Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Through the Looking Glasses

Well we now have around a foot (30cm) of snow. It came down hard over the course of yesterday. It lays in thick drifts all over, even in the trees. Stella looks so lonely when she goes out now. I wonder how Spring will be. I am thinking of getting her a harness and then she and I start going for walks at the local park. It will get both of us out. I mentioned it to Chris to see if he wants to go along.

Laundry is wreaking havoc in the utility room by the sounds of it. Things keep falling off the machine as it spins the clothes out. I have no idea why. It is not a different load than normal. Stella keeps getting spooked when something crashes to the floor. I think she is realizing that Essie isn’t coming home again. I am not sure how she is dealing with it. Over the past week or so they both got very jealous of each other. They could be close at times but I just don’t know. I also don’t know how she will react the next time she goes to the vet. Normally she likes to go because she is a very social girl but after this? I know that there was a big change in the dogs when I brought Minion’s body home. After that they didn’t want to go to the vet’s.

I just have to get through today and I have 2 days off. I am going to need my alone time to process everything. I am also going to design Essie’s memorial tattoo. It will be her paw in my hand (I have a photo) and I am getting under my left bicep so that when I put my arm down I she is next to my heart. I am also using some of her ashes in the ink. I want to come up with a tattoo that represents all of my fur babies over the years. I am thinking of maybe just a never-ending line of script of all their names. Just have it wrap around my body. I will also need to see how much this will cost. I have to make sure bills get paid.

The house is so quiet. Essie was such a big personality…. Stella is busy but it is a different energy than Essie. And the fact that we are all cooped up in the house doesn’t help. I wonder what Stella will do Wednesday when we are both gone to work. Tuesday night I have a meeting (please self don’t forget the meeting) so it will be a small taste for her on her own. I worry about her. I worry about all of us. Maybe I will take Stella for a ride tomorrow. Just a drive around then back home to get her out. I still have the blanket in the back seat from Essie (my seat covers are cold this time of year).

I think I will wrap this up and see if I can do some work on my novel. Thanks for reading and I really appreciate the outpouring of love. Much love back to you all! Stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Peering From the Snow Banks

Well we got a good chunk of the promise snow thus far. Anywhere between 4-6 inches (10-15cm) depending on where you look. We had strong winds last night so that moved things around a bit. Chris is going to get up around 11am to plow. We are supposed to continue to get snow through 1pm I believe. Right now the snow falling is very fine.

It seems as though it doesn’t matter how much sleep or the quality of sleep I get anymore. These past few days have wiped me out. Right now I feel like I have gotten next to no sleep despite getting around 8 hours. (You know you got snowed on when the plow trucks just go by with a soft shush.)

I got some quality work done on the novel yesterday before work. The big thing right now is going to be characters. I need lots of them. Both Italian and Norwegian. That is a bit overwhelming so I am circling the problem mentally. I have a lovely random name generator I found online that I can use. I might start there. There’s just so many that I need to bring to life to pull this story off! I have other things that need to be done but this is the biggest. I have purchased a small notebook to keep with me at work. I had forgotten one and if I get an idea there are only so many post it notes one can keep track of!

I filled the bird feeder the other day when I put more suet in but with this weather I should probably go and take a look see and make sure there is enough. I am also very grateful for the garage to keep the vehicles in. I don’t miss having to dig my car out to go to work!

Gah! I feel like there is something that I need to be doing… But I have no idea what it is. I should throw on some boots and shovel the back and side porches. That way the girls can get up and down the stairs easier as can we. Then I will check the bird feeder. Awww… there is a small chickadee just outside the front window on a branch. Ok, I will take that as my cue. I hope you are all doing fab! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Alice Down the Rabbit Hole

Have you ever woken up and felt that something is off? I did this morning. I don’t know what or why but here we are. The girls are asleep on the couch. The skies outside look like dusk.

I spent pretty much all of yesterday reading. I almost made it through two Agatha Christie novels. I am at a loss this morning. I have spent the past 10 minutes looking around or staring at the screen. I find no comfort in my daily routine.

Is it that I need something new? Not purchased per say but a change of some kind. It truly feels like I don’t belong here. Something is off just enough… And I hate putting it like that but that is the crux of it. Essie keeps looking at me as if she senses it too. Something is not quite right.

