Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, family, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Hocus Pocus I Can’t Focus

I was in a panic earlier this morning as I had to reenter all my information for unemployment.  I am still a little anxious as I am not completely sure about the dates I entered being correct.  I am currently trying to breathe my way back to calm.  I have Stella rapped around a foot as she sleeps.  Moose is nearby but facing the window.  Essie I think is in the living room in the big dog bed.

Today is the day I take the Jeep to get looked at.  I am anxious because if this is going to be a major repair session it is going to get expensive.  Hopefully our mechanic got back safely from his road trip.  I will text him once I finish with this.  I’m glad I didn’t start worrying about this last night.

I need to get myself together today.  I have things that need to be done and I keep putting things off.  Like my class work.  I still have plenty of time but I have the basics done all I need to do it tweak it and submit it.  It shouldn’t take any time at all.  Unless I procrastinate and then it can take countless hours.  I got all kinds of stuff done around the house for the family but doodlely was done for myself (other than read the new book… and that was supposed to wait until I finished reading my surfing book).

I wrote a to do list last night in bed.  Hopefully I can stick with it.  I have a meeting to cover tonight.  I hope and pray that I can get the Zoom connection to work.  I’ve not reported on this meeting the past two months because the link would not work for me.  I need to just sit down and do things instead of well-maybe-later.

I didn’t take a single photo yesterday.  The funny thing is Essie will pose for the camera but if I am using the phone camera she looks away.

The first photo is with my phone. So I set it down and got my camera. The second photo is with the camera. I didn’t even have to ask her to look at me.

The dogs are getting antsy and I am not far behind. I’m gonna wrap this up. Thanks for reading! Stay safe and have a great day!

Animals, Books, Dogs, family, Life, Reading, Travel

Tell Sleep I Miss It…

I am so overwhelmingly tired right now.  Pretty sure I didn’t fall asleep before 2am.  Essie wanted to get up around 8am.  But of course I was awake and trying to go back to sleep since 6am again.  Moose was all about staying in bed.  Every time I tried to get up he draped his head across me to keep me laying down.

Chris and I did a little road trip and acquired two used AC units for the house.  One is still in the bed of the truck (I told Chris he can put it in his office as I prefer to keep my window open in mine) but the other is in the bedroom.  With the fan going it cools the room right down.  We need to lengthen the felt cover that is over the window.  Even with the blinds down it gets bright in there when the sun is out.

I got my latest reading material in the mail yesterday.  The debut novel The Bright Lands by John Fram.  It’s a mystery set in a small Texas town.  It reminds me of Christopher Rice and some of his early novels so I thought why not.  Even though I am still reading the other book I am going to start this one.

I got another box from Amazon yesterday.  Amazon UK to be exact.  It contained a 3-in-1 nail gun (it does nails, staples and little U shaped thingys) as well as cardboard letters.  What is this for? you might ask.  I know I did because I never ordered it.  I got ahold of someone from Amazon once we had gotten settled in (we were gone most of the day so the kids needed to be fed dinner, groceries needed to be unloaded and put away and the AC units switched out).  I was told that I could keep it. So I have a new tool in my arsenal.

I can’t keep my eyes open.  I’m going to wrap this up and then curl up with the book outside.  Thanks for reading!  I hope you have a great day!  Stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Thinking, Writing

Finding the Motivation

The rain has gone away.  Yesterday was a much welcome cloudy with rain off and on all day.  It did cool things off a bit.  Back down to normal summer heat for a day.  The temperatures will be right back up there today.  And I am ok with that.

I seem to have run into a mental dry spell over the last few days.  No writing other than this and my journal.  I’ve been lugging one of my guitars around with the appropriate paperwork to practice playing but I’ve done nothing past tuning the guitar.  I have read a bit in the new book.  I seem to not only lost my drive but my focus as well.  I was moving forward with great strides and now… inertia.

