Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Time to Do

This morning has dawned rainy and cool. And that is ok. The downside of that is with all the rain is that the grass has grown shaggy. So that means a run on the mower later this week. I also need to trim back a few trees and bushes. I didn’t make any lists yesterday, but I did spend some time writing in my journal. I am going to try for my lists today.

I woke feeling a bit scattered. My thoughts and feelings seem to be all over the place. Going out and sitting in my chair (which is now on the porch by the sliding glass door) might help but I think I need to start doing things instead of thinking about it.

Yesterday I swapped the bistro set (I pulled out the second chair) and my blue chair. I was sitting trying to write in my blue chair and I was being plagued by biting flies. I would barely get a word written and I was swatting at a fly. If I ignored any of them, I got bit. So I put the chair on the porch and the bistro set on the grass and set the new umbrella beside them. Funny thing is now that they are there, I will need to move them to mow. Ah well.

This morning Stella stayed in bed. She was a cuddle bug all night. At one point we were sharing a pillow. Since Chris has this week off it will be good for her. She will be able to go in and out as she pleases.

A week from tomorrow I am getting my tattoo fixed. I am dreading having to deal with the artist. I don’t want the hostility. I am hoping he will surprise me and be civil. I will miss going to him. His prices were reasonable and for the most part I have loved all his work. But there it is. No more spontaneous tattoos! lol.

I should wrap this up and get myself doing something. I have some photos from yesterday to share. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Beginnings and Just Getting Started

I am trying to gear myself up to face the day. I let myself sleep in (again). I ended up working an eleven-hour shift yesterday. We were very very busy and I got to be manager and the courtesy/gas counter person. By the time my help started to arrive we were getting lines that reached the back of the store. And it pretty much stayed that way. Once my shift was over I gave a break (the night manager was scrambling to get things figured out) and then I spent the next hour or so doing my liquor order. It took me a while to get it all figured out on the new laptop but I did. I had my laptop balanced trying to get close enough to read the numbers on the tags to get my order in. We were wiped out of so many things! That is what took the longest. I had to order about 3/4 of what we carry. I even forgot to add the new shooters until after it was placed. I might try to add them today to see if they arrive on Friday.

We have friends that want to spend the day with us. I a) don’t want to really go anywhere and b) I don’t want to leave Stella at home by herself. I suppose they could come over if they wanted. I don’t know. I am mad at myself for sleeping so late. I feel as though I have lost a good chunk of my day. I slept about twelve hours. I want to putter around the house and I need to do some writing (spending time with other writers has not spurred me to more writing as I had hoped). I am just frustrated with myself. I feel as though I am doing nothing that I want to. Even if I am. I guess I am angry because of the things I am not doing. Again I am back to balance.

I need to make myself a list. I find that if I make a list then I can actually physically see what I need to do and make an actual check mark when I do it. Some days the sight of a small check mark can do wonders.

I did have a lot of fun people yesterday at work. One of my customers (well she is really a friend now) brought me an adorable little red bat that is a stress ball. His chest says “hell” but right below that in tiny, tiny print it says Michigan. (There is a real Hell, Michigan. We also have Paradise, Michigan and Christmas, MIchigan.) I adore this little bat! I used him quite a bit in his stress ball capacity yesterday. There were some moments….

Well everyone is awake so I am going to wrap this up. I will share a few photos including one of my little red bat. I hope everyone has a great day! Stay safe and thanks for reading!

dreams, family, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Drifting and Wandering… Wait, Where Am I?

It is difficult to see this post through closed eyes but I am trying. I can hear various birds already at it. I just have to get through a few more hours…. We have been getting busier and busier. Which is good for the store but everyone is getting wiped out. Keeping staff is more and more difficult.

I was dead to the world when my alarm went off. I was in the middle of a dream about Dad. My brain has been arguing what words to use as I write this. Things like should I use the word difficult or hard? Then my mind will wander off. And I struggle to find it and get it focused back on task. It is going to be a long day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Holiday, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Rambly Me

This morning has dawned a bit chilly despite the sunshine. I am enjoying my first cup of coffee. Stella got up long enough to eat and go outside. I don’t blame her. I can barely keep my eyes open myself. I woke up at one point to glance at the clock trying to figure out if I had the day off or not. Just today and tomorrow. But my brain also remembers the last day off. That would be last Friday. With everything that has been going on it has been a super long week.

We got a good rain last night, so everything looks fresh and happy. I will get out with the camera and get some photos to share. I didn’t get any yesterday. My days are all starting to mush together. I don’t like it when that happens. I feel like a paint mix of many colors that is just is slowly blending together.

Stella has come out to lay by me. She is getting loved on, so she is happy. Tonight will be the hardest. I am closing manager so I could be home as late as 10:30pm. Then back up at 5am for work the next day. I might be asleep by midnight. I might not. I will be tired enough. I am worried about her hips though. I should probably start giving her glucosamine again. When she stretches she has loud popping noises. She did that when we first got her because her hips popped in and out easily from the abuse she’d had. We knew that she would have problems as she got older. She will be like her sister and not let on that she is in pain.

