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Looking For the Path

I felt good when I was sitting in bed just doing nothing. Now… Stella is doing something odd too. She hunkered down on the love seat behind me, so I covered her up (it is almost down to freezing this morning). Every time I turn around to check on her, she is sitting with her head up just watching out the window. I expect her to have her head down and asleep. I am using her to distract me from myself.

Yesterday was hell at work. Everything that could go wrong did. Gas pumps were going down, we had no sale signs to put up until late (maybe an hour before I left the signs arrived from the other store), I was the only one concerned about getting any signs put up… I had new people that I was trying to train and keep busy, but everyone spent a lot of time standing around but me. I got home exhausted, and Chris tried to leave me to my own devices to unwind. I am so grateful for that! All I seemed capable of was watching tv. Oh, and throwing a ball. Stella was happily entertained.

I am dreading facing another day. I let myself stay in bed as long as I wanted. I am trying to coddle myself a bit where I can. I don’t expect others to. I want to hunker in and do some writing this morning. It might just be in my journal, but I need to do something. (The sun came out as I typed that last sentence then disappeared.) Maybe that will help. I am still on the fence about taking the writing course. It would mean driving to Traverse every Thursday night after work. I think I can swing it financially. I would be giving up one of my meetings. But I think that would be ok. I need to decide soon though. The class starts in June. And it could very well be filled up. So I guess I call tomorrow and go from there.

I am trying so hard to get everything done in our yard. I did make a decent dent in the side garden, but I still have the front, back and raised gardens to do. I also need to get the backyard mowed. Maybe a good cry is what I need. I don’t know. There is so much to be done and not enough time for it all. I think I will cancel the barbeque for work. There is too much going on for everyone. I can’t get it all done before everyone comes over. And several coworkers will be post-surgery. So maybe later this summer I will try again. Right now there is too much.

I see that I am no longer an employee. The past month or so I have been just scheduled as manager. Before those of us who were night managers would kind of rotate thorough and be manager one night, cashier another and gas window another. Not me. And I see that I will be working Sunday mornings while my coworker is recovering from surgery. I usually close on Sundays. This week will be two closes and three opens. The bonus is that this will be a busy weekend and I actually get to leave before things get really ugly.

I see that I have gone on quite a bit. Thanks for listening to be complain and brainstorm a bit. Stay safe!

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