Aging, Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Up And Down We Go

Today’s major task is to balance what I need to do with rest. My back was bad enough at work that I asked to go home. I should’ve probably gone to ER but I can’t add a big chunk of money to my already expanding medical bills (it’s about $300). So here I am. I do have the day off. I do also plan to call to try to get an appointment with my GP (this is only $40).

Yesterday just felt like a disaster for me. It feels like so much went wrong. And it’s not so much that things went wrong as they changed in rapid order. Home, work…. me.

The girls got a special treat yesterday. I tore up three rotisserie chickens for wraps. They only save the clean white meat for those. I hated to just toss them into the trash so I put them in a baggie and that was their dinner. Happy girls! Essie channeled her inner Moose. She laid on the bed and I held the bowl for her as she ate. (It kind of freaked me out that she did that. She always insisted on getting down and going to the kitchen to eat.) But it was a little something special for them.

Oh, so the interior lights in my car (the ones you can turn on and off) are NOT my friend. This is the second time I was searching for some thing in my car and forgot to turn them off. And went to leave the next day with a dead battery. This time was even more irritating because I told myself I needed to remember to turn them off. I still forgot (I was searching for my phone that had fallen out… not in the car but in the driveway). So Chris was a jewel and jumped Angus so I could go to work. Sadly despite my best efforts it didn’t charge anything that short distance. So after work Sunday I had to message him to once again come and jump Angus so I could come home. And after that shift (it was now after 10pm because I was closing manager) I was just wiped out. I had no tears left to cry.

I did get some fun photos last night. I didn’t try any filters but I just changed the mode and that kept the shutter open longer for more light. I think they turned out pretty good. I also found a wild looking maple leaf that was turning it’s colors. Oh and I got my Kitchen Witch from an artist friend of mine. I’ll share that too, She smells like cinnamon (the Kitchen Witch, not my friend 😉). Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Change In Plans

I am guessing another storm will be rolling through this morning. Both girls are on the couch together. Essie was by the bedroom door but got up on the couch, something she usually doesn’t do. I have been hearing rumblings through out the morning. The wind has been steady and strong.

Chris has finished cleaning out what will be his Dad’s room. Only it won’t be. After a lengthily discussion with his siblings it was decided that it will be best to get their Dad medical attention first. There is concern over his cancer coming back as well as other issues. So for now Chris is just going down to see what he can do to help. There is relief but still we are concerned about his health. So.

Yesterday’s projects got partially done. I did mess around with my camera (my filters only work on my short lens), I did talk to both my parents, laundry and dishes got done. I did not mow the yard, learn how to refill my ink for my fountain pens or work on my novel (every time I tried something came up). I’m not happy with myself for what I did not get done. But there are only so many hours in the day. I have tomorrow off and will probably get out early tonight so I will try again.

I should wrap this up so I can head out for the meeting. I hope there is no storm but something is brewing out there. I’ll share some of the photos I took with the different filters and such. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Knowing The Unknowable

A day at home. I hope. I have a meeting tonight that will not be Zoom so I have requested that someone else go. My back hates those seats and tomorrow morning’s meeting will be longer on those same seats. So if I only do one meeting I am hoping to limit the pain. We’ll see if anyone can do it. I am frustrated because the other night meetings do Zoom but not this one. I hate to step back from my meetings. I am also unsure as to what I can do once my Father-in-law arrives. The Zoom meetings won’t be a problem but I’m not sure about the in person ones. I don’t know if I want to leave him alone. But that will be next month. Hopefully we will be settled into our various routines.

Why is it that in the beginning I had all these good thoughts and ideas regarding the move now my mind is just focusing on all the things that could go wrong? I was wide awake at 3:30am. I took a sleeping pill but I didn’t manage to get back to sleep until after 5:30am. Every time I would start to drift off my brain would spit out a “what if” and I would be wide awake again.

