Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Rain in the Sunshine

Here we are. The cicadas are buzzing and humming in the trees. The sun is out and various birds are adding their two cents to the narrative of the day. The girls yawn and stretch hoping that I will be putting the laptop away soon. I’ve gotten the article written and sent in. I think I will do my word count and get that sent in as well. I look around me and….. and what? I am trying not to do another dreary post about my struggles. But last night in bed things hit home. Many things and I could feel the cloak of depression descending.

I am tempted to set this aside for awhile. But I also know that if I do there is a good chance that I won’t come back to it. And if I stop this then I would probably stop writing all together. That would make things worse. So I ask your patience as I try to work through my rough patch.

I did no work on either novel yesterday. I did get more pages in my journal though. Five to be exact. And I spent some time on my other writing site (Writing.com). I feel guilty with that because someone paid for a full membership for me for a year and I haven’t done anything on the site but a few comments. But I did make the effort yesterday. I also found some helpful articles on the site which I have since printed.

I will stop here and get this posted. I did get some photos that turned out rather well. I hope you like them. Have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

looking inside

This morning dawned wet with rain. I’m ok with that because yesterday was beautiful and sunny. I spent a lot of time outside. This time I can work on things inside. Mostly. If it’s not raining it is still very comfortable out there so I may be more inclined to work on things outside. Oh and here is a touch of sun!

I spent a little while in my swing outside reading. I had my writing things with me though. (I keep telling myself that hauling my writing things does not count for writing. Neither does research when that is all you do.) I made an attempt before bed to write but all I did was stare at the pages. So that is what I am going to do. Thirty minutes a day I will sit with my writing and either write more or stare at the page for that thirty minutes. I can’t keep ignoring it. It is not going to write itself. I also need to write back to my penpal. I have set it aside and done everything but.

Essie’s vet visit went well. She had her blood drawn to make sure the medicine she is on is not hurting any of her internals. So she (like me) is on pain medicine indefinitely. I did find out that her second medicine is for her really bad days (I am glad that I asked since I thought it was going to be what she took everyday once we finished her current bottle). Thankfully she hasn’t needed any.

This morning I kind of feel like I am falling apart. My body feels like it is completely rejecting me. I know that Chris has his problems too so I try to not say anything about mine. I am concerned since it feels like all of it is coming on all at once. I am concerned and not sure what to do. I am not a fan of doctors but things have gotten bad enough that I am going to them.

I look around the room and see my various bits of inspiration that I have. Rocks galore (I am a rock hound although I do need to start learning more about what I find instead of the “ooooo! shiny!” and bring it into the house to collect dust), my books on writing that I cherry picked from my own collection, my candle, my various trinkets…. so I guess I should use them and get to writing. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Taking Care

I am glad to finally see some of the new bloggers that I follow finally appearing on my feed. I enjoy reading the new voices out there. 😍 The day has dawned warm and sunny. It will probably get a lot warmer but it will be heaven not to be freezing in the AC at work! Yesterday went quickly. I was all over the store but once I got settled in the deli we just went for it. There was lots to do and I am proud to say that pretty much all of it got done. The last two hours of my shift I was closing cashier. It was then that my body informed me I had done way too much.

But I have the next two days off. I am hoping to be able to relax myself mentally. My anxiety has been right up there but hidden away so I could function. I need to address that while I am at home. If I don’t and keep hiding it then there will be a melt down at one point. I also need to look at my physical limitations as well. Despite any medicine my body is one big ball of pain. I have an appointment with the pain clinic at the end of August.

Today’s goals are to work on myself and my novel. I have been pretty consistent with taking care of others. I am going to try to take care of me. This might include a bit of housework but….😁 The girls are already outside enjoying the day. I think it is time for me to do the same. Thank you to everyone for your support! It really means a lot! Have a great day and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Tattoos, the World, Thinking, Writing

I Need To Be Here, There and Everywhere

Aaaaaand back to the late posts. 🙄 I felt so guilty leaving the girls yesterday morning! The storm really started kicking in about the time I left for work. Stella even came out of the bedroom and was shivering. But everyone was happy to see me when my grouchy self got home last night. (I just keep telling myself “one more shift and then you get a day off.”) Chris made an amazing dinner (no photos because I was too busy eating).

I enjoy my job, I really do. It’s just that we are busy and short handed (witness me being cashier and working in the deli today then next Sunday I am manager and working in the deli). everyone is just getting fried. We have had some job applications come back but not all are up to the task.