Moose definitely has kidney disease so I ordered more kibble yesterday.  I got the lamb since he doesn’t seem too fond of the chicken flavor.  We’ll see how he does.  Essie didn’t eat this morning.  She started getting me up around 6am to go outside in a hurry.  I left the door open for her.  She had to go back out maybe an hour later.  Then once we got up for the day She went directly outside.  Moose wouldn’t eat either.  I wonder if it is because Essie wouldn’t.  He’s in here with me and I can hear his tummy doing hungry rumbles.  I worry that Essie’s cancer is more severe than we think.  They said they got it all out with the lump but I’m not so sure.  And her surgery scar isn’t healing correctly.  Part of it keeps getting opened back up.  Now that Moose has been taken care of I need to call and ask them about her.  That will have to wait until Monday.  Monday I am also dropping the Jeep off for Chuck to look at.  Soooo….

I feel so busy but I know I have plenty of free time if  I choose to use it.  I just need to not do other things, like watch tv.  Moose is dreaming.  It sounds like it is on the border of becoming a nightmare with the sounds he is making.  I am keeping the house up as well as the gardens this year (so much easier and rewarding being able to stay home).  But will I let myself blow off writing?  That is part of the reason I opted to pay for the course instead of taking the free version.  The other part is that I can get feedback from other writers.  If you take the free course you are limited as to what you can do.  If I pay for it and don’t do anything then I am wasting money.  If I take the free version I can blow it off because it “doesn’t count” for anything.  That’s what I did with the guitar class.  So I need to find my way.

On that note I need to get something written before Chris gets up for the day.  He wants to do some running together.  I would rather stay home but it is time together.  Thanks for reading!  Stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Up Too Early

It is a dark early morning.  The rain started a little yesterday but got serious in the wee hours of the morning.  I managed to get maybe a half hour out of each hour since 2am.  I finally gave up around 6am.  I didn’t get much done yesterday.  My mind was restless.  I know part of it is worrying about Moose’s test results today.  He goes back in to have his diagnosis of kidney disease verified.

I’m glad I checked the master bathroom before I shut the door when I got up this morning.  I noticed that the bathroom door was partly open.  I figured something spooked Stella and she had gone in there.  I looked in before I shut the door again and there she was still curled up on the floor on one of my rugs.

I got no further in my classwork.  I got my guitar tuned and cleaned up.  I pulled out my notes and diagrams for my guitar class.  And that is all I got done.  I had intended to write a review for The Fishermen this week as well.  Nada.  I am disappointed in myself but not.  I will just keep trying today.

I’m not sure what today holds but I will give it a shot.  Atleast I don’t have to water the gardens today!  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Feeling Very Zen

This morning I am writing from my office desk instead of in the living room.  It feels different but comfortable.  Moose is sleeping behind me on the floor.  The girls are in their usual spots in the living room.  Stella wandered in a bit ago to see what was up.  Moose followed me in and has been here the whole time.

There are things I still need to tweak in here (my orchid is on my desk but I may move it as it is sort of taking up room… not a lot but we’ll see).  I also thought of another shelving unit I can put in the master bathroom to help get some of my book piles off the floor.  It does feel rather peaceful in here.

I find that I am calmer and more open lately.  Anxiety attacks are all but gone.  I am making a conscious effort to move forward with myself.  I am less tense and less of a worry wart which is a very welcome change.  I am able to appreciate the moment instead of play “what if” all the time.  The heat has also helped.  Because it is so hot there is not much you want to do.  So I am reading more and I am reading new books.  I’m not rereading comfort books to lose myself in familiar territory.

I found a Netflix series that uses the same story idea that I started with for one of my current stories.  I am going through that to see what they did, mostly for ideas and to make sure that I don’t use the same things in my story.  I am very excited as I have gotten a few ideas of my own from watching.  I sit with my notebook and fountain pen handy as I see how the story unfolds.  It is Italian but dubbed.  I am of two minds about it.  Dubbed means I can take in the whole experience without trying to rush to read the bottom of the screen before quickly taking in as much as I can of the background and what is going on before I have to read the next line on the bottom of the screen.  The other side of that is that I would like to learn Italian and I do enjoy the sound of the language.

I have to be careful that I don’t spend all

my time in front of the tv in this heat.  It is easy to do since the AC is right there in the window.  I try to get out in the yard.  If nothing else I water Minion’s garden under the tree and set up the sprinkler here and there as needed.  And of course take photos.  I got some beautiful ones of the sky last night.  I even got the colors!

