Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other

I want to sincerely thank everyone who has reached out to me over Moose’s death. It means a lot. I am still raw and hurting. Coming home and not having his happy bounce and kisses was the worst so far.

I know that even though I am still messed up inside you folks are going to get tired of me going on and on so I made an effort to take some more photos to share.

Writing anything has become difficult. I have a meeting Thursday night (via Zoom thankfully). Next week I have meetings Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So busy, busy,busy. I keep hauling my research materials around with me in hopes that I can put pen to paper.

This morning both girls ate. Essie has been my near constant companion since we lost Moose. Stella has been trying to do the same but she is more about playing to cope whereas Essie is a cuddler. Stella has started cuddling with me at night though.

Everyone at work (everyone who knows me really) has been very kind and understanding about the mess I have become. I am trying to find a balance between grieving and putting on my brave face.

Essie has been with me all morning. Since I am still using my phone to do this I’m in the living room on the live seat and she is beside me. I feel bad for her as this is the fourth brother she has lost in her 10 years.

If I am going to add photos I had better get to it. Again that you all for your amazing support! ❤️🐾 Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

A Little Can Be Too Much

I had high hopes for this morning. I talked to one of the old techs (old as in been there a while and knows my dog and cares) and found out that contrary to what I was told before I don’t have to dissolve the pink pill in water and shoot it down his throat. I can put it in a treat and give it to him that way. Moose still thinks that I have to squirt something down his throat when I tell him it is time for him to take his medicine. I know it will take some time for him to adjust. He still isn’t eating any breakfast and I put beef juice on everyone’s kibble this morning. I am very frustrated.

I want to get some writing done today but the girls are so busy! They want to play all the time now. I think that part of it is that the sun is finally out. The other is that everyone is a little stir crazy because it has been too cold for them to play much outside. I am struggling to get this written.

We got up later than normal. It was nice to sleep in after getting up so early yesterday. But the flip side is that I now feel like I am running behind. I can feel anxiety stretching it’s tendrils up. So I’m not sure what I will et accomplished today. My brain is ticking over a mile a minute and my focus is minimal. I’m thinking of many other things while I am trying to type this and I have had to retype most of this as I go. And that is not normal for me.

I didn’t have a chance to take any photos with the camera yesterday since I had to go to get Moose’s medicine after work but I did get one last night of the sun in Acme at the vet’s (we had mostly dark grey clouds at home) and I took some this morning with my phone before I started this. I will share those and go deal with my anxiety. Thanks so much for reading and stay safe!

Ed. Note: Apparently the photo I took at the vet’s office has disappeared off my phone. I did not delete it and I know the camera took the photo so?????

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Here and Gon… wait, what?

This is going to be a fly by the seat of my pants episode. The wind is all but howling outside. I am not looking forward to going out in it. I had to shove and angry Stella out the door to go potty this morning.

Chris installed my new seat covers in the Subie. It is going to take some getting used to. They are nice and thick but molded so I mostly fit in them. My shoulders are a tad too wide. I blame the dogs lol. The new covers are really comfortable though.

Well dammit! I just got a text from work that the dairy truck didn’t show up so I don’t need to be there until 7am. Sadly that means I get out at 4pm instead of 3pm. I am gonna be all over the place this morning. I am the one doing the curbside orders (if there are any) today. As well as stock and the gas counter. I need to call the vet on my first break about Moose. He has run out of the pink medicine and yesterday threw up even though he didn’t eat any breakfast. I don’t know what to do. I had to actually go into the bedroom to get him to take his medicine this morning. Something needs to change. All he’s been getting is the pink medicine because I wasn’t told anything different. No one called me back to tell me to start back up with the other two. Hell no one called me at all. I have been the one doing most of the calling.

Since I have an extra hour I think I will use it to work on my novel a bit. I didn’t do much after work last night since I had to be in bed early. My paycheck from the paper was more than I expected so I sent out my first car payment early. The first of many, lol. I am doing my best to try to keep track of everything. I should be ok as long as I don’t go wild and crazy with my money.

