Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Where’d The Sun Go?

This morning is dark again. The light never changed yesterday until it disappeared completely. You could look outside at 9am and 2pm and it looked the same. I think we are in for more of that today. I got my test results back and I do have COVID. I let work know and we are shooting for next Friday me coming back. I am trying to figure out what to do for groceries and such. We have food but the girls are going to need kibble soon. I can’t taste or smell but I am trying to eat. Nothing holds any appeal. Then there are small necessities like toilet paper and such that we are running low on.

The girls are bored to tears. They want to play but neither Chris nor I have much energy. They are tired of sleeping all the time. I noticed that they did get the zoomies outside a few times so I am grateful for that. Everything is so blah. That is why I tend to hate this time of year. It’s too cold to be outside and it is dark all the time. I don’t think we have 12 hours of daylight anymore. I spent most of yesterday reading. I am almost done with Stephen King’s Everything’s Eventual.

I am still having trouble breathing. Especially if I try to talk out loud or get up and do something. I am going to have to suck it up and go outside at one point. The shed doors have blown open. I should get mail too. It looks like we are approaching dusk outside but it is barely 9am. Sigh…. I am trying to be positive today. I am tired of being cranky. I am stir crazy but I don’t want to interact with the world outside.

One of the things that has been bugging me about my novel is the weather and what things feel like. Right now they are in Italy. Are their seasons like ours? Do they have warmer winters? What blooms when? What kind of plants and trees do they have? And none of it will really matter in the end. But it matters now. And I can’t get my head past it. I don’t mind writing it and then having to cut it later because I can visualize it as I am writing it. And that is what I need. I think I may just chop the last section in my novel off. I need another way to do it. It needs to be more natural. I am throwing money at it and making things extravagant that don’t need to be.

Essie is restless. Whenever she hears the mouse click on here her head pops up hopefully. I don’t blame her. I should wrap this up and get it posted. I am going to try to get a few photos to add on. I don’t know what to photograph. Everything is so dark today. Stella is asleep behind me on the loveseat. Her nose is crammed in with her toes. I miss smelling puppy toes. But let me save this and try to get some photos. Thanks for staying with and reading! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Day 4 of ???

It’s like everything is wrapped in clouds this morning. It feels like I have slept the day away… even if I just got up. Everyone is still sick and trying not to be crabby. When I am sick I prefer to just be left alone but when both of us are home sick that isn’t really practical.

Aaaand this is why I should just focus on one thing at a time. My Mother just sent me an article about a massive outbreak of COVID at a University of Michigan game. She then asked me if someone from the store was there. So now I am responsible for all the current outbreaks? Thanks Mom. Really. I think I liked it better when she wasn’t speaking to me.

Breathe… Despite begin sick the days seem to be going by very quickly. It is already Wednesday but where has the time gone? I have done a whole lot of nothing so shouldn’t time go slower. I remember when I was a kid time didn’t matter when you were sick. It was the one time you were expected to do nothing. As an adult I still expect myself to keep the house picked up and chores done.

Still no word on the test results. Neither of us is up to going out to the garage let alone driving so I told work we were going to just wait on the tests we took Monday. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do about groceries. I don’t know if anyone would be persuaded to drop things off at the garage under the awning. I may ask around… I say ask around I might have Shalee from work ask if anyone would mind dropping the groceries off. I don’t want to share any of this but we do need a few things.

Anger seems to be pushing it’s way to the top today. I don’t like being angry. I don’t want to take my anger out on Chris or the girls. But I have nothing to do to channel it. I am frustrated with my novel. It is going into a direction that I don’t like. So I have thrown my hands up. The Agatha Christie novel I have been reading is not what I thought it was either. And not in a good way. So I don’t know if I want to not finish it or what. The more I read the more annoyed I get (see what I mean about the anger stuff?) so I might be better off just setting it down for now. I would really rather go back to bed but I can’t sleep for anything lately. I will be exhausted and just toss and turn. Even the nighttime cough medicine doesn’t help. I noticed last night that my anxiety has started kicking in. I tried to read myself to sleep but everything I read just wretched up the panic attack.

I should wrap this up and get it posted. I did get two rather decent photos last night of the moon when I fed the girls and let them out. I will share those. I might try to wander the yard and get some fog shots but I don’t know if I can stay upright long enough. I might be reduced to going to the windows again to take photos. My hands aren’t very steady so get the camera not to shake is interesting. A big thank you to everyone for checking in on us. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Not Much To Tell

Chris was able to get my laptop back online so I can type this with a not so cramped feeling. Yay! But I am sitting here just staring at the screen. There isn’t much to discuss/write about. We were both able to get tested at the same time yesterday. That was nice because I think Chris’s appointment was an hour after mine. So now we wait 2-5 days for the results. Everyone keeps pestering us to get the rapid results test but you have to be at a certain place at a certain time and even then it’s not guaranteed. Soonest would be 48 hours which is the minimum we are looking at. And honestly neither of us wants to be driving all over the place. I had Chris drive yesterday because I don’t feel fit enough to drive. By the time we got home yesterday he was starting to feel it pretty hard. So I am thinking we will just lay low for now.

