Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Ending One Chapter and Writing a New One

We got good news yesterday!  Essie is cancer free!  The lump was benign.  I have been worried for so long it is going to take some doing not to be.  This afternoon I take Essie in to get her staples out.  And hopefully this will be the last vet visit for a while!

I need to make some changes around here.  Specifically to myself.  I need to figure out where I am and where I am going not that the scares with the animals is over.  I can focus on myself and school.  I need to do my class work today.  If nothing else I need to watch the videos today and then I can work on the writing portion this weekend.  I have been very good about keeping up the house so I do not have that as an excuse.

I will also try to work on alteast one of the novellas.  Hopefully both but I know if I work on the fiction (versus the horror one) I will get stuck and not work on either one.  The goal is to work on the horror one (that seems to be coming along quite well) and then sit and mull over the fiction one.  I am not sure why it has stalled out.  I keep saying it is because I don’t know enough about surfing (mostly the practical side) but I think the big thing is I’m not sure where the story is going.  I have all these great plans and they don’t feel like the right thing.  If they aren’t the right thing then what is?  So If I get one story worked on I can sit and mull over the second one and not feel guilty.

Tomorrow is August already.  I can’t believe how much has happened in the past 7 months!  And good grief my birthday is coming up… I suppose I should get myself moving.  Atleast I should watch some of the videos for class.  (The dogs want me to go outside and play with them so maybe I’ll wait?)  I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my various posts and give their support and good vibes for Essie.  It means a lot.  Thanks, as always, for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Busy to Keep Anxiety at Bay

No rain yesterday but it was nice enough to work outside some.  I primarily took care of stuff around the house.  No word from the vet yet.  I will call the finish paying the bill and see if there is any word.  I rushed in and did my classwork. I thought I had a few more days but it was due at like 2:30 am yesterday so I got everything written and handed in.  I also got my peer reviews done.  I had intended to start the next class last night but I was just so tired that I was sure I wouldn’t retain any of the information.  I may try it this morning.  But I may not.  Essie keeps coming in to see me.  She wants me to follow her and I do but I don’t know what else she wants.  She hasn’t eaten again.  This is becoming a regular thing.  Just like before the surgery.

I am starting to feel overwhelmed again.  I am trying not to panic.  There is so much here that I should have done but don’t.  Things I said I would do but haven’t.  I tried book reviewing and it’s just not working for me.  I can’t seem to find the words or the words I fins aren’t good enough.  Aren’t sophisticated enough.

I have a meeting tonight via Zoom.  I have an alarm set to remind me.  With everything going on in my head I know I will forget.  Once Chris gets up I will go get groceries.  I wanted someone to be home so the house wasn’t shut up.  It is just too hot for that right now.

My mind is a total blank right now.  There is nothing.  I try to pick  topic to rite about and gone.  Like someone hit the delete button on everything.  Stella has come to be with us.  She is laying out in hallway just outside my office door so she can get the cool breeze coming through.  I’m going to wrap this up.  I can’t focus when I am this anxious.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, family, Gardening, Life, Photography, Racing, Writing

Looking to the Storms

The storms from yesterday have lightened the air and cooled things off tremendously.  The wind has been steady since we got up.  Which is nice because I can open the windows and cool down the house.  I don’t know what I have planned for the day.  I do know that I am keeping one eye on the phone because I should get a call about Essie’s biopsy results.  I am anxious about it because I think I already know the answer.

With the weather as it is I feel creative.  I have been reading that is pretty much it lately.  It is so hot if you move from one spot the sweating starts.  The kids have been getting way too hot despite my best efforts.  Since we are down to only one AC unit it’s hard.  The only way they would go in would be if I did and I didn’t want to spend the whole day in the bedroom.  But I took my time putting laundry away so they would all spread out on the bed for a bit.  For some reason Moose has to be touching me as I write this.  I think once I finish this I will open more windows and stay outside for a bit.

Well I am pleased to say that Valentino Rossi finally got a podium!  Yesterday’s MotoGP in Jerez, Spain saw three racers unable to compete due to injuries which shook things up a bit.  It is so good to have Rossi back on the podium!  He’s been complaining about issues with his bike and Yamaha finally addressed them.  After all these years they should know that listening to him about the set up on the bike is what is going to win them races.  I was unable to watch the race so I can only share what I gleaned from online.

I will add some photos from the gardens here.  They are growing like weeds!  lol  The food gardens, though small should get us some sustenance.  We now have four different day lilies in the yard.  The tiger lilies have finally bloomed in the front yard.  I have no idea where all the other ones came from.  When we moved in it was all tiger lilies.

I know this is rather a hodge podge of events.  Sorry about that.  I’m a bit scattered this morning.  My brain seems to already be working on the story.  I hope everyone has a great day!  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

family, Life, Photography

Show Don’t Tell

Not much to say this morning.  It is hot and sticky to the point that I am sticking to my old desk and when I pull my hand away the stain from the wood comes with it.  The AC in the living room over heated it’s power cord last night and took the power out of 3/4 of the house.  Once we got power back then I plugged into a power strip.  It tried to melt the power strip.  So the only working AC is in the bedroom.  That is closed off to us right now because Chris is asleep.  So today’s post is gonna be photos.