Another thing I need to do is start deleting photos off of my phone. The one that I have on both here and saved on a memory stick. I don’t need them in three places. And I am getting a bit too much on my phone in regards to pictures. Last check it was over 9,000. Yeah, I know. So on that note I am going to wrap this up and get working on my novel for a bit. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Early Morning Blah

Here I am again composing this on my phone. The internet seems to going in and out like waves on a beach. I finally got it to load the blogs I am following but it is hit and miss as to whether or not it will load the full post. So I am sorry if I have missed reading your posts this morning!

Yesterday I got some head way going in my novel. I had to order a research book because what I was finding online and in my own personal research books wasn’t enough information. The frustrating thing is most of this is background for the novel. It may or may not make it in the actual story. But I can’t tell the story without having the background. So I do the research.

Today is going to be a long one. Sleep was evasive last night. I slept for about two hours then awake an hour. Then I’d sleep an hour or so and be up for another hour. This went on all night. I feel like I’ve gotten no sleep at all. Then fighting with the internet… oh well.

I received a beautiful bracelet from my Mother-in-law for Christmas! The purchase of the bracelet went to support the rescue and tracking of elephants. I have even been given the name of one that I adopted via the bracelet! ❤️

I will wrap this up so I can get ready for work. I didn’t do much with the camera but I got some fun shots of the kids. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Holiday, Life, the World, Thinking, Writing

What Today Will Bring

I guess I will be doing this morning’s post on my phone. My laptop can’t seem to connect to the internet all of the sudden. My head hurts. It feels like I have been hit in the nose. I am hoping a nice hot shower will help. It has finally stopped snowing but it is very dark out.

I need to get laundry and dishes done today. Last night’s dinner (which turned out amazing) accumulated dishes in the sink and on the counter. Both need to get done before I shower. I hope.

I am angry with myself because I didn’t work on my writing yesterday. Instead I binge watched CSI. I am thinking either early morning or late at night seem to be too writing times for me. Everyone else is asleep or occupied so I don’t feel guilty about not spending time with my family. It took me awhile before I got into the habit of my daily blogging so I need to give myself time yet I need to get serious about it.

I hope today will not be any angry day for me. My head (mostly my face so it is sinus pressure) seems to be getting worse which will leave me quick to anger today. And I don’t like being like that.

Hang on a minute…,.Ok. I thought the door to go outside was open again. Moose has started opening the sliding glass door on his own again.

I will leave you will a smile though. Some of the toys the dogs got squeaked. Well there was a blue hay outside the bay windows that thought the toys squeaking was another blue jay family so he started talking back to the squeaking toys.

Animals, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Life, Music, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Writing

Holiday Cheer

It has been snowing since yesterday morning and we have about 4 inches (10 cm) of snow so far. It hasn’t let up much so we’ll see how much we end up with. Today is Christmas. That means I don’t have to hear Christmas music when I got to work on Sunday! Whoo hoo! It will be nice to get back to “normal” around here. Looks like the wind is going pretty good. The snow is blowing across the window instead of falling from the sky to the ground. I also need to go out and check the bird feeder. It should be ok but I may need to replace the suet on one side.

The other night I kept dreaming about trying to find one of my best friends from school. We lost touch when Chris and I still lived in Louisville, Kentucky. The last I heard from her she was going to have to go home and face her family because she wasn’t able to make it in Chicago. At one point she asked me to come and live with her there but I couldn’t. There was so much wrong with the way her family treated her and for her to have to come back to them…. I honestly wonder if she is alive. I put out the word to fellow classmates that I am still in touch with and no one has heard anything from her but me. A few times I have been tempted to send a letter to their address but I’m sure they have moved since then. I still might. I would really like to get back in touch with her. Short of hiring a private investigator I’ve tried everything else.

