Aging, Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Writing

Working With The Past

Another dark but extremely windy morning. When all was said and done after last night we have serious dusting that has stayed on the ground. It looks like some one was trying to eat powdered donuts and managed to get it all over everywhere. I am curious to see if we will get the predicted storm this week.

Speaking of wind… I did manager to talk to Dad last night. There was a lot of silence and a lot of watching the dogs be cute. Neither of us have been doing anything so there wasn’t much to talk about. And something I noticed that concerns me, if I speak for too long I find it hard to breathe. I was constantly having to pause to try to get my breath back if I spoke for too long. I worry about that with work because I am a chatty Cathy most days. That and trying to work at a decent pace. I’m not sure how well I am going to do when I go back.

I had unique dreams last night (well this morning before I woke up). I dreamt that I had sold two scripts and I was able to see the monster they had created for one of them. I was so excited and happy! I remember that they had done an amazing job with the monster. It looked just like I had described. But the euphoria of having my work sell and people like it… Yes I know that it is an ego thing. I know the “righteous path” is to write for the sake of writing. But I need to know that others are reading my words and can see… not just what I am writing but part of me. I love it when I get compliments on my writing. And I look back on pieces I have written and I am shocked that I actually wrote it. It comes across as that good after years of being forgotten about.

Right now my problem is that I am writing so much non fiction that I am losing my touch for fiction. (I am sitting here remembering my college days and high points with my writing. There was that day in class when we were supposed to write a story (I forget the specific parameters) and I wrote a story about one of my dogs from her perspective and that was read aloud to the class. Then there was the contest I entered one of my short stories in and though I did not win I got an honorable mention AND it was good enough that they published it anyway (they were only going to publish the winners). And my first serious publication in a big local paper happened then too.)

Holy cow! This huge crow just flew in front of the sliding glass door! I think he is in the maple trees. Hang on… Nuts. I was able to get my camera and tried to get a photo. But the battery needed to be charged! Gah! It would’ve been an awesome shot too! Oh well. I got some… unique shots last night as I played with some of the setting on the camera. The snow/ice was coming down pretty good so I tried various things. I’m not sure if they are unique or just “bad” shots. I kind of like them. Of course now I have to wait for the camera battery to charge before I can upload anything for this. I might be able to sneak a few uploads with the battery slightly charged. I will give it a few more minutes. I hear all kinds of different birds out there this morning. So word has gotten around, lol. I’ll wrap this up for now and hopefully get this posted with photos soon. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Still Able To Make A Difference

I struggled for breathe as my body realized that it had to cough and fought not to. Just before 6am. I coughed once after several drinks of unhelpful water. I even got out of bed and went into the bathroom and took some cough medicine but as soon as I walked back into the bedroom the tickle started again. Tried laying down, more water but I finally gave up. I quietly sat up and stared into the darkness. It was too early to get up but there was no way I was going back to sleep. So I gathered my goodies and came out into the living room. Essie followed so she and I snuggled up on the couch together until around 8:30am.

I think I ended up doing too much yesterday and had a set back. I got dishes washed, groceries ordered and put away (I love my coworkers!), managed to have a decent conversation with my Mom and chatted via text with several coworkers. I also played a lot with the girls. Essie left her frisbee out somewhere in the yard and could not find it. After several minutes of asking her to go get it I found I was having trouble breathing and really needed to sit down. So my temper flared at myself and I told Essie to get her butt inside. I sat watching tv on my own for the next hour or so.

Another thing I did yesterday was renew my title of “Pitbull Whisperer.” This became my nickname at Younker’s when I was able to calm Pitbull pups that were freaking out by talking to them and holding them. They would fall asleep in my arms. I educated several people on Pitbulls in my time there and many have since become Pitbull advocates. I still get calls and messages from friends and family asking for help with dog problems in general but more often than not they deal specifically with Pitties. I got one such message from a friend about some issues she was having with her new rescue Pitty. We messaged back and forth for an hour or so. I gave her some suggestions that I think will help (her rescue may have been abused and has many problems that we had with Stella when we first got her). It makes me feel good to know that I can still make a difference.

It looks as though we used up our quota of blue sky and sunshine yesterday. We are once again wrapped in a thick cloudy blanket. On the plus side I believe that the girls’ kibble and toys should arrive today (I had to bump things up for free shipping and the girls really have been very good through all this). So I will unbox it all when it arrives and dole out the goodies. They were really excited last night to actually get beef again for dinner. I ordered several containers worth for them. It had been several days since we ran out.

