Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Back Home

A late post since I didn’t really fall asleep until after 5am. Archie is right back to his old self. Which means I am all over the place. Keeping him from playing and running around is near impossible. A side effect of his anesthetic is excessive whining. And he did. He paced and whined. Til around 7pm. For a while I think he was afraid to fall asleep. He finally fell asleep in my lap. All 88 lbs (40 kilos) of him. This morning it is like nothing happened. They want him to wear the cone of shame but he probably won’t. For one thing he hasn’t really bothered the area and for another he will destroy more of the house with it on. He is not the most agile pup right now. I hate that I have to work three nights next week. I don’t want him getting into things. I keep telling myself that it is just for that week. And I will end up with over time. Those three days are going to be atleast 10 hour days and I will still have two more days to work that week. I hope that will allow me to get the car in for possible repairs.

Mother Nature has decided it is winter again. The snow started coming down hard last night and left about an inch of snow. Right now it is snowing pretty steadily. The size of the flakes waxes and wanes. I am glad I can stay home today. I am weary of going all over the place on my time off. I have not heard from either parent in several weeks. Whenever I try to talk with Dad he doesn’t feel good (migraine etc) but tries to act like I am never available (sorry, I love you, but I work). Mom is still having issues with her phone. She is also not happy with me because she has freaked out because she can’t get her text messages to work with me and starts calling and calling til I answer. Then gets upset because I can’t talk because I am at work. The last time she did that I pointed out that I had called and left a message telling her that I would be at work so if she called back I probably would not answer. Four phone calls later (one after the other) I answered and told her I could not talk and that I had left a message. She was not happy with me. So there we are.

I have no idea what to do today. I did get the bird feeder filled and the plants watered. I also sprayed them with old milk. I was reading one of my gardening books and she recommended using expired milk diluted with water to get rid of bug issues on plants. It also gives them nutrients that they need but might not be getting. I did that and my plants look all the happier for it. I sprayed their leaves.

I had better get this posted. Oh and happy side note… the vet bill was less than the lowest quote for his surgery and shots. So YAY! Thanks for reading and thank you for all the love and support for Archie. He sends puppy kisses and snuggles! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

And We Wait

It was one of the hardest things to do to leave Archie at the vet’s office this morning. I keep telling myself he will be ok but the way January is…. I just don’t trust it. So I am biding my time until 2:30pm when I can go get him. I took the earliest possible time. Stella has wadded herself up behind me on the love seat. I don’t knw how she managed to get the blanket so tight around herself. She is sound asleep.

I was worried about icy roads on the way in this morning. We, thankfully, had no issues. But I will probably leave early to go get him because I miss him and am worried. Everyone has been very understanding of my craziness lately. I am forever grateful. A coworker got me a bouquet of tulips that I wanted. I loved the colors but I decided against getting them because I needed the money for Archie. While I was busy dealing with a cooler that had gone down he got them for me. I did my best not to cry. It was a near thing.

I think I will make Chris breakfast if he wants this morning (or rather this afternoon). He’s not feeling well and I need to make sure I take care of him. He made us dinner last night even though he didn’t feel good. And he has had the patience of a saint this past month while I have tried to deal with all this crap going on. He needs to be taken care of too.

A bunch of friends from work are checking on me. Bless them. I am going to try writing today. I haven’t really done anything with my novel. Not even looked at my research materials. I also need to see about pulling that interview together. At the very least I want to print her responses to my questions. That way I have a paper trail.

I spent a bit messaging with my cousins last night. We have our own private chat outside of the normal family one. I don’t feel the need to include everyone in our conversations. But both are coping since their Mom’s death. My one cousin is quietly going through her Mom’s stuff trying to simultaneously clean out her Mom’s stuff and pack up to move. But all in all they are moving forward. It is hard to believe it has been two weeks already. One week since the funeral.

I guess I will wrap this up and try to keep myself distracted. I will try to include a photo of the tulips I got. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Spinning and Spinning

Both pups are curled up on the loveseat. Archie goes in tomorrow morning for his surgery. I am not looking forward to it. I hope I can get him early in the afternoon but I don’t know. We will be at the new building for our vet. Every time I woke up this morning I was trying to make sure I gave us enough time to get there but not too much time once we got up. I plan to get up and let the kids out to go potty then head to the vet’s soon after. Once I come back I will feed Stella and write this. And wait.

The Girls were going to stop by Monday before work (I still need to give them their last gift) but I asked if they would mind Tuesday instead. I don’t want to have to head out as soon as they get here to go get Archie (possibly).

I would give a lot for time off at this point. I am wondering if I would be able to do that some time soon. I hate using vacation time so soon into the new year but…. I just need some time to not be crazy for a bit. We’ll see how things go next two days off.