Books, Creativity, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Reading, Writing

Reading Leads to Writing

I did get some writing done on one of my stories yesterday.  I am rereading a series that I have not read in many years, Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles.  I had forgotten how her words and stories flow carrying the reader from the past to present and back again effortlessly.  It gave me some more creative juice to use on my own work.  So for now during the day I will read Anne Rice and at night I seem to got to H.P. Lovecraft on my Kindle.  Both authors have a lot to teach with their writing.  Both can tell a good story (it may take Lovecraft more words to do it sometimes).  Rice paints her worlds and characters with a loving and lavish brush to make them come to life.  I can lose myself in either author’s stories.

Today’s goal is to be able to work more on one or both of my stories.  I have to say that I am having an easier time with the one that has horror in it.  I am not very adept at the straight fiction anymore.  It is easier to lose myself to the supernatural.  Which is evidenced by my library, lol.  I have limited straight fiction.  Looking at my book shelves I am tempted to reorganize them and have a section of the classics.  That would include such works as King Solomon’s Mines (one of my favorites), Frankenstein, Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz (I am trying to get all the books) and other such gems from the past.  I have things divided into topics such as horror, mystery, research, children’s books, creativity and writing… you get the idea.  Other shelves are dedicated to specific authors like Anne Rice and Stephen King.  I do have to say that I love my library.  There are only a handful of books that I have not read in all of them.  Most of them have been read more than once.  Sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for examination and sometimes for a bit of both.  Right now the Vampire Chronicles are a bit of both.

I find myself drawn to different books and I am remembering when I received them.  I have the Chronicles of Narnia that Mom bought me when I was going on the road trip with my Grandma Morin for the summer.  She bought me the whole series to take with as well as a beach towel, a deck of cards (I still have those as well), sunscreen and a few other goodies.  I have A Ring of Endless Light by Madeline L’Engle that Dad got me (with a loving note from him written on the inside) because I loved reading it in the school library.  There is a book of love letters that Chris got me for an anniversary present (the same on he had flowers delivered to my work and I cried my eyes out).  I even have Dad’s copy of the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe (Dad memorized The Raven while he was on a ship in the Navy and that was the first thing I learned to read… and I still have the children’s book we read it from).  Sooo many memories on these shelves!

Goodness I have gone on!  Sorry about that!  I will stop here because I could go on endlessly!  lol.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Movies, Nature, Photography, Writing

Cloud Watching

This morning my thoughts are a grey as the skies.  Essie won’t eat which means she hasn’t had her medicine.  I still haven’t received my money from the 401K so the vet bill is still unpaid.  I am concerned that Essie does indeed have cancer and that her time with us is more limited than we think.  It is not me being negative.  It is me watching her and her habits.  I’ve not voiced this to anyone here because I would get the talk about being more positive.  I’m not sure how long til we get the results from Essie’s biopsy.  Maybe as late as next week.

We slept later this morning.  Mostly due to us being up late.  We would’ve been in bed by 10pm but when I went to close the sliding glass door I noticed that I could see stars which meant that the clouds from earlier had gone.  Sooooo I decided to wander out and see if I could see the comet.  And lo! there it was just over the house.  So then I had to get the binoculars to see how well I could actually see it.  Well by the time all was said and done it was going on midnight.  The kids really wanted me to go to bed but they wanted to make sure I was ok outside.  Moose and Essie came out alternately with me while I was star gazing.  My patient puppies!

I watched two movies I hadn’t seen for years yesterday.  The first was “Sleuth” with Lawrence Olivier and Michael Caine.  The second was “Deathtrap” with Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve and Dyane Cannon.  I enjoyed watching both of them.  Sadly we had no popcorn but that’s ok.

The sun is trying to come out.  That will bump up  the humidity which I am ok with but I am in the minority.  I am going to try to get some work done on my stories.  Since I seem to be willing to do it mentally I’d better do it while I can.  I will leave you with some photos I took yesterday around sunset.  The one cloud formation reminded me of Godzilla, one of my favorite childhood “monsters” (I never thought of Godzilla as a monster and I always thought that Godzilla was a she because of baby Godzilla).  Anyway thanks so much for reading and your awesome comments!  Stay safe and have a great day!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Evaluations

Moose is gently snoring on the floor behind me.  I am in my office waiting for the rain to fall.  We had a storm last night.  Poor Stella hid in the bathroom for a bit while Essie curled up closer to me.  Moose did not care.  He just laid his head on me and went back to sleep.

I have no idea what to do today.   I didn’t do much yesterday beyond keep an eye on Essie.  I take that back.  I got my custom made leather bag (I ordered this way back in April) in the mail yesterday.  I sorted through and packed it with some necessities and am trying to get used to having it.  It’s quite beautiful.  I also planted a white onion that had sprouted as well as a few garlic cloves that had sprouted.  We’ll see how they do.  It was good timing with the rain.\

I still haven’t done my class work.  I need to do it or cancel the class.  I go great guns then stall out.  I pulled out my guitar and tuned it the other day.  And it is still sitting here in the office unplayed.  Chris loaned me a guitar stand so it is up off the floor.  It all sounds good and fun until it comes to the execution of the project.  Then I stall out.