Today’s goals are to get the backyard mowed (I know it will screw with my back but it needs to be done before the move), work on my novel, work on using my new lenses (I am going to try not to get frustrated… some photo opportunities only “happen” and won’t pause while I switch lenses), learn how to use my various fountain pens (they have refillable cartridges and there seems to be some trick to doing it that I don’t know so I have a DVD on how to do it from the set Mom gave me) and talk to Dad. I will try to talk to him on Wednesday as well. I am not sure when I will be able to again once the move happens. Dad and I can have very open conversations and I am not sure how the father-in-law will be regarding that. Talking on the phone is an option but a very expensive one. An hour will be several hundred dollars and we usually talk for several hours. I can’t afford that. Facetime is free. So.

I am trying to adjust by not thinking about it. Which gets my mind thinking about it. The closer we get to the date the more anxious I become. I know it is the same for Chris… all the “what-ifs” that could happen as well as a game plan for what will happen (such as getting him into the doctor for a general check up).

Right, this novel is not going to write itself nor will the experiences happen without me so I’d better get back to it. Thank you for all your support and for being a constant reader! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Pushing Through The Walls

Ok. I give. Between my physical pain and mental anxiety I feel broken. Right now everything is out of my control and I feel broken. I can barely walk in the mornings. My feet are swollen enough that even the bottoms are rounded so it is easier to lose my balance. Everything hurts when I try to get up in the morning. (I’m not complaining this is just my reality right now.) I am also second guessing having my Father-in-law stay with us. It is a done deal at this point. I can’t back out but everything that could go wrong is now playing in my head. Add to that the anxiety of not having Chris for about a week.

I am trying to find joy in the small things. I got my handmade wooden fountain pen. I was so excited last night! Then I could not figure out how to use it. The ink cartridge that was sent it very small and doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. The second cartridge is a refillable one. I have not yet mastered that ability (I do have two other pens that have this so I need to get watching the DVD that came with the one on how to do it). I am tempted to try one of my other cartridges to see if it will work. I would like to use it. I am hoping I could use it on the leather journal that Chris got me. The pages are handmade so finding a pen to write on it is a bit difficult because of the rough and unevenness of the paper.

Another small thing, out of my multitude of rocks and stones I pulled out a Petoskey stone and I thought about polishing it by hand. Literally. Using my hands to slowly polish and smooth the stone with the natural oils in my skin. Well I got a heck of a start last night! I am very pleased with how it is turning out. I didn’t think to take a before photo but I will share some of how it is coming along. It has become darker and different aspects are getting a lot more defined.

I truly don’t want to go to work. My body feels like it is trying to pull in on itself. I just want to stay home and rest. I do have tomorrow off but I have a meeting that night. Thankfully it is via Zoom. The one the next morning will be in person and I will have to work that night. But I believe I have the following day off. I am trying not to think of next weekend. There will probably be a lot of tears shed on my part. Thankfully I will have the dogs with me. The girls have been trying to get our mind off of things with love and constantly wanting to play. I had better wrap this up for now. Thanks for reading and stay safe!


To Dream A Little Dream….Of Sleep

This morning the pain is almost unbearable. Both girls have gone back to bed. Essie got up once to try to get me back to bed. Oh how I wish! I am also very tired. I am glad that I am manager. I can walk around and try to stay awake. I woke up at 3:30am then remembered that I had more time to sleep. I dozed for another hour and then got up to turn off my alarm only to realize I had another hour. I fell into a decent dream the last five minutes before my alarm went off.

Mom and I had a nice long talk yesterday. I caught her up on everything. I was just going on at the mouth seemingly nonstop. I don’t have much exciting new to tell. I am just looking forward to nightfall so I can got back to bed (I can’t sleep while it is still light out… even in the morning it is what wakes me). I close tomorrow so I can actually sleep in. Yay🥴

Hang on… I had to clean the filter on the dryer. Hopefully my shorts get dry. The dryer seems to think that things are done when they are not. We’ll see. I’ll try to remember to get laundry put away. I did manage to get the girls medicine yesterday. I did not pick up mine. I still have plenty and honestly I was just too tired. I almost didn’t pick up theirs but they were due to get it on the 6th. I never seemed to have the time.

Since I am manager this morning I need to make sure I leave a little early. I need to make sure that everything is set up before we open. We are back to opening at 7am. Atleast I will have staff instead of doing it all myself. I also see by the clock that I need to get going. Hopefully tomorrow’s post will be a little more… something. Thanks for reading and stay safe.


A Little Out Of Focus

Good grief… it is currently just after 5am. I managed to get to bed around midnight. Then Stella and I heard someone going up and down a neighbor’s driveway around 2am. They had their lights off. So I locked all the doors and messaged Chris. He got home an hour later. He came to bed an hour after that. I got up 30 minutes after that.

Essie got up with me (bless her). After breakfast and going out side she went back to bed. A few minutes later Stella got up and did the same routine. Right now Essie is behind me on the couch trying to sleep. She keeps hoping that I will do this and go back to bed. Oh how I wish I could baby girl!

I got nothing done on my novel yesterday before work. I cleaned my Nikon camera and lenses. AND I finally figured out how to use the various lens that came with the set! Yay! I have the two lenses I regularly use (regular short lens and the long one) but I also have a selection of others that attach to those lenses for added oomph. So once I figured that out I had to play with them a little to see what they did. I will add a few of those photos. We’ll see if they look any different than the regular shots. I remember one of them is a macro lens.

I see by the clock that if I am going to add said photos I should wrap this up. Let me know what you think of the “new” photo styles. Thanks for reading and stay safe! Oh and get some sleep for me!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Big Changes For Love

This morning has dawned with sun and blue sky. There are some fat fluffy white clouds but nothing too intimidating. It didn’t get very warm yesterday. But I was able to stand in the sun and feel very good. Atleast until more clouds rolled in. I don’t really want to go to work tonight. I would rather stay home and try to get everything where it needs to be. Chris is leaving a week from tomorrow to drive to Missouri to get his Dad. It has been about 10 years since we have been apart for more than a few hours. It will be several days. I am not looking forward to that. The week after that will be colonoscopy (yay) but then I will have the following week off to help get everyone acclimated. I have only one meeting that week so I should be able to spend most of my time with the family.

I am both excited and nervous about having my Father-in-law. I believe that we are doing what is best for him. He doesn’t belong in a home. He has no family contact living in Missouri (there are phone calls and a random visit here or there but no one lives near him). We are hoping that being around people (especially family) will help. He deserves a chance to live.

I’m sure we will get on each others nerves at one point or another but we have rooms with doors that shut so it’s not like we will be in constant contact. I think the hardest thing is going to be resetting our routines. I need my quiet when writing but I may have to figure out another routine. Or learn to write with noise. I remember before I would go to a coffee shop or bookstore to write. So I can write with sounds going on around me. I have no idea what my Father-in-law’s routines are or if he has any. It will be a learning process for us all. But I am happy to have him as part of our home. I would rather do that than send him to a retirement home. He doesn’t deserve that when we have a place here for him.

I should wrap this up so I can try to get some work in on the novel. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, retail, Thinking, Writing

Time Moving Too Fast

By the time I got home yesterday all the pain I was in put me in a bad headspace. Working in the deli was just too much. The owner of the store came in and was talking to me. He said that if I needed some time off to just let them know. That was early in my shift so I said I should be ok but I would keep them in the loop. I was still feeling pretty good. By the end of the night I was miserable and could barely walk.

It is a cold morning here. I am not ready for the cold. Even more so because I need to find a place to keep my plants over the winter. It is cold enough that I covered Stella up with a blanket. She just pulled it tighter around herself with her teeth. The sky is overcast. The sun really came out and warmed things up yesterday evening. I am hoping for a bit of sun today.

Things are still moving forward with the house clean up. I vacuumed the house when I got home. i figured I was miserable already so why not. And it would be one less thing to do today. I also got a bunch of things put away. Today I am going to try to find my office. A lot of stuff has been getting dumped in there. I didn’t bother to vacuum in there. Mostly because I had no floor. I am hoping to move those piles so I can have some private space.

The flip side is that I do need to take a day to relax. Things are moving along here and I am doing as much as I can but I need a break. Mentally and physically. I am supposed to call Dad today but I think I am going to back out. Same with calling Mom. I need to just be for a day. Wish me luck! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

The Songs of Mother Nature

This will be a stop and go post. When we got up I thought I heard the rumbles of thunder. It has gotten progressively louder. Fortunately the girls ate and went outside before it got really loud. I thought the sky looked really yellow when we got up. It kind of freaked me out. Right now Stella is hiding out in the utility room (there went lightening) and Essie is pacing around. Both girls are shaking.

Well we just got a severe thunderstorm warning. For the next 30 minutes. It is moving slowly in from the west. The way the sky looks I am grateful the see a small breeze. Good grief…. the thunder was just a low continual rumble for about 30 seconds. Kind of like a big monster giving you a warning growl.

There is a female cardinal at the feeder but I can’t get to my camera across the room. You can’t see anything without a light it is so dark in here. And the slight breeze is really picking up. Hang on, I need to shut up the house….. You know to worry when the neighbor has moved all the vehicles in his driveway either into the garage or beneath trees. (He has his son’s truck for the week.) The wind is coming from two directions. West (where the storm is coming from) and East. Well this should be fun! The skies to the South are kinda scary. Big thick colorful clouds moving in. The North is atleast straight thick grey storm clouds.

We got a lot done yesterday, even with Chris going to our friend’s to help with the flea bombs. (Yes, clothes went right into the washer and him into the shower when he got home.) I was able to get the living room cleaned up a bit more as well as laundry done The last load is in the dryer. I also got quite a bit done in the yard. I am paying for it but it had to be done. I know there is a lot more to do but I am happy with what we have been able to get done.

The thunder and lightening are almost continual now and all around us. I will sign off and hopefully be able to post this before we lose power. Thanks for reading and stay safe!


Cloud Bursts

I am not sure what today will bring. The varying weather seems to fit my moods. It was sunny but it still rained. The clouds are coming and going in varying states of thickness and intent. Intermittent cloud bursts are the norm this morning. Stella is on the couch staring at me. She can barely keep her eyes open but she refusing to stop looking at me. She has just tucker her snout under a paw… still watching me. She is fighting sleep so hard. It’s like she is afraid she will fall asleep and I will have disappeared while she was sleeping.

Work was tolerable when I started but the constant twisting, bending and lifting had me in tears on the way home. This morning is not much better. I am at a loss at to what to do. Tomorrow I am closing in the deli. I really don’t know how that is going to go. Working the deli seems to make things even worse. I don’t know what we are going to do once our summer people leave. There are about 5 people who are leaving this fall. A lot of the carry outs have either cut back their hours or left because school has started. I wonder if store hours will be cut back as well. We just don’t have the man power with everyone who will be leaving.

Work on the house to get things ready continues. Since I can’t do much I am doing the best I can. I will attempt to get the blankets folded from out in the living room. I am going to design myself a rock garden to be able to get the bulk of my rock collection outside. There are some that are just too cool to leave outside (knowing full well that they will be disappearing under the snow soon). I was thinking around my Halloween tree. I could clear out a large area or just start to pile up around the base of the tree. But I also noticed that the tree is severely leaning toward the house. So do I pull the tree out? Or just use the rock base as a prop? I have enough rocks around here that it wouldn’t be a problem. We’ll see. Lugging too many rocks right now is a bad idea. But then again when have I let something like that stop me?

Essie has come up behind me on the love seat. She is usually stretched out in front of the bedroom door. She too seems to be keeping an eye on me. I am going to wrap this up so I can write my article. I hope you all have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!