I have a small moth that is all over me and my laptop. I brush it away or blow at it and it comes back. Not sure why. I see that and think about my hand tattoo I am getting. I am very excited! I think that my artist is going to do a 3D rendering instead of just a straight picture of a Monarch butterfly.

The girls are restless and want to play. Me not so much. I am still tired. My mind is everywhere but here. It is one of those times where I could stay focused and get lost in a book but in the real life I don’t know where to focus. Do I play with the girls? Work on the novel? Photography? Think about work? Putter in the garden? I have too many distractions. I feel like there is so much I need to be doing. So I just sit and stare trying not to feel overwhelmed.

I had better wrap this up. I sit here and look around me at everything I haven’t done and should/need to do and I am getting myself overwhelmed and depressed. Sorry for a bit of a downer post. I hope everyone has a fab day! Thanks for reading and have stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Looking Things Over

I am still tired this morning. We seem to get up at 9am instead of 8am (or even the 7am) that we used to. Some days I feel rushed while others seem to go ok. Then a long shift at work, come home and do it all again the next day. I like my job but I try to play with the girls when I get home because they have been inactive (I assume) the long time I’ve been gone. I try to play with them a little in the morning before I leave as well. But this morning? We’ll see.

We finally had another hummingbird yesterday. I’m not sure what happened. I was faithful about changing the feeder out and washing it. So I once again washed everything out and put fresh sugar water in. Now we wait. Lots of butterflies though. I am really looking forward to getting my Monarch tattoo. That will be on the 18th of August. I’ll share photos the following day.

Yesterday also was a good long chat with Dad. When we hung up he was in a very good mood and smiling. We had various trips down memory lane and I also got him up to speed with various happenings at my end. He is starting to get out more and experience his world rather than stay cooped up in his apartment. That is helping his mental attitude as well.

As for me I got laundry going, mowed the front lawn (after my four hour chat with Dad) and even spent time on my novel. The girls and I played off and on through out the day. I always feel that it’s never enough compared to what they should be getting. I also got a few photos in the yard.

I suppose I should wrap this up so I can get some stuff (quietly) done around here before I leave for work. Chris is still asleep so I will try to entertain the girls quietly. I also need to check all the plants inside and out to see who needs to be watered. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Focused Randomness

I am beginning to think that Mother Nature has something against me. Once again nothing but sun and warmth when I work. Today? Supposed to be partly sunny and warm. But what do I have? Think dark clouds and chilly weather. I seem to get no summer on my days off. And I could really use some summer today.

I looked at my calendar for the month of August. It is very very full. I made mention of this to my boss yesterday. He seemed completely unconcerned and said that it was no biggie. We would work through it. A completely different response than I would’ve gotten at Younker’s.

My mind is jumping all over the place this morning. I had a strange dream that I remember a good deal of. Including two books that I needed to have in the dream, which I happen to own so I have dug one of them out. The other (I think) is in the bedroom so that will have to wait until Chris gets up. I find that if my mind shows me specific things it is for a reason. So in certain situations I will try to find those things and interact with them. In this case read.

I have been given an extra push to keep going on my novels. A coworker not only has published a book (apparently several) but we are selling them at work. Jealous does not begin to cover my feelings. That being said I am trying to use that to keep going and finish my novels. So wish me luck!

My problem is that there is so much to do on my days off because there is so little time to do anything on the days that I work. And it’s big things like mowing the yard (Chris has very bad allergies) or vacuuming or talking to either of my parents (our phone calls are usually several hours… thank goodness we aren’t charged by the minute anymore!). There is only so much that I can cram into one day. So I try to pick and choose. Some days I just get too overwhelmed and nothing gets done.

Well I need to make some choices. One of them is to wrap this up so I can get going on something else. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Movies, Nature, Photography, retail, Tattoos, Thinking

A Blip On The Radar

Well the sun is out today. It never came out yesterday and a cold wind blew away any warmth. I got the plants watered and some appointments set up and that was it. Right now Essie is sitting in the porch sunning. Stella just came in from doing that and is snoozing on the couch. The only thing I did do was watch horror movies to try to cheer myself up. It worked for a little while. I think I just kept myself “on” for too long. Especially after Sunday. I would like to know if the person is ok. I keep running everything over in my mind. I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I know I couldn’t have done anymore.