I am thinking about calling my parents today. I think I can make it. I almost did yesterday but I am glad I didn’t. I got too tired and winded. I am concerned about work and this happening. But I may try one parent today and the other tomorrow. Chris had a good chat with his brother yesterday. I was grateful for that. So we shall see what the afternoon holds. I know it holds a little treasure that I forgot I had. One of the many vehicles that got repo’d when I worked at the lot was packed full of books. GOOD books! And when they never came to claim anything I got to bring what I wanted home. This included several Stephen King books that I either did not have or had not read yet. On such gem was Stephen King’s Nightmares & Dreamscapes. I thought I had read all of his short story collections that I owned. But I was pleasantly surprised to find a lovely thick hardback in my collection that had said title that I had not read previously.

I see by the clock that I have been at this for longer than normal. I ought to get this posted and try to get my day started. I will see what I can do about a few photos as well. Thank you so much for all your kind words and support! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Where’d The Sun Go?

This morning is dark again. The light never changed yesterday until it disappeared completely. You could look outside at 9am and 2pm and it looked the same. I think we are in for more of that today. I got my test results back and I do have COVID. I let work know and we are shooting for next Friday me coming back. I am trying to figure out what to do for groceries and such. We have food but the girls are going to need kibble soon. I can’t taste or smell but I am trying to eat. Nothing holds any appeal. Then there are small necessities like toilet paper and such that we are running low on.

The girls are bored to tears. They want to play but neither Chris nor I have much energy. They are tired of sleeping all the time. I noticed that they did get the zoomies outside a few times so I am grateful for that. Everything is so blah. That is why I tend to hate this time of year. It’s too cold to be outside and it is dark all the time. I don’t think we have 12 hours of daylight anymore. I spent most of yesterday reading. I am almost done with Stephen King’s Everything’s Eventual.

I am still having trouble breathing. Especially if I try to talk out loud or get up and do something. I am going to have to suck it up and go outside at one point. The shed doors have blown open. I should get mail too. It looks like we are approaching dusk outside but it is barely 9am. Sigh…. I am trying to be positive today. I am tired of being cranky. I am stir crazy but I don’t want to interact with the world outside.

One of the things that has been bugging me about my novel is the weather and what things feel like. Right now they are in Italy. Are their seasons like ours? Do they have warmer winters? What blooms when? What kind of plants and trees do they have? And none of it will really matter in the end. But it matters now. And I can’t get my head past it. I don’t mind writing it and then having to cut it later because I can visualize it as I am writing it. And that is what I need. I think I may just chop the last section in my novel off. I need another way to do it. It needs to be more natural. I am throwing money at it and making things extravagant that don’t need to be.

Essie is restless. Whenever she hears the mouse click on here her head pops up hopefully. I don’t blame her. I should wrap this up and get it posted. I am going to try to get a few photos to add on. I don’t know what to photograph. Everything is so dark today. Stella is asleep behind me on the loveseat. Her nose is crammed in with her toes. I miss smelling puppy toes. But let me save this and try to get some photos. Thanks for staying with and reading! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Day 4 of ???

It’s like everything is wrapped in clouds this morning. It feels like I have slept the day away… even if I just got up. Everyone is still sick and trying not to be crabby. When I am sick I prefer to just be left alone but when both of us are home sick that isn’t really practical.

Aaaand this is why I should just focus on one thing at a time. My Mother just sent me an article about a massive outbreak of COVID at a University of Michigan game. She then asked me if someone from the store was there. So now I am responsible for all the current outbreaks? Thanks Mom. Really. I think I liked it better when she wasn’t speaking to me.

Breathe… Despite begin sick the days seem to be going by very quickly. It is already Wednesday but where has the time gone? I have done a whole lot of nothing so shouldn’t time go slower. I remember when I was a kid time didn’t matter when you were sick. It was the one time you were expected to do nothing. As an adult I still expect myself to keep the house picked up and chores done.

Still no word on the test results. Neither of us is up to going out to the garage let alone driving so I told work we were going to just wait on the tests we took Monday. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do about groceries. I don’t know if anyone would be persuaded to drop things off at the garage under the awning. I may ask around… I say ask around I might have Shalee from work ask if anyone would mind dropping the groceries off. I don’t want to share any of this but we do need a few things.

Anger seems to be pushing it’s way to the top today. I don’t like being angry. I don’t want to take my anger out on Chris or the girls. But I have nothing to do to channel it. I am frustrated with my novel. It is going into a direction that I don’t like. So I have thrown my hands up. The Agatha Christie novel I have been reading is not what I thought it was either. And not in a good way. So I don’t know if I want to not finish it or what. The more I read the more annoyed I get (see what I mean about the anger stuff?) so I might be better off just setting it down for now. I would really rather go back to bed but I can’t sleep for anything lately. I will be exhausted and just toss and turn. Even the nighttime cough medicine doesn’t help. I noticed last night that my anxiety has started kicking in. I tried to read myself to sleep but everything I read just wretched up the panic attack.