I do have one interview done for the upcoming Women of Horror issue of Horror Tree. And I am grateful to say that she is a well known author (atleast in horror) that is married to another well known horror author. I am friends with her husband on Facebook and asked him to relay the request for me. And she said yes!😍 I need to get that printed and saved on my laptop (originally we celebrated Women of Horror in February but there is concern with it clashing with Black History Month so it has been pushed to March).

I need to wrap this up and get to work. Thanks for reading and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and support these past few weeks. Stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Not a Happy Camper

Apparently all my complaining is helping. When I went back to check my stock and back-stock after my deliveries yesterday everything was actually where it needed to be. I was able to thank the guys as well.

Yesterday got harder as the day went on. It doesn’t help that I will only have one day essentially off and at home in two weeks, give or take. It is for a good cause and the store manager told me about it. But it will be hard. I will worry about the dogs as well because not only will I be working my normal days off but I will be closing.

I don’t want to go to work. I am stressing too much. And my heart hurts. So far my car has had no change. But I still need brakes and engine work done. I don’t think the fridge has turned off since I’ve been home from work. I think that might need to be replaced soon. I still need to get Chris an anniversary gift. That is coming up soon. No idea where all this money is going to come from.

Sorry all my posts seem to be downbeat. I can only fake it for so long. I hope you have a great day. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Trying

Today it has been one year since we lost Essie. Having Archie helps a lot but… Just too much death this month.

I did manage more than 30 minutes of sleep last night. The down side it that it was even harder to get up because my body was enjoying its hard earned sleep. I am just glad that I have a short day today.

My body aches from doing stock and moving cases of beer. Once again things were just put wherever. So I redid everything again. The nice thing is the store owner now knows about it so hopefully something will get done. I helped put the truck away since we were pretty dead and I don’t like just standing (or sitting) around. I was able to keep myself extra busy because I cleaned up the shelves as I went.

Today… today I just want to stay home with my family. I don’t want to deal with people. In a perfect world I could go back to bed and then putter in my gardens when I got up (I did say perfect world, we have a new layer of snow). I did get my violet repotted. She seems to be ok. I am just worried because I did not realize she was overwatered in her old pot (I stick my finger under the leaves and check the soil before I water my plants so I’m not sure what I did), so when I gently shook her loose to repot her the main root just broke. It was about as thick as one of my fingers. As I said she seems ok. I will keep an eye on her.

The clock tells me I need to wrap this up and head to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

What Now?

Things are off this morning. Outside it looks like someone has sprinkled confectioners sugar all over. I am concerned with my car, Angus. By the time I pulled into the church parking lot Monday the engine did not sound right. I am hoping that the rest will make a difference. I’ll find out when I leave for work. I don’t have the money for car issues right now. I have to have the money for Archie’s vet appointment this coming Monday. I only hope that everything will be ok until then. But the next paycheck has to go toward my car payment.

I had my little to do list written out for yesterday but I did one thing on that list. Everything else is unaccounted for. Writing did not go as planned not did working with my plants. What I did manage to get done got done right before bed. I feel like I need another day off. But I close tonight and open tomorrow. I need to make sure that I only get what we need at the store. No treats for any of us. They are calling me on Friday to let me know the specifics for Archie’s surgery. I will need to remember to put the water bowl up on Sunday before we go to bed.

I hope that the kids don’t get into anything while I am gone. It seems more likely to happen when I am upset. And I am. Friday will also be the one year anniversary of Essie’s death. Did I mention how much I hate the month of January? I was looking at the calendar earlier and thought to myself that it is a good thing that I quit the paper. I would’ve had two meetings that someone else would’ve had to cover for me.

I have no new photos to share. It has been dark and very blah here. So I will share older ones. We seem to have a winter storm watch going on. The snow is coming in from the north. I know this because I can barely see across the road to the front of the house (which is north) and if I look out the back (this is south) things look clear with no snow. It doesn’t seem to be moving either. It’s almost like our road is the divider and the snow won’t cross it. Weird.

I need to wrap this up and atleast get my violet repotted before it dies. I was supposed to do that yesterday. Both pups are behind me asleep. I hope you have a good day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Grief

Today has dawned dark. Atleast yesterday morning I got to witness a beautiful sunrise. I had all I could do not to pull over and take some photos. The colors and the way the clouds wisped through the sky and over the sun as it came up…. I drove home in freezing rain. The sun was out a good portion of the time I was downstate. I gave my two cousins each a unicorn coloring book and a box of crayons. I don’t know why I felt the need to do that but I just hope it helps.