I am excited to give Chris his stuff when he gets up. I am grateful that Mom and I could go in together to get it for him. It is something that he really wants but could not get for himself. I like it when I can do things like that for him. He usually just gets stuff himself. Once he gets up the kids can get their gifts as well. Chris got them 2 toys each at the store the other day. I’m pretty sure that some of them squeak so I’ll wait to give them out.

I have a whole day in front of me. What shall I do? I know that I will be on the phone a lot but I would like to spend some time writing, even if it is just putting some of my short stories into WordPerfect. I have already used the program to do my word count for the paper. That was amazing to not have to count article by hand! Almost as good as not having to brush all this snow coming down off my car the next time I go to work!

I think I will wrap this up as I need some more coffee and I see that the holiday messages are coming fast and furious on my phone… oh and Chris is awake! Merry Christmas!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Writing

A Little Change

The sun tried to come out earlier. But the clouds ate it up again. The wind has picked up as well. This is a later post due to us getting some sleep (yay!) and me having to call the vet again this morning about Moose. I have my phone next to me in hopes that she will be calling me back with further instructions. We got Moose down to just one medicine (the pink stuff so I still had to squirt some down his throat) for yesterday. I gave him his second dose and all was good until I had my hand on the door to leave then I heard him throw up. Up came all of his medicine from that morning. I still made it to work on time but on my first break I called the vet. Once we decided what to do she asked me to call her this morning to tell her how he was doing. And here we are.

I have both Moose and Stella in here with me this morning. Moose is much happier with only one dose to get squirted down his gullet. He ate a little of his breakfast. I told him that since I closed that he wasn’t going to get anything for over 12 hours so he should atleast eat a little of it. He looked at me then his bowl and ate about half.

Today and tomorrow are supposed to be really busy at work. I’m ok with that because it will make the day go by faster. Yesterday started slow but ended up going in a whirlwind. Made new friends and had fun with old ones.

I am looking forward to my two days in a row off. Just today and tomorrow. I had all these great ideas of what to write about in my blog this morning and now that I am here I have nothing. I am hoping to get my word count in to the paper this morning. I am trying to keep myself budgeted now that I will have a car payment after the first of the year. I have to mail it in if I don’t want to pay any extra fees. They charge for paying online and on the phone (with or without a live person to help but of course having a live person costs more). I’m not too happy about that as there have been problems with the mail (not locally) and I am hoping that if it doesn’t make it on time (I have no idea how far out to mail it because if I mail it too soon and they try to cash it before the money is in my account I will be in trouble but if I don’t mail it soon enough will I be in trouble with them if they don’t receive it by the due date?) I won’t be penalized but I guess we will see.

I should probably wrap this up. I have things to do yet around the house and if I plan on trying to get some writing in before work I need to make sure everything is done. Namely dishes and washing the bedding for us. I did take some photos yesterday. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

New Ways to Go

There has to be a better way. Moose and I are both tired of having to squirt his medicine down his throat all the time. There is only one medicine out of the three I can stuff in a treat of some kid and give to him. He gets that once a day. The other two he gets numerous times a day. I have to give him a second dose here shortly. I plan to call the vet this afternoon and see if there is another way I can give him the medicines or other medicines he can take in pill form so I can give it to him easier.

Yesterday’s mail brought a package from my Mother-in-law, my WordPerfect and a beautiful ornament. The first is in Chris’s office waiting for Friday. The second I actually got installed yesterday not long after it arrived. The third is hanging in my office in the window. The ornament is a beautiful piece made by an artist friend of mine. She goes by Dame of the Dead and I just love her work! I first saw her creepy dolls then I found her other pieces (she made the cool skull mask I got a few months ago) and I try to support her when I can. Even if it is just by word of mouth. (If you are interested you can find her work on Facebook and DreadCentral.com did a piece on her dolls.)

