Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other

I want to sincerely thank everyone who has reached out to me over Moose’s death. It means a lot. I am still raw and hurting. Coming home and not having his happy bounce and kisses was the worst so far.

I know that even though I am still messed up inside you folks are going to get tired of me going on and on so I made an effort to take some more photos to share.

Writing anything has become difficult. I have a meeting Thursday night (via Zoom thankfully). Next week I have meetings Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So busy, busy,busy. I keep hauling my research materials around with me in hopes that I can put pen to paper.

This morning both girls ate. Essie has been my near constant companion since we lost Moose. Stella has been trying to do the same but she is more about playing to cope whereas Essie is a cuddler. Stella has started cuddling with me at night though.

Everyone at work (everyone who knows me really) has been very kind and understanding about the mess I have become. I am trying to find a balance between grieving and putting on my brave face.

Essie has been with me all morning. Since I am still using my phone to do this I’m in the living room on the live seat and she is beside me. I feel bad for her as this is the fourth brother she has lost in her 10 years.

If I am going to add photos I had better get to it. Again that you all for your amazing support! ❤️🐾 Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Dogs, family, Life, Love

Gone

This will be short. Moose is gone. I buried him in the backyard. I have done a lot of ugly crying and I have no idea how I am going to get through work today.

Moose did run and play a little yesterday and the sin came out fir pretty much the whole day. I will share photos from the day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Thinking

Moose’s Last Day

This is Moose’s last morning with us. When he was outside going to the bathroom it was blood coming out. So I had to make the choice. Fortunately our vet was able to make plans in short notice. She’s coming over tonight after she gets out of work. Chris got his grave dug yesterday so I don’t have to do it today.

I am writing on my phone again because the laptop can’t get online. Everything else is online. When you look at the connectivity under settings it says it’s online. No one has messed with any settings that I know of so there shouldn’t be any problems. Sigh. This will be a major pain in the butt because I can’t use WordPerfect and send files.

We slept in until almost 9am but I spent about 30 minutes fighting with the laptop to try to get it online. Only Stella has eaten this morning. Moose wouldn’t even try broth. I think Essie realizes that today is Moose’s last day with us. Stella has been extra cuddly with me as well.

I am grateful that I have today off so Moose doesn’t have to wait. He was really perky last night when I got home. He ate some goodies too (like pizza crust and chili dog beef jerk from work). He’s not gotten sick yet so atleast he’s able to eat something.

I need to pull his food and medication together. Our vet might as well take them with incase someone else can use them. I also need to figure out which blanket to wrap him in for his shroud. I have plenty of time to do this but sooner is better. Then I don’t have to think about it. It will all be together and done.

I’m going to wrap this up for today. My attention span isn’t very good and I want to spend as much time with Moose as I can. Thanks for reading and stay safe. And thank you all so much for the love and support.

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Thinking

Trying to Say Goodbye

I guess I’m writing this on my phone again. The laptop says it’s connected to the internet but Microsoft edge says that it isn’t. So here we are.

I got nothing done yesterday. I did take Moose for a ride to the store. He enjoyed it. I am trying to figure out what to do. He ate some chicken yesterday afternoon but threw it up a few hours later undigested. He slept or hung out on the couch for pretty much the whole day. Last night I would feel him start to shake and I’d get up to comfort him. I don’t know if it was shivers because he was cold or shaking because he was scared. I finally ended up sleeping beside him at the foot of the bed. I think I got maybe three hours all together. I let both he and Stella out at different times in the morning.

He is very lethargic and weak. He is still drinking water. I keep getting the words to “Wayward Son” from “Supernatural” running through my head. “Carry on my wayward son. There’ll be peace when you are gone. Lay your weary head to rest. Don’t you cry no more.”

I guess I will text our vet once I know my schedule for next week. I‘m sitting out here in the living room with him as I type this. He and Essie got up with me. Essie ate. Moose stayed out on the couch. So I came out here to be with him. He is just staring out the sliding glass door. I made him comfortable with his blue moose blanket. I told him he can go over the rainbow bridge and play with Dante. He can finally meet Max too. I’d rather him go in his sleep than me have to call the vet. A few times he stopped breathing last night. When he was breathing it was very soft and barely noticeable.

Tonight will be a rough night at work. But it is only six hours. I am working gas and courtesy counter.

I’m going to wrap this up and spend some more time with Moose. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

For Better or Worse

Some forward progress has been made. When I got home from work last night I was able to get everyone but Essie to eat (she did eat this morning and she did have some of the treats I shared with the other two). This morning Essie got up with me and was her perky self. Stella got up a few minutes later and both ate breakfast and went potty. The big surprise was Moose. Food stayed down from last night and I think it got digested. Not too long ago I heard the sliding glass door open and I got up to see what it was. Moose had opened the door to let himself out to be sick. While I am very proud that he let himself out I am also pleased to see that what he threw up was just bile. So that means dinner stayed in and he got some nourishment. He seemed interested in eating but not the beef so I will go get him some more chicken and some chicken broth when I finish with this.

