Aging, anxiety, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Push….push…😳

I think I am awake. I could be writing this in a dream…. I hate being up this early but if I don’t get up and get moving nothing gets done.

I did not adult or manage well yesterday. I pretty much let everyone stay up front and do what they wanted. Which was hang out, talk and spend too many quarters in the little machine to get dumb/fun little toys to share with each other. Things got gone and people worked but… I just don’t think I set the best example. The flip side of that is I know everyone had fun. I also have a small collection of goodies from everyone, lol.

Today and tomorrow. It doesn’t help that this week has been a bad one for me. I am just done adulting. I did talk to Dad yesterday though. We chit chatted and then made his grocery list. I would get frustrated because he would get lost looking in his computer for some thing. When he does that he goes silent and just is clicking away on this and that trying to find what he is looking for. After about 15 minutes irritation gives way to anger. He finally took the hint and moved on.

My “old fart” from work (a dear friend even before we worked together) is getting a tattoo! He is scheduled for September 15th. It will be an old school traditional eagle with a top hat. I am very excited for him! After work we met at the tattoo parlor and he set things up. I am going to try to remind him the closer we get to the date.

I see that I am running a tad behind. So quick quick I need to post this! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Medical, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Mental Demons

I am not a fan. Right now all I want to do is sleep. I didn’t get done with all my paperwork until 11pm last night. Than I didn’t notice Stella’s accident until I’d been home a little bit. I wasn’t upset as it had been a really long day for her. It had been done not too long before I got home. The scary part is that there was blood in her stool. Just like Moose. I am gong to try to get her into the dr. asap. I don’t have the money for the ER vet. That is almost $300 just to walk in the door. And I don’t trust them like I do our vet. They did pretty good when Essie had to get stitches but…

Needless to say I’ve not had any sleep. Today is going to be a very long day. I was ok with a little sleep but now… I just want my shift over with. And I just looked at my order email. I should’ve had a liquor order delivered yesterday. Sigh. This will be fun then.

I just have to make it to Tuesday. That will be my next day off. It is supposed to rain all day today. I’m not sure about tomorrow. Right now I don’t really care. I am just really hoping that Stella does not have kidney disease.

I need to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Weirdness to My Days

What a weird morning! I woke up from weird (but strangely compelling) dreams. My day feels off because I said I would’ve closing manager for a coworker (I hope I can get my stuff done before she leaves around 5pm). I am back at 6:30am tomorrow so I won’t get much sleep tonight. So I feel off not being at work at this hour. Then I turned on my laptop. It sort of hooked up to the internet but then failed completely. I have no idea why. I tried to reconnect and all it did was give me the message “Connecting…”. Everything else hooks up fine. So I am writing this on my phone.

It is cool, almost cold, this morning. Stella just got up and wants to play. Little goose.❤️🐾 I just threw her ball for her. I am a bit achy from yesterday. I spent pretty much my whole shift stocking liquor. Wednesday I got a double order so 5 full what we call u-boats. They are carts on wheels about 6ft (182cm) by about 2ft (60cm) wide. They were piled higher than I am tall and I am 5’7 (170cm). Liquor is not light in mass quantities! But it felt good to have stock filled almost completely in. I hated all those empty shelves!

I find myself struggling to find myself in my days. I sort of have a set schedule but any variance throws me off. I did get my car in yesterday. My tire sensors are wonky. I had a low rear tire but the brakes are fine. I was embarrassed as I made it a point to look the warning symbol from my dashboard up in my manual for the car. It said brakes were the issue. Not tire pressure. I could’ve checked the tire pressure and filled it here at the house. But Stella got a walk and a ride out of it. I was leery about taking her on the roads (I don’t want her to think that it is something she can do… especially on her own) but I kept telling her that she could only walk on roads with me on her lead. But she was a very good girl. She even laid down while we were talking.

I guess I ought to wrap this up and get myself together. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Weirdness to My Days

What a weird morning! I woke up from weird (but strangely compelling) dreams. My day feels off because I said I would’ve closing manager for a coworker (I hope I can get my stuff done before she leaves around 5pm). I am back at 6:30am tomorrow so I won’t get much sleep tonight. So I feel off not being at work at this hour. Then I turned on my laptop. It sort of hooked up to the internet but then failed completely. I have no idea why. I tried to reconnect and all it did was give me the message “Connecting…”. Everything else hooks up fine. So I am writing this on my phone.

It is cool, almost cold, this morning. Stella just got up and wants to play. Little goose.❤️🐾 I just threw her ball for her. I am a bit achy from yesterday. I spent pretty much my whole shift stocking liquor. Wednesday I got a double order so 5 full what we call u-boats. They are carts on wheels about 6ft (182cm) by about 2ft (60cm) wide. They were piled higher than I am tall and I am 5’7 (170cm). Liquor is not light in mass quantities! But it felt good to have stock filled almost completely in. I hated all those empty shelves!

I find myself struggling to find myself in my days. I sort of have a set schedule but any variance throws me off. I did get my car in yesterday. My tire sensors are wonky. I had a low rear tire but the brakes are fine. I was embarrassed as I made it a point to look the warning symbol from my dashboard up in my manual for the car. It said brakes were the issue. Not tire pressure. I could’ve checked the tire pressure and filled it here at the house. But Stella got a walk and a ride out of it. I was leery about taking her on the roads (I don’t want her to think that it is something she can do… especially on her own) but I kept telling her that she could only walk on roads with me on her lead. But she was a very good girl. She even laid down while we were talking.

I guess I ought to wrap this up and get myself together. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Exercise, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Slow But Focused

This morning I am in a bit better headspace. I hope the day goes well. I think I will be busy today as my liquor order should be waiting for me. With the locks changed I don’t know as anyone else will make the effort. I could be wrong. We shall see.

I still haven’t gotten my car in about my brakes. No answer from my mechanic yesterday. I can limp the car to and from work but more than that and I have to borrow Chris’s truck. Poor Stella has not been for a walk all week.

I did my best to try to relax yesterday. I did notice my anxiety still kicking in. I don’t think my mind will do a shut down like Tuesday. I don’t know what everyone will say either. Speaking of which I need to get myself together and head out the door for work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Automotive, Books, Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Guitar, Learning, Life, Love, Music, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Enough Is Enough

I find that I continue to take on more than I should so that people need me. In some situations, it is because I enjoy it (my article writing started out that way). Or to prove to everyone (including myself) that I can do all of it. But there comes a breaking point. Yesterday was that for me. By 9am I just couldn’t do it anymore. Between the brake issues with my car, two meetings on Monday (on the way to the first meeting is when the brake issue started) when Monday was my day off from my main job, the crazy day that was Sunday (being at work by 5:30am to do my liquor order, going home for a few hours after my shift then heading to the tattoo parlor to get my ink fixed), my first inventory where I have to count all my backstock myself for two departments by myself, my plans for teaching cooking classes at work this Fall, my birthday…. too much going on in my head and just as much going on outside of my head. Everything just shut down. My coworkers are awesome and they stepped up to the plate for me so I could go home early. I intended to get my groceries and leave but it turned out that the store owner was in his office as I was heading out. He asked if I was sick so I poured it all out to him. Instead of saying something negative he encouraged be to go home and get some much-needed rest. He also said that I probably was in need of a vacation. I mentioned that Chris wanted to take the week of Memeorial Day off and his response” “Let’s make it happen!” You know you work for a good company when that happens. So I came home with the Boss’s blessing and tried to relax.

I guess this is me trying to step back from things. I need to show someone else how to order cigarettes for when I am gone. As I type this I see the potential issues with doing that. I have to choose someone. There are two people I can choose. Either one would be good. However… the one not chosen will be angry and hurt. GAH! The easiest thing will be to just put it in the lap of my boss. I will give him my choices and let him make the decision. It might be cowardly, but I am close to both of them.

I am thinking of pulling out one of my three classes on dvd and doing that as a relaxation thing. I have creative writing, guitar and photography to choose from. At this point I think the photography is the only one I wouldn’t have to restart. Maybe the creative writing one would be ok. I don’t want to put more on my plate (thus doing the dvd verses going to an actual class class) but I want something that is out of my norm. Something I can focus on that I won’t just drift through because I know it.

