Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Nature, Photography

A Little Drama Goes a Long Way

This will be a much shorter post than yesterday.  I’ve not been feeling good the past few days and not been getting much sleep.  This morning I am really wiped out.  I don’t think much is going to get done today.

Dad has been having more and more panic attacks… severe ones.  They are getting more frequent.  I am trying to keep up with them but it is hard.  If I can get him to talk on Facetime I can usually talk him out of it.  It may take a few hours but it can be done.  I think Dad is realizing how much he is losing as he gets older.  He turned 78 years old on Thursday.  He has had both hips replaced, cataract surgery on both eyes, hearing aids in both ears…. then there are his physical and mental limitations.  All this is staring him in the face and he is terrified.  There is also the fact that he is gay and was not able to fully live openly until about 5 years ago when I encouraged him to move to Montreal and fulfil a life long dream.  Now he is seeing all that he missed and feels that he cannot have as an older gay man.  And all that keeps piling up on him mentally.  Each week is gradually gets worse.  The face that he is on lockdown doesn’t help either.  I am not sure what to do other than just listen.  His medication is losing it effectiveness as well.

So I am hoping that I don’t get any emergency phone calls today.  I need to rest but if Dad needs to talk I’ve got to be there for him.  I just called Essie in from barking.  She heard some thing (I thought it was someone on the 2 track) and went flying out to bark.  She sounded a bit intense and was heading to the opposite side of the yard so I saved this and went to see what was up.  Turns out the neighbor to the east of us (the trailer that burned down last summer, I guess the guy died in the fire (maybe if I had seen it sooner to call it in sooner?) and his son has been living in the house that they had been building just across the property) is once again fighting with someone.  It’s usually his girlfriend.  But in the past there have been gun shots so I try to get Essie to shut up and come inside.  I don’t need him coming over here to shut up the dogs with a gun.

I guess I will wrap up this drama filled episode and go outside and read for a bit.  It is still comfortable out so I will enjoy it before the temperature get too hot.  I’ve got some cool shots that I got with the camera yesterday that I will share as well.  I managed to sneak a photo of a hummingbird leaving the feeder last night.  When you look at the picture she is to the left flying at the camera.  I am pretty proud of that one.  I also took a bunch of a monarch butterfly that has been hanging around.  She even played in the sprinkler yesterday!  It was so fun to watch! I tried to photograph all sides of my faery rise bush. I realized I had been only taking pictures of one side. She is just bursting with blooms!

Well thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day!  Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Life, Love

Essie, Moose and Stella

I guess today’s blog will be about the kids.  Today is Essie’s 10th birthday!  I can’t believe that we have had this little bundle of awesomeness for 10 years now.  Chris brought her home to me (or rather he stopped at my work with her) to replace me having to give up Lily Rose, another Pitty rescue.  Lily had bad separation anxiety and was destroying the house while we were at work.  There was nothing that helped.  So I got a little 7 week old puppy that I named Esmerelda May.  She has been with us ever since.  Baby girl has been through a lot in those 10 years.  She is one of the best dogs we’ve ever had.

Today we are also celebrating Moose’s birthday.  He turns 8 years old.  I rescued Moose locally before they put him down.  He was only 9 months old.  He has been my baby ever since.  He is too damn smart too.  There was the times he managed to open the sliding glass door and let himself and his siblings out.  And when he opened the side door and let everyone out.  Then there was the time he opened the oven…. you get the idea.  But he is my baby.  I can be gone for a few minutes and he is so butt wiggly happy when I get back.

Now we know today really is Essie’s birthday.  But I counted back from when I got Moose and that would make his birthday in July (if they are right about his age, I say that because the people I got him from it was their roommate’s dog and he couldn’t bear to give him away and asked them to take him to me).  So I decided that we would just celebrate both of them today.  If I have Stella’s age right she can celebrate with me as she was born in August.

And speaking of Moose and Stella there is a local restaurant named after them!  Chris and I stopped at one of our local places we might eat at every few months yesterday.  It was a fun train themed tiny place with really good food.  Imagine our surprise to find that the place as now called Moose and Stella’s and was now dog themed!  The décor was all dog stuff: plaques with sayings about dogs, dog bowls, dog photos etc.  When we got home I looked at my Moose and Stella and told them it was about time they picked up some of the bills since they have their own restaurant!  The food was amazingly good (I had one of Moose’s burgers) and we will definitely be going back.  I may need to see if I can get a tee shirt….

I will leave you with some photos of all three babies.  I am very blessed to be able to call them mine.  I hope you have a great day!  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Emotions, family, Life, Photography, Thinking

Minions to the Rescue

This morning I sit here typing as I sip from my new Minion mug.  My box of Minion stuff arrived yesterday.  I now have a full sized Bob, a Bob nightlight that is light sensitive (turns itself off during the day and on at night unless I switch the light on), my new Kevin mug and a Minion towel (it is covered in happy Minions).  It cheered me up quite a bit.  This is actually my second Minion mug.  One of my associates got me a nice big one for Christmas one year.

Today is Father’s Day here in the U.S.  I don’t know if I will be able to talk to Dad or not this afternoon.  He has taken another turn for the worse.  This time it has started with his tinnitus.  It is loud enough that he is having problems thinking.  When he sent me the email there were misspellings.  Which concerns me.  The last time his spelling started going bad he had a psychotic episode.  I will try to give him a call regardless.

I am getting Chris two t shirts that he wanted for Father’s Day.  He is working again so we will celebrate tomorrow.  Tomorrow is also the Summer Solstice.  Holy cow… Or maybe I should say crow.  I can hear this loud cawing coming from our back yard.   It has to be just on the other side of the fence!  Ok… I went to look.  I found the tree it is in (apparently with a bunch of other birds as I spooked some when I came out) but the leaves on the tree are hiding it.  Once in a while there is an answering caw from the East.

I got a bit of sad news the other day that was confirmed today be email.  My favorite Magic Hat No. 9 will no longer be made in Vermont.  They are closing down the plant.  I guess they are moving to their parent company in New York and opening a plant.  I didn’t know that Magic Hat had had to sell themselves to stay afloat.  They had always touted themselves as being owned by the employees.  The whole situation makes me sad.  I am sensing the end of an era for me.  I wonder how much longer they will last.  Damn damn damn.

Well I am going to wrap this up.  I will share a photo of my Minion stuff and a cool shot I got last night of a bird on our mailbox.  I’m pretty happy with how the bird on the mailbox came out.  I hope you have a great day.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Life, Movies, Thinking

New Is Not Necessarily Improved

Atleast the sun is out.  The nights have been cold.  I guess that can keep the bugs down.  Moose and Stella are beside me vying for my attention.  I type a few words then scratch and love them. Ahhh Stella has just gone outside to lay in the sun.  Moose is behind me on the love seat.

I find myself being drawn back into horror movies.  So many of them are just…. so uninteresting.  I am beyond over with zombie flicks.  It has been years since a good werewolf movie has been made.  The same can be said for vampire movies as well.  Ghosts seem to be doing pretty well though.  And demons.  I watched
Don’t Knock Twice” last night and was pleasantly surprised.  The basic premise is if you knock twice on door of a certain house where and old woman commit suicide she would come and get you.  The usual camp fire story.  But what they did with it made me pull out a notebook and start jotting ideas.  They had believable twists and turns that enhanced the story.  The underlying story is about a rehabed and now successful mom trying to get her teenage daughter that she gave up to the system back.  The whole storyline was well done and very compelling.  The characters are well thought out.  Even minor characters may or may not become more as the story unravels.  It is very well done on all fronts.\

There have been so many horror movies that have been touted as being so fabulous and everyone needs to see them then you watched them and wonder how much money was paid to critics to say that.  People just rehash the same stuff over and over with no originality.  I guess that has been one of my big complaints as I’ve gotten older.  Instead building from ideas and stories and giving them a new spin they think they can remake something and call it good.  For instance a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up (oh let’s pick two off my favorites… Winnie the Pooh and Scooby Doo) get remade.  And remade badly.  They make these iconic characters into some thing they are not.  They completely change them so that they resemble the originals in name only.  Now there have been some well done updates to Scooby Doo (not the cartoon series… those new ones all really suck).  The live action movies I didn’t think I would like but I really do.  And my all time favorite is when the tv series “Supernatural” used it in season 13 I believe.  Soooooo my favorite!  One of the few times something has lived up to all the hype!

I will probably watch some more horror once Chris leaves for work this afternoon.  Although I do need to throw more toys over the course of the day.  I didn’t tire the kids out enough last night so they are restless this morning.  I should probably wrap this up so I can get outside while the sun is out.  Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day!  Stay safe!

Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature

Mental Health Matters

Yesterday started out well enough.  When Chris got up I took Moose and did the running.  Once we were settled back home I tried calling Mom (no answer) then Dad.  Dad and I Facetimed for a bit but had to hang up with the promise to call back later.  Meanwhile I called Mom back.  We chatted and Dad called a few times while we talked.  I hung up with her and tried calling Dad back.  Two rings then it disconnected.  I figured he was pissed off because I did not answer right away.  I tried a few more times and same thing.  Ok, fine.  I showered and we had dinner.

Things exploded after that.  Dad sends me these garbled emails that make no sense but maybe one word out of what was supposed to be a sentence.  I try Facetime again.  Nothing.  More emails (I sent both texts and emails but got no response from them) that are garbled.  Now I am freaking out.  I miss a phone call from him and he leaves a three minute message thinking he is talking to me and I am not responding.  He says he is calling 911 and gives me all this information about his doctor and to call and, and, and…

I hunt down his partners phone number and call panicked and in tears.  I explain everything that has happened and ask for help.  He says he will go right over and see what is going on and call me back when things are under control.  Flash forward about two hours and I get a phone call from Dad but it is his partner calling.  They put me on speaker phone so I can talk to both of them.  Dad never called 911.  His partner got things straightened out there (I won’t got into detail with all that) so Dad seemed to be coming out of his fugue.  In my eyes he had a psychotic break.  He doesn’t remember much other than he couldn’t get Facetime to work (it seems to be broken on his computer).  So.  That was my day.

To end this post on a good note I bought myself a new glass hummingbird feeder and put it up.  Within say 30 minutes of putting it up we had our first hummingbird arrive.  She even stayed while I was on the phone and the kids were in the yard playing.

I hope your day goes well.  Be safe and thanks for reading…

Aging, Emotions, family, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Riding, the World, Thinking

What the Future May Hold

Apparently there is something wrong with the laptop. It acts like it gets online but then it cannot find anything online. So I guess I will be doing the blog on my phone. Joy. It if frustrating because it gets online for my email but it cannot find anything once I get into the main search program.

I am trying not to be frustrated with my Mom. If I tell her about Dad’s family or a mutual friend she turns nasty and starts making derogatory comments. To which I always reply keeping things is a positive light but I am getting tired of the nastiness. It is pervading more and more of our conversations regardless of the topic. So no, I can’t not mention someone or something and she will stop. She is turning into a bitter woman. And she knows that she is too. She just doesn’t care. It is very frustrating.

I ended up doing my main yoga routine outside on the deck yesterday. I still surprise myself as to how much I can still do. There are only a few poses that I can’t do fully. I’m pretty proud of that! Now to just keep it worked onto my morning routine… and that will mean getting up early when I finally go back to work. But there it is.

I find myself unhappy that the lockdown is ending. Mostly because I will have to deal with people on a regular basis. Despite being able to highly function when I am out and about I don’t do well with people. I don’t like going out and being around them. This seems to have developed over the past few years. On the outside you would never know but on the inside…. that is why I am thinking I might stock groceries or something instead of deal directly with the public (such as being a cashier). The lockdown has really brought out the ugly in people here in Michigan. I just don’t want to deal with it.

It sounds like Chris will finally have a weekend off! Yay! I know he wants to dig into his project bike (I want to get the Pearl into the garage and out of that cramped shed too). I offer to help as a) I enjoy stuff like that and b) his shoulder might prevent him from doing something. It should be fun for both of us. If my arm is stable enough I might take Rogue out for my “around the block” run (about a 30 minute ride). I am just concerned that I won’t be able to hold the grip. There are times when my right hand will just let go of whatever I’m holding. Not a good thing on the motorcycle.

Goodness! I have been going on! I need to wrap this up and go and read your posts! I hope you and yours are safe! Thanks for reading!

Aging, Creativity, family, Life, the World, Travel, Writing

The Realities

We awoke to ice bits hitting the windows this morning.  Winter is being a stinker!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  Not much celebrating will be done this year as all the restaurants and bars (along with gyms and such) have been closed by our governor.  Only thing available with them will be take out.  That being said apparently there is a special unemployment thing for those that get laid off because of all this.  And I think that is a good idea.  So many people are living paycheck to paycheck.  We’ll see how all that works.  So far we are both still employed.

I am having a hell of a time finding any motivation in all this.  I have time, I have energy but I don’t have the motivation.  There is nothing making me want to work on my writing.  And if I can get myself to finally face it I have no idea what to do with it.  No idea where my story is going… and the reviews should be fairly easy to write but no.  The words don’t seem to want to come for any of it.  So I just sit and stare at my notebook with pen in hand.  It is very annoying.  I am going to pull out some of my writing books that have exercises in them and try a few of those.  Something has got to give.

