Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Looking Within… A Little Too Deep

Stella is curled up behind me on the love seat. She has been my shadow since yesterday. Essie has curled up in the man cave. I shut the door to the bedroom while the girls were eating so Chris could get some sleep without them getting up and down from the bed. I don’t know what Stella’s issue was last night but she was in and out of bed til around 2:30am. She would get up and pace and then need to go outside every little while. I didn’t get much sleep. My back has found new and interesting ways to hurt as well.

I am trying not to think about work today. Me being anxious isn’t going to help anything. But I can feel the panic and anxiety building behind the wall I put up around it. I can also feel the little naysayers in my head starting to wake up too. On the plus side I have tomorrow off. I will have Matt there with me tonight working so if I have any problems or questions I will be ok. In theory. I still don’t know if I will walk into having keys and codes this afternoon or not. I ended up leaving a note to remind the store manager.

Yesterday was not a flop but it feels like it. I had such grand plans in my head but I didn’t get near the amount of things done that I had hoped. The flip side of that is I was able to relax for a few hours. Which is really what I needed. I was able to breath and I played with the dogs enough that they would nap for extended periods. I did get some research done on my novel but I didn’t get the amount of work done on my novel that I wanted to. I did get some photos taken but I didn’t do anything with all the photos I already have. I talked with Mom because I was worried about her. She usually sends me updates on how the house clean out is going. She’s been doing pretty good with it. But I hadn’t heard anything in a while so I decided to call and check on her (even though I said I wasn’t going to call anyone). She was out and about so she called when she got home. Three hours later we hung up. I’m glad I called because she obviously needed to talk to someone. Then there is always the “but” in my head. It’s not like I would’ve done great things with my time if I wasn’t on the phone with her but my head always says “what if” and then goes from there. I was going through my Supernatural dvds and watching my favorite episodes when she called. Hardly earth shattering. Odds are I would’ve squeezed in a few more episodes before bed and that was it.

This morning I got a text from Dad and he’d not doing too good. He is getting more frustrated and scared with his condition. He can’t articulate the way he’s feeling physically or mentally. He is scared that early Alzheimer’s is setting in. I’ll tell you what freaks me out is that both my parents are going through the same thing. Mind you they are divorced and Mom wants nothing to do with Dad so I don’t really share any updates or anything. Neither really knows what the other is going through. But they do because they complain to me of the same things. Forgetting words or ideas mid-conversation, unable to focus especially for extended periods, unable to complete tasks because they forgot what they were doing or how to complete said task…. Some times it would be easy to forget which one I was talking to once they start voicing their concerns. It is scary.

I guess that is why yesterday feels so much like a failure. I had to face mortality and see that it didn’t matter what I did or said or wrote there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Well this isn’t where I had intended to go with the post this morning. I guess I had better wrap this up and either work on my novel or write to my pen pal. Which reminds me I need to get post card stamps on the way to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Feeling Good

The first night of training is under my belt. It lasted about an hour and a half longer than if I was just on the floor but that’s ok. I did learn a lot. I just have to retain it. I have today off then I got at it again on Friday. On of my coworkers was so funny. He’s maybe 16 or 17 years old and kept going on about how I was growing up so fast when he learned that I was doing the training. He’s just a sweet nut! Lol.

I did manage to eek in my Morning Pages yesterday. That is also one of the reasons I was up so late. Between me and Stella getting up several times to go outside I think we got to bed around 2:30-3am. Essie was up and ready to go at 8am. So here we are. I am glad I have to day off. I plan to work on my novel as well as take notes on the book I am beta reader for. I am behind a few days so I need to reread atleast three chapters today. I also need to see if Dad will Facetime. He is having a very hard time of it lately. He is scared that it is an onset of Alzheimer’s. Living alone with no real contact with the outside (he lives in Montreal and they are under quarantine) is also a contributing factor. But it happened to his mother and he has been terrified of it ever since. And getting a response from his doctor is near impossible. So I will try to help if he can deal with the physical pain (he has arthritis in his neck and back as well as fused discs for starters). We’ll see.

I remembered to put in my events that I had for next week even though I got my physical therapy time wrong. I wrote 8:15am instead of 8:45am. I had forgotten to grab my note paper when I left for work so I was winging it. So I hope the schedule for next week is ok. I am paranoid that I got my days or times wrong. Which I did but not too bad. My brain is still worrying on it though. Unfixable mistakes is what the brain is worried about.

I am going to (hopefully) share a short video clip with you. We have the two ponds in the backyard. This year we have two peepers that are living there. Right now they are in the big pond but I have heard them in the smaller one as well. Last night I was able to record them singing together. I hope the clip posts!

