Category: dreams

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

1972italy

I forgot to share a bit of happiness the other day. Remember way back in February when I decided to do the penpal thing? I got two penpals, one in the States and one in England. I wrote to both but I only got a response from the on in the States. I figured she had changed her mind or my letter made her think she didn’t want me for a penpal. WELL! I got a letter from her! 😲❤ I got an oversized envelope with some tourist maps and such as well as a since little card filled with writing front and back. (I find it interesting that both my penpals use blank cards whereas I use plain lined paper.) She seems to be a very nice person. She is a teacher and had been extremely busy with all the online learning/teaching for the past few months. The pamphlets she sent are of the area her Mom lives (massive gardening area) and where she lives. Both places look beautiful! I am so excited! I remember having penpals as a kid. I loved it! And when I was moving around in my 20s my parents and I would send this long missives to each other every week. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

I really would like to stay home today and just try to relax. I slept pretty hard last night. I was just going to try the new medication but I was beginning to hurt too much. We we soooo busy yesterday! If I wasn’t ringing on a register then I was helping out in the deli. The deli has been short staffed for several nights now and they have even busier than the checkouts most days with everything that needs to be done. So I go back when I can to help when I am manager. Tonight I am just a cashier. A mixed bag tonight.

Since I am stuck on my novel I have gone through my library and picked out a book on creativity hoping that I will loosen the grip of the mental block I have. I also discovered that I love my library! I spent a bit just looking through all the various books I have and I would get them all again. It’s like walking into a place that has all your favorite books. And I can reach back into each time when I got those various titles and be right there all over again. I love my books!❤

Stella is asleep on the couch and Essie is in and out. I heard some rustling earlier and I look out to see the girls chasing each other through the yard while playing hide and seek. Silly pups! I’m so proud of how they have adapted!

I should get going. I will need a little time to upload the photos and it will depend on how much space I have. I might need to go back and thin out the photos from posts past! I hope you have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

The Mother’s Day Mix

1972italy

Here in the U.S. it is Mother’s Day. While Mother’s do deserve the praise and a day I am just not feeling it. For myself mind you… I sent a text to Mom and I got a lovely text from my Mother-in-law that I responded to in kind. No this is my first Mother’s Day without Moose. Yes I have the girls and I love them dearly but I had a special connection with Moosie. I have to work today so I guess it will be another work day for me.

I did survive last night. Quite well as it turned out. We had customers late and I had to turn away several people after we closed. Everyone was nice but peeved. It didn’t help that we were short staffed. But all turned out well. I even made great strides in mastering the paperwork. Which is a good thing since I will be completely on my own next week. So I am pretty proud of that.

The sun is out for the second day in a row. It is a nice change from the dark, rain and cold. I am hoping tomorrow will be more of the same. It is chilly if you are not in the sun but I am usually in the sun so…. Tomorrow at this time I should be home from physical therapy. I have a meeting tomorrow night then another Tuesday morning. My days off are tomorrow then Saturday so I can spend some time with Chris.

I am contemplating how to spend my little bit of time before work today. There is a list of things I should do (like clean out the photos in my cache here, on my phone and on the camera) as well as things I could do (which includes reading, working on my novel, writing my penpal, working in the yard (not a good idea with my back but…)). But I’m not sure what I will do though. Both girls are outside. I think outside is a good place to start. Even if I am just sitting.

Sorry this is short and kind of all over the place. I am trying not to think too much about Moose. But everything seems to pull me back to him today. I will add a few photos from the past few days. I hope you all have a great day and to those who are celebrating have an awesome Mother’s Day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, History, Learning, Life, Movies, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Hunting Monsters

1972italy

Well I survived. I did pretty well too. I had a very irate customer leave laughing so I guess I did the right thing. The closing thing went fairly smoothly. Matt gave a few pointers here and there but pretty much left me to my own devices and just stayed incase I had questions. I said he would do the same on Saturday (I am grateful as it will be a very long day (11am-8pm but longer for me since I have to close up the store). Sooooo there we are. I’m not sure how busy we will be Saturday. We weren’t too bad yesterday but we had our moments.