Well I’m back. I had to try to quietly coax Moose out of bed to get his medicine. That took several minutes because he didn’t want to. But in the end he did come out and it was over before he knew it. He has had his bit of hot dog and gone back to bed. He is my brave boy.

I did take some photos yesterday when I got home from work. The snow really started coming down. We got a rather large collection of birds hanging out in the trees directly behind the house. Everyone was just chirping away watching the snow fall. Mother Nature keeps switching between snow and rain. I’m grateful I have only a short distance to go.

I’m going to try to get some photos downloaded to share (right now the phone and camera are having issues communicating so we’ll cross our fingers! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

*ed. note: having issues getting photos to upload so I will add them later.

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Life, Love, Thinking

A Quick Rush of Words

Only a few hours of sleep. I got home later than normal from work (I was at the gas window so there is more to do at night) and so Moose’s medicine schedule was off so we didn’t get to bed until late. I didn’t do any extra writing. I spent time with Chris. We talked as we rewatched CSI.

I have friends at work that really want to be friends and some of them try too hard. And then I feel guilty because I am trying to be friends but it is starting to feel forced. She is an awesome person and we can sit and talk for hours about anything but I don’t do talking on the phone a lot and all I have is her land line. She recently hurt her knee and seemed to want to be left alone but I feel as though I should call her to check on her because that’s what friends do. Part of my problem is that I never remember when it is convenient to call. It’s not like I can shoot a quick text message and ask her if she’s ok (and she can read it whenever). I guess I should try to remember to call after work today since I get out early.

I am looking forward to Christmas this year because I have Christmas AND the day after off. Which means I can try to catch up on my sleep. I am really looking forward to that. And even more than that I can’t wait for Chris to use his Christmas present! I am grateful I can get him something big (with the help of Mom) that he really wants.

I should wrap this up and get ready for work. I see that I’ve not taken any photos so I will try to remedy that later today. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Holiday, Life, Love, Nature, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Looking Through the Fog

Another dark morning. It is warm enough outside that the snow is melting and we are getting a thick fog. This morning is a rather blah morning. I got sleep but it was not a good sleep. Essie did not eat anything until late last night but Moose did eat both his meals. He wouldn’t eat this morning and I wonder if he doesn’t like the canned food. I didn’t put any thing but egg in the kibble for breakfast and then chicken broth for dinner. This morning I used canned and nothing doing. Sooooo… I guess I will try to find a different type of canned dog food for him.

I decided that I need a new routine. My morning routine is all well and good but that is my only routine. I need to incorporate one that I do my writing. If I don’t specifically say I am writing at this time (like I do for my blog) it will never get done. I will plan to do it at one point over the course of the day but I will never get to it (like yesterday). Since I have to wait an hour after Moose gets his first dose medicine before I can give him his second one I decided that in that hour of waiting I will work on my writing. Not journaling but I will pull out one of the novels and write. Even if I only get through a page of writing it will be something. I will give myself a break when I have a meeting to cover for the paper (if I need it).

Everyone seems to be getting into the holiday spirit here. I’m not necessarily bah humbug (atleast not all the time) but I really just want it over with. After working at Younker’s for so long I can’t shake the stressed out feeling that we got every year. Constant Christmas music doesn’t help but the stresses are definitely not there to sell, sell, sell. Christmas just doesn’t mean much to people anymore. I suppose things might be a little different this year with the pandemic and all. And I am not talking religious beliefs either (I am trying to stay off my soap box when it comes to that). I am talking just spending time with family and friends. The gifts don’t matter but spending time with loved ones does. Sure I like the excuse to get things for my loved ones but it shouldn’t be necessary.

I read all the other blogs and they write about things to help others and I sit here and essentially whine and talk about myself. Am I helping others? I don’t know. Maybe. Even if it is as simple as someone reading this and knowing that they aren’t alone in how they feel.

Looking at the clock (and the amount of in and out from the pups) I should wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe.