Aging, Cooking/Baking, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Life, Movies, Thinking

Flowing Forward and Flowing Back

Have you ever watched a movie that was from the time you were growing up and it all came flooding back?  Then you ponder all the things you’ve done and choices you made.  You wonder where people are, how they are and if they wonder about you.  Well that is what I did last night.  For better or for worse.  It was good to feel the freedom and the freshness of life again.  To have that hope of wide open vistas before you in life.  So much potential!

It was good to do but then those niggling unanswerable questions come up.  Usually starting with “what if.”  That’s when things can turn ugly.  That’s when you do what I did and call a friend that was there.  We had a good long talk about memories and what was going on now in our lives.  I am lucky to have such friends.

Dinner is cooking in the smoker.  I put it in after I fed the dogs.  It is a Puerco pibil  recipe that Chris got from the Robert Rodriguez movie “Once Upon a Time in Mexico.”  It has to be one of his favorite dishes to make.  He likes playing with different variations.  This will be the first time that we have made it in the smoker.  I will let you know how it turns out tomorrow!

I got up around 3:30am- 4am because Stella let me no room on the bed.  I gave up fighting for it and came out into the living room and slept on the couch.  Moose came and slept with me on the couch and Essie slept on the loveseat.  (Moose is barking at something in his sleep.  He just woke the girls up.  lol)  I think the cold is making Essie hurt this morning.  I worry about her.  I’m not sure what to do to help.  I gave her the last pain pill we had yesterday and it seemed to help.  I may end up calling the vet and seeing if we can get more.  I won’t give them to her every day.  Although if she is having rough days as we get into the colder weather that may change.

The new contractor stopped by to look at the garage and talk.  We went over everything that needed to still be done.  He will call later in the week with numbers for everything.  It will be so nice to actually have a garage that we can finally use!  Stay tuned for more info!

By the restless nudgings of my pups I gather it is time to get off of my laptop and get into my life.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

Aging, family, Food, Friends, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Beginning in September

So much is going through my head…  August is officially gone.  September and Fall are here.  It has been a year ago today that I started my journey after 15 years of retail work.  My eldest son’s birthday is today as well.  He turns 28 years old.  I am struggling to keep moving forward.  Even though I push myself my everything seems to resist it.  Time is spirally away faster and faster.

Last night I went to the Leatherneck MC event to cover it for the paper.  I almost walked out.  But I pitched the idea to the paper and they accepted.  If I did not deliver what would be on the front page at this late date?  So I plunged ahead.

I was so out of place it wasn’t funny.  For starters I ride a sportbike and prefer it that way.  Lately many of the Harley riders I have encountered  have given me grief over my ride.  It used to be a more friendly atmosphere when riding.  Mentally I was very conscious of this.  Everyone also knew everyone else.  It was like being someone’s date at a family function where you know no one then your date disappears and you are on your own.  But I had paid $10 to get in so I atleast had to stay for the free food.

A few people chatted with me as I stood texting like crazy on my phone as my various family members tried to keep me sane and there.  I was obviously out of place.  I could feel a panic attack pushing toward me but I had to try to do something for a story.  I called a friend in desperation asking him if he wanted to come to the event.  I said I’d pay for him (my last $10) and there was free food.  He could ride or drive.  He said yes.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  But who knows when he was going to show up.  What was I supposed to do til then?

I tried walking around but felt even more self conscious as everyone kept looking at me trying to figure out what I was doing.  So back to stand by the bar I went.  Sadly I was broke so not even a can of beer passed my lips.  And I really really wanted one.

Eventually the food was ready and people started lining up.  I still hung by the bar in hopes that my friend would arrive soon.  No joy.  So I texted him to let me know when he got there and got in line.  I ended up chatting with a bunch of people as we waited.  One gal and I got talking about breast prosthetics (long story) and she was saying that she lost her natural breasts to cancer over 15 years ago.  This led to a funny story about my Grams who also had breast cancer.  After quite a few laughs we were at the food.

Once our plated were filled we went our separate ways.  As I found a stump to use as a table I heard my name and turned to see another friend who had stopped by to get some grub.  So he and I sat and talked over our piled high plates of delicious food.

Not long after I finished my plate I got a text from my friend saying he arrived.  I saw him pull in on his Harley moments later.  Laughing (sort of) I excused myself to go kick my new arrival’s butt for texting while he was riding (supposedly he stopped the bike before he did it).  Well I introduced both of my friends and went to get more food.

Soon we were deep in conversation catching up on each others lives.  Before we knew it the band was warming up and the music started.  Bonfires had been lit as the night was getting chilly even with the sun still up.  The band was awesome (I can honestly say that I enjoyed everything they played).  We took turns guessing the different songs and bands as their first set jammed.

Part of the way through they asked the band to stop for the traditional log lighting.  They carve out a big log and then light it from the inside.  It is actually pretty damn cool.

 

After that the party kicked off in earnest.  It was all about being with family (for those of you who don’t know the Leathernecks are a motorcycle group made up of Marines so everyone there is considered family) and having a good time.  So my friend and I watched through the first set (I pretty much sang and headbanged through most of it) then chatted with the band.  By this time dark had fallen and everyone was hanging around the bar and bonfires.  We mad it through part of their second set before we left.  My friend didn’t want to leave me on my own so he gently nudged me toward my car.  I took the hint and headed home.

All in all I’m glad I stayed.  Now I just need to sit down at one point to day and get the article written.  Thanks for reading!

 

Aging, Books, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Do I Expect Too Much?

Maybe I’m just becoming a fuddy duddy.  I don’t know.  For the past few days the two track to our West has been extremely busy.  Not the people way back going to and from on their daily route but about three trucks at any given time, chainsaws going and just a bunch of people hanging around.  We have five acres and where they have set themselves up is just beyond the house and backyard.  For starters I’m not really comfortable with people I don’t know partying just beyond our yard.  I don’t know them or what may or may not happen at their evening bonfire.  I am very territorial.  Second I prefer the solitude.  We have five acres that are very peaceful and quiet.  I can play with the kids or just sit and stare at the sky.  No revving truck engines as they haul down the two track.  No cranking of the music with questionable lyrics (one song was vulgar names for private body parts… I am no prude but I am not going to blare that for everyone to hear).  I enjoy the quiet.  Yes I do play my music loud sometimes but there is no one to hear it because our neighbors are far enough away.

I enjoy bonfires and the like with friends.  They did pack up once dark hit and they got better with the music.  But I am still not comfortable with the whole situation.  Am I being too paranoid?  Am I being a fuddy duddy?  I don’t know.  It will be interesting to see what the weekend brings.  Not that I will see much of it.  I have the event I’m covering for the paper this weekend and it is all three days.  (I need to make sure they know no article will be written until Tuesday.)

I have pulled out yet another of my favorite books on writing looking desperately for inspiration, Ray Bradbury’s Zen and the Art of Writing.  It has been a long time since I have had it out.  My copy is old enough that it talks of him in the present tense.  (That got me thinking of all of the great authors I lost in my lifetime… there are so many.)  I forgot how eternally optimistic the man was.  Always a fun big kid.  He never lost that in his writing.  I notice I have.  I didn’t realize it until I read the introduction last night.  So one more thing to work on and strive for.  I am going to read and try to get some writing done today.  I should come up with a game plan for this weekend.  I’ve never been to one of these MC events.  I know there will be music and adult beverage (no one under 21 allowed) but beyond that nada.  I don’t know if I’m going on my own or not either.  Chris may or may not go and I don’t know if I should invite someone to go with me or not.  Hell I don’t even know if I have to pay to get in!  It will defiantly be interesting!

One last thing before I sign off.. So Stella did the cutest damn thing last night!  We are in bed and the kids are settling in.  I have a bunch of blankets on the bed for when we get cold.  Stella leaned back and grabbed one in her mouth and pulled it over herself!  It was so adorable!  (Yes I am that Mom lol.)

Side note: Still no doors on the garage.  No one has showed up yet today.  I do have three rather large trucks that look like they are from the County Road Commission parked to the East in front of our property.   I’m not sure what is going on there.  I will be making a phone call to our contractor to see why no one is here.  He has today and tomorrow to finish the garage.

I will add pics.  Cheers!  Have a great day!

 

 

Aging, Books, Dogs, Emotions, Friends, Life, Motorcycles

Being 47 Years Old

Yesterday was a good day.  I read all day at work because none of the transporters who were scheduled showed up.  One of the guys who works at the campgrounds behind the lot brought me a card, some Nutty Buddys, a Gatorade and my favorite donut with a candle in it and sang happy birthday to me.  When I got home to open my present from Chris he had gotten me the cover for the Pearl that got damaged when I had to lay her down.  So now I can seriously work on getting her back up and running.

I think the best bit was the love and well wishes from my various friends on my social media spots (I include this in that category).  What made me feel really good was I could put a face to every name.  In past years I have gotten well wishes in the 100s and I always thought it was cool that they came from around the world.  This year I just cracked 60 people.  But I knew all of them.  And that makes me feel good.  I am starting to look at quality and not quantity.  I surprised myself.

I almost missed seeing Chris before he left for work.  I high tailed it from work to gas up the car, ran to Kalkaska to the bank to cash the check then I headed to the Secretary of State to get my tabs.  Normally getting my tabs in an in and out thing but being a Friday it was a little more crowded than normal.  But we moved right along despite that.  Maybe 15 to 20 minutes of waiting that would’ve probable been an hour any place else.  But I got home and was able to spend a few minutes with Chris before he left.

I got Calypso (she is my ball python) a new cage (new to us that is).  It was another birthday gift of sorts.  I am going to try to get her set up in it today.  The only bad thing about it is I somehow cut my leg when I was carrying it.  I think it is a deep cut even if it is only say less than an inch long.  I think I know where on the cage it came from so I need to watch out for that (it has to do with the lid being off so no Calypso is not in any danger of being hurt).  I keep meaning to clean the cut because it hurt like the dickens when I did it at work loading the tank into the car.  But I forgot about it after a while.  But this morning Essie bumped it and reminded me so I am going to do that once I finish this.

Today has started rather overcast and gloomy but that is ok.  I am going to hunker down with a book (I am now on to Agatha Christie and her books).  I started a new journal on Thursday even though the Supernatural one  still had room.  It felt right.  The other one held so much hurt from this past weekend I didn’t want to open it.  So I started another.  I think that has helped my mood as well.  Something new and fresh to work with.

Thank you again for all your kind works and support.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

 

Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Thinking

Happy Birthday to Me

Well the day has finally arrived.  I turn 47 years old today.  My phone will probably end up on a charger at work with all the birthday posts from friends on Facebook.  It feels good to know people care enough to take a few minutes and think good things for me.

Mom and I did lunch yesterday.  Well more like brunch because it was breakfast for both of us and it was lunch type food.  She got me a weed whacker for my birthday.  I am very excited because I have wanted one for a while but not been able to get one.  It runs on a rechargeable battery.  Chris put it together and I had the battery on the charger shortly after I got home.  I used it twice last night to get things trimmed in the front and backyard.

I felt good going to bed because the kids and I spent most of our evening outside.  We played and just generally hung out.  Our awesome neighbors came over with treats for the kids.  I think the big ones are made from molasses.  I figured they can have them today after I get home.  I need to run to get tabs for both the bike and car after work as well as stop at the bank to cash a check.  I hope to be home before Chris leaves for work.  Then I will open my present from him.

Yesterday was a productive day despite it’s inauspicious beginnings.  Laundry got washed and put away, dishes switched out in the dishwasher, sheets and blankets got washed, yard work done….  I know there was more but you get the idea.  I showered before bed to get the grass and pollen off.  That was a good idea because I felt pretty good and got some decent sleep.

I’m not sure what the day holds but it is getting time to face the world.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Thinking

Introspection

Essie and Stella are behind me and Moose is beside me as I write this.  I am going to have to call the vet about Essie because she is limping very badly and is having more and more trouble getting up on things.  She has been coddled quite a bit these past few days.

To be honest my positive self is beginning to crack.  Everything that was supposed to happen this week is a no go.  I mixed up my weeks for the meetings and the meting for tonight was cancelled.  Mom called off last night.  Chris’s truck is in for repairs so no Pirate Fest this weekend.  I am bummed.

I slept well until something bit me around 1:30am.  Then I was wide awake.  Around 2am I decided to try a sleep aide as I really need to get sleep.  I was awake until after Chris got home (around 3:15am).  The kids wanted to get up around 7am but I managed to stay asleep til 8am.  I could’ve slept longer but I knew that we needed to get up.

Still nothing done on the garage.  No answer when I call and his voicemail box in full so I cannot leave a message.  I don’t know what else to do.  I told Mom about it last night when we talked and she was surprisingly calm about things.  She suggested waiting until the end of next week and if nothing was done find somebody else to finish it.  If I can’t get a hold of him on the phone I will text him and let him know that he has a week to start doing something.  I think I will also look into taking him to small claims court.

The day has dawned overcast with big fat and fluffy clouds.  I hope it continues.  It fits my mood.  Still Summer but mellowed.  I am trying not to be anxious.  It has been so nice to be without it and feel good about life.  But my concern for Essie is starting to weigh in.  I find myself looking at my birthday (a week from Friday, the 16th) and realizing that I will be 50 in 3 years.  That will make Essie 12 years old (please let her still be around), Dad will be 80 years old and Mom 76 years old.  Where has the time gone?  I’ve been able to do so much that I wanted to do in my life and I am grateful.  No regrets.  But who hit the fast forward button?  I find myself struggling with this as I get older.

I look at the clock and see that the vet should be open.  I guess I will wrap this up and start making my phone calls.  I may write some more on here later.  Thanks for reading!

 

 

Aging, Books, Creativity, Dogs, family, Life, Motorcycles, Writing

Two Steps Forward With No Steps Back

Another chilly morning.  It’s around 45F (7C) right now.  Work will be brisk!  I’ve been awake since Chris came to bed around 4am.  He pushed Stella off the bed since she wouldn’t move over so she came to my side of the bed and tried to walk across everyone to get back to that side of the bed.  So I grabbed her and laid down and she fell right to sleep.  She had her head on my pillow  and was on her back.  Moose was on my other side and was sleeping with his head on my other shoulder.  Essie was curled up at my feet.  (Wow.  It’s cold enough the furnace just came on!)  I gave up on sleep around 6:45am.  Funny enough I was actually comfortable.  I just couldn’t sleep.

I had a good long talk with both my parents last night.  Dad has always been worried about what he knows being lost after he dies.  So I told him to get a recorder of some kind and when something reminds him of a memory or an idea to just talk to the recorder.  Once he fills so many tapes (or fills a flash drive if he is using digital) he can send it to me and I will transcribe it and  even see if we can get it published at one point.  He was surprised that I would do something like that for him.  I asked him why he was surprised.  It was fairly easy to do.  But it was such a big deal for him that he didn’t think anyone else cared.  It’s sad that he felt like that.  Regardless he is over the moon now so all is good.  I will ask him if he found the app he thought he had on his phone to record things later today.

I am proud to say I pitched an idea to the paper for an article so at the end of the month (August that is) I will be attending a local annual motorcycle rally to report and take photos.  I’m pretty excited about it.  I will do some asking around on my down time at work since the event will be in the campgrounds right behind the lot.

Essie doesn’t seem to want to be by Stella.  As soon as Moose got off the couch to go lay on “his” bed she hopped right down and took over his spot on the couch.  Now Stella has her face smushed into the pillows behind her on the loveseat.  Weirdo.  I guess I need to get myself ready for work.  Cheers!

Aging, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Drawing the Map

Yesterday the storms never came, just the rain.  This included weather as well as my mental storms.  I am grateful for both not happening.  I am slowly making my way to the other side.  I am grateful for my support system at home.  Specifically my husband and the dogs.  When I got home yesterday my husband had finished laundry and put it away and switched out the dishes in the dishwasher.  He also cleaned up the kitchen sink.  I had planned on trying to tackle all that when I got home yesterday but I was told to just put my feet up.  The dogs are always there no matter what to cuddle and just be with me.  Moose and Essie both were doing that but I have noticed an increase in cuddling time with Stella as well.  My plants and stuffed animals have helped as well.  Sounds goofy but there it is.

This morning is mostly overcast but the sun shines brightly through every once in a while.  The temps are to be chillier today (60s versus the 70s and 80s we’ve been having (15C versus the 21-26C) but that is ok.  I need to try to get out of my head and doing some writing.  I know that doesn’t make sense at first blush.  I guess a better way might be to say get out of my own way and write.  But I think the first analogy is better.  I need to get out of my own head.  I am overthinking everything too much.  And too often.

Today’s goals are to send in my word count to the paper and work on the short story.  I may even do some yoga or atleast stretch a little.  I have been going great guns on everything for so long and lately I am barely moving.  I need to find more motivation.  I need to fan the flames before they go out all together and I have to end up working a job I hate.

Where do I go from here?  What do I do?  I was asking my self these same questions in my dreams last night.  If this is a mid-life crisis you can have it.  I would rather be living my life than sit here questioning every little thing I do.  So I guess I will spend as much time as I can looking through my pile of writing and creativity books I have and see if I can scare up some inspiration and hope.  It’s not much but atleast I am looking forward with only small glimpses back over my shoulder.

I am sorry that these past few posts have not been upbeat.  I am trying to not fake my way through all this.  I know that there are other people in the world that have similar feelings and problems.  You are not alone.  We can keep moving forward.  We have to.

 

Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life

Birthdays and the Past

Today is Essie’s birthday.  My little girl turns 9 years old today.  Yesterday was my Dad’s 77th birthday.  Where has all the time gone?  When did time start speeding up?  Who bumped the fast forward button?  It seems just the other dat Chris brought Essie home.  She fit in both hands.  Now she’s 9 years old.

And Dad… he’s noticing the bad things about getting older.  The scary things.  He lives alone in Montreal.  There are times he gets confused and lost in his own apartment.  He told me that he is now deaf in his left ear and the hearing is going in his right.  All this is just within the past year or so.  He is looking into senior homes that are in the area.  A senior home.  My Dad.  While I approach 50 he is approaching 80.  It’s damn scary.  (Dad and I are 30 years apart.)

And when we go back to where we came from or places we’ve been there always seems to be such drastic changes.  More people, more traffic, more buildings or places gone… People say don’t go back to the places you love because if it has been a long time the reality of now can destroy the memory of what was.  I can agree to that.  I’ve gone back once to Greenfield Village and Henry Ford Museum since I was a kid.  It is soooo not what I had growing up.  Now it resembles a three ring circus.  It is more like a theme park then a place to learn.  That made me really sad.  I want to take Chris to Cranbrook Science Museum and to Mackinaw Island but I am worried about what I will find.  The Island might be close to the same but I know the museum won’t be.  I’m not against change mind you.  It has to happen.  It’s just how things change that can be bad.

It looks like the fog is disappearing and the clock tells me I need to get going for work.  Have a great day!  And Happy Birthday Essie!

 

Aging, Dogs, Life, Motorcycles, Writing

Writing In Reverse While Moving Forward

I feel like I am all over the board and doing things in reverse.  Not wrong just the opposite of my norm.  The day has dawned wet but warm.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see some light fog in the back acres right now.  I stayed up waaaaaay past my usual bedtime.  And naturally the kids were ready to get up (and go back to sleep) at the normal time.  Snots.  lol  So after only a few hours here I am.  Stella and Essie both have a bit of a limp.  Essie because I think she has arthritis in her hips from all the big frisbee jumps over the years and I think Stella popped her hip out.  Again.  I think she managed to get it back in place and it was just sore but then she did zoomies (that’s how you know she was feeling better) and messed up the healing that had happened.  I think the rain will help to slow her down today.  I am grateful for that.

Wednesday is Essie’s birthday.  She will be 9 years old.  This also means that Moose will turn 7 years old.  I am not ready for this age thing with the kids!  Dante’s death kinds brought things into focus.   Mom and I agree that Essie really stopped aging at 2 years old.  Truthfully she doesn’t look much older than that so that helps add to the illusion.  Moose is getting more white on his body and face but he still acts very much like my little boy.  But Stella is still a kid (she will be 2 years old in August).

I do have some very good news!  We have a new crew working on the garage and a new guy leading the team.  He is also new to the company.  It shows because he is more concerned with doing things right.  He completely tore out and redid the back wall of the garage (he referenced 5 year olds when he told me about the quality of the build of the wall and other things) and he also got our roof completed (when we talked he said I was correct when I thought that the roof could’ve been finished (and thus no birds) before the move of the electrical pole with no danger to anyone).  I also made requests for the garage and they were done.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.  It was like having a genie for the garage!  Everything I asked for was done and installed before they left last night.  AND he stayed long after he sent everyone else home, a twelve hour day for him here.  Just to get things buttoned up.   The added bonus?  He and his wife both ride so we might have someone to ride with on those odd weekends.  And I am actually for this because it sounds like she has similar riding skills to myself.  It will be nice not to be the only “slow” one in the group (which is why we/I don’t like to ride in groups despite many invites).

I am getting very frustrated with WordPress.  I asked for help and they insist that it is my internet connection yet I only have problems with their site when I am online.  I spent a good portion of last week going back and forth with as many as five different people trying to get things fixed.  And since I said just don’t worry about it (I am supposed to drive somewhere with my laptop and try someone else’s Wi-Fi to make sure; notice I was the one doing everything there was only suggestions made for things for ME to try, to my knowledge they tried nothing at their end to see if it was a problem with their system) it has just gotten worse on my laptop.  So I can write my blog but the only way I can read or like your blogs is via my phone now.

I do need to quite procrastinating and get my interview polished and sent out.  Thanks for reading!  Cheers!