Grief

Today has dawned dark. Atleast yesterday morning I got to witness a beautiful sunrise. I had all I could do not to pull over and take some photos. The colors and the way the clouds wisped through the sky and over the sun as it came up…. I drove home in freezing rain. The sun was out a good portion of the time I was downstate. I gave my two cousins each a unicorn coloring book and a box of crayons. I don’t know why I felt the need to do that but I just hope it helps.

It was good to see everyone. I even got to see family I had had no contact with for years. I was sad to see that they were so stand offish but that was all on them. We tried to include them. I spent most of my time with my one cousin. She is very smart but she is also special needs. She has a lot of change that she will need to come to terms with once she gets back home. She hasn’t had a proper chance to grieve at home. She will be all by herself. The family is trying to get her to move back to Michigan so she will have a support system. I think some of them are also planning to go to New Jersey to try to help. My other cousin has her wife and son.

I reconnected with my Aunt’s in-laws as well. I am not sure how we met and ended up so close but they seem to be at all the family functions and search me out. I also spent some quality time with each of my aunts and uncles. My one Uncle pulled me aside and asked if I wanted his military medals when he dies. I said definitely. It was hard watching everyone. My remaining aunts and uncles were really hit hard. I helped several up and down the aisles at the funeral. Everyone (expect two uncles) had some kind of walker or cane. And once the sobbing started it was hard to keep balanced.

I have a lot of tears soaked into my jacket from holding everyone. And that is ok. I connected with some of the younger cousins (I am now the cool cousin… it didn’t hurt that I arrived in jeans, boots, an orange tank top that says “Beach Please” and my turquoise Hawaiian shirt. Hey, I was told no black!) and finally met my cousin’s wife and son. We talked a lot about rescues (her wife drives rescued pets to their new homes) and other interesting stuff.

My cousin made everyone these beautiful ribbons in memory of her Mom. The close female family members got special ribbons. They are turquoise ribbons topped with a pretty floral one (it was from fabric she had planned to make a quilt for her Mom with but ended up making herself a skirt for the funeral as well as the ribbons) and a delicate pink rose where the ribbon crosses over. My Aunt had ovarian cancer and turquoise ribbons represent that. I had completely forgotten that when I dressed myself in the dark that morning. My colors were spot on as it turned out.

I left at 7am and got home at 6pm. It was a long day. Archie was bad. While I was gone he got into plants again. So today will be spent trying to figure out where I can keep everything. This Spring definitely needs to see me putting up a greenhouse. Since I now have some empty pots I may do some repotting today. I am going to wrap this up. I will try to add some new photos. I want to share the ribbon one if nothing else. Thank you so much to everyone that has reached out. I appreciate all the love and hugs. It does make a difference! Thanks for reading and stay safe!