I thought about calling to have someone do groceries but I think we are ok. And I can’t taste or smell so it really doesn’t matter to me. The girls have enough food for now. I may need to get kibble but I am thinking maybe Chewy and have it delivered. I am not up to driving to the store and having them put it in the back of the car.

I may need to see if I can use my sick time for this. I still have bills to pay. And the fact that I am sick doesn’t mean anything to them. So I think I may ask when I text the store manager this afternoon. I feel bad (especially since I just stepped up to taking care of cigarette ordering) but needs must. Worst they can say is that I don’t have the sick time to use.

I think the snow might be here to stay. The past few days when it snowed and the sun came out the snow melted. Today the sun is out and nothing is melting. It looks like I might need to fill the bird feeder. I don’t know how much energy I will have to do that but I will try. I usually feel pretty good when I wake up in the morning. But about 30 minutes into my day and it all goes downhill.

All I have been doing is reading lately. Sunday night I did watch some horror movies but I seem to be more interested in reading. I will devour a book a day. I am trying to play with the girls but with little to no energy it is difficult. But they have been braving it. There are times they just want to play no matter what but I try.

I have tried writing other than this and it is difficult to say the least. My mind won’t stay focused on the material. I may try again today. That reminds me I need to find the email of the manufacturer of my leather satchel so I can ask about a replacement strap for it. Speaking of not staying focused… I will wrap this up and try to get a few photos taken. I need to delete a few old photos for the new before I can upload them but I will try. Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers. Keep ’em coming! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Misery Doesn’t Want Company

The wind is huge right now. My mind feels much the same way. My medicine is making feel like I have a hang over. I had to take extra at bed time and then another dose when Chris got home for the pain. I just want to stay home in bed. I hurt and I am officially sick. My throat hurts and I have no voice. When the night manager comes in at noon I am going to ask to go home. I paced the house for most of the day because of the pain in my legs. I called and left a message for my doctor as well. On the plus side I did get some sleep. Not a lot but some.

Essie is on the couch sleeping. She got up with me and stayed out here. Stella might be back out too. This might be short. The medication is making the white screen in front of me swim. Which in turn is making me sick to my stomach. I really hope I can get out of there early. I might ask one of the cashiers to do gas for me. I don’t know if I am up for it…

So prayers, well wishes and good thoughts welcome on my behalf. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

You Can Do Eeeet!

I am beyond grateful to have the day off. Last night was another night of unbearable pain. This time it was in my legs. It took an eternity for the medicine to kick in. I can still feel it but it is not as bad. I plan to call the doctor to ask what I need to do. I paced the house for several hours trying to ease the pain. I tried to lay in bed in various positions and read but no joy. Pacing did not ease the pain so much as not intensify it.

I am exhausted. Yesterday’s busy schedule went better than I hoped. I even got out early. But everyone wanted to chit chat so I ended up home at my regular time. I am not really looking forward to tomorrow at work. I am manager as well as gas. I have no one coming in for gas until 2pm. So if anything needs my attention as a manager I will need someone to cover gas. I guess it will all work out but sheesh!

I still have to write my article. I am regarding the prospect with dread. It’s just that I am so wiped out from everything the past few weeks… I really enjoy my job at the paper. I am forever grateful that they took me in on a trial basis and decided I was good enough. And that is why I push myself to keep writing and getting myself out there to the meetings. If it weren’t for the paper I would spend a lot more time at home and I seriously need to be out and about more. I just don’t wanna go out. Once I am out I usually enjoy myself it’s just getting me out that can be tricky.

I have three penpals and I haven’t received a letter from anyone in a long time. I know it’s childish and there are reasons behind it. It is nothing personal. But my inner child is sitting looking up at me with wide blue eyes and her bottom lip sticking out looking for all the world like she wants to cry. She has had a hard week too.

The big excitement today will be French toast made with cinnamon and apple swirl bread as well as cappuccinos made with our espresso machine. I am excited about that. I don’t have any set plans for today although I do need to water and take care of my plants. I have lost several over the past few weeks. I need to dump the dirt into the various gardens and put the dead plants into the compost pile. When we got up this morning I saw that our maple trees in back had shed a good portion of their leaves. 😲 I was both surprised and sad. I also see that I need to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

The Morning After

I didn’t have to go to last night’s meeting, which was a blessing. My shoulders felt like someone was trying to peel them off. I was in bed early but the shoulder pain kept me awake. I finally took a second muscle relaxer. That seems to quiet them enough so I could get some sleep.

I woke up to my alarm again. I always feel guilty when that happens because I don’t want to wake Chris. Today will be a 10 hour day after the meeting. I hope that it is an hour meeting so I can try to spend time with the family (even if it is only a few minutes) before work. But I hoped for that with the meeting last week and it was over an hour and a half. I won’t know until I get there what is on the agenda. I already told my editor that the article would be late.

I will finally have a day off tomorrow. After almost a week straight. I seriously hope next week’s schedule is more diverse. I don’t think I can do this again so soon. More changes are coming again in management so I think that it will be interesting at work. We may lose some key people. But we will see what happens.

I am so tired right now. And I ache. But I can’t call in to either job because there is no one to take my place. So onward we go. I feel bad for my pups because when I get home they expect to play and when I get home I am ready to collapse. But I do try to play a little with them. I am hoping that my day off makes everything right. The next couple of shifts at work are going to be crazy. I am gas AND manager. No relief person for one of the days so I probably won’t get any breaks. I hope we don’t get too busy and no issues! It will be interesting. Atleast I get out at 2pm both days. If we have deliveries that need checks it will be interesting. 🙄

Dad wants to talk and I do too but I need a day of rest right now. I told him that things were crazy at work and I have no idea when I will have time off (which wasn’t a lie because I did not have this week’s schedule at the time). I love Dad and I do want to see him (we FaceTime) but I really feel like crap. I would just stay home today if I could.

It is starting to hurt to swallow so I think I will get some throat lozenges when I get to work. I need to make sure I bring something to drink to the meeting. My throat will get sensitive and I will get a tickle (like now… hang on). Oof. Sorry. I guess I will be wearing a mask while I am out and about today. Yuck. I can’t breathe right anyway. Oh well. I don’t want to share more than I already am by being present. I am glad I keep to myself at the meetings.

I will add the few random photos I took when we got up. They aren’t very good (my opinion) but atleast they are something to look at. Thank you for all your comments and thank you for reading! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

It’s Catchy

Another too early morning. I do get out at 2pm but I have a meeting in Elk Rapids tonight and tomorrow morning. I am seriously thinking about asking if someone can take tonight’s meeting. I honestly feel like crap. I have managed to catch something either from a customer or coworker (several of both have been sick). I would call in if I could for my day job as well. I got home last night and felt like I had been beaten up. All I wanted to do was sleep. I thought I felt better when I got up but once I sat down it all hit again. Body aches, dry scratchy throat and just general feeling bad. The body aches are the worst right now. My skin is overly sensitive with everything. The least touch and it hurts. The girls have tried to help but… Essie stayed up with me today. I think she is on the couch again while I write this.

I need to let the paper know that I won’t have the article in time for this week’s paper. Tuesday I am scheduled tight enough that I will be going straight to work after the meeting. And pulling a 10 hour shift. That is another reason I am seriously thinking about having someone else cover tonight’s meeting. I am just worn out between both jobs. I am frustrated about scheduling as well since I have virtually no time to write my article even if I do have the time to go to the meeting.

Yeah, I think I am going to ask for someone to cover my meeting tonight. I am miserable right now. I just hope I can make it through work. It really sucks because I have to do my first cigarette order this week and this happens. I am hoping that if I can get to bed early again tonight that I will be better tomorrow. Atleast I won’t be up late trying to get the article written. I feel guilty about doing it but I need some kind of break right now.

I really don’t have any photos either. I have a bunch on my phone but I can’t put very many (if any at all) on here because the size of the files. When I take pictures with Nikon I can upload them into tiny files so I can fit more on my blog. I will share the few that I have and see if I can get more tonight when I get home. On that note I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Sleep, The Great Pretender

Sleep, blessed sleep. Last night was the first solid sleep I got in days. Sigh. I was so asleep I even had to rely on the alarm I set to wake me up. I still can’t quite wake myself up. The coffee is trying but so far it is just a warm beverage.

Such a day yesterday! The deli workers had a blow out (new clashing with the old). Bad enough that the store owner came in to straighten things out. Myself, on the other hand, was on full wattage (behold the power of lack of sleep! lol). I can honestly say I gave 150% yesterday at work. I also managed to get another raise. Yep, $1.50 raise between yesterday and today. I am stepping up and going to learn to do the cigarette ordering. I guess I am being thought about to do the liquor department as well. Things are moving fast! So much for the “slow” season.