I feel a stress headache moving in. It happens when I think too much about too much. So I will wrap this up and try to figure myself out some more. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

anxiety, Automotive, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Frustrations

It’s gonna be hard to be nice today. Despite being up at 4am yesterday and being on the go for most of the day I hardly got any sleep. All I did was toss and turn. I finally fell asleep maybe 30 minutes before Chris got home. When he got home Stella started barking. So I was awake again. I tossed and turned some more and maybe the last 45 minutes before my alarm went off I was able to sleep.

On the way to my first meeting yesterday my problem with the brakes light came on. I tried taking my car to Traverse to go meet a potential new pup but I turned around once I got on M72 because the car did not feel right at speed. That meant driving Chris’s truck to the second meeting that night. I did call our mechanic but he can’t get to my car until this afternoon at the latest. So I will limp my car to work and back.

I’m not going anywhere if I can help it Wednesday. There has been too much going on lately. I need a day to do nothing. As it is Thursday after work I have another meeting. I am reconsidering taking my birthday off.

I need to wrap this up. I still have to write my two articles when I get home from work today. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Anyone Know What Time It Is?

It is a little after 5am. I have been awake since 4am. Stella has come out here as well. She started in Chris’s office, moved to the hallway for a bit and now is hunkered in on the couch. I’m not sure why I am up this early. I decided to get up instead of trying to fake it and not wake anyone else.

Yesterday was a bit crazy. I have been so tired I’ve not known what day it is. I find myself setting alarms to remind me to do things. I’m pretty sure that it is Monday. Which means a meeting at 9am and another at 7pm. Sorry, 6:30pm. I forgot they changed the time on the Harbor Commission meetings. Work was a bit nuts. It was storming when I left. Stella tried to bolt through the door when I was trying to leave she was so scared. I felt guilty leaving her. It rained most of the day. Everyone was just so tired. So tired that I almost forgot my tattoo appointment. So I set an alarm to remind me. Sad, I know.

I am happy to say that I am over the moon about how the tattoo turned out! I will try to share a photo if I can (space constraints on my blog). I have to say by the time we were getting to the end I was in some serious pain. But it was worth it! I even tagged Kane Hodder in it! I hope he sees it! Both the artists were very fun to be with yesterday. I think I am still welcome. We’ll see. I know I should probably find someone else but…

I opened the sliding glass door when I got up to find a huge dragonfly hanging out right at eye level. I did get a photo of that to share. It is the first dragonfly this year. Normally we see quite a few. Same with hummingbirds. I’ve had maybe two this year. Last year we had several. I’m not sure why. Oh, and Monarch butterflies. I have a ton of milkweed and not a single Monarch. I am a bit hurt but there it is.

I am going to wrap this up for now. Otherwise I will go on and on. I may read on my Kindle. I won’t try writing until the sun comes up. My pens that have the light at the end are honestly too bright. Especially on white paper! And I’m not sure where they are. Beside the bed probably. Anyway (see how I go on?), I hope you have an amazing day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Rains and Pibbles

We awoke to thunder and lightening in the distance. Stella is pacing between me and Chris’s office. I am so very tired. I cannot get the phone to charge either. I’m not sure what to do.

Part way through my day yesterday I was told that someone hit my car. Damage was minimal (he essentially rubbed my front bumper). I should be able to buff it out. But still.

The rain has stated and the thunder is rumbling. Stella won’t leave Chris’s office. That was a BIG flash of lightening! Stella needs a light on during storms. That seems to help calm her. She wants me to come in the office with her.

I have a meeting tomorrow morning and another tomorrow night. I am back at work early Tuesday morning so I am not sure when I will get the article written. When I get home from the meeting is when I should be going to bed. And I really don’t want to get up in the wee hours to write it before work. Hopefully after work is soon enough.

I am going to wrap this up and get going. Thanks for reading! Stay safe.

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Mysteries of My Pitty

My body just can’t seem to get enough sleep. I am doing my best to get to sleep at a decent hour. I got a lot done yesterday. I feel like I didn’t do anything though. Or maybe not enough? I don’t know.

I have a spooked Pitbull. She hears something. Thunder? But the skies are clear. Still, she keeps looking outside. She has gone to all the windows. We are currently on the floor. I am trying to type as I hold her. I wish I knew what was wrong. She is staring at the window like she expects someone to come through it.

Aaaaand I gotta go. I hope her anxiety eases up. I hate leaving her like this. Sorry for the weird post. Thanks for reading and stay safe!