I think I liked it better when she wasn’t speaking to me.

Breathe… Despite begin sick the days seem to be going by very quickly. It is already Wednesday but where has the time gone? I have done a whole lot of nothing so shouldn’t time go slower. I remember when I was a kid time didn’t matter when you were sick. It was the one time you were expected to do nothing. As an adult I still expect myself to keep the house picked up and chores done.

Still no word on the test results. Neither of us is up to going out to the garage let alone driving so I told work we were going to just wait on the tests we took Monday. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do about groceries. I don’t know if anyone would be persuaded to drop things off at the garage under the awning. I may ask around… I say ask around I might have Shalee from work ask if anyone would mind dropping the groceries off. I don’t want to share any of this but we do need a few things.

Anger seems to be pushing it’s way to the top today. I don’t like being angry. I don’t want to take my anger out on Chris or the girls. But I have nothing to do to channel it. I am frustrated with my novel. It is going into a direction that I don’t like. So I have thrown my hands up. The Agatha Christie novel I have been reading is not what I thought it was either. And not in a good way. So I don’t know if I want to not finish it or what. The more I read the more annoyed I get (see what I mean about the anger stuff?) so I might be better off just setting it down for now. I would really rather go back to bed but I can’t sleep for anything lately. I will be exhausted and just toss and turn. Even the nighttime cough medicine doesn’t help. I noticed last night that my anxiety has started kicking in. I tried to read myself to sleep but everything I read just wretched up the panic attack.

I should wrap this up and get it posted. I did get two rather decent photos last night of the moon when I fed the girls and let them out. I will share those. I might try to wander the yard and get some fog shots but I don’t know if I can stay upright long enough. I might be reduced to going to the windows again to take photos. My hands aren’t very steady so get the camera not to shake is interesting. A big thank you to everyone for checking in on us. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

You Can Do Eeeet!

I am beyond grateful to have the day off. Last night was another night of unbearable pain. This time it was in my legs. It took an eternity for the medicine to kick in. I can still feel it but it is not as bad. I plan to call the doctor to ask what I need to do. I paced the house for several hours trying to ease the pain. I tried to lay in bed in various positions and read but no joy. Pacing did not ease the pain so much as not intensify it.

I am exhausted. Yesterday’s busy schedule went better than I hoped. I even got out early. But everyone wanted to chit chat so I ended up home at my regular time. I am not really looking forward to tomorrow at work. I am manager as well as gas. I have no one coming in for gas until 2pm. So if anything needs my attention as a manager I will need someone to cover gas. I guess it will all work out but sheesh!

I still have to write my article. I am regarding the prospect with dread. It’s just that I am so wiped out from everything the past few weeks… I really enjoy my job at the paper. I am forever grateful that they took me in on a trial basis and decided I was good enough. And that is why I push myself to keep writing and getting myself out there to the meetings. If it weren’t for the paper I would spend a lot more time at home and I seriously need to be out and about more. I just don’t wanna go out. Once I am out I usually enjoy myself it’s just getting me out that can be tricky.

I have three penpals and I haven’t received a letter from anyone in a long time. I know it’s childish and there are reasons behind it. It is nothing personal. But my inner child is sitting looking up at me with wide blue eyes and her bottom lip sticking out looking for all the world like she wants to cry. She has had a hard week too.

The big excitement today will be French toast made with cinnamon and apple swirl bread as well as cappuccinos made with our espresso machine. I am excited about that. I don’t have any set plans for today although I do need to water and take care of my plants. I have lost several over the past few weeks. I need to dump the dirt into the various gardens and put the dead plants into the compost pile. When we got up this morning I saw that our maple trees in back had shed a good portion of their leaves. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ I was both surprised and sad. I also see that I need to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

It’s Catchy

Another too early morning. I do get out at 2pm but I have a meeting in Elk Rapids tonight and tomorrow morning. I am seriously thinking about asking if someone can take tonight’s meeting. I honestly feel like crap. I have managed to catch something either from a customer or coworker (several of both have been sick). I would call in if I could for my day job as well. I got home last night and felt like I had been beaten up. All I wanted to do was sleep. I thought I felt better when I got up but once I sat down it all hit again. Body aches, dry scratchy throat and just general feeling bad. The body aches are the worst right now. My skin is overly sensitive with everything. The least touch and it hurts. The girls have tried to help but… Essie stayed up with me today. I think she is on the couch again while I write this.