I didn’t get any photos before work so I don’t really have much new to share. I did get a cute picture of Essie with my phone. I was shocked that she actually posed for the phone photo. she normally won’t look at the camera if she knows that I am using the phone camera. I will make it a point to get some new photos today. I do need to download photos onto my laptop both off my phone and camera. My phone has over 11,000 photos. Holy crap! And yes most of them are dogs photos. Don’t judge. Lol.

I’d better wrap this up so I can get it posted. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Dogs, Emotions, Friends, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Highlights

Yesterday’s highlight was coming home and finding a letter from my penpal that lives in Maryland. Even though her letter was full of her and her life as well as being a little over five pages it still feels woefully short. I really enjoy talking to and learning from a person who has no preconceived notions. We haven’t seen each other nor talked other than our letters. We can just be ourselves and reveal the vulnerable stuff. Having to wait for a response for a few weeks makes each letter that more special.

The bad news did the week is that since my order took so long to fill it got cancelled. So I am back to square one for a laptop. it is very frustrating because I really liked the one we finally chose. Sigh.

After work I come home and get the girls for their vet appointment. Annual physicals and then heartworm as well as the flea and tick medicine. I keep getting worried about Essie. She finally ate this morning (she didn’t eat breakfast or dinner yesterday) but my concern is the lumps she has been accumulating. I know dogs get fatty masses as they get older but she collecting them like rare baseball cards. I just hope her cancer doesn’t come back. Right now she is softly snoring on the couch.❤️

No rain but the wind has picked up again. We need the rain though. Rain has been predicted off and in this week but everything seems to be in constant flux. Speaking of which in need to get the flux out of here. I hope everyone has a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Balance

It is hard to find a balance between everything. Work (even with two jobs) takes up much less of my life than before so that gives me more free time. Well free time might not be the best choice of words. Lol. There seems to be so much to do. So much I want to do. And with warmer weather coming upon us my list grows.

Ok so the “have to dos” include keeping up the house (dishes, laundry, vacuuming etc), taking care of the zoo (this includes care and cleaning of the mice, turtle and snake), watering and care of my plants… is that it? Let’s say it is for now. So now for the “want to dos”. That list is longer and includes my blog, letter writing, reading, riding, gardening, writing in general and working on my novels specifically, learning (this can be through a class or book or experience ex. working on getting the Pearl back on the road)… outside of either of these are spending time with family and friends as well as dealing with all the medical stuff going on.

I know I am over simplifying things (I could include sleep since I seem to be missing it a lot and food since I really enjoy cooking and eating good food) but you get the idea. I hate the idea of writing out a rigid schedule for it all. I like the spontaneous stuff. You know, hey! Let’s go to the book store or hey! Let’s go for a walk around the nature preserve. That kind of thing.

I do have my daily and weekly schedules for things. But can you plan on when you will cuddle with your loved ones? I suppose so but it just feels unnatural. And if you’re not in the mood or can’t? I’m thinking along the lines of riding and writing (yes it can apply to other things but this is what comes promptly to my mind). And I haven’t put in my photography under any of this. I think that’s because it is spontaneous and just fits in wherever.

As I get older I find myself more conscious of squeezing all that I can in my life. (Mind you I did the same when I was younger but I just wasn’t conscious of it. That’s why my life has been so full just do, do, do.) The flip side of all this is finding down time and me time. I know I squander a lot away watching tv (in my defense I do play a lot with the girls and have been known to exercise during a binge marathon and this has been some us time for Chris and I). Part of me wants to slow down and relax for a bit and the other part gets bored and wants to do things.

Something to think about I guess. Oooo I have rambled on a bit today! But I think that’s ok. It’s a first step. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Still Nothing

Essie didn’t get up with me this morning. Thus is the first time since I lost Moose that I have been alone in the morning. I don’t like it. I know she has been hurting. She seemed a bit lethargic last night. We did a lot of playing yesterday. Maybe too much for her.

I no closer to finding out what is wrong. Nothing was found in the first round of tests so another batch of tests have been ordered. I have another appointment next Thursday.

A bright spot is that I received a letter from my pen pal here in the States so after work today I will drop her a few words. I have a meeting tonight and I have set an alarm. I am pretty sure with everything going on I would forget otherwise.

Another bright spot is that I did some work on one of my novels. As I read through Tim Waggoner’s Writing In The Dark I put a lot of that to immediate use. Right now I am working on my cast of characters. With my surfing novel I have my characters and their back stories done and the basic plot but I’m not happy with that plot. At least as far as it goes.

I guess Essie heard my heart breaking. She came out to be with me. She isn’t interested in going outside or eating. I know Chris was only in bed an hour when I got up.

I got some good photos yesterday. It was warm but really dark out. I expected rain but there was none. I will share my photos and then spend a little time with Essie before I have to leave. Thanks for reading and the support! Stay safe!

Aging, Books, Emotions, family, Life, Photography, Reading, Writing

The Big Day Out

Mom and I had a good time yesterday. It scared me to see her various health failings. Especially her breathing. She pulled out her emergency inhaler twice to use it while we were walking downtown. We ate at Firefly then we walked downtown for a little bit. One stop was of course the bookstore. It was weird having the little pathways that we were expected to walk. In a book store one does not take a path, one meanders all over lol. Mom and I had a good laugh when I handed her a book I found and she was looking through the same book. We were both very good and only got a few things at the book store. My big focus seemed to be on Ernest Hemmingway. I had forgotten that he and his family had vacationed up here for years. He wrote many stories about it. I’ve never read any of his novels but I wanted to read some of his short stories. So I picked up a copy of The Hemmingway Stories selected by Tobias Wolff. There are many of the Michigan stories in the collection so I thought I would give it a try. Then I found a book put together of his writing lessons if you will. So then I had to make a decision. Which one do I get? Mom stepped in and said pick one and she’d buy me the other. Happy day!

We walked by the local tobacco shop… it’s actually grown into much more than that really. It has been there for years and has been a staple of downtown. As it has grown it has added a small smoking bar among other things. I really enjoy going in there. The smells are amazing! We get our tax guy cigars from there as part payment for doing our taxes. They also have a very cool statue out front. I got a photo. (I’d thought about bringing my Nikon along but I have no trunk in the car and I didn’t want to leave it out in the open.)

Mom and I also exchanged left over gifts from the holidays. One of the things she’d gotten me was a skeleton dressed as a mariachi with a plant growing in his hat. Unfortunately he head got broken off his body. Mom was going to toss him but I said I could fix him. So she kept the plant alive and when I got home yesterday I glued him back together. He now resides next to my desk in my office.

Fair warning, tomorrow’s post might be short or all over the place. I have to be to work at 6am which means that I will be up at 4:30am (the same time Chris goes to bed). The flip side is that I get out at 2pm. I do the same thing on Wednesday but I get out at 1pm. We’ll see how that goes. This is also the triple meeting week (Monday night, Tuesday morning and Wednesday night). I have come to dread this week.

But I want to read some of my new books before work so I will stop here. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Writing and Making New Friends

Here we are, another day. I’m a little concerned since I can feel a bit of heat through the top of my laptop. And why are my words so small? Hang on… Apparently the system keeps resetting it’s “default” size. My words have been different sizes all week. Today they were very very small. Anyway I hope my laptop is not on they way out. I have grown rather attached to it. I also don’t want to have to reset all my passwords on programs that I share with my phone.

I have found a few new blogs to follow (seriously?! The font went back to the tiny stuff from earlier as soon as I started a new paragraph…GRRRR). I also got my first letter from one of my pen pals. This gal lives in Maryland. I started a return letter last night. I hope to get it in the mail before this weekend. She has asked for this site address so hopefully she will like it. I am her first pen pal. I haven’t had a pen pal since I was in grade school. I had one in Uganda (I was able to meet him at one point) and another in…??? Hang on. I still have the letters. He was in North Carolina. I also found the ones from my pen pal in California. And I forgot the guy I was writing in prison. And I still have all those letters.

A friend at work wants a pen pal so I am giving her the site that I went to. I hope it helps her loneliness. I don’t think she has ever had a pen pal. This will be something new and fun for her. She’s excited about it.\

Mom and I are going to go to lunch for her birthday on Saturday. I am going to do my best to not back out. I will have to drive. The rate Mom is going she will have totaled her car before we get her moved out here. Backing up is not her forte and she seems to be taking her car apart a piece at a time. I am tempted to tell her to leave the car in the driveway instead of parking in the garage. Regardless I told her I’d pick her up (usually we meet somewhere so when we are done I can go straight home). I tried making reservations at various restaurants for us but NO ONE is taking reservations. So I will hope for the best that we can get a seat somewhere. I am thinking of bringing my camera. But I don’t want to leave it in the car while we eat (there is no place to stash it as I have no trunk, it is all open in the back).

Our box from Chewy arrived yesterday so when I got home I was finally able to trim the girls’ nails. They were getting way too long (and in Stella’s case sharp). As a reward for letting me cut their nails they each got a squeaky ball (I got a pack of 6 and a frisbee from Chewy). The house was filled with happy squeaks for about an hour. Then Stella killed the squeaker in hers. Once that happens it is only a matter of time before she tears into it. She was good and did not eat the pieces she tore off but she kept trying to get Essie’s (hers is still intact and squeaks) so I eventually had to put it up.

I guess I will wrap this up and get it posted. Both girls keep coming in to see if I am done yet. I am thinking about sharing other blogs on here maybe once a week. If you think this is a good idea and/or would like me to share your blog let me know. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Food, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Finding the Creativity

This morning is dark, cold and windy. I just want to stay in bed and sleep. Stella started barking at things around 3-3:15am this morning. Chris pulled in not long after that. But her barking was as if a stranger was at the house. It was very bizarre, even for her.