It was good to see everyone. I even got to see family I had had no contact with for years. I was sad to see that they were so stand offish but that was all on them. We tried to include them. I spent most of my time with my one cousin. She is very smart but she is also special needs. She has a lot of change that she will need to come to terms with once she gets back home. She hasn’t had a proper chance to grieve at home. She will be all by herself. The family is trying to get her to move back to Michigan so she will have a support system. I think some of them are also planning to go to New Jersey to try to help. My other cousin has her wife and son.

I reconnected with my Aunt’s in-laws as well. I am not sure how we met and ended up so close but they seem to be at all the family functions and search me out. I also spent some quality time with each of my aunts and uncles. My one Uncle pulled me aside and asked if I wanted his military medals when he dies. I said definitely. It was hard watching everyone. My remaining aunts and uncles were really hit hard. I helped several up and down the aisles at the funeral. Everyone (expect two uncles) had some kind of walker or cane. And once the sobbing started it was hard to keep balanced.

I have a lot of tears soaked into my jacket from holding everyone. And that is ok. I connected with some of the younger cousins (I am now the cool cousin… it didn’t hurt that I arrived in jeans, boots, an orange tank top that says “Beach Please” and my turquoise Hawaiian shirt. Hey, I was told no black!) and finally met my cousin’s wife and son. We talked a lot about rescues (her wife drives rescued pets to their new homes) and other interesting stuff.

My cousin made everyone these beautiful ribbons in memory of her Mom. The close female family members got special ribbons. They are turquoise ribbons topped with a pretty floral one (it was from fabric she had planned to make a quilt for her Mom with but ended up making herself a skirt for the funeral as well as the ribbons) and a delicate pink rose where the ribbon crosses over. My Aunt had ovarian cancer and turquoise ribbons represent that. I had completely forgotten that when I dressed myself in the dark that morning. My colors were spot on as it turned out.

I left at 7am and got home at 6pm. It was a long day. Archie was bad. While I was gone he got into plants again. So today will be spent trying to figure out where I can keep everything. This Spring definitely needs to see me putting up a greenhouse. Since I now have some empty pots I may do some repotting today. I am going to wrap this up. I will try to add some new photos. I want to share the ribbon one if nothing else. Thank you so much to everyone that has reached out. I appreciate all the love and hugs. It does make a difference! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

It’s That Time

This is going to be a short one. My anxiety is up so sadly I have been awake since 4:30am. I don’t want to go, but I promised. Both pups are out here with me. I just released a big sigh and they did the same right after me.

I have no idea what to wear. I have been told not to wear black. I got everything together last night so I could just go at 7am. But I forgot to lay out what I was going to wear. So there I was at 6am with the flashlight on my phone trying to pick out what I was going to wear. I am going for fun casual. I think she would’ve liked that.

I have no idea where I am going. I clicked on the link in the obituary for the church. I hope google doesn’t screw it up. It’s going to be tight as it is if their time frame is correct. I don’t know if I am driving in the funeral procession or riding with someone else. If we are going to lunch right after I guess I’ll be driving myself. I hope to be on the road home well before dark.

I need to get myself together and head out the door. Wish me luck! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

What Is Up?

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I didn’t sleep well last night despite my best efforts. I woke up at just before 2 then 3 am thinking my alarm was going to go off, only to realize I had more time. Stella needed to go out around 3am so I guess that worked out.

I did a lot of planning yesterday for what was going to change in my departments. One of the things I did was find some recipes that used various liquors that I carry. My goal is to have some recipe cards people can take. That way the liquor isn’t just for drinking. I am also working on pulling different liquors that aren’t selling. I hope to replace them with other liquors.

I am feeling very blah this morning. My anxiety is threatening to creep forward. I just don’t need that today. Or tomorrow for that matter. But I will muddle along as best I can. Ironically my back seems to be improving. I refuse to limp. And when I got home yesterday the sun was out, so the pups and I picked up the yard a bit. My back was screaming by the time I was done but it may have been the right thing to do. It feels almost normal this morning.

I need to wrap this up. I hope you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Thinking Ahead

I took a bit longer to read your posts this morning so I am running behind. That’s ok though. Stella is asleep behind me and Archie is on my feet asleep. I got decent sleep last night but not enough apparently. I can’t seem to wake up.

I went through my stock yesterday and made a list of what was selling and what wasn’t. I asked the powers that be if I could start changing my stock. Not just ordering what was selling but pull stuff and get rid of it, then replace it with something else. I was given the go ahead. So now I need to start pulling things out a little at a time. I am going to spend my morning figuring out my game plan. There are probably about 15 items that have not sold in over a year.

Only one day off this week to stay home. I am glad that it is after the funeral. I’ll have one day to recoup. I see by the clock that I am running late for work. Thank for reading and stay safe!