Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

The Last Bits Of Summer

Today is the last day of Summer. Mother Nature seems as sad as I since it has been raining all night and still is. The wind has turned a bit chilly but it has been wonderfully hot and humid the past few days. I’m sure many people find the cooler air a relief. It has brought a hazy, but thickening, blanket of fog.

Last night was the full moon. I was able to get some wild photos only the moon came out from behind the clouds. In a few it looks like daytime! I enjoy the unusualness of some of the night time photos I am able to photograph.

Stella is asleep on the couch with her head on the arm. All you can see is the front of her face. When the wind blows through (I have the window and sliding glass window open) you can see her nose just start sniffing away. Eyes stay shut but that nose is busy! lol Essie is snoozing with her frisbee in front of the bedroom door. She is out cold. Once she starts dreaming everything is going. She seems to like chasing things in her dreams. Probably frisbees or her siblings. Maybe even a rabbit of two.

I got everything done on my list before work yesterday. Yay! I even spent quality time with Calypso. The poor snake doesn’t get near the attention she deserves. I also managed to find a rather large spider hanging out in my shower. Scared the crap out of me! So I scooped her up into a glass jar and set her outside. Even Chris was surprised at her size. The marking on her back were kinda cool. Like one of those stick outlines of a spider. I did take a photo. It might be hard to see her as she blends in beautifully. I need to see if I can find out what kind of spider she is.

And my writing… I did get some journaling done lase night. But things conspired against me when I would try to get working on my novel. But I will keep at it. I don’t have anything that needs to be done this morning so the plan is to work on it after this is posted. I’m not going to have time tonight as I close then I need to be back at work at 6am tomorrow morning. I also need to start watching what I eat. There are certain things I shouldn’t eat before my colonoscopy. I plan to stock up on broth and such so I have food and drink. I think I will be trying out some of the new Gatorade flavors! Maybe I drink some nostalgia and get a container of Tang! Regardless I need to wrap this up so I can get to work on my novel. Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Strange Times

I can’t believe that September is almost gone. When did that happen? The weather still says Summer her so I am grateful. I will be content to have it as long as it wants to stay.

Stella has been weird this morning. After breakfast she went out with Essie but came in first. She was at my side constantly after that. She followed me to get my laptop out of my office and sat while I did my thing on here beside me getting scratched. She normally hangs out on the couch or outside. Essie followed me around until after breakfast.

The day just feels weird. I didn’t want to wake up at all today. Every time I did I glanced at the clock and decided a little more sleep was needed. The last time I fell asleep I dreamed of Moose. I got to love and play with my Baby Boy again. To compound things I just can’t seem to wake up. Coffee isn’t really doing much.

I think I did too much yesterday. My body let me do things without too much issue yesterday but I am paying for it today. Oh well. Hopefully we can figure out something else on the 30th. Reminds me I need to write this on the calendar or I will forget to request it off. It is frustrating that to get something taken care of you have to have multiple appointments with various doctors but the appointments are spread out so far that things just get worse and worse. Then when you finally get to the next doctor it is past anything they can do for you. “If I’d only be able to see you sooner…” Yeah no kidding. 😠

I think I will try to do some work on the novel. I think I have enough time to do that. I close tonight but I have to be there at noon so it will be one of my long days. Just three more days and I get my four days off. (Don’t be too impressed. The first two are for the colonoscopy.) Ok. Time to wrap this up if I am going to get anything else done. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Where To Go

This morning I am out here on my own. Essie did not want to eat. I don’t blame her. It’s way too early. Atleast I get out early today. Well earlier.

The pain with my back has gotten me into a bad head space. I can get out of it for a while but when I am alone it creeps back in. I doubt myself and my abilities. I didn’t work on the novel last night like I had hoped for just that reason. I did get an appointment set up for the week after next to see my doctor. On to the next course of treatment I guess. I also need to call in my main prescription Monday. I will just make it through the weekend with what I have left. With everything going on I didn’t realize I was that low until today. I might try calling it in today. I don’t know how soon I can pick it up.

We were supposed to get rain last night. The sky kept getting dark with clouds but nary a drop fell. I might have to water the outside plants when I get home. Yesterday was a beautiful Summer day… especially since it is almost Fall. The girls and I spent a lot of time outside once I got home. One of the things I did do last night was clip a bunch of my leaves off my pumping plants. They had begun to get mildew on them. I guess the only course of action was to cut off the mildewed leaves. I went to several sites online to check. There wasn’t much in my gardening books. I hope they will survive and we can get pumpkins this year. I planted them in time for a decent harvest but they seem to be taking forever. The last time I planted them late and I had a better time of it.

The clock tells me I need to get moving here. I am opening manager so I need to get there a little earlier than I am scheduled. I get to sleep in a little tomorrow but it will still be a 10 hour day. We are all hoping that we will go back to closing at 8pm soon. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

What A Novel Idea!

This is going to be short. I read as many of your blogs as I could before this. I closed last night and back at 6am. I am really sleepy but not crabby so that is a bonus. The girls ate and I am struggling through my first cup of coffee.

So much has happened in these past few weeks…. I am trying to keep my mind on task. I did get some work done on the novel. One full page written and four new characters introduced. I started a short blip for each one. I intend to flesh them out either tonight or tomorrow. I am very excited to see where this goes. I have a basic game plan but I think I have a few more things to throw at my character than in tended. We shall see! it feels good to get moving with the novel again.

I am contemplating trying National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWrMo) in November. I might try to do it with this novel. You are actually supposed to have something fresh to start with. Nothing written. But if things are moving along steadily then I think I might still use this novel. I was using this novel last year as well. I just hate feeling like I am setting myself up for failure. We’ll see. Like the song says I might do it my way! lol.

I see by the ticking of the clock that I need to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Up And Down We Go

Today’s major task is to balance what I need to do with rest. My back was bad enough at work that I asked to go home. I should’ve probably gone to ER but I can’t add a big chunk of money to my already expanding medical bills (it’s about $300). So here I am. I do have the day off. I do also plan to call to try to get an appointment with my GP (this is only $40).

Yesterday just felt like a disaster for me. It feels like so much went wrong. And it’s not so much that things went wrong as they changed in rapid order. Home, work…. me.

The girls got a special treat yesterday. I tore up three rotisserie chickens for wraps. They only save the clean white meat for those. I hated to just toss them into the trash so I put them in a baggie and that was their dinner. Happy girls! Essie channeled her inner Moose. She laid on the bed and I held the bowl for her as she ate. (It kind of freaked me out that she did that. She always insisted on getting down and going to the kitchen to eat.) But it was a little something special for them.

Oh, so the interior lights in my car (the ones you can turn on and off) are NOT my friend. This is the second time I was searching for some thing in my car and forgot to turn them off. And went to leave the next day with a dead battery. This time was even more irritating because I told myself I needed to remember to turn them off. I still forgot (I was searching for my phone that had fallen out… not in the car but in the driveway). So Chris was a jewel and jumped Angus so I could go to work. Sadly despite my best efforts it didn’t charge anything that short distance. So after work Sunday I had to message him to once again come and jump Angus so I could come home. And after that shift (it was now after 10pm because I was closing manager) I was just wiped out. I had no tears left to cry.

I did get some fun photos last night. I didn’t try any filters but I just changed the mode and that kept the shutter open longer for more light. I think they turned out pretty good. I also found a wild looking maple leaf that was turning it’s colors. Oh and I got my Kitchen Witch from an artist friend of mine. I’ll share that too, She smells like cinnamon (the Kitchen Witch, not my friend 😉). Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Knowing The Unknowable

A day at home. I hope. I have a meeting tonight that will not be Zoom so I have requested that someone else go. My back hates those seats and tomorrow morning’s meeting will be longer on those same seats. So if I only do one meeting I am hoping to limit the pain. We’ll see if anyone can do it. I am frustrated because the other night meetings do Zoom but not this one. I hate to step back from my meetings. I am also unsure as to what I can do once my Father-in-law arrives. The Zoom meetings won’t be a problem but I’m not sure about the in person ones. I don’t know if I want to leave him alone. But that will be next month. Hopefully we will be settled into our various routines.

Why is it that in the beginning I had all these good thoughts and ideas regarding the move now my mind is just focusing on all the things that could go wrong? I was wide awake at 3:30am. I took a sleeping pill but I didn’t manage to get back to sleep until after 5:30am. Every time I would start to drift off my brain would spit out a “what if” and I would be wide awake again.

Today’s goals are to get the backyard mowed (I know it will screw with my back but it needs to be done before the move), work on my novel, work on using my new lenses (I am going to try not to get frustrated… some photo opportunities only “happen” and won’t pause while I switch lenses), learn how to use my various fountain pens (they have refillable cartridges and there seems to be some trick to doing it that I don’t know so I have a DVD on how to do it from the set Mom gave me) and talk to Dad. I will try to talk to him on Wednesday as well. I am not sure when I will be able to again once the move happens. Dad and I can have very open conversations and I am not sure how the father-in-law will be regarding that. Talking on the phone is an option but a very expensive one. An hour will be several hundred dollars and we usually talk for several hours. I can’t afford that. Facetime is free. So.

I am trying to adjust by not thinking about it. Which gets my mind thinking about it. The closer we get to the date the more anxious I become. I know it is the same for Chris… all the “what-ifs” that could happen as well as a game plan for what will happen (such as getting him into the doctor for a general check up).

Right, this novel is not going to write itself nor will the experiences happen without me so I’d better get back to it. Thank you for all your support and for being a constant reader! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Big Changes For Love

This morning has dawned with sun and blue sky. There are some fat fluffy white clouds but nothing too intimidating. It didn’t get very warm yesterday. But I was able to stand in the sun and feel very good. Atleast until more clouds rolled in. I don’t really want to go to work tonight. I would rather stay home and try to get everything where it needs to be. Chris is leaving a week from tomorrow to drive to Missouri to get his Dad. It has been about 10 years since we have been apart for more than a few hours. It will be several days. I am not looking forward to that. The week after that will be colonoscopy (yay) but then I will have the following week off to help get everyone acclimated. I have only one meeting that week so I should be able to spend most of my time with the family.

I am both excited and nervous about having my Father-in-law. I believe that we are doing what is best for him. He doesn’t belong in a home. He has no family contact living in Missouri (there are phone calls and a random visit here or there but no one lives near him). We are hoping that being around people (especially family) will help. He deserves a chance to live.

I’m sure we will get on each others nerves at one point or another but we have rooms with doors that shut so it’s not like we will be in constant contact. I think the hardest thing is going to be resetting our routines. I need my quiet when writing but I may have to figure out another routine. Or learn to write with noise. I remember before I would go to a coffee shop or bookstore to write. So I can write with sounds going on around me. I have no idea what my Father-in-law’s routines are or if he has any. It will be a learning process for us all. But I am happy to have him as part of our home. I would rather do that than send him to a retirement home. He doesn’t deserve that when we have a place here for him.

I should wrap this up so I can try to get some work in on the novel. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Actions and Words

The rain and clouds have gone away. The birds are twittering away and the bugs are humming along too. The sun is out making the coolest diamond and crystal reflections off of the standing rain on leaves and petals.

I hurt still. Most of it is from the procedure (I feel like I need to put it in quotes or capitalize the first letter) but there is an underlying soreness from compensating for that pain. Like walking awkwardly because my back hurts or holding my body a certain way because it is the only way to ease the discomfort for a minute or two. I still need to call the doctor back and give them another update.

My days are off. It feel like it should be a day off. When I get to work it will be weird as well because I am usually the closing manager on Sundays. Not today. I am a mere cashier. I have tomorrow off but I am going to a friend’s house to help with his two dogs for a few hours. I guess he is doing a bug bomb. I am worried about bringing some home. I might strip down a soon as I get home, wash those clothes and hop in the shower. And I don’t want that stuff in my car so I hope he doesn’t expect me to take them anywhere. We’ll see.

I just want a day where I don’t have to worry about anything. No phone calls, no going anywhere just stay at home and do whatever. I am over my anxieties and physical issues.

I have discovered that what I thought was an invasive vine parasite is actually a bunch of wild grape vines! We have them all over the place. So I am going to scope out a few plants tomorrow and see if I can find some bunches of grapes. I saw some the other day when I mowed the front but I never went back for them.

I am going to wrap this up. I want to try to spend some time outside before work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Reassembly Required

It is going to be a challenging week. But hopefully I will come out of the end of the week with some answers with my back. And my phone will be intact. I am able to take off the last week of September. I asked yesterday. So that will hopefully help everyone while we transition into having roommates again (and I mean all of us including our house guest). Essie has spent the morning stalking around the backyard showing everyone whose yard it is. I did get her to come into eat between patrols. (The white shepherd from next door is lose again.)

I feel a little calmer. I tried a little meditation before bed last night. It was either that or the fact that I am just burnt out mentally but I slept hard last night. Some interesting dreams. My best friend from school was in them. Usually when she appears something is going to happen and she was a major player in my dreams.

Friday I am going to try to get things cleaned up a little more. I am hoping that I can do something every day off (more if possible but I’ll shoot for days off to make a decent dent in things) around here. Thursday I might not get much done with everything I have going that day but I will try to maybe do something with my rock collection that has grown exponentially over the past year or so. Part of it is me finding things in the yard. The other part is that customers know that I am a rock hound and will bring me rocks and stones as gifts.

I am looking at this mountain of paper work from all the medical crap I am doing. I asked to have all my bills consolidated on to one to make it easier to pay and know what I have paid. But yesterday I received yet another bill. So that request did not work. I have no idea what I still have to pay anymore.

My one bright spot was the letter and poem from my British penpal that arrived yesterday. It sounds like she is enjoying a much deserved vacation. I think I will wrap this up and answer her letter. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Time, Timing, Timeless

Despite the beauty of the morning I still feel a bit hopeless. Life seems to be moving too fast. Things that I want to do or need to do don’t get done. Too much to do or not enough time to do them? Or both? Am I a failure because things aren’t getting done? What about the things I try to do for other people? How do I chose what gets done?

As you can tell my mind is feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was able to get out of work a little early and spent pretty much the rest of the day with Chris and the girls. We had a lot of fun together. Despite my lack of sleep I still managed to stay up til almost midnight. I slept relatively well but I still could use more sleep.

I also notice that I have been buying things to fill a hole inside. Do you ever get things spur of the moment and then when you get them home wonder what you were thinking? Not that it is hideous or anything but you didn’t really need it (despite what you thought at the time). I have been doing that. I know part of it is missing my friend. Another part is I really don’t know what to do with myself. So I take photos. Or play in the garden. Or play with the dogs. Or read to escape. I don’t know what to do. I feel lost.

Essie really wants me to play. She and Stella both have come over while I am typing this for attention. Stella has brought me her ball. Essie has left her frisbee somewhere and I think I am expected to find it. Apparently this is part of the game. Now Stella is staring at me hard and wagging her tail. So I guess I need to wrap this up and go play for a bit before work. Thanks for reading! Stay safe!