I asked for either Saturday or Sunday of next week off so I could spend time with Chris. I’ve worked the past two weekends and my one weekend day was our one day together. We’ll see what happens.

There is nothing on the web site about tonight’s meeting. I don’t know if it is a Zoom meeting or in person. The last one got cancelled because they did not have enough board members present. So after I finish this I will have to call the government office. I also need to call the vet to get medicine for the girls. Today is their heartworm and flea and tick medicine dose due date. I will probably stop by work to get the girls their meat for dinner as well.

It is dark but pleasant outside. I feel comfortable with the door open. The big question is do I do my running before or after Chris gets up? I can make good reasons for either. I guess it will depend on when the vet can have my medicine ready.

I feel guilty because I have not done my reading/critique on the novel I am beta reading because I have been working on my own novel. I am way behind for her. I sent her an email a few weeks ago apologizing for not having sent her a response yet and explained why. Is that a legit excuse?

Gah… I hear my neighbor across the street mowing. I need to think about mowing the backyard here soon. The front yard is a batch of unimpressive weeds. Short weeds at that. The back however is a receptacle for pounds of dog poop and is thriving. At the very least I need to get out the weed whacker and trim in the gardens. Hopefully the battery is still plugged in in the garage. I will have to check.

I took an after sunset photo when I got home last night. I only had my phone camera on me (I was taking trash out). I also took several of my patient pups last night. They didn’t eat until around 10pm (I didn’t get home until around 9:30pm and then had to cut up and cook the chicken for them). They both wanted to go right to bed but I needed to unwind so I found a werewolf documentary to watch. It was only an hour or so and it dealt with some local legends (we have the Dogman up here in Northern Michigan). They stayed out on the couch while I watched my program.

I suppose I should call the vet and then get my running done. Oh and call the government building to find out what is going on with tonight’s meeting. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Looking Within… A Little Too Deep

1972italy

Stella is curled up behind me on the love seat. She has been my shadow since yesterday. Essie has curled up in the man cave. I shut the door to the bedroom while the girls were eating so Chris could get some sleep without them getting up and down from the bed. I don’t know what Stella’s issue was last night but she was in and out of bed til around 2:30am. She would get up and pace and then need to go outside every little while. I didn’t get much sleep. My back has found new and interesting ways to hurt as well.

I am trying not to think about work today. Me being anxious isn’t going to help anything. But I can feel the panic and anxiety building behind the wall I put up around it. I can also feel the little naysayers in my head starting to wake up too. On the plus side I have tomorrow off. I will have Matt there with me tonight working so if I have any problems or questions I will be ok. In theory. I still don’t know if I will walk into having keys and codes this afternoon or not. I ended up leaving a note to remind the store manager.

Yesterday was not a flop but it feels like it. I had such grand plans in my head but I didn’t get near the amount of things done that I had hoped. The flip side of that is I was able to relax for a few hours. Which is really what I needed. I was able to breath and I played with the dogs enough that they would nap for extended periods. I did get some research done on my novel but I didn’t get the amount of work done on my novel that I wanted to. I did get some photos taken but I didn’t do anything with all the photos I already have. I talked with Mom because I was worried about her. She usually sends me updates on how the house clean out is going. She’s been doing pretty good with it. But I hadn’t heard anything in a while so I decided to call and check on her (even though I said I wasn’t going to call anyone). She was out and about so she called when she got home. Three hours later we hung up. I’m glad I called because she obviously needed to talk to someone. Then there is always the “but” in my head. It’s not like I would’ve done great things with my time if I wasn’t on the phone with her but my head always says “what if” and then goes from there. I was going through my Supernatural dvds and watching my favorite episodes when she called. Hardly earth shattering. Odds are I would’ve squeezed in a few more episodes before bed and that was it.