To celebrate we grilled steaks on the barbeque (it was a beautiful Fall day) and had lovely herbed small potatoes on the side. AND we actually sat at the kitchen table together to eat. No tv, no dogs sniffing too close to the food (they are very good about not taking things but they will sniff as much as you let them)… no distractions. And we had a lovely view of the yard. Chris made the comment that it was the reason he liked going to restaurants with me. Just us and our food. (For those that don’t know the table had been piled high with my plants that have since been relocated to a set of nice sunny shelves.)

Bed called to me early last night. I was in bed reading even before the sun went down. I think I lasted until 10pm. The alarm was set for 7am. Funny thing is I did wake up when the clock said 7am (it hadn’t been changed for daylight savings time). Then a smile stole across my face as I realized I still had one more hour of sleep. I briefly thought about getting up (I still have my article to write) but decided that I needed my sleep more. I can either write it when I am done here or when I get home tonight.

I did get the camera out a little yesterday as well. It looked like a bird fight happened by the bird feeder. Either that or the bird exploded. No body parts but tons of feathers from all over a bird: small fluffy feathers from the chest area, wing feathers, back feathers… Chris said maybe a hawk (I asked if he had heard any squawking over the course of the day since the door had been open he said no). Sooooo the mystery remains.

Too funny! I just stretched and Essie sat up on the couch and did the same stretch. I love that little girl! Stella is asleep in her nest of blankets behind me on the love seat. It looks like the sun might be fully up now too. Oh and apologies for the blog posts that may or may not be readable next week. Tomorrow I work 7am to 2pm, meeting in Elk Rapids at 7pm, meeting at 9am Tuesday, 12pm to close as closing manager Tuesday night. I am not sure when I will get both articles written since I don’t seem to have much time to do anything but work. Thanks for reading today! I hope your day is the best it can be for you! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Shake Ups At Work

I got up a little after 6am and reset my alarm to 8am. I have had such broken sleep. I fell asleep reading around 10pm so I decided to brush my teeth and turn off the light. That deep sound sleep lasted until around 2am. Then I was wide awake or dead asleep. The awake periods lasted between 30 minutes and an hour. The asleep bits were just as jumbled. Dreams were weird too. So now I feel like I’ve been hit by a big something. I still have my work meeting to go to this morning (I had one for the paper last night that ended up going later than normal) so I can come home for an hour or two (it depends on how long the meeting lasts) before I return as closing manager for the night. Then I come home to catch what little sleep I can so I can be back at 7am tomorrow.

I feel like all I am doing is bouncing from one thing to the other. Both Stella and Chris were in and out of bed with upset stomachs last night. I’m not sure what time they were able to finally settle in. Work is going to be madness. There is a big shake up going in management and everyone is… not on egg shells but very unsure of our future. Not that of the store/company so much as what is going to happen to our work family. So many people have left we are going to be short staffed again.

For it being the slow season we sure aren’t. Not that we have more people coming through but that there is so much that needs to be done with no one to do them. And no one is being trained to do them. We have a major management person leaving and no one is being trained to take over what she does. One of the things she does is order cigarettes and dairy. Both departments are extremely empty. I don’t think any orders have been placed in over a week. I just don’t know. I suppose I should get going for the meeting. Wish me/us luck! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Medical, Movies, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

And the Winner Is…. Chaos!

No idea as to how long this will be. I am exhausted. I ended up going to the doctor yesterday. I called to get an appointment and they had one open that afternoon so I took it. We talked about various options for the back etc and I opted to get a shot in the hip to hold me over. I’m glad I did because it has really helped. I woke up this morning able to walk. Meantime Mom is not talking to me. We were messaging back and forth but I did not respond after she did not respond for over an hour. It was one of those I just put my phone down and was watching a movie. I stopped looking at my phone. And because she was worried about me (which I appreciate) and I did not answer right away I have been told not to talk to her for several days. And there we are.

Despite being pain free at the moment I didn’t get much sleep. We stayed up too late talking and watching a movie. So now I am paying for it. I have a meeting tonight as well. On the plus side I don’t have to have the article right away so I can actually sleep in tomorrow. I will still write it when I get up but I don’t have to have it in by a certain time. And if I can stay pain free I might call the doctor and ask if doing that on a regular basis is possible. I’m not sure what is in the shot. It is weird not having any pain.

With everything going on I have no new photos to share so I will dig through and see I can find some that I did not download.

Work is going to be complete chaos after this week. We are losing several people for the winter and some for good. That will be four regular employees and one manager. So we will see what happens. There will possibly be promotions but the schedule will be chaotic at best. Oh right… I can’t sleep in tomorrow. I have a meeting at 9am. Nuts. I forgot about that. Well fudge.

I see the clock is telling me I need to wrap things up. I hopefully I can find a few photos to share. Sorry if there are repeats. Hopefully Essie will go back to bed. She has been laying on the kitchen floor to be with me this morning. Thanks for reading and stay safe!