I was able to get everyone but Moose to play last night. He is definitely more thargic. He made a half hearted effort to go after the ball when I tried to get him to play last night. He actually came in here and spent some time with me not too long ago when I started this. I think that I will see if he wants to go with when I go to the store. So far he is the only one that has been in Angus since I got him.

I apologize for only writing about Moose lately but he has been my main focus. I am going to try to do some work on my horror novel. There have been some subtle hints from the Universe that I need to get back to that this morning. I also need to pull out my Nikon and see about getting some new photos to share. (Speaking of which I have just captured a few of the blue jay and small woodpecker at the feeder this morning.) Sorry this is so late. I hope everyone has a great day. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, retail

What the New Year Brings

Sigh…. None of the pups got up with me this morning. No one has eaten breakfast. Stella had diarrhea in two big spots on the carpet (I let both her and Essie out around 5:30am). Not long after I got my laptop up and going Moose threw up. Yay 2021.

I sent a text to our vet (it turns out that the office is closed through the weekend because of the holiday) and she called me back. She apologized for not calling sooner. She was just getting ready to call the ER vet to get my phone number from our records. Well the news wasn’t good. My options are to take him to the ER vet and have them give him fluids to keep him alive a few more days/weeks or I can euthanize him.

I was able to come home early last night from work. About 5:30pm instead of 7pm. To be fair I was a mess. Today we are open from 9am til 5pm. I’m working the full day. We’ll see how the day goes. All three dogs are asleep on the bed. Chris is up finishing the rest of the clean up on the stains on the carpet from Stella so I can get this done before work (bestest husband ever).

We stayed up to see the new year in. I got us a bottle of champagne to celebrate. We were binge watching CSI (we are about halfway through season 3) and talking. Moose kept trying to get me to go to bed. He finally gave up around 11pm and went in on his own.

Moose just came into my office to see if I was coming back to bed. He tried really hard to get me to. But I told him I had to go to work and he just looked at me and then went in by himself. My heart feels like it is shattering in pieces this morning.

I hope we are slow. I honestly don’t want to deal with people that much. People I don’t know I can be polite and ring up. People I know expect me to be chatty and carry on a conversation. Not gonna happen today. I had a few regulars try to be cute (read joking and teasing) and that just made me angry. Kept my mouth shut but that just made them try harder until I finally told them about Moose so they would stop and go away. They were suitably chagrined but I am not up to speaking about it without starting to cry.

Still no more photos. No time nor inclination. I have tomorrow off. Hopefully there will be sun. I will pick a few to add that are repeats. I hope everyone has a great 2021. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Love, Thinking

Moose

Fair warning this is going to be a sad post unlike all the other optimism going on with all my other blogger friends for the New Year. It will probably be a short post too. Moose isn’t keeping anything in his stomach including his medicine. He is throwing up everything but the water he drinks. If he doesn’t eat then his kidney disease will escalate at a rapid pace and kill him. He got up long enough to go out and go potty and take his medicine this morning. He has since gone back to bed. I am beside myself.

The vet’s office is closed on Wednesdays (I have problems remembering what day it is anymore as they are all running together) so right now I am biding my time until they open so I can call and find out if there is anything I can do.

Mom is having more issues and is getting more in a panic to move out here. I am not looking forward to working on that project. Mom is going to be constantly bugging me on things once I get going on it. I know she means well and I understand that the will be both excited and relieved one she gets out here but that makes it no less annoying for me when she is constantly bugging me about it when things are out of my hands. The situation with Moose isn’t helping it either.

I don’t want this to be what it is….. a sad angry post. So I am sorry that I am ending the year on a sad note. Right now that is all I have. As of right now 2021 will be worse than 2020 for me because I will probably lose my baby boy. Thanks for reading and stay safe. I hope you all have a loving and prosperous 2021.

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking

All About Dogs

Normally at this time it is becoming light out but this morning it is still dark dark dark. It started snowing again last night. We got a few inches of snow but nothing major. I got a weather alert on my phone last night (versus getting a warning).

I have been up since 6am. I stayed in bed (mostly, I got up for the bathroom as did the dogs at various times). Stella barely ate any of her breakfast. That never happens. She is curled up on the love seat sleeping. Moose at about half of his after he got his medicine. Essie is the only one who ate everything. So.