The world is a scary place right now.  Dad is in Montreal and if something should happen to him I won’t be able to get there if they close the border between the U.S. and Canada.  I know he’s not doing well.  His arthritis in his neck (it is actually all through his neck and back) is getting really bad.  He has problems holding his head up because of the pain.  But his doctor says there is nothing they can do to stop the pain.  I know he has had nerve endings cauterized in his back from the pain there.  He has problems sitting for any amount of time now so he spends most of his days either in his recliner or on the couch trying to get comfortable.  He will go days without contacting me because it hurts to sit at his computer (and that is saying something… he has been a computer programmer his whole life and has never been without a computer it seems).  So I don’t know.  I see his health getting worse and nothing can be done to help him.

It looks as though the sun is coming out and the clouds are disappearing.  Something good this morning.  Maybe it will warm up too.  Thanks for reading!  I hope you have a great day!

Aging, Emotions, family, Life, Writing

Life Still Moves Forward

I feel as though I am running behind.  I’m not but…  I have a meeting this morning.  I laid all my clothes out last night.  I need to leave early to put gas in the car.  Today is one of those days I just want to stay home.  Last night my Uncle sent a copy of my Aunt’s memorial video.  That brought everything back.  And now I just want to stay home.  But I made a commitment and I have to follow through.

When I get home I also need to send out clips for another reviewing gig.  This time as a beer reviewer.  I’ll let you know how that one pans out.  I thought it would be fun as it is something different for me.

I might be fighting a cold.  I spent most of my shift outside yesterday in below zero weather.  It took me forever to get warm once I got home.  I took medicine before bed so we’ll see if that helped.  It could be worse.  One of my coworkers slipped and fell on some ice and has probably broken some ribs.  He was miserable.

I read as many blogs this morning as I could and I am sorry for the inconsistency of this one today.  Watching that video last night of my Aunt really hit hard.  I hope everyone has a great day!


Aging, Learning, Life, the World, Thinking

Remembering the Past

I listen to the engine of the truck as it sits outside waiting for the bus to arrive to take their kids to school and remember when I had to take the bus to school.  Every day was an adventure as we had to drive through the heart of Detroit to pick up some of my classmates.  I got to see a lot of life I otherwise wouldn’t have looking out those bus windows.

Looking back I was exposed to a lot of things that people now would’ve thought twice about doing.   Living in Hazel Park was not as risky as Detroit but it could be.  My best friend lived a good hour walk away and I wouldn’t think twice about doing it (especially in the summer).  In the summer I walked everywhere.  I did the same thing when I first moved up here.  I stayed with Mom just up M72 West and I daily would wallk all the way to 14th Street for work.  And in all weather too.

I have very good memories from some of my sketchy behavior.  I got my husband out of that too.  First night my friends tried to snub him and say they only had room in the car for me so he said he’d walk and meet us there.  Well I decided I would walk with him.  That shocked everyone (including Chris I think) and we’ve been together ever since with many of our own wild adventures.

Part of me feels sorry for the generations that have come after mine.  Our world was a bit crazier but a bit safer because of that.

I need to get going for work.  I hope everyone has a great day!

Aging, dreams, Life, Thinking

Walking the Path of Life

This morning has dawned dark and grey.  It has rained a lot up here and there are areas of severe flooding in Traverse.  Things have been a constant state of damp locally.  I see more storms hitting off the east coast.  This makes me wonder what kind or winter we will have.  How cold?  How much snow?   I do have to say that the grey skies do make the fall colors pop.

Each day seems to pass faster than the last.  Even when things are going badly that time seems to just as fast.  Is it because I am coming up on 50 years old soon?  Midlife crisis?  Just the big change from working retail seemingly 24/7?  Unlike my parents I am not thinking of things I did not do and wish I could.  I have done a lot of living in my 47 years.  Yes there are things I did not do but I tend to look at all that I have done.  People I’ve met, places I’ve been and cool things that I was able to do.  Mom likes to point out to people how many celebrities I have met over the years.  I never really think about it but she’s right.  I’ve met quite a few.  Indy car racers and team owners, rock stars and movie stars as well as beloved authors.  I’ve done cool things like drive and Indy car off the track, sit on various famous motorcycles, guard people like Paul Neuman, model with some of the first electric cars ever made, drive around in a Model T Ford…

So I guess what I need to ask myself is where to go from here.  What new mischief do I want to get into?  I’ve got my dream bike and I learned how to ride.  I guess track days is the next logical step.  But what else?  I found one of my bucket lists from my 20s the other day.  I was pleasantly surprised to see how many I was able to cross off.  Not many people can do that.  Maybe that is part of my problem.  I have achieved so much I don’t have anything that I need to accomplish.  There is nothing that if I died today I would regret not doing.  Hmmmm….  I guess I will need to ponder that one.

What would you do if your could?  Who would you talk to?  Who would you be with?  Where would you be?   Something to think about.  Have a great day!