I see that this post is a bit longer than usual.  I will add some photos from yesterday and upload for you reading pleasure.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

 

There is a dragon fly landing to the left on the tiger lilies.

Animals, Being Pagan, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Gardening, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Feeling the Connection

Today I am trying new old things.  I have lit a stick of my Creativity incense and I am listening to music via my ear buds.  Back when I was deep into my writing craft I would start every session of writing with some incense that I loved and music.  Unfortunately my stereo has ceased to function many years ago so all my CDs have been unused unless it is in the car.  I miss that.  I miss the music as I write.  So, here I am giving it another go.

I have also started watering more of the back gardens.  I was just watering the bases of the milkweed to keep them healthy for the bees and butterflies but since I purchased a round sprinkler I can cover more area so yesterday I watered two new spots.  The milkweed and pots that had been watered the night before didn’t show any visible signs of needing water despite the heat so I did two other gardens.  I may do some watering in the front but they are to the north and don’t need as much as what I have behind the house to the south.

I also finally planted Minion’s garden yesterday.   When Minion died I took his pool and cut it so it would fir around the base of the tree but I had minimal dirt and no money to get more so I put what I had in and left it.  It’s been that way for about two or three years… three years.  Well I got a big bag of dirt the other day and I looked at it yesterday morning and then looked at the half hearted project and decided to finish it.  I had some seeds left over so I planted some food stuffs to the south and the rest is flowers.  I watered it well.  I stepped back and was pleased with myself.  Finally a long ago project done.  And it felt good to garden.  I will try to water them every morning after Chris gets up (the hose turn on point is just outside the bedroom window).

I am also working on my spirituality.  Working in the gardens has gotten me back to my Wiccan roots.  I find myself being more in tune with my surroundings.  I notice more.  I can walk through all those flowers packed with bees and once I say excuse me (or us if the dogs are with me) none of the bees or other insects bother me/us.  And those flowers are packed with insects.  No one gets stung or even dive bombed by irritated insects.  Birds will hang out in the yard while we are all out there doing whatever.  It feels good to have that connection with things again.

So that is where I am right now.  As well as some of the places I’d like to go.  Thanks for reading!  Have a great day and stay safe!

Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Nature, Photography

A Little Drama Goes a Long Way

This will be a much shorter post than yesterday.  I’ve not been feeling good the past few days and not been getting much sleep.  This morning I am really wiped out.  I don’t think much is going to get done today.

Dad has been having more and more panic attacks… severe ones.  They are getting more frequent.  I am trying to keep up with them but it is hard.  If I can get him to talk on Facetime I can usually talk him out of it.  It may take a few hours but it can be done.  I think Dad is realizing how much he is losing as he gets older.  He turned 78 years old on Thursday.  He has had both hips replaced, cataract surgery on both eyes, hearing aids in both ears…. then there are his physical and mental limitations.  All this is staring him in the face and he is terrified.  There is also the fact that he is gay and was not able to fully live openly until about 5 years ago when I encouraged him to move to Montreal and fulfil a life long dream.  Now he is seeing all that he missed and feels that he cannot have as an older gay man.  And all that keeps piling up on him mentally.  Each week is gradually gets worse.  The face that he is on lockdown doesn’t help either.  I am not sure what to do other than just listen.  His medication is losing it effectiveness as well.

So I am hoping that I don’t get any emergency phone calls today.  I need to rest but if Dad needs to talk I’ve got to be there for him.  I just called Essie in from barking.  She heard some thing (I thought it was someone on the 2 track) and went flying out to bark.  She sounded a bit intense and was heading to the opposite side of the yard so I saved this and went to see what was up.  Turns out the neighbor to the east of us (the trailer that burned down last summer, I guess the guy died in the fire (maybe if I had seen it sooner to call it in sooner?) and his son has been living in the house that they had been building just across the property) is once again fighting with someone.  It’s usually his girlfriend.  But in the past there have been gun shots so I try to get Essie to shut up and come inside.  I don’t need him coming over here to shut up the dogs with a gun.