I realize that at this point I sound like a nut but we all knew that I was so nothing new there. 😁 Well since I am getting nothing done on here but stare at the page I will wrap this up. I hope you all have a great day! Thank you to those that reached out to me yesterday. I appreciate the love. Thanks for reading and stay safe…

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Feeling Like a Bad Spice Cake, Too Much of Everything

I just can’t seem to get enough sleep lately. No matter what time I go to bed I feel the same when I get up. Last night I slept especially hard and I honestly feel awful right now. Today will be a 10 hour day but I have tomorrow off. I honestly have no idea what I should do tomorrow. There is so much that needs to be done around here. The only thing I have kept up on is laundry.

The sun is out and I don’t really want it to be. It can be a dark dreary day today. There are plenty of clouds still out. Did I mention all I want to do is sleep? With everything going around at work I will be upset if I get sick again. Not surprised though. I watch people cough either right out without covering their face or they cough into their hand and then touch things. And this from some of the ones that “can’t afford to get sick.” (*eye roll*)

I had a bit of news last night that was well…. unsettling. For me atleast. For most people they would be over the moon and excited and proud and….. Then there’s me. My eldest son (the one I just started keeping in touch with last year) messaged me that he and his wife are expecting. I can’t wrap my head around that. I messaged Mom but she is very blah about it. (I told her briefly about Essie and that I might not answer messages for a bit. I don’t really want to talk to her about Essie because the last scare we had with Essie Mom (well intentioned) told me I needed to do what was best for Essie. If she does that right now I know that I will lay into her. She has no place to tell me that after some of the things she…. no. I am not going there.) I want to tell her that Essie is doing well but I dread the possibility of “that” conversation.

I got some work done on the novel yesterday. Frustratingly enough I seem to have made more backstory questions for myself. Even if the reader never knows about half of what I have created I need to have the history of this village in my head and/or on paper. I have to laugh. For every page of novel I write I end up with two or three pages of backstory that I have to come up with! On the plus side I am very interested in the characters and their backstory so it is not a chore to get to the nuts and bolts of things.

I guess I should wrap things up. I want to try to wake up before work. I am closing manager so I need to be focused and alert. Not dozing. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Dreaming of Gardens

I don’t have to be to work until 2pm so that is a nice thing. I didn’t need to set an alarm. I got some extra cuddle time with the girls. Poor Essie was really warm when we got up. Part of that is the prednisone. She also drank a lot of water (again the meds). But she has been eating again so I’ll take it. I took both girls for a ride to work last night. I forgot to bring the next books in a series a coworker is reading so I decided to take both the girls with. On the way I remembered that I had forgotten to get meat for their dinner. One of my younger coworkers (she’s like a little sister) was excited to come out and meet the girls. They did very well. And one of my regulars was parked next to my car and commented that the girls were very quiet (they never bark when someone pulls up beside us). He was very impressed. I was too because Essie wasn’t shaking or anything while we were out (Essie is not a fan of car rides so getting her out and about can be difficult… I just wanted her to be in the car for something other than going to the doctor).

I am starting to think about my gardens. We have yogurt that comes in these small glass containers at work. They are a little more expensive but they tase really good and have the added bonus of being the right size to start my seeds. I also have the long window box I need to empty out. The plants didn’t make it but they were the annuals so I wasn’t surprised. The dirt was crap as well so I am grateful they made it as long as they did. This also means that I need to pick a spot to get serious about a food garden. I have several spots I can use but each has a unique set of problems. All will need fresh dirt. But if I use the rock garden (I prefer that because it is fenced in so the kids don’t run through it) there are the fire ants. Apparently this garden is on top of a mound of them. When I do any serious gardening I have to pay attention because they will start to swarm which means I have to take a break in that part of the garden for a few hours while they calm down. There is also the problem that they will eat certain things from the roots up. I cannot grow any hot pepper plants in that garden. They also manage to bring up a lot of sand which a lot of the plants aren’t happy with. I have three raised gardens but those are in desperate need of a good cleaning out (they have been left on their own for several years as they only recently became enclosed in the fence line so that I can access them). There is also the girls. They like to fertilize them in the Spring and Summer. Also a consideration is that they are a distance from the house as well as the abundance of bunnies that will come in the yard now that it is fenced in (I am still at a loss as to why that is… before the fencing went up the rabbits stayed away). There are other little plots of earth here and there that I could use but they are all easy access to running and playing Pitbulls that (bless them) don’t pay attention to what they are running through. I may resort to pots again but I don’t know for sure. Tomatoes and I don’t do well together however I am thinking of trying the whole grow them in the hanging bag that is advertised. It would be inaccessible to the usual critters. But will they grow?