I need to let the paper know that I won’t have the article in time for this week’s paper. Tuesday I am scheduled tight enough that I will be going straight to work after the meeting. And pulling a 10 hour shift. That is another reason I am seriously thinking about having someone else cover tonight’s meeting. I am just worn out between both jobs. I am frustrated about scheduling as well since I have virtually no time to write my article even if I do have the time to go to the meeting.

Yeah, I think I am going to ask for someone to cover my meeting tonight. I am miserable right now. I just hope I can make it through work. It really sucks because I have to do my first cigarette order this week and this happens. I am hoping that if I can get to bed early again tonight that I will be better tomorrow. Atleast I won’t be up late trying to get the article written. I feel guilty about doing it but I need some kind of break right now.

I really don’t have any photos either. I have a bunch on my phone but I can’t put very many (if any at all) on here because the size of the files. When I take pictures with Nikon I can upload them into tiny files so I can fit more on my blog. I will share the few that I have and see if I can get more tonight when I get home. On that note I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Books, Creativity, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

The Good, The Bad And The…. What Time Is It???

Not even the sun is up yet. I do get out of work at 2pm but I am still wiped out from this week. Yesterday morning’s meeting at my day job garnered unexpected blessings. I am getting a 50ยข raise (everyone in the deli is) and $50 of my gift card from work (again everyone is). Raise is effective immediately (we hope). If not this coming paycheck then next. That will make a nice payday.

I should be reading the book I borrowed from a coworker so I can give it back but instead I am rereading Rabbit In Red by Joe Chianakas. I need my comfort books right now I guess. I finished the last of my Jacqueline Kirby novels yesterday before work. I don’t pick the borrowed novel up because it is a very nice hardback and I feel bad hauling it around since I know it will get bounced around quite a bit in its travels. So I try to just read it at home. But of course I get knee deep in another book that I can haul around and put that one off.

I have to figure out what to do about photos on here. I deleted a bunch yesterday so I could upload a few that I had managed to take but it still said that I had no room (nevermind that it did actually download the photos, it won’t let me put them into my post). I suppose that might be a blessing in disguise since I have had no time to do anything but work the past few days. And with the leaves falling at a rapid pace around here there isn’t much to look at. I will need to get creative with my photographs. What I need to do is pull out my DVDs and get watching them so I can learn more about photography and my camera. I also need to get on the ball with my photography site. I still haven’t uploaded any new content.

I guess I will try the photos from yesterday and see if it will let me put them in. Again. I hope you all have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Shake Ups At Work

I got up a little after 6am and reset my alarm to 8am. I have had such broken sleep. I fell asleep reading around 10pm so I decided to brush my teeth and turn off the light. That deep sound sleep lasted until around 2am. Then I was wide awake or dead asleep. The awake periods lasted between 30 minutes and an hour. The asleep bits were just as jumbled. Dreams were weird too. So now I feel like I’ve been hit by a big something. I still have my work meeting to go to this morning (I had one for the paper last night that ended up going later than normal) so I can come home for an hour or two (it depends on how long the meeting lasts) before I return as closing manager for the night. Then I come home to catch what little sleep I can so I can be back at 7am tomorrow.

I feel like all I am doing is bouncing from one thing to the other. Both Stella and Chris were in and out of bed with upset stomachs last night. I’m not sure what time they were able to finally settle in. Work is going to be madness. There is a big shake up going in management and everyone is… not on egg shells but very unsure of our future. Not that of the store/company so much as what is going to happen to our work family. So many people have left we are going to be short staffed again.

For it being the slow season we sure aren’t. Not that we have more people coming through but that there is so much that needs to be done with no one to do them. And no one is being trained to do them. We have a major management person leaving and no one is being trained to take over what she does. One of the things she does is order cigarettes and dairy. Both departments are extremely empty. I don’t think any orders have been placed in over a week. I just don’t know. I suppose I should get going for the meeting. Wish me/us luck! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, History, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Movies, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

And Then There Were None

Late last night we fell asleep to the gentle tinkle of ice chunks bouncing off the AC units. This morning we didn’t have the predicted snow just a layer of ice on hard surfaces. The girls and I stayed up late last night after work watching a new vampire movie. It is actually an old German black and white entitled “Vampyre.” I have a small pile of related movies (“Nosferatu” in no less than three versions and a few other titles that are mentioned in background for the first two) that I hope to go through today. One of my coworkers loves movies and found out I did through our numerous conversations. So he has loaned me a pile of…. I count 19 movies to watch between now and May when he gets back. He also gave me two vampire movies, “Vampyre” and “Nosferatu the Vampyre” (this is the 1979 version). “Vampyre” came with a book that has a lot of background material including a copy of “Camilla” to read (or reread in my case). I am very excited to go through and see the various versions. I really enjoy the different beliefs about the vampire. It is interesting to hear what each part of the world thinks about them, how they live, die and what they actually are. I just love stuff like that!