My anxiety stayed with me for most of the day yesterday. Moose didn’t eat any breakfast but still got sick. I called the vet immediately. I (again) explained what was going on and that I needed to know what to do. The vet tech (again) took the information down like I was leaving a phone message. But this time the vet called back. Our regular vet was off for the week and well ended up with the vet that took care of Essie with her cancer surgeries. Relief! At one point I was tearfully thanking her for actually calling and talking with me to figure out what to do for Moose. The results of this conversation are Moose is on a bland diet of rice and beef (it could be chicken if we wanted). Chris went out and got some beef stock (low sodium) and some burger. While he was gone I made Moose some rice with the chicken stock I had. Moose ate all of that (thankfully). We also adjusted his medication. He is still taking the pink medicine but I don’t have to dissolve it. I can give it to him whole in a treat or something it will just take longer to get into his system. And he is getting his antacid twice a day now. Hopefully that will help him eat breakfast. He did eat all his dinner last night. The vet will be calling later this morning to see how Moose is doing. If he stops eating all together his kidney disease will take him sooner rater than later. And that breaks my heart.

I talked with both my parents but for very short periods compared to normal. Mom had stuff to do and then when I was talked with Dad the kids get very restless and in my face which made it hard to talk to Dad. After that I binged watched more CSI.

It is lighter outside but still very dark. The snow has stopped but the wind has picked up. So we’ll see what the day brings. I did get photos of the sun while it was out yesterday. I will download them from the Nikon and add them to what I took on the phone to share. I hope you all have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

A Little Can Be Too Much

I had high hopes for this morning. I talked to one of the old techs (old as in been there a while and knows my dog and cares) and found out that contrary to what I was told before I don’t have to dissolve the pink pill in water and shoot it down his throat. I can put it in a treat and give it to him that way. Moose still thinks that I have to squirt something down his throat when I tell him it is time for him to take his medicine. I know it will take some time for him to adjust. He still isn’t eating any breakfast and I put beef juice on everyone’s kibble this morning. I am very frustrated.

I want to get some writing done today but the girls are so busy! They want to play all the time now. I think that part of it is that the sun is finally out. The other is that everyone is a little stir crazy because it has been too cold for them to play much outside. I am struggling to get this written.

We got up later than normal. It was nice to sleep in after getting up so early yesterday. But the flip side is that I now feel like I am running behind. I can feel anxiety stretching it’s tendrils up. So I’m not sure what I will et accomplished today. My brain is ticking over a mile a minute and my focus is minimal. I’m thinking of many other things while I am trying to type this and I have had to retype most of this as I go. And that is not normal for me.

I didn’t have a chance to take any photos with the camera yesterday since I had to go to get Moose’s medicine after work but I did get one last night of the sun in Acme at the vet’s (we had mostly dark grey clouds at home) and I took some this morning with my phone before I started this. I will share those and go deal with my anxiety. Thanks so much for reading and stay safe!

Ed. Note: Apparently the photo I took at the vet’s office has disappeared off my phone. I did not delete it and I know the camera took the photo so?????

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Here and Gon… wait, what?

This is going to be a fly by the seat of my pants episode. The wind is all but howling outside. I am not looking forward to going out in it. I had to shove and angry Stella out the door to go potty this morning.

Chris installed my new seat covers in the Subie. It is going to take some getting used to. They are nice and thick but molded so I mostly fit in them. My shoulders are a tad too wide. I blame the dogs lol. The new covers are really comfortable though.

Well dammit! I just got a text from work that the dairy truck didn’t show up so I don’t need to be there until 7am. Sadly that means I get out at 4pm instead of 3pm. I am gonna be all over the place this morning. I am the one doing the curbside orders (if there are any) today. As well as stock and the gas counter. I need to call the vet on my first break about Moose. He has run out of the pink medicine and yesterday threw up even though he didn’t eat any breakfast. I don’t know what to do. I had to actually go into the bedroom to get him to take his medicine this morning. Something needs to change. All he’s been getting is the pink medicine because I wasn’t told anything different. No one called me back to tell me to start back up with the other two. Hell no one called me at all. I have been the one doing most of the calling.

Since I have an extra hour I think I will use it to work on my novel a bit. I didn’t do much after work last night since I had to be in bed early. My paycheck from the paper was more than I expected so I sent out my first car payment early. The first of many, lol. I am doing my best to try to keep track of everything. I should be ok as long as I don’t go wild and crazy with my money.

Another thing I need to do is start deleting photos off of my phone. The one that I have on both here and saved on a memory stick. I don’t need them in three places. And I am getting a bit too much on my phone in regards to pictures. Last check it was over 9,000. Yeah, I know. So on that note I am going to wrap this up and get working on my novel for a bit. Thanks for reading and stay safe!