With prices going up on things I need to be serious about my gardens this year. If I have an abundance then maybe I can share some locally. But I need to get things grown. I enjoy gardening so it will give me an excuse to be outside more. Since I know some peeps that work at some of the local gardening shops I might see it they can get me some specialty stuff (like the bags to grow the tomatoes). I would much prefer to do it locally than send for it. Especially since these people shop at my place of work.

Do any of you have gardens? Year round? I have tried to keep food stuffs in pots and bring them in during the winter but with as little sun as we have had they are not happy. What do you have in your gardens? What do you do about various pests? Any comments or suggestions are welcome.

I see that this morning I have run on a bit. I really have enjoyed talking with those of you that have commented on past posts. Thanks for reading (everyone 😁)! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

So What’s Gonna Happen?

There is good news and bad news from yesterday’s vet visit. The bad news is that there is a mass on Essie’s liver that is pushing things around. The good news is that it is hopefully not cancer. Hopefully. Surgery will be too much for her so we are trying to treat it with medication. I am to call the vet if she has anything change. This morning she scared the hell out of me. It is a bitter cold here and I let the girls out to go potty after breakfast. I kept an eye on them just incase paws got too cold. Not only did Essie stop part way in and pick up her front right paw but she suddenly collapsed on to her butt. I threw boots on and went flying out there to scoop her up. When I got out there she had gotten up and made it another foot or so toward the house. Right now both girls are tucked in under blankets and sleeping. Essie’s breathing was weird for a bit and it was hard not to go off the deep end. Stella is being very jealous. I hope this does not create a problem like we had before where they are fighting.

I did make it to last night’s meeting (which was blessedly short) but I just don’t have it in me to write the article. I probably will once I get this posted. I just don’t really want to do anything except curl up into a little ball. I got work on my novel done yesterday morning. About a page but it is something. I don’t know if I will have a chance this morning or not. I have two hours before work and I have the article and a few other things I need to do around here yet. I have no idea how much sleep I will get tonight as I am working at 7am tomorrow morning. Well I am manager so 6:30am so I can get the tills in and such before we open.

If this is any indication as to how 2022 is going to go… I have tried to be positive but this is making things a tad more difficult. I just feel so overwhelmed. I don’t want to adult anymore. πŸ™„ But I have to. I should wrap this up so that I can get that article written and sent in. I won’t have much time over the weekend (little to no quiet time) so I might as well take advantage of things now. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Love In A Snow Storm

We awoke to several inches of snow. Within 45 minutes the flakes had gone from coarse salt size to the size of a nickel. Then it went in the opposite direction. It is in the process of getting larger right now. Essie spent a good amount of time patrolling the fence line. Mostly at the back and she began and ended her patrols at Moose’s grave.

I called the vet yesterday morning. Essie has an appointment at 2pm. Since she hasn’t done anything but pee it will be x-rays right out of the gate. We are worried about a blockage. I am glad I saved my Christmas money. So I guess Essie and I will leave a little early and get that money deposited. I’m pretty sure it will all go toward her vet bill. I just hope and pray that I don’t have to make “that” decision. That scares me to death.

I didn’t get much done yesterday. I did water plants and do laundry (although the last load is in the dryer still). The girls and I went out to Moose’s grave for a bit and shared some banana chips with him. It was chilly enough I put coats on the girls since we were going to be out for a while. They had a good romp.

I got a surprise Christmas gift from Chris yesterday that helped to cheer me up. A little bit ago he purchased himself a light saber. He really enjoyed it and was doing his forms again (one of the things I always loved was watching him work through his sword forms). But apparently he wants someone to play with (these are ones that you can connect with but not full contact if you see what I mean). I have a thing for rooting for the bad guys a lot and that was the case when it came to Darth Maul in the new Star Wars movies (which I am not a big fan of, I prefer to stop at the first three… which technically are not the first in the story πŸ™„). So that is what I have. Darth Maul’s double saber. This set up has all kinds of bells and whistles that I have to figure out (volume being a big one… those things are loud when they talk to you!) but there are things like various sounds you can make (right now they sound like a traditional light saber when I move them through the air and I can make it sound like I am repelling laser gun fire) as well as being able to change the saber colors (I have gone with my favorite of red on both). So that will give me something to play with. It is quite large and heavy when both sabers are together but that will just strengthen my wrists. I think a lot of time will be spent outside once it starts to warm up (I will actually be able to get him out of his office! lol). And that is not a bad thing for either of us.