This weekend will be the actual start of the silly season. The National Cherry Festival kicks off in Traverse City. No one wants to be anywhere near Traverse this time of year. I should probably wrap this up. I am not really focusing on this anymore. I will go and get a few photos to share then get this posted. Sorry for the rather long ramble. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Sussing Out the Breadcrumbs

There is so much rolling around in my head this morning. My brain and body are finally to the point that when I crash at night, I crash hard. So I am starting to get some steady sleep. That being taken care of for the time being I am turning back to my writing. I am going to try to set aside time on my days off (to start with). I just realized that I signed up for the July NaNoWriMo Writing Camp. Oof. I did that in a peak of creative hope at the beginning of June. I can but try. I also sent an email to my editor at the paper saying that I was ready to come back. I hope I am not over doing things. I can but try. I am going to not doing much to doing a lot again. But maybe not. We’ll see.

It is pretty nice out so once I post this, I will take Stella for a walk. I should drive her to the park. But I have a feeling that if I plan to get any writing done, I need to just to our back 40. I am trying to focus on forward without constantly looking back. I will be turning 50 in a little over a month. I need to be looking forward. Not back.

I find myself wanting to stay home more and more. A lot of that is because I deal with people all day. The other part is that I am just not up to running around all the time. I need some down time. (This from the one who just filled her plate back up. Sigh.) But I also need new experiences. I need to be alive. Not in a fog reaching out for sleep. So I guess…. I guess I need to figure things out a step at a time. Time to make more lists!

Stella is restless. I don’t blame her. I haven’t spent much time with her lately. I am going to wrap this up and get her outside for a bit. Then I will write one page on my novel. I can do this. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Gardening, Learning, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Walls

I hope today is better. Yesterday’s lows were very low. We are supposed to have rain all day.I am ok with that because we need it. The weather has been so weird all over the world! It is warmer here than in Hawaii a lot of days!

Later this morning I will be learning the fine art of liquor ordering. I need to touch base with the owner and find out what I will be using to order once I get the hang of things (it is currently on a coworker’s laptop).

Truly what is really eating at me is that I was served papers yesterday here at home regarding outstanding medical charges. The amount they are suing me for is almost 4 times what I was told was left. So I will be responding Monday morning with my own letter at the courthouse. The basics of it is that I am asking them to show what has been paid for and what has not. Also what has been covered by my insurance. I have repeated asked the doctors for this but I have been told that it’s not possible because everyone has their own billing system. So they need to show me what is owed and for what. I refuse to merely hand over money anymore.

I did not sleep well but when I could get to sleep I did get some deep sleep. I think I need to clean out the filters in the AC units. Every night now I wake up having to cough because my throat gets too dry. I keep a big glass of water beside my bed but I have been wiping that out over the course of the night because of coughing fits.

I haven’t taken any new photos. I will try to remember when I get home this afternoon. If it doesn’t rain then I will be out watering my plants after work. Everyone is looking healthy so hopefully we will be getting some fruits and peppers soon. I need to clean out at least one raised bed this week. My next day off won’t be until this coming Friday so I will need to squeeze something in before then. So off to work I go. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Butterflies, Bees and Hummingbirds. Yay!

Here we are. Late but here. It is a mellow day. The sun is being drifted in and out of clouds. I fell asleep watching “Unexplained” hosted by William Shatner last night. No idea for how long. I do know that I ended up with about 12 hours of sleep after I dragged myself to bed. Yesterday was long but full.

Work was busy busy. The gas pumps got shut down for several hours to get everything thing fixed. Drama was running rampant, so I was putting out spot fires making sure no one walked off the job. After I got home I had to go back to work because I had forgotten (for the first time) to get Stella’s meat for her dinners. I did get all of the groceries on the list. I spent more than I anticipated because I got us an umbrella with a stand. It is about 9 feet (2.7 meters) across and orange. Chris has been told by his doctor that he needs to be spending more time outside in the sun. I will help the transition with the umbrella. If I can get him at least outside then that is a win in my eyes. I got it all set up. I don’t know where I want to keep it set up yet. Fortunately it is relatively easy to move around. I also got the backyard mowed last night. I had Chris gas up the mower (I didn’t want to spill gas all over with my wrist not working) so when he left I did the backyard. For now, both the front and back look fairly good. After a shower to stop itching Dad and I had a good chat. We discussed work, Mom, life… It was a good chat.

Since I got all that done yesterday my day today is free. I might be puttering in the gardens. Near the house I have had hummingbirds, bees and butterflies. For two days running now! I am so excited! I cleaned out the hummingbird feeder and filled it. I do need to water all my plants today. Inside and out, they are looking a little dry.

There has been a lot of major digging going on around here. Two doors down across the street has had digging going on all week. Now the people with the goats across the street have major digging going on. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same equipment being used. I wonder what everyone is doing.

Today might be a bit busier than I thought. I have a friend/coworker that is finally arriving back here from Texas today. She might come over for a bit once they settle in. Hang on… someone is here. Just Fed-Ex dropping something off. I should wrap this up. I will take a few photos to share (I didn’t get around to it yesterday). Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Friends, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Finding a Balance. Finding Me.

Another morning… We have company so I am overly self-conscious about how much noise I am making. I guess it is an excuse to write and read. I don’t really feel like doing either. I slept in since I don’t have to be to work until noon. I feel like I should’ve gotten up at my normal time. But what would it have accomplished? I would still get the same amount done and make the same comment that I should’ve gotten up earlier.

I am struggling to find a balance of some kind. There are things that I want to do/start but don’t. Yoga is a good example. My mind wonders when I am going to squeeze it in on workdays. There is my writing. This is the only consistent writing I am doing right now. My journaling is sporadic, and my novel has stalled out. My gardens… I am doing pretty well on all things considered. But I still have to get those raised gardens done and my rock garden cleaned out. And the backyard mowed. Stella still has no harness and our walks have become fewer and fewer. My motorcycle needs to be ridden. I need to keep pushing with my guitar. There is keeping in contact with friends and family (I suck at it, but I try).

I bust tail at work and do my best to get things done around the house and for us when I am home. It just feels like there is so much! I have thought about a schedule like Mondays I do this and Tuesdays that. But with my schedule I have to fit things in when I have time. So I don’t know what to do.

I also find myself saying that I will do things for others and then drop the ball. I have the best intentions but I either don’t have the time or… don’t have the time it seems. I can’t pare back anymore. Next week is my last week off from the paper. It will be good to be back. If they still want me. We’ll see. I will shoot out an email once I post this. I should wrap this up. No rain is in the forecast so I may put my hammock swing back up. And Stella needs a walk. Even if it is just on our property.

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Movies, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Bring Me My Lists!

There is so much to do! There are people I said I would help with things and I just haven’t had the time. I was reminded by two friends about offers of help that I didn’t follow through with. Last night as our friends were leaving one of them asked if we were still going to get together and have a writing day. I felt sheepish but I said that I usually work til 2pm on Saturday so we could try at 3pm. She said that worked. Now I’d better check my schedule. I know I have several changes from my normal one. Yep, we are good.

I got as much planted yesterday as I could. I still have several plants that need to go out front. They are tiny plants so I don’t need much space. I did get two flats of plants in their various homes. I am keeping things we will use year round in pots to bring in. I have enough of done things that I have them both in the ground as well as in pots. Mom will be getting some plants as well.

I don’t know what to differently to squeeze everything in anymore. I find myself exhausted more often than not. Our friends went home late (we had a movie marathon) but we don’t get to hang out very often. Then I kept picking my head up to check the clock about every 30 minutes. I hate to have my alarm wake Chris on his day off. Even if he can fall back asleep.

I notice some of my anxiety tics are coming back. I try to stop when I notice myself doing them but once my attention goes elsewhere…. I am trying hard to be positive. I am trying hard to get it all done.

Please excuse any typos. I am writing this on my phone and I may have missed some. The photos are repeats again today but I will make it a point to take photos of the new plants if nothing else. Thank you for all the support and comments! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Looking For My Map

Ugh. My laptop battery was all but dead, so I decided to try writing in a new spot. I wanted to still be with Stella so I was looking for new spots somewhere in the living room. Right now (after several attempts elsewhere) I am sitting on the floor with my laptop on the seat of on of my bistro chairs. I am right in the doorway to go outside. The cord is not long enough to reach to the table. And the sun is making it difficult to see the screen as it is. Trying to find a spot was annoying because everywhere I wanted to go I couldn’t. Now I am typing in my lap because I hear my fan going. A few moments partly in the sun makes things too hot apparently.

I am trying so hard to be in a good mood today! I did pretty well yesterday. The last two hours of work though… I was really feeling it. The wrist is in bad shape today. I did pretty much all the work with my left hand, but I guess it was still too much. Everyone was so surprised at how well I did with my left hand. I explained that my Grandmother (Mom’s mom) was ambidextrous and Dad is left handed so I learned at a young age to use both hands. I am right handed but I can use both to do pretty much everything. You can even read my writing when I write with my left hand.

I need to get my stuff in the ground today. I have to cram everything into a few hours because we are having company. I don’t resent that. I just had the idea that I could putter in the garden for a few hours then Chris and I go out somewhere for a while. They will be here at 2pm so if I am going to do anything with the raised beds it will have to be as soon as Chris gets up. I don’t know how loud the tiller will be. And I don’t know how much I can do with this wrist. Running the tiller might be a bad idea. I might cram as many as I can in the memorial garden and hope for the best. They won’t all fit though. I do have space in the side gardens though. Not what I had planned but they need to go in somewhere. The poor things are getting root bound.

I keep saving because I am not sure this is charging. The symbol is there but it doesn’t look like it is doing anything. It might be best if I wrap this up and just go put it in my office to charge. Thanks for listening. I hope you have an amazing day! And as always stay safe!