I should wrap this up and get it posted. I did get two rather decent photos last night of the moon when I fed the girls and let them out. I will share those. I might try to wander the yard and get some fog shots but I don’t know if I can stay upright long enough. I might be reduced to going to the windows again to take photos. My hands aren’t very steady so get the camera not to shake is interesting. A big thank you to everyone for checking in on us. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Not Much To Tell

Chris was able to get my laptop back online so I can type this with a not so cramped feeling. Yay! But I am sitting here just staring at the screen. There isn’t much to discuss/write about. We were both able to get tested at the same time yesterday. That was nice because I think Chris’s appointment was an hour after mine. So now we wait 2-5 days for the results. Everyone keeps pestering us to get the rapid results test but you have to be at a certain place at a certain time and even then it’s not guaranteed. Soonest would be 48 hours which is the minimum we are looking at. And honestly neither of us wants to be driving all over the place. I had Chris drive yesterday because I don’t feel fit enough to drive. By the time we got home yesterday he was starting to feel it pretty hard. So I am thinking we will just lay low for now.

I thought about calling to have someone do groceries but I think we are ok. And I can’t taste or smell so it really doesn’t matter to me. The girls have enough food for now. I may need to get kibble but I am thinking maybe Chewy and have it delivered. I am not up to driving to the store and having them put it in the back of the car.

I may need to see if I can use my sick time for this. I still have bills to pay. And the fact that I am sick doesn’t mean anything to them. So I think I may ask when I text the store manager this afternoon. I feel bad (especially since I just stepped up to taking care of cigarette ordering) but needs must. Worst they can say is that I don’t have the sick time to use.

I think the snow might be here to stay. The past few days when it snowed and the sun came out the snow melted. Today the sun is out and nothing is melting. It looks like I might need to fill the bird feeder. I don’t know how much energy I will have to do that but I will try. I usually feel pretty good when I wake up in the morning. But about 30 minutes into my day and it all goes downhill.

All I have been doing is reading lately. Sunday night I did watch some horror movies but I seem to be more interested in reading. I will devour a book a day. I am trying to play with the girls but with little to no energy it is difficult. But they have been braving it. There are times they just want to play no matter what but I try.

I have tried writing other than this and it is difficult to say the least. My mind won’t stay focused on the material. I may try again today. That reminds me I need to find the email of the manufacturer of my leather satchel so I can ask about a replacement strap for it. Speaking of not staying focused… I will wrap this up and try to get a few photos taken. I need to delete a few old photos for the new before I can upload them but I will try. Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers. Keep ’em coming! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Sleep, The Great Pretender

Sleep, blessed sleep. Last night was the first solid sleep I got in days. Sigh. I was so asleep I even had to rely on the alarm I set to wake me up. I still can’t quite wake myself up. The coffee is trying but so far it is just a warm beverage.

Such a day yesterday! The deli workers had a blow out (new clashing with the old). Bad enough that the store owner came in to straighten things out. Myself, on the other hand, was on full wattage (behold the power of lack of sleep! lol). I can honestly say I gave 150% yesterday at work. I also managed to get another raise. Yep, $1.50 raise between yesterday and today. I am stepping up and going to learn to do the cigarette ordering. I guess I am being thought about to do the liquor department as well. Things are moving fast! So much for the “slow” season.

To celebrate we grilled steaks on the barbeque (it was a beautiful Fall day) and had lovely herbed small potatoes on the side. AND we actually sat at the kitchen table together to eat. No tv, no dogs sniffing too close to the food (they are very good about not taking things but they will sniff as much as you let them)… no distractions. And we had a lovely view of the yard. Chris made the comment that it was the reason he liked going to restaurants with me. Just us and our food. (For those that don’t know the table had been piled high with my plants that have since been relocated to a set of nice sunny shelves.)

Bed called to me early last night. I was in bed reading even before the sun went down. I think I lasted until 10pm. The alarm was set for 7am. Funny thing is I did wake up when the clock said 7am (it hadn’t been changed for daylight savings time). Then a smile stole across my face as I realized I still had one more hour of sleep. I briefly thought about getting up (I still have my article to write) but decided that I needed my sleep more. I can either write it when I am done here or when I get home tonight.

I did get the camera out a little yesterday as well. It looked like a bird fight happened by the bird feeder. Either that or the bird exploded. No body parts but tons of feathers from all over a bird: small fluffy feathers from the chest area, wing feathers, back feathers… Chris said maybe a hawk (I asked if he had heard any squawking over the course of the day since the door had been open he said no). Sooooo the mystery remains.