But my thoughts keep coming back to Essie. I am trying to plan things out in my head so I am not making decisions on emotion only on the spur of the moment. As much as it hurts I am trying to think things out. I want her to leave this world at home. She is terrified of going to the vet. And with the new restrictions in place I don’t think I would be let in and I am NOT leaving her alone with that. So I guess I would set something up to have them come out to the house. The next question is what are we going to do with the body? I would prefer to bury her out back with Moose but the ground is frozen solid. I don’t know if we can right now. I hate to send her away to be cremated. That will require some more thought.

I am sorry to be thinking out loud on this. My fingers are typing what is going on in my head without much filter this morning. My heart is feeling so brittle right now. One blow and it could shatter. I find myself looking at my Winnie-the-Pooh bracelet that I got myself. It says You are Braver than you believe-Stronger than you seem and Smarter than you think. I am not feeling any of that at the moment. (For those of you wondering where in the world that is in Winnie-the-Pooh it is what Pooh tells Piglet when Piglet’s house is flooding and he is freaking out (this is in the original books mind you, Pooh gives him a similar speech in the Disney movie). Pooh may have been a bear of very little brain but he sure was a smart one. ❀️ Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Music, Nature, Photography, retail, Tattoos, the World, Thinking, Writing

Contemplations: Life, Love, Happiness and Banana Chips

Moose’s anniversary started with a beautiful sunrise. Once I got Essie out after eating she did the strangest thing. She was sniffing along the back fence line like she was looking for something. She stopped right at Moose’s grave and just stood and stared. Then she woofed and bounced at his grave like something was there. I thought maybe she saw a deer or something but there was nothing there.

I bought some banana chips to share with Moose today. It was our special treat together. It was one of the few things we could still share together after the got sick. Stella will eat them but Essie mostly won’t. That’s ok.

Essie still hasn’t gone potty that we have seen but we have missed a lot. This morning was a good example. I kept repeating that I needed to watch her while she was outside but I completely forgot because Stella decided that she wasn’t going out so I was trying to convince her to go out when I realized that Essie had been out for a few minutes already. When I got to the door all she was doing was sniffing around. But I will try my best to keep a closer eye on her the rest of the day.

In bed last night I made another to do list. It is all pretty straight forward. Things like work on my novel, make my list of meetings for work for the month (I guess the store manager is going on vacation and making several weeks in advance), work on my guitar, clean out my wooden fountain pen (I really want to like this pen… but it is such a hassle to get the ink to flow enough to write with that it is quickly becoming an expensive paperweight) and take photos (I should be uploading to my web site as well).

I am debating about getting another tattoo. I have several ideas on what I want but I am not sure what to do next. I am leaning toward more butterflies. I want to get local butterflies on random spots. I have my Monarch (I get so many compliments on it!) and I really love the detail work he did on it. Soooo I would like to get that same effect all over. The other one I want is something to do with books. I just can’t come up with a good concept. So I guess I can scour my photos for butterflies and see about getting a few.

Another goal today is to clean out my long window box. It will fit in the kitchen windows so my goal is to get the nasty dirt out from the mess I got from work and fill it with the Miracle Gro that I have. From there I will start some seeds going. It is a sunny set of windows and there is a heater vent near by so it will stay warm. I thought about moving George there (he is my new succulent) but it would be awfully lonely for him. He needs direct sunlight so I have him on the shelves by the sliding glass door. I just worry that it is too cold for him. That being said he is doing fine so far. Sooooo….

Ok I had better stop of now. I am just rambling on. I want to thank everyone one for their kind words over the past week. It means a lot. I hope you all have an amazing day. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Looking Through the Dark

Here we are. Another post in the dark. I have both girls out here with me. I guess this is the new routine. I feel bad not sitting with Stella on the love seat because Essie is on the couch and her tummy is gurgling so I am worried.

Today I don’t have any responsibilities today. That being said I might see if I can squeak out early. The coverage will be there. If we are dead like yesterday I may. I miss the family. Everyone at work understands why I am suddenly quiet and out of sorts.

I came home last night and pretty much went straight to bed after feeding the girls. I asked Chris not to feed them before I got home as I wanted to give Essie some more pumpkin to help with her issues. I did read for a bit and Chris would come in and talk about things while he played with the girls. Despite it all I had a hard time getting to sleep. I am hoping tonight will be different. Part of it is me only seeing the dark when I leave for work and come home. It has thrown my internal clack off. I am like the dogs so when it gets dark I start to get sleepy. I am not a fan of the dark all the time. The constantly overcast days are bad enough.

I read all your posts and everyone is so positive and looking forward to new things in the new year. Here I am struggling just to make it through the first week. No pictures again so I will see if I can get some repeats. Thanks for reading and all your kind comments. Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Guitar, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Music, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Quality Fun With My Man

Everything feels off this morning. I am worried about Essie as her tummy is upset again. We may be going to the vet to start the new year. Yay. All she wants is to be loved on by me. I can hear her tummy across the room even over the furnace. If I lose her now… I can’t even cope.

Yesterday was an amazing afternoon with my Hubby! We ended up downtown Traverse (after several frustrating loops to find parking) and wandered a bit. It was a bit more wandering than we had intended. L’Amical was closed. So was the next restaurant. The one after that was short staffed so there was not one bussing the tables when they became empty. After a bit of waiting and no one asking if we needed to be seated we left. There were a few other choices along the way but none sounded good. So we ended up a Mackinaw Brewing for brunch. As always the food was excellent. The server even more so. Sadly I could not taste the flavors of either of our beers (I know it was me because Chris was able to pick out flavors used in the brewing process). To me they both tasted like water. Instead I decided (much to my happiness and giggles) to have a glass of “Sex”. That I could taste. (“Sex” is the name of a locally made champagne. Their other products have equally fun names.) The server and laughed together about me having “Sex” in public while Chris looked on wishing the moment would end, lol.

After brunch we made our way to the blessed bookstore. Sigh… I love our local bookstore! I got us both some much needed caffeine (double cappuccino with an extra shot of espresso for me and a large chai for Chris) (I had a good chat with a guy who worked on the local tall ship Madeline) and made my way through the store. The first thing I grab when I walk in the door is a copy of Michael J. Fox’s No Time Like The Future. This has been on my wish list for a bit. All three of his books. This happens to be the latest release. By the time we leave I have two books and a magazine (annoyingly I think I may already have a copy of the magazine). Chris got to motorcycle magazines (I will thumb through those when he is finished 😁).

From the bookstore we head to the local music shop. Chris needs a strap for his acoustic guitar and I figure I might as well get new strings for mine. We look through the strap selection and gasp a bit at the prices of the ones we like. Chris meanders a bit through the store ooing and ahhing over all the toys. While he is distracted I grab the strap that we both kinda liked and get that and my strings. When he comes back to pick out one of the cheapy straps I tell him to put it back and take his bag. He reaches for the cheapy strap again and I again tell him to put it down and take his bag. Then the penny drops (the guy that waited on me is behind the counter grinning the whole time). He looks in the bag and I get a big hug and thank you.

The next stop (this time we are on the road home) is Meijer’s. I end up leaving with the cutest little succulent! His name is George. After the quick run in that store we get a little closer to home and stop at Tractor Supply to get more canned food for the girls. While there I try on jeans (I can’t find a good fit even in mens sizes) and boots (I just want a plain basic cowboy boot… nothing fancy, no pointed toes or short boots). Nothing I want. A gal suggests that I try online and get it delivered to the store (I am thinking why not get it delivered to my house and save me the trip?) since they have a larger selection online. I agree and we depart with the canned dog food (Momma got a toy for each of the girls at Meijers so I was able to not go down the toy aisles there).

When we finally made it home I fed the girls (after we played for awhile with our new toys) and hunkered in bed for some serious reading. I am still reading two other books (one of which is a loaner from a friend and I need to really give it back soon) buuuuut I had to start the one by Michael J. Fox. As of right now I only have 78 more pages to go. Out of 238 pages. Ahem. Did I mention that I really wanted this book?

So we’ll hopefully all get some rest today. I will probably finish the one book and maaaaybe start another. I will write a review on the book when I am finished reading it. I am hoping to share some of the photos I took while we were out and about. I’m not sure how many I will be able to do as I took them with my phone which means they will take up more space in my media on here than my Nikon (I can download those as a smaller size). So we’ll see. I hope all of you have the best 2022 that you deserve! Thanks for all the love and support this year! Thanks for reading and stay safe! See you next year!