I think I will make pasta salad for later.  If I do it now it ill have time to cool in the fridge instead of wasting all those ice cubes to cool it in a few minutes.  I’m not sure what to do about the funeral Friday.  I might ask Chris to borrow his truck.  I don’t know if the Jeep will be up to it.  Hell, I don’t know if I am up to it.  But that is the day after tomorrow.  I have a local meeting tomorrow night.  Truthfully I don’t want to do it.  But the flip side is that once I am there I will be fine with it.  It is the thought of leaving the house.  Chris is not going to work Thursday so he can stay home with Essie while I am at the meeting.

I’ve not written any reviews.  I’ve not worked on either novel.  The dogs are restless and so am I.  Nothing interests me.  I usually end up reading or watching tv.  I am currently binge watching The X-files.  We are well into season 8.  I just can’t find anything to hold my interest.

The coffee is almost empty so I will rap this up.  Thanks for reading.  Stay safe.

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life

A Quick Update

Mentally I feel better but physically I am exhausted.  Essie is home and happy.  I have to check her gums every hour to two hours (yes I set an alarm for this all through the night last night) and she has three more meds to take.  I have to also check her incision to make sure that all is healing and not bleeding.  She is also to be kept quiet.  Ha ha ha.  At night I take her out to go potty on a leash but she is pretty quiet during the day.

What they removed was about .5lbs and she looks like she should with all the frisbee she catches.  She is slimmer and looks good.  She ate and went potty and drank water when we got home.  She isn’t mad at me because she wants to snuggle all the time and I keep getting lots of kisses.  The only issue is that the other two are jealous.  Moose especially with me and Stella is getting all up in Chris’s business (she is pretty good with me but both her and Moose have gotten yelled at for being too rough with Essie).

I have the vet’s personal phone number for any questions or concerns.  We finally met yesterday.  She wanted to know who I was since she’s treated all the dogs now, two of them more than once.  Very nice gal and very pregnant.  She is due the day before my birthday.  We had a good chat.

I hate to cut this short but the kids are restless so I need to be out in the living room paying attention.  Thanks for reading and thank you so much for all your kind words!  Stay safe! ❤

 

 

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Love, Thinking

Essie Musings

I had hoped to have this done earlier but either the laptop or the internet has been giving me issues.  I dropped Essie off at the vet this morning.  It took me almost five minutes to get her out of the car.  Then when we got in the vestibule she just buried her face in me and shook.  Yeah, I feel like crap right now.  They are going to call me once she is out of surgery to let me know how it went and that she is ok.  I can pick her up around 4:30pm.

Stella has been very sweet and gentle since I got home.  I am both surprised and grateful.  Moose is just Moose.  He seems a little concerned that Essie is not with me but happier that I am home.  I made myself a to do list that will keep me busy once Chris gets up.

We had a friend stop over unannounced yesterday around noon.  It was good to see him even if his timing was off (I was getting into the shower when he pulled up).  He stayed until around 3-3:30pm so about 3 hours.

I decided to tap my 401K for my car repairs and such.  Not ideal but that will give us some breathing room.  I need to stay home this first week because of Essie’s surgery.  Since it is being considered a major surgery (which scares me because all they said about the size of the tumor was “massive” and if I am correct I think that is a good bit of her belly, she is too active to look as fat as she does so I think that once that is removed that is going to make a big difference to how she looks) I need to monitor her closely the first week.  I have a meeting that I actually have to attend Thursday night and a funeral on Friday.  Friday Chris should be up so he can keep an eye on her.

I’m going to stop here.  I need to get on the phone and then get things going around the house.  Thanks for reading and thank you so much for all the kind words and love!  Stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Photography, Thinking

More Stumbles

I’m not sure how long this will be.  We got little sleep last night because we got hit really hard with some more storms.  I was the doggie comfort blanket for most of it.  We did sleep a little later than normal because we were all still really sleepy.  As I write this I have two of the three dogs in here with me.  Essie is in and out.

My anxiety is up because tomorrow is Essie’s surgery.  It is a major surgery and they recommended me taking her to the ER vet to stay over night so they could monitor her.  I said no because I barely have the money to cover the surgery and more importantly Essie would be miserable.  When she is hurt she wants to curl up with me and sleep.  And I need to know that she is ok.  So she is coming home after the surgery and our vet is giving me written instructions and her personal phone number incase of questions or an emergency.

I am also anxious because I now need to try to find a decently paying job locally.  And they also have to be flexible about my schedule due to the meetings I cover for the paper.  And will the car be ok while I drive around and put in these applications?  I don’t know.  That is the reason it has to be local.  And Essie has to be kept quiet while she heals for two weeks.  Bills are caught up for the month but next month is almost here.  I am just too overwhelmed.

I will share some photos from yesterday.  Thanks for reading and stay safe.