Too funny! I just stretched and Essie sat up on the couch and did the same stretch. I love that little girl! Stella is asleep in her nest of blankets behind me on the love seat. It looks like the sun might be fully up now too. Oh and apologies for the blog posts that may or may not be readable next week. Tomorrow I work 7am to 2pm, meeting in Elk Rapids at 7pm, meeting at 9am Tuesday, 12pm to close as closing manager Tuesday night. I am not sure when I will get both articles written since I don’t seem to have much time to do anything but work. Thanks for reading today! I hope your day is the best it can be for you! Stay safe!

Books, Creativity, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

The Good, The Bad And The…. What Time Is It???

Not even the sun is up yet. I do get out of work at 2pm but I am still wiped out from this week. Yesterday morning’s meeting at my day job garnered unexpected blessings. I am getting a 50¢ raise (everyone in the deli is) and $50 of my gift card from work (again everyone is). Raise is effective immediately (we hope). If not this coming paycheck then next. That will make a nice payday.

I should be reading the book I borrowed from a coworker so I can give it back but instead I am rereading Rabbit In Red by Joe Chianakas. I need my comfort books right now I guess. I finished the last of my Jacqueline Kirby novels yesterday before work. I don’t pick the borrowed novel up because it is a very nice hardback and I feel bad hauling it around since I know it will get bounced around quite a bit in its travels. So I try to just read it at home. But of course I get knee deep in another book that I can haul around and put that one off.

I have to figure out what to do about photos on here. I deleted a bunch yesterday so I could upload a few that I had managed to take but it still said that I had no room (nevermind that it did actually download the photos, it won’t let me put them into my post). I suppose that might be a blessing in disguise since I have had no time to do anything but work the past few days. And with the leaves falling at a rapid pace around here there isn’t much to look at. I will need to get creative with my photographs. What I need to do is pull out my DVDs and get watching them so I can learn more about photography and my camera. I also need to get on the ball with my photography site. I still haven’t uploaded any new content.

I guess I will try the photos from yesterday and see if it will let me put them in. Again. I hope you all have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Books, Creativity, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Movies, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Riding, the World, Thinking, Writing

Head Examined

Bah humbug. It has dawned dark and white. What really worries me is that under the white stuff is a very thick layer of ice. Several inches worth. And I was also hoping that it would turn to rain so that Chris could go for a birthday ride on his motorcycle before putting her up for the winter. Instead, it is just cold and blah. Atleast it was beautiful for his party. I am very grateful for that.

I had hoped to get Chris one more gift but with my smaller paycheck this week it won’t be possible. I also need to fill up Angus. Thankfully we are doing 20¢ off a gallon today at work so I think at one point I will drive in and gas up. That should keep me for a few weeks even with trips to Elk Rapids for meetings. I am so grateful to live close to work! Not only don’t I go through near as much gas as I used to but I get gas discounts! (I would get the gas discounts anyway because it is a text message thing not an employee thing but I wouldn’t know what it really was unless I was there on a regular basis.)

I am a bit disappointed in myself. I did nothing yesterday. I didn’t even watch the movies I had lined up for the day. I keep telling myself that it is ok. I needed a day of nothing but still…. I am hoping to get some writing time in today. This was the only writing I did yesterday. I am dragging my feet because I don’t like where the story is going. It makes sense but it is not what I wanted the story to become. But I fear that is where it is going to go. So instead of working on that I have been losing myself in my “cozy” mysteries. Namely the Jacquline Kirby ones by Elizabeth Peters. Kirby has long been a hero of mine. Reading her escapades always makes me feel better, stronger. So I am going through the last in the series. Nevermind that I have a borrowed book as well as research books that I need to be reading. And several review-if-I-want-to books on my Kindle.

I keep hoping that I will…. want to write? No, that’s not what I mean. Hmmm. Find the courage to write? Closer but still not quite it. You see if I don’t write in the morning then I don’t feel that I can. Once the household is up and awake for the day my momentum just stops when it comes to writing. Right now I feel energized and ready to go. I can also get a second wind at night. Usually after dark but if I am involved in family time the I try to hold off. (It is a catch 22. I don’t have a lot of family time so when I do I tend to just focus on that. But I so want to get to my writing.) And once I finish this I will find lots of things to do before I pick up my pen. Usually enough to get me to when Chris wakes up and then I am angry at myself for wasting my own time. Here’s the kicker…. if I actually do sit down and write then when he gets up I am very pleased with myself. So why do I sabotage myself?