We live in a valley so weather can be interesting sometimes. Not long ago at work when you looked out the gas/courtesy counter window in was pouring rain. But if you looked directly across the store out the deli doors the sun was out and no rain. This morning when we got up it felt even more like a deep hole. All these thick clouds surrounded us with just a small hole that had blue sky coming through. Since then the sun has come out and made everything sparkle as it melts the ice.

Both girls are snoozing. I have covered Stella with a blanket and since Essie likes to lay on the floor in front of the bedroom door I have started laying a big fluffy blanket down for her. I know she appreciates it because she snores loudly when she sleeps, lol. Kind of like when a cat purrs. Stella nudged the blanket when she got up on the love seat so I covered her. She made a little nest and went to sleep.

I am looking forward to two days off. I didn’t realized how keyed up I was for the party until now. So this will be a much welcome respite. Since Chris’s birthday is tomorrow we both have the day off. He wants to go out and about so I will try to bring my camera and get some photos. Something new to share on here. I also ought to download a few photos to my web site. I need to really get on the ball with that. I have just dabbled with it. Now that I have less on my plate (although things are about to get really crazy at work with a major shake up) I think I will make it a point to do more with my photography web site.

I should get myself together and wrap this up so I can get started with my day. I hope all of you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Life, Love, Movies, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

And Then He Walked Into the Room…

Now the big reveal! I apologize for not doing a second post after work yesterday. I was just too wiped out. So here is what happened Saturday… I was able to pull off a surprise birthday party for Chris! ๐Ÿฅฐ I am so happy that he liked it! I so wanted to tell all of you how plans were coming together as I went along (I’ve been working on it for about a month) but since he reads my blog…. ๐Ÿ˜

But here’s how it went down: I had two of our friends come over to “watch horror movies.” I had decided ahead of time that I was going to send the guys out to go get pizza so I could get everyone over. Once the guys walked out the door Erin and I started pulling things out of the shed (I had stashed decorations and food fixing’s in bags out there the night before when I got home) and I fielded messages of guests on their way. As guests arrived I had them park across the street at our awesome neighbor’s (who also came along for the festivities) so Chris would be none the wiser when they got back home. When the guys got back I had everyone behind me so when Chris came around the corner into the kitchen I said, “I love you!” followed by everyone yelling, “SURPRISE!!!!!” I loved so see the happiness spread across his face as he realized what was going on. โค๏ธ

I didn’t realize how lucky I was to get everyone out to the house until afterward. I guess some of them did not really go out and about to events but they did for Chris. And I honestly think that is a testament to how they feel about him versus me getting lucky. I am just grateful that everyone was able to come over. And the fact that none of us gave it away is AMAZING! I knew I almost spilled the beans a few times (both on here and face to face). I guess I was not the only one. But we pulled it off and I couldn’t be prouder!

And I hear more ice chunks falling from the sky…๐Ÿ™„ I had intended to do this earlier but a thick blanket of clouds was moving in fast to cover the blue sky and sun that we woke up to so I decided to run out and get a few last minute photos before all the light was gone. Reminds me I need to check the bird feeder when I am done since the weather has turned. (The weather for the party was AWESOME! We even had the doors open!) I had planned to put my shepard’s hook by the road yesterday and hang a bucket with some treats for kids but it started raining and the wind picked up quite a bit. I am bummed about that. I have a few kids that were going to stop by just for that and to say hi but….

Wow that bird feeder is busy! I count atleast 10 birds of various sizes getting food. I had better get on the ball! Tomorrow should be more leisurely as I have no cleaning to do (lol, Chris figured out why I was so determined to get the house looking so good) and no meeting until Thursday night. Part of me hopes that it is like this so I will be more inclined to just curl up and write and read. I had better wrap this up and add photos. Thank you for reading and commenting! Stay safe!