This morning I got a text from Dad and he’d not doing too good. He is getting more frustrated and scared with his condition. He can’t articulate the way he’s feeling physically or mentally. He is scared that early Alzheimer’s is setting in. I’ll tell you what freaks me out is that both my parents are going through the same thing. Mind you they are divorced and Mom wants nothing to do with Dad so I don’t really share any updates or anything. Neither really knows what the other is going through. But they do because they complain to me of the same things. Forgetting words or ideas mid-conversation, unable to focus especially for extended periods, unable to complete tasks because they forgot what they were doing or how to complete said task…. Some times it would be easy to forget which one I was talking to once they start voicing their concerns. It is scary.

I guess that is why yesterday feels so much like a failure. I had to face mortality and see that it didn’t matter what I did or said or wrote there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Well this isn’t where I had intended to go with the post this morning. I guess I had better wrap this up and either work on my novel or write to my pen pal. Which reminds me I need to get post card stamps on the way to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Friends, History, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

The Little Engine That Could But Chose Not To

1972italy

I said I needed to be out the door by 9am today. I hurt and I really don’t’ feel like rushing around on my day off. The girls are stuck out here with me. When I leave and it’s not for work they will go in and out of the bedroom until I get back home. So I said I would shut the bedroom door to keep them out here while I do my running today. I had several places I was going to go today but I just hurt so my list keeps getting smaller. I would whittle the list down to one place but I need to get a few things before I run out. Sooooo…. But I am seriously thinking about not going all the way into Traverse to the bank. Problem is that is the closest branch. I am hoping I can scoot in and out quickly. I have to deposit cash otherwise I would be banking via my phone app. Looking at the clock tells me that I won’t be leaving at 9am. Oh well.

Physical therapy was a mess. Everything we tried I could only do for a limited amount of time if at all. One of the exercises that I did on my first day I can no longer do. Everything they have suggested I have tried doing before I even decided to go to a doctor. And things are just getting worse. I told the gal I had yesterday that I felt bad because it was like I was giving them too much information. She was very nice but I think she was getting frustrated.

I did my morning pages yesterday as well as going over another chapter for the author I am beta reading for. My goal is a chapter a day (or more) so I can get my notes together and send them out. I am hoping to do some more work on my novel today. But I seem to be doing mostly research, which is fine, but I feel that I am not working on the story (even though I am). I am making progress just not in the way I normally look for. I have managed to pick places that have limited info available on what I need. I hate to make things up (hahaha) but I like to base my work with some bits of truth and history in them. So I toil away at finding just what I need.

Alright, I guess I ought to wrap this up and get myself out the door. I am only running a few minutes late. Stella is upset with me. She has curled up on the couch as far away as she can get from me. Essie is asleep in the man cave by the sliding glass door. Here’s to hoping that I can get it all done and be back to meet my friend in Kalkaska by 11am. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Holiday, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Travels Great and Small

1972italy

It looks as though we will have another beautiful day.❤️ We want to grill today so I need to slide to the store before 1pm. I feel kinda bad because it is Easter but there it is. I am leaning toward taking the motorcycle (pardon the pun) but it will depend on the temperature (the frost still hasn’t melted) and my body. Right now it hurts. I might take Angus (my Subaru) for groceries then take Rogue (my motorcycle) out got a ride later today. We’ll see.

Maybe I need to wear my helmet cover 🧐

I want to spend time on my writing as well today. Even if a few pages are all I do. I started fleshing out some of my characters the other day. I still don’t see them clearly in my mind’s eye so I know more work needs to be done.

The Robins have been here and singing since we got up. Spring is definitely here! I wore shorts to work yesterday and several people commented. I compared myself to a Robin saying that if you saw me in shorts you know Spring is here. That brought many smiles. 😁

I miss loading up the dogs in the car to go for a ride.

My boys❤️🐾

I am trying to be positive… I am debating about doing some yard work today. I don’t want to do too much uncovering if we are still getting frost at night. I found a bud yesterday and the daffodils, tulips, irises and day lilies are growing up fast! I am very excited! Since my irises seem to bloom every other year this year should be the big bloom. I have a smaller batch that blooms when they don’t. No idea how I managed to do it. Lol. I think I will work with my roses this year too. So I need to dig out the book Mom got me.

Looking at the clock I guess I need to get crackin’ if I want to get to the store and get things done around here. I just want to thank everyone for the awesome support!❤️ Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking

Springing Spring

1972italy

The sun is out! I see that the buds are bigger on the lilac bushes and the grass it starting to turn green (despite the cold). The winter weather advisory the other day meant nothing for us. Cold but nothing else.

Both girls seem to want to be outside. But I open the door and they come back away from the door. Or they will just stand and sniff the air. I would leave the door open but it is still cold out.

Last night’s dreams seemed to center around my camera and my leather journal. People tried to take them from me. So I spent a good part of the dream keeping them away from others (usually with the help of quite a few people). I keep pausing and reliving little bits and pieces. Mind you if I try to write them down they will turn into wisps and blow away so I chose to just go over things in my head.

Talking to Mom last night we decided to go bowling and shoot some pool. Mom used to be in a bowling league so I was at many league games. Mom hasn’t played pool so I found a place that has both. Sadly I don’t think the have dartboards (real ones anyway…. Chris and I prefer the real bristle boards). So it will just be pool and bowling. Mom is going to ask her friend to go with so it will (hopefully) be a foursome. I know Mom feels like a third wheel sometimes so this will be a fun change!

I just stepped outside to take a few photos and when I came back in I noticed that my big orchid has some little nubbins that are growing from the bottom. I also found a large stem that had tucked itself away from sight. So it seems that I will be the proud caretaker of a second blooming orchid! I was very worried that she wouldn’t bloom again (I have had her a year as of February).

Looking at the clock I had better wrap this up so I can get things going around here. I think I will start with my indoor plants today. Thanks for reading and stay safe! ❤️

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Balance

1972italy

It is hard to find a balance between everything. Work (even with two jobs) takes up much less of my life than before so that gives me more free time. Well free time might not be the best choice of words. Lol. There seems to be so much to do. So much I want to do. And with warmer weather coming upon us my list grows.

Ok so the “have to dos” include keeping up the house (dishes, laundry, vacuuming etc), taking care of the zoo (this includes care and cleaning of the mice, turtle and snake), watering and care of my plants… is that it? Let’s say it is for now. So now for the “want to dos”. That list is longer and includes my blog, letter writing, reading, riding, gardening, writing in general and working on my novels specifically, learning (this can be through a class or book or experience ex. working on getting the Pearl back on the road)… outside of either of these are spending time with family and friends as well as dealing with all the medical stuff going on.

I know I am over simplifying things (I could include sleep since I seem to be missing it a lot and food since I really enjoy cooking and eating good food) but you get the idea. I hate the idea of writing out a rigid schedule for it all. I like the spontaneous stuff. You know, hey! Let’s go to the book store or hey! Let’s go for a walk around the nature preserve. That kind of thing.

I do have my daily and weekly schedules for things. But can you plan on when you will cuddle with your loved ones? I suppose so but it just feels unnatural. And if you’re not in the mood or can’t? I’m thinking along the lines of riding and writing (yes it can apply to other things but this is what comes promptly to my mind). And I haven’t put in my photography under any of this. I think that’s because it is spontaneous and just fits in wherever.

As I get older I find myself more conscious of squeezing all that I can in my life. (Mind you I did the same when I was younger but I just wasn’t conscious of it. That’s why my life has been so full just do, do, do.) The flip side of all this is finding down time and me time. I know I squander a lot away watching tv (in my defense I do play a lot with the girls and have been known to exercise during a binge marathon and this has been some us time for Chris and I). Part of me wants to slow down and relax for a bit and the other part gets bored and wants to do things.

Something to think about I guess. Oooo I have rambled on a bit today! But I think that’s ok. It’s a first step. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Looking Forward and Looking Back

1972italy

It was just cold and very windy out when we got up. Now it is white out conditions. Bah humbug. What happened to Spring? Ah well… atleast we are done with February!

I do want to thank everyone for their kindness and support over the past few weeks. It means a lot. Moose has been gone almost two months now. And then everything happening after that…

Last night I had all this that I wanted to say on my blog for today but now it is all gone. And I can’t write it then post date it to automatically upload. If I do that then I won’t write anything in the morning. That will throw off my routine. And if I break that part of my routine then I will have to start over. This has been the one constant writing for the past three years. Even if it has only been a line or two to say I wouldn’t be on it was something.

Yesterday I pulled out my copy of Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. It was my first writing book. It was even signed by the author. Point it I am trying to get back to basics. I am going through the book like I did when I was a beginning writer. And in return it is inspiring me like it did when I was a beginning writer. That was all I did before work with my writing. And I think it was enough for the day. I have tomorrow off so I am hoping to get some novel work done. My meeting isn’t until Thursday night so I am free and clear to write what I want tomorrow. I don’t think I will call my parents. Maybe just texting or email. There was less stress and anxiety Saturday. We’ll see.

I am just looking around my room. Many dreams and memories stored here. A lot of things I need to go through as well. And I think I will start. Sorry this is one of the shorter ones. I’ll add a few pictures to brighten things up. Thanks for reading and thank you again for the support. Stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Hocus Pocus I Gotta Find My Focus

1972italy

This is one of those mornings that my body just aches. I asked Mom if she would mind not going today. Truthfully neither of us can afford a girls day (which is what it would turn into). She just dropped $400 at the vet’s office the other day and I guess her car needs more repairs. I told her she could have what she wanted from the seeds I had gotten for the exchange. So we will try another time to get together.

Lat night I didn’t get much sleep despite the sleep aides. I also had weird dreams when I did sleep. I dreamt of the death of three family members. This was after dreaming of a death night before last. I’m not sure what to make of all the death dreams. I haven’t had them in years.

This morning has dawned cloudy. The sun was out for a bit but a gauze of clouds moved in. Yesterday was beautiful… Everyone was in a good mood too. It was over 40F (4C)! That also helped everyone. A lot of snow got melted between the warmth and the wind. I was eye balling the drive way to see if I could get the motorcycle out if it was nice today. Still a bit thick with snow and ice. But there are shovels around so we’ll see.

I am looking at my list. It is a good list. It is an accurate list. I am hoping it will be a finished list. I already have taken care of two things on there. Most of it is writing. I need to get my head straight with my writing. I am blowing it off and I shouldn’t. That is another reason I wanted to cancel with Mom. I need to stay home and work on my writing. I haven’t done any class work lately either. I need to get my rhythm back. All the emotional drama has got me all over the place. Speaking of which Dad sent a text saying that the only text or email he received was the one he was responding to which was the one asking why he hadn’t responded to anything. I haven’t said anything to him. When I do I will point out the text from me just above that from several days ago asking how he was that got no response. I am trying not to be an ass but I am hurt and frustrated. And I don’t want to talk to him today.

I did get some pretty awesome photos yesterday morning just before dawn. I went out to warm up the car and as I was walking back to the house I happened to see the moon. She was northwest of the house and HUGE! But what made it awesome was that the clouds were flowing over her like she was set in a brook or a river. I went in and grabbed my phone camera and came back and she was gone. I was bummed but I stood out there anyway. After a few minutes the clouds revealed the moon again and I took a bunch of shots as the clouds moved over her. I will share those with you. I am quite pleased with how they turned out.

I should get this online and get writing on my interview and article. Thanks for reading and stay safe!