I see that I am going to have to step up my bird feeder game. There are so many birds out there after this first ice/snow of the season. I think I will start putting suet out as well. It is hard during the summer months because it tends to melt (even if it is frozen when I put it out). So I try to save it for the colder ones. I think I have two in the freezer right now. I may put them out later.

Ok, I need to wrap this up. I got a bunch of photos as the day progressed yesterday. The dark brooding skies offset the colors in the trees beautifully! I hope you like them! Thanks for reading and commenting! Stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, History, Holiday, Learning, Life, Love, Movies, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

And Then There Were None

Late last night we fell asleep to the gentle tinkle of ice chunks bouncing off the AC units. This morning we didn’t have the predicted snow just a layer of ice on hard surfaces. The girls and I stayed up late last night after work watching a new vampire movie. It is actually an old German black and white entitled “Vampyre.” I have a small pile of related movies (“Nosferatu” in no less than three versions and a few other titles that are mentioned in background for the first two) that I hope to go through today. One of my coworkers loves movies and found out I did through our numerous conversations. So he has loaned me a pile of…. I count 19 movies to watch between now and May when he gets back. He also gave me two vampire movies, “Vampyre” and “Nosferatu the Vampyre” (this is the 1979 version). “Vampyre” came with a book that has a lot of background material including a copy of “Camilla” to read (or reread in my case). I am very excited to go through and see the various versions. I really enjoy the different beliefs about the vampire. It is interesting to hear what each part of the world thinks about them, how they live, die and what they actually are. I just love stuff like that!

We live in a valley so weather can be interesting sometimes. Not long ago at work when you looked out the gas/courtesy counter window in was pouring rain. But if you looked directly across the store out the deli doors the sun was out and no rain. This morning when we got up it felt even more like a deep hole. All these thick clouds surrounded us with just a small hole that had blue sky coming through. Since then the sun has come out and made everything sparkle as it melts the ice.

Both girls are snoozing. I have covered Stella with a blanket and since Essie likes to lay on the floor in front of the bedroom door I have started laying a big fluffy blanket down for her. I know she appreciates it because she snores loudly when she sleeps, lol. Kind of like when a cat purrs. Stella nudged the blanket when she got up on the love seat so I covered her. She made a little nest and went to sleep.

I am looking forward to two days off. I didn’t realized how keyed up I was for the party until now. So this will be a much welcome respite. Since Chris’s birthday is tomorrow we both have the day off. He wants to go out and about so I will try to bring my camera and get some photos. Something new to share on here. I also ought to download a few photos to my web site. I need to really get on the ball with that. I have just dabbled with it. Now that I have less on my plate (although things are about to get really crazy at work with a major shake up) I think I will make it a point to do more with my photography web site.

I should get myself together and wrap this up so I can get started with my day. I hope all of you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Using A Little Bit Of Sunshine

Sadly we did not go to the haunted house last night. When it came down to it we were both too tired. And truthfully I did not know if I would be able to walk through it. This morning’s pain is at about a 14 on a scale of 1to 10. I am having severe mobility issues. So I guess it is time to call the doctor again. Sigh. I was hoping not to have to do that.

Despite the pain there are several things that need to get done around the house. Not a lot. If I can get just that little bit accomplished then I will be happy. The sun is out and that helps. The girls want me to be outside playing with them. I threw a lot of toys last night for them. They went to bed very tired girls. I guess they want a repeat performance. We’ll see.

I had a bit of an epiphany when I was taking photos last night. The ones I took of the trees really popped with the darkening sky. I need to adjust the part of the camera that allows the light in and see if that will get my colors to pop. I need to pull out my camera books and see what I need to adjust it to or what it is normally at and see what I can see. If we have a bit of cloud in our sunset that will get me some color to practice with.

Reading is also on my to do list for the day. I have a new issue of The Writer that arrived the other day and a coworker leant me his copy of “The Ocean at the End of the Lane” by Neil Gaiman. It has been on my want to read list for a very long time. We have been sharing books for several months now. Mostly me bringing the various Discworld books by Terry Pratchett. The running joke is that I am the Librarian from the books (who is an orangutang… long story you have to read the books to get the joke) so I say “Ook” a lot. But I am excited to read my first Neil Gaiman novel.

Speaking of coworkers I got a very special gift the other day from some other coworkers. It is a sparkling purple rose suspended in water. I will share some photos. It is so beautiful! When I showed Chris he was surprised by the beauty. You really don’t expect a rose in full bloom covered in purple glitter to be as beautiful as it is.

I had better get this posted. I slept in a lot longer that I expected this morning. I hope you all have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!