So I guess all this has put me in a funk. No sun yesterday and blue skies today doesn’t help. I have to keep my chin up. If I can make it through tonight I have Thursday off. I’m trying to get my birthday tattoo scheduled. He keeps changing days on me. It’s very frustrating. He said weekends were good so I took the day before my birthday, the 15th, thinking that Chris could go with. No joy. Well then I’ll go on my birthday. Nope. He doesn’t work on Mondays. (Insert swear words here.) So now we are on to Tuesday morning at 11am. So. He is very good at what he does. Getting the timing down is the bugger.

I think I will wrap this up. I don’t have much more to say. I think I’ll putter in the garden and read for a bit before I have to go to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Refunds and New Plans

Well I came home to an unexpected blessing last night. My meeting is not tonight but next week. So I get TWO days off from both jobs this week! And after Sunday’s chaos I am very very grateful! So I get to break up my various projects between two days. (Although next week won’t be so kind. Essie’s check up is Monday afternoon and the meeting is Tuesday night so I will have two days off in a row but something on each day.) I am excited to get things started.

My two books from Amazon arrived yesterday. Finally. I had to reorder them. They were shipped but deemed “undeliverable” for some reason. So I reordered them. I am supposed to get a refund for the first order. I’ve not seen it yet so I am worried that someone saw that the same books arrived and assumed that it was the same order. I think I will message them today to see what is going on…. I am on now. The individual at the other end of the conversation is trying to flirt. I just want my money back. 🙄 Aaaand I don’t know if the person understands that I did not receive the first order. Sigh….

I had hoped for sunshine today. But I guess Mother Nature decided otherwise. Since I started this the clouds have thickened and the temperature is dropping. Oh well. So do I take my swing out and put it up? I didn’t think it was supposed to rain today. It looks like it will try to shortly though.

Well that worked. I will get my refund. The email said 3-5 business days and it has been longer than that. So hopefully since a human did it it will happen. The weather app says no rain just clouds but these clouds say rain. I guess I could push my luck and water the back gardens. I also need to check the inside plants. We have three more tomatoes to eat! Yay!

I suppose I should wrap this up. One more cup of coffee and I will write back to my pen pal in the States. Maybe read a little. But I really want to be outside so maybe I will sneak out and put up my swing. I hope you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, retail, the World, Thinking

The Day That Blew Up

You don’t know how glad I am that yesterday is over! If it could go wrong at work it did. And the night was rounded out with a woman being hurt in our parking lot and being arrested. I am still upset over it. I left a note for the store manager with a brief account of what happened and said that I would be happy to fill in the blanks when I got there at noon today.

With everything happening I didn’t get home til almost 11:30pm. It was just short of a twelve hour day. And I get to do it all again today. Hopefully with minimal issues. I’m grateful that everyone at home was ok. (Not that they wouldn’t be but the way the day was going….) I have tomorrow off but I still have a meeting in Elk Rapids at 7pm. Thursday will be my day I can stay home. On the plus side today is the only day I am manager this week.

I did get a nice text from one of my coworkers about what happened last night. She gave my props for my actions and was very supportive. I had to make sure that everyone punched out etc. since they were in the store rubber necking til quite late. But to be fair everyone was really good with all the issues that cropped up.

I just want to get through today and be home for more than a few hours. I really wish I had today off. I am just tapped out mentally. I am going to wrap this up and try to spend a little bit with the girls before I have to go back to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

A Little Here And A Little There

Another day. It’s cloudy but the sun is filtering through. I am hoping the day at work goes fast like it did yesterday. I am just plain tired. Weekends are always hard for me. I usually close and on Sundays I am usually always manager. I get home late and stay up even later to spend time with the family. I don’t get much sleep because I have to get up at a relatively decent time to get everything done before I head back out. I am grateful that I only live about 5-10 minutes from work. If I was doing this and working in Traverse (especially this time of the year with all the tourists) I would barely be functioning.

We got our first batch of tomatoes from the plants the other day. They have been ripening about one a day. The average size is about the size of a tennis ball. They are very sweet! I am looking forward to more treats from our gardens this year. I am very excited to see how the pumpkins do. i need more dirt so I can plant some hot peppers (the seeds are a variety pack). I plan to do those in pots so I can keep them year round.

I got a lot done yesterday before work on my novel. It doesn’t look like much but I am pleased. This is gonna take a while at the current rate though. I am just too tired most days to even attempt working on it. But I want to keep going at it. I know we will slow down once summer is over (which sucks because I haven’t really been able to enjoy my favorite time of year and I have plenty of time during the season I am not very fond of) and I will have more free time.

I got a letter from one of my pen pals and I want to read it before I have to go to work. So I need to wrap this up. I will share some more photos from my little trip on Thursday. Have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!