I am at a loss for words this morning. My head is still trying to fall back asleep. I had a hard time falling back asleep after Stella finally stopped barking. I found myself thinking about Moose and his death and then my mind traveled back through the years to all the dogs I’ve had and their respective lives and deaths. Tears were shed before I finally fell asleep.

Essie is now eating on a regular basis again. I am very grateful. So I guess the new eating program is kibble, broth (low or no sodium) and canned for breakfast while dinner is beef or chicken with the corresponding broth flavor and kibble. I may change it up once the weather warms up but for now that is what we are doing.

I have one lone new photo to share. Last night the sunset was amazing and many many of my friends noticed it. Facebook had a ton of sunset photos from my local friends. I caught sight of it at work last night and snuck out to get a picture. The photo doesn’t do the colors justice. It was also one of the 13 new photos I uploaded to my new photo shop. I am excited about my little shop. It is getting traffic already! It would be cool to be able to make money of the two creative loves I have.

I did my new exercise routine last night. I did the required amount of reps as well. I just did one set of each the other day when I started because some of the moves were new to me and my body. I was sore but not bad. Last night I really had to push myself through two of the moves because they were difficult for me to do one rep let alone three. But I did it! Yay! The plan is to keep doing the “week 1” workout until I can manage to get through it like I’m supposed to, as in doing the moves correctly. My body is not able to get through the full scope of some of the exercises so I want to be able to do them fully before I move on to the next round of exercises.

Well I see I need to move it and get ready for work. I’ll add the photo from last night and then get this posted. I want to thank all of you for your continued support and your wonderful comments! It is great to be able to meet other bloggers and their passions! Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Putting It Together Piece By Piece

How does one go to bed with a wonderful attitude and looking forward to the day wake up grumpy? I went to bed happy and excited and this morning…. Last night I did a big thing for myself. I purchased a current copy of WordPerfect. I have wanted to replace my old copy for years now but not had the money. This time I had the money and the price was waaay too good to pass up. Less than $100. The program has gone for around $250. The purchase of WordPerfect is a further step for me down my writing path. I don’t have to count each word in my articles for the paper anymore. The program will do it for me. AND I got the professional version because it has an e-book section. So the plan is to start putting my two finished novels into the laptop (saving on a memory stick as I go) and once I finish editing see if I can epublish them. I might even try to put together something from all my photos. So I really did fall asleep with visions of sugar plums in my head!

I think part of the whole thing is Moose. I don’t like having to squirt the medicine down his throat any more than he likes having me do it. But he refuses to take it in milk of any kind (I even tried a new brand to see if that would help) and he is eating less and less. After I finish writing this I am going to run to the vet to get the pink medicine for him. Since he was actually eating on a regular basis when he was taking both medicines this tells us that he has stomach ulcers. I am going to be getting further instructions from the vet when I pick up the meds.

Another part is Mom is freaking out about things she is doing as she gets older. When we first moved here we told her she was welcome to stay with us. We have 5 acres and she can build her a small house on the property. Well she wants to take us up on the offer. And that is fine. But there is a lot of work to be done to figure out where and when and if we can build. That whole situation is becoming overwhelming. But once the New Year rolls over I need to start making phone calls to get someone out here to mark our property lines then start calling around to find out what we need to do to get things started.

I am looking at the clock and I need to get going so I can make it to the vet’s office and back before Chris leaves for work. I don’t have to be to work until 2pm so I have some time yet. I will try to add some more photos from the other day and not duplicate. When I upload things it doesn’t tell me what I already have on here and I can’t do it and see what I have on my laptop so I apologize for any duplicates. Thanks for reading and all your support! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Dogs, family, Life, Nature, Thinking

Time… Where? What?

Where has all the time gone? It seems to be not only passing but picking up speed as it goes! Even times that it seems to drag I will look up and time has still gone by at a good clip. The year is almost gone. We all wonder what 2021 has in store for us after everything that has happened in 2020. I wonder how many of us will actually set goals beyond surviving 2021 for the new year.

I am getting my broken bird house fixed today! I posted on Facebook asking if someone could recommend some place local to get a new bird house since mine was missing a side and couldn’t hold food beyond a packet of suet (apparently the other side that Stella tore part way off has come off completely now). My neighbor across the street said that he would fix it if I left it by his garage. Yay! I will have to get a bag of seeds for the birds and more suet. I am very excited!

Aaaaaand I gotta wrap this up. I didn’t realize how “late” it was. Chris is up (new schedule at work the poor guy) and I have to give Moose his second medicine before I head out the door to work. And drop off the bird feeder. Sorry this is so short. I hope everyone has a great day! Stay safe and thanks for reading!