Aging, Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Puzzling It Out

This morning both pups are on the loveseat behind me. The morning has dawned dark. The weather zones for my state seem to have reversed this year. Normally up north here we get all the snow and cold for the winter. Lately, the southern end of the state has had all the fun. And they are welcome to it! We have had some snow and bitter cold to be sure but nothing like what is normal for us.

Mom and I talked for a few hours yesterday. She is so bored but doesn’t want to do anything. I mostly listened. We want to get together, but I need to make sure the car is ok first. That is all I need is the car breaking down in Traverse. But I am excited to give her her gifts. I think she will really like them,

The Girls did come over for a little while yesterday. It was good to see them again. We want to plan a girls’ day soon. I am going to push for the middle of February or so. I know that our anniversary is coming up but one of them is also going in for surgery at the end of the month. I think it would help to get us all together before then.

I read a little bit on a story idea but then I called Mom so really no writing got done yesterday. I haven’t been very good about that lately. Too much going on. I will have to figure out when to make time as my work week progresses. I am a bit disappointed in myself but to be honest I have tried. I just seem to sit and stare at the page as my mind goes over everything that is unrelated. After about 30 minutes of fighting myself, I just put my pen down.

My days off seemed to go so fast. Everything seems to go so fast anymore. I need to do bills today before work as well. I should call my mechanic to see about getting Angus in. But I won’t be able to until the end of next week. And that check needs to go to my car payment. We’ll see I guess. I will message him and see what he suggests.

I think I will wrap this up and try to get something done around here. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

And We Wait

It was one of the hardest things to do to leave Archie at the vet’s office this morning. I keep telling myself he will be ok but the way January is…. I just don’t trust it. So I am biding my time until 2:30pm when I can go get him. I took the earliest possible time. Stella has wadded herself up behind me on the love seat. I don’t knw how she managed to get the blanket so tight around herself. She is sound asleep.

I was worried about icy roads on the way in this morning. We, thankfully, had no issues. But I will probably leave early to go get him because I miss him and am worried. Everyone has been very understanding of my craziness lately. I am forever grateful. A coworker got me a bouquet of tulips that I wanted. I loved the colors but I decided against getting them because I needed the money for Archie. While I was busy dealing with a cooler that had gone down he got them for me. I did my best not to cry. It was a near thing.

I think I will make Chris breakfast if he wants this morning (or rather this afternoon). He’s not feeling well and I need to make sure I take care of him. He made us dinner last night even though he didn’t feel good. And he has had the patience of a saint this past month while I have tried to deal with all this crap going on. He needs to be taken care of too.

A bunch of friends from work are checking on me. Bless them. I am going to try writing today. I haven’t really done anything with my novel. Not even looked at my research materials. I also need to see about pulling that interview together. At the very least I want to print her responses to my questions. That way I have a paper trail.

I spent a bit messaging with my cousins last night. We have our own private chat outside of the normal family one. I don’t feel the need to include everyone in our conversations. But both are coping since their Mom’s death. My one cousin is quietly going through her Mom’s stuff trying to simultaneously clean out her Mom’s stuff and pack up to move. But all in all they are moving forward. It is hard to believe it has been two weeks already. One week since the funeral.

I guess I will wrap this up and try to keep myself distracted. I will try to include a photo of the tulips I got. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Grief

Today has dawned dark. Atleast yesterday morning I got to witness a beautiful sunrise. I had all I could do not to pull over and take some photos. The colors and the way the clouds wisped through the sky and over the sun as it came up…. I drove home in freezing rain. The sun was out a good portion of the time I was downstate. I gave my two cousins each a unicorn coloring book and a box of crayons. I don’t know why I felt the need to do that but I just hope it helps.

It was good to see everyone. I even got to see family I had had no contact with for years. I was sad to see that they were so stand offish but that was all on them. We tried to include them. I spent most of my time with my one cousin. She is very smart but she is also special needs. She has a lot of change that she will need to come to terms with once she gets back home. She hasn’t had a proper chance to grieve at home. She will be all by herself. The family is trying to get her to move back to Michigan so she will have a support system. I think some of them are also planning to go to New Jersey to try to help. My other cousin has her wife and son.

I reconnected with my Aunt’s in-laws as well. I am not sure how we met and ended up so close but they seem to be at all the family functions and search me out. I also spent some quality time with each of my aunts and uncles. My one Uncle pulled me aside and asked if I wanted his military medals when he dies. I said definitely. It was hard watching everyone. My remaining aunts and uncles were really hit hard. I helped several up and down the aisles at the funeral. Everyone (expect two uncles) had some kind of walker or cane. And once the sobbing started it was hard to keep balanced.

I have a lot of tears soaked into my jacket from holding everyone. And that is ok. I connected with some of the younger cousins (I am now the cool cousin… it didn’t hurt that I arrived in jeans, boots, an orange tank top that says “Beach Please” and my turquoise Hawaiian shirt. Hey, I was told no black!) and finally met my cousin’s wife and son. We talked a lot about rescues (her wife drives rescued pets to their new homes) and other interesting stuff.

My cousin made everyone these beautiful ribbons in memory of her Mom. The close female family members got special ribbons. They are turquoise ribbons topped with a pretty floral one (it was from fabric she had planned to make a quilt for her Mom with but ended up making herself a skirt for the funeral as well as the ribbons) and a delicate pink rose where the ribbon crosses over. My Aunt had ovarian cancer and turquoise ribbons represent that. I had completely forgotten that when I dressed myself in the dark that morning. My colors were spot on as it turned out.

I left at 7am and got home at 6pm. It was a long day. Archie was bad. While I was gone he got into plants again. So today will be spent trying to figure out where I can keep everything. This Spring definitely needs to see me putting up a greenhouse. Since I now have some empty pots I may do some repotting today. I am going to wrap this up. I will try to add some new photos. I want to share the ribbon one if nothing else. Thank you so much to everyone that has reached out. I appreciate all the love and hugs. It does make a difference! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

It’s That Time

This is going to be a short one. My anxiety is up so sadly I have been awake since 4:30am. I don’t want to go, but I promised. Both pups are out here with me. I just released a big sigh and they did the same right after me.

I have no idea what to wear. I have been told not to wear black. I got everything together last night so I could just go at 7am. But I forgot to lay out what I was going to wear. So there I was at 6am with the flashlight on my phone trying to pick out what I was going to wear. I am going for fun casual. I think she would’ve liked that.

I have no idea where I am going. I clicked on the link in the obituary for the church. I hope google doesn’t screw it up. It’s going to be tight as it is if their time frame is correct. I don’t know if I am driving in the funeral procession or riding with someone else. If we are going to lunch right after I guess I’ll be driving myself. I hope to be on the road home well before dark.

I need to get myself together and head out the door. Wish me luck! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Preparing

Another dark o’clock writing. Stella is asleep in my lap. Archie is quietly chewing a bone in the dark. He surprised me this morning. I didn’t hear my alarm go off (despite turning the volume to max). But he hopped off the bed and pushed the bathroom door open and sat down, waiting for me. Little blessing❤️

I am still not up to snuff emotionally. I am weary of explaining why to everyone. Any other time information spreads like crazy. I did get everything done that I needed to yesterday. Mom started blowing up my phone at one point, despite the gentle reminder that I was at work,

I get to sleep in a whole hour tomorrow. I’ll take it. I am wiped out. As of right now I have to be up by 5am on Monday to make it on time for the get together before the funeral. I probably won’t cry much. I’ll just get very quiet. I’m not sure what everyone will make of it. Honestly I don’t care.

I hope this shift goes quick. And we’ll. But I would rather be home. I’m not a huge fan of people right now. Too much drama and I don’t care to be a part of it despite their best efforts. I ought to wrap this up. I know there are things I wanted to share with you but no idea what they are right now. Hopefully I can remember and make notes over the course of the day. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Another Gone

I woke to the news that my Aunt is gone. I am glad she is fiBally at peace. I honestly want to just back sleep for a few hours. And I could. All I’d have to do is message the closing manager. But I’m not going to make her work an open to close. I will however ask her to come in early.

I am glad I have the next two days off. I will probably just tell everyone that I will be out of touch for awhile. I tend to just be alone at times like this.

I am looking at the clock and wondering about going in now. I just don’t want to be around people. They try to help but I am one of those that seems to grow thorns to keep everyone at a distance. But I don’t have enough work to keep me busy for that long and I refuse to just sit around. I might go in a bit earlier. I don’t want to have to explain things to the deli (on Sundays they come in with me).

Whelp, that is all I have right now. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

A Hard Hit

Once again January is proving to be incompatible with me. I got messaged last night that one of my Aunts is in ICU. She is not expected to make it. She is one of my favorites so this is hard. I did not sleep well.

Yesterday was either off or on at work. I did not do much due to my anxiety issues. We had more strangers there from the new company. It sounds like a lot of changes are coming down the pipe. Rumor has it March. No one is going to know where things are. Everyone is a bit uncomfortable with this but what can you do.

I did get the newsletter finalized and sent to the store owner. It wasn’t exact as I was missing some of my pages but I improvised. It took a lot longer as well. Not only did I have to replicate the font (style and size) but I had to fit in photos. And the photos did not behave the way I needed them to. It’s not my best effort (it didn’t help that I had just found out about my Aunt) but not bad considering.

I hope to get through as much of today as I can. Chris is working and working early so I will miss seeing him until he gets home tonight. Even then I might be asleep since I have to be up at 4am. If something happens to my Aunt I will make arrangements to come home. I am still sick and cannot deal with that and grieving.