I guess I will wrap up this drama filled episode and go outside and read for a bit.  It is still comfortable out so I will enjoy it before the temperature get too hot.  I’ve got some cool shots that I got with the camera yesterday that I will share as well.  I managed to sneak a photo of a hummingbird leaving the feeder last night.  When you look at the picture she is to the left flying at the camera.  I am pretty proud of that one.  I also took a bunch of a monarch butterfly that has been hanging around.  She even played in the sprinkler yesterday!  It was so fun to watch! I tried to photograph all sides of my faery rise bush. I realized I had been only taking pictures of one side. She is just bursting with blooms!

Well thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day!  Stay safe!

Animals, Books, Cooking/Baking, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Writing

Ahhhh… This Is What It Feels Like to Relax

Yesterday was a bit of a lazy day.  I got bills paid but when I tried to do the “free” car payment online it was $50 more than if I just sucked it up and dealt with traffic.  So I loaded up Moose and Stella and we went to the bank.  With Moose all but in my lap and Stella peering around my shoulder from the back seat the teller and I chatted for a bit about the times and dogs (it was video drive thru and there was no one behind me).  Once we got home (much swearing and the use of my phrase “damn tourists” repeated ad nauseum) we settled outside.  No I lie.  I wanted to bake the cupcakes for the kids birthdays before it got too hot (the one ac unit can’t keep up with all the heat and humidity this week).  Once those were done and cooling I did some thing unusual.  I grabbed my Minion quilt, my bag of books and writing, my camera bag and a few other things and we headed outside.  I laid out my quilt in the shade and set up shop.  Stella came and sat right next to me until I started to read my latest book The Fishermen by Chigozie Obioma then she laid down beside me.  Moose and Essie were in and out.  As the sun moved so did we and we moved across the whole yard by the day’s end.  The kids spent most of the time out with me despite the heat (it didn’t feel so hot laying in the shade).  It was a relaxing day had by all.

I got some cool photos (I will download them from the camera and put some in this post) yesterday as well.  I found myself playing with the light.  I think I paid more attention to it because we were in the shade most of the time.  Especially when sunset neared.  The lighting got really cool then.

The only downside to yesterday was the loud music and fireworks.  The music I could deal with.  When the fireworks started they were sparse so Essie was going around the yard barking at them (she does this when the locals are shooting too close to the house).  But as the displays ramped up (we seemed to have them on all sides) Stella started to really freak out.  Essie and Moose were uneasy but coping because I had background noises going and I was nonplussed with the noise.  Stella began pacing around the house, a sure sign that she is freaking out.  So I pulled out the anxiety meds and snuck them into a cupcake for each.  That seemed to help but Stella would wake up (I decided to hunker in bed and read so we’d all be together) with some of the louder fireworks and just stare to make sure all was ok.  Things wrapped up around midnight or so.

I got a few books yesterday.  Well one is actually a pamphlet but you get the idea.  The pamphlet and one books are on Michigan butterflies.  We have so many different varieties this year I wanted to know more.  So I can sit outside with my bird book and butterfly books and see what we have this year.  The third book is actually a memoir.  It is part of my learning about the surfing culture books that I have on my Amazon list.  It looks so good and I really want to start it but I am making myself finish The Fishermen first.  I am halfway done and it is a very good book.  I get lost in the story (and it’s in Nigeria) every time I pick up the book.  But I really really want to read the new one!  Barbarian Days A Surfing Life by William Finnegan looks so good!  And I have a first novel coming in a few weeks from a new writer I discovered John Fram.  So I will be busy reading.  I am hoping this will compel me to get more writing done.  We’ll see.  It seems to have worked today!  This is a long one!

I will stop for now and download some of the photos from yesterday.  Thanks so much for reading this long post!  Have a great day and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Life, Love

Essie, Moose and Stella

I guess today’s blog will be about the kids.  Today is Essie’s 10th birthday!  I can’t believe that we have had this little bundle of awesomeness for 10 years now.  Chris brought her home to me (or rather he stopped at my work with her) to replace me having to give up Lily Rose, another Pitty rescue.  Lily had bad separation anxiety and was destroying the house while we were at work.  There was nothing that helped.  So I got a little 7 week old puppy that I named Esmerelda May.  She has been with us ever since.  Baby girl has been through a lot in those 10 years.  She is one of the best dogs we’ve ever had.

Today we are also celebrating Moose’s birthday.  He turns 8 years old.  I rescued Moose locally before they put him down.  He was only 9 months old.  He has been my baby ever since.  He is too damn smart too.  There was the times he managed to open the sliding glass door and let himself and his siblings out.  And when he opened the side door and let everyone out.  Then there was the time he opened the oven…. you get the idea.  But he is my baby.  I can be gone for a few minutes and he is so butt wiggly happy when I get back.

Now we know today really is Essie’s birthday.  But I counted back from when I got Moose and that would make his birthday in July (if they are right about his age, I say that because the people I got him from it was their roommate’s dog and he couldn’t bear to give him away and asked them to take him to me).  So I decided that we would just celebrate both of them today.  If I have Stella’s age right she can celebrate with me as she was born in August.

And speaking of Moose and Stella there is a local restaurant named after them!  Chris and I stopped at one of our local places we might eat at every few months yesterday.  It was a fun train themed tiny place with really good food.  Imagine our surprise to find that the place as now called Moose and Stella’s and was now dog themed!  The décor was all dog stuff: plaques with sayings about dogs, dog bowls, dog photos etc.  When we got home I looked at my Moose and Stella and told them it was about time they picked up some of the bills since they have their own restaurant!  The food was amazingly good (I had one of Moose’s burgers) and we will definitely be going back.  I may need to see if I can get a tee shirt….

I will leave you with some photos of all three babies.  I am very blessed to be able to call them mine.  I hope you have a great day!  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature

New Adventures In the Garden

This is way early for me.  I have been awake for about to hours now.  I gave up laying in bed around 6am.  Even the dogs slowly trickled out of the bedroom.  It took them a few minutes to decide if they would get up with me.  I managed to get everyone to eat.  Essie did not eat at all yesterday.

Despite the heat and humidity here I did get a lot done outside.  One of my water hoses blew so I went to the store to replace it.  Not with what I wanted but I had to have something to reach the back yard (our only outdoor spigot is at the front of the house).  I also got a big and long planter box that I repotted the lone tomato plant, basil plant and a small cluster of green pepper plants all grown from seeds.  I repotted the orange pip that had sprouted to find that all of the orange pips had started to grow.  They are in a bigger pot and the dirt is Miracle Grow so hopefully that will encourage all of them to keep growing.  After I repotted them I let them sit for a little bit to get settled before I watered them.  Everyone seemed pretty happy this morning.  All the plants are green and standing upright.  I was worried because it got a little chilly overnight.  I also got two small metal fences to go around my smaller rose bushes that are out in the yard so the kids don’t run through them.

I made a discovery yesterday afternoon.  We have tadpoles in the small pond!  Over the course of the morning a nasty smelling chunky scum had come to the top of the water.  It smelled like someone forgot to flush the toilet after a few hours in the heat.  I decided to try to flush it out with the hose and replace it with clean water (the ponds never stay clean past a few days).  As I was watching the new water go in and the old water drain I saw something swimming.  Chris heard me say, “What the hell was that?!” and came to see.  It turned out there were a ton of tadpoles living in there!  Our ponds are manmade in plastic rims (this is what was here when we moved in).  We get maybe a frog every summer for atleast a month or so.  Earlier this year we had peepers.  The tadpoles look too big to be peepers but I guess we will find out.  I stopped filling the pond because it was stunning and killing the tadpoles.  So we will have to deal with the nastiness until they are grown.  I think out of all the ones I saw on the water only eight or so were actually dead.  Soooo… another new adventure!

So I did get a lot accomplished even if I did continually get overheated (damn hot flashes on top of heat and humidity… I can deal with one or the other but both make me sweat too much and feel sick).  Not sure what today will hold.  Today is Dad’s birthday.  He turns 78 years old.  We are going to try to talk later today.  Chris wants to go to the range and shoot guns for a bit plus there is some running we want to do.  Well I see that I have gone on for a bit.  Thanks for reading!  Stay safe and have a great day!