Archie has been beside me as much as he can. If he’s not there Stella is. So we’ll see. We’ll see. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Family, New and Old

This morning is dark and gloomy. Again. I don’t remember the last time I saw the sun. We are supposed to get rain, freezing rain and maybe even a little snow. Yay. I know Archie won’t care but Stella will. Even living close to work I am not going to be a big fan if things get bad.

Archie made lots of new friends yesterday. He did very well in the car. He shook and whined a lot on the way there but he adapted well. He wasn’t at all sure about the vet’s office. Everyone just loved him though. It made me feel good when the vet told me that when she was giving Archie his exam she told him that he was a lucky dog because he would be set for his life with me as his Mom. He got plenty of treats and lots of love. After that we went to my work to get meat for them (I meant to get two days worth but I was busy talking to people and only got enough for yesterday). While we were there several people came out to meet Archie. He did very well. And of curse everyone loved him. I am very proud of him! Oh, the “little” boy weighs 84lbs at almost 7 months old.

I got a shocker phone call last night a little after 8:30pm. I did not recognize the phone number so I let it go to voicemail. It turned out to be my Uncle Chris (Mom’s brother). He was trying to get ahold of Mom. I am guessing it has something to do with things from Gramps estate. I won’t go into detail but things went south because of how things got handled as and after Gramps died. Mom and I no longer talk to Uncle Chris and his family, I am the only one who has been in touch with my other uncle and his wife in Floridia. Mom has cut herself off from everyone but me. I will probably call him once Chris gets up. I don’t want to talk to him but I also know if I just give him Mom’s number she won’t either. So I am going to try to get information to both. Mom will cut her nose off to spite her face. If this is even the slightest beneficial to her she will say no just because she doesn’t like Uncle Chris and his family. So I guess it’s up to me.

I am going to wrap this up. I’m not feeling any better. Worse if truth be told. It’s mostly from the neck up (I did manage to stay in bed all night but because I was sleeping at a weird angle my neck is all jacked). I am keeping up with the warm fluids. That atleast sooths my raw throat. I also have some water with orange rind, cinnamon and cloves simmering on the stove top. That seems to be helping. I don’t see me doing a whole lot today. Take care and thanks for reading!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Cooking/Baking, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Holiday, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Trying Again

Well here we are in 2023. Yesterday was crazy but fun at work. Inventory went well. I stayed up with Chris to ring in the new year. Barely. I kept falling asleep. But I promised myself that I would. The new year has dawned dark, wet and chilly. Not much above freezing but it looks warmer outside since the snow is melting. I have also awakened with a sore throat. I had planned to try to sleep in but I got a tickle in my throat that would not go away. I think the new year brought a bug from last year with it. Everyone at work has been getting sick (the joys of customers coughing on seemingly everything). I guess it’s my turn. Hopefully I can still function tomorrow. I have Archie’s vet appointment. I had to wait almost a month to get it so I can’t cancel. He needs his first round of shots and I want him microchipped. I also need to set up an appointment to get him fixed. I would prefer that done sooner rather than later.

And craziness at work. I have just spent the last 10 minutes trying to help them at work via text messages. Now Archie thinks I need to be done with this and spend the rest of my time with him. It is play time. But we need to stay quiet because Chris is still asleep.

When I got home from work yesterday Chris had made his famous potato soup. It is amazing as always. It should last us several days. I believe it was the first thing he made in his big cast iron pot. That will probably be my breakfast, lol.

2022 had one more surprise left for me. I found out last night that my former store manager from Younker’s died of a massive heart attack. We butted heads a lot but I still really liked her. I am glad she was able to fulfill her dream of retiring to Floridia. Her birthday would’ve been the 27th of December.

I’m sorry I’m not more bright and shiny for the new year. I’m hoping my three days off will help. I wish all of you the best 2023 you can have! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Travel, Writing

Adding a Little More

What craziness…. All that snow we got last week? All but gone. There are patches of snow here and there but nothing significant. We are slated for more rain and the wind has gotten pretty strong too.

I just want this work week over. Today is when I do my inventory. One of my beer deliveries won’t come until Saturday so I am grateful for that. I have no idea how long my count will take. I am hoping it doesn’t get too crazy up front while I am in back trying to get things counted.

Yesterday I found out two of my customers have died. One was a widower that had just lost her husband this Summer. The other, and this is the one that hurts the most, was a young farmer. He was in several times a week and always chit chatted. Such a sweetheart. He was killed in a head on collision Monday.

After the chaos of work I drove to Tractor Supply to get kibble for Archie. I also got a bunch of toys and two gardening books for me. All the toys went over well. The pups played with each other and separately with the various toys. Hopefully they keep the pups busy while Chris sleeps.

I guess I should wrap this up and get today’s madness started. Thanks for reading and stay safe!