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Introspection

I feel as though I have spent too much time “surfing.” I was actually reading and learning but my mind is reprimanding me for it. I spent a good portion of last night laying in bed thinking about my various fur babies and being there for them when they died. That led to thinking about all the things I have done over my soon-to-be 50 years of life. That led to the thought of I am almost half a century old.

Many people (including myself at times) will say that age is only a number. I don’t think 50 and I are going to see eye to eye. 30 was a blast and 40 wasn’t too bad. But 50? Especially when those I love are aging even more rapidly in my mind? No thank you. But, as the saying goes, time marches on.

I need to hit the pause button, sit back and take stock. It feels like there is just so much going on, so many decisions to be made. I did manage to get a decent 3 hours or so of sleep. That was after I started reading my copy of Natalie Goldberg’s The Great Spring. Her book Writing Down the Bones was the first book on writing that I ever got. Mom bought it for me. I have a lot of her books and I even got to meet her (and yes I have several of her books signed). I have always found comfort in reading her work. Although Spring was published in 2016 this is the first I have seen it. I think I might curl up before work and read another chapter. My eyes are very tired from reading already this morning. And I am sleepy.

I told Stella that I just had to work today then I had two days off. If I go anywhere I will take her with. She has been a cuddle bug the past few days. I find myself unsure where to go from here. Mentally and physically. I did meet another Pagan at work yesterday. It was a cool moment for both of us. She complimented my butterfly tattoo on my hand which led to showing her Essie’s tattoo. Then she had to show me her memorial tattoo. When I leaned over to get a better look my pentacle necklace popped out and when she saw it her smile got so big! “You’re a Pagan too?!” It was a very awesome feeling of connection for both of us. I’m sure she’ll be back and we’ll end up chatting again. It’s nice to feel that you aren’t alone in your beliefs. (It’s like my writing. I know there are other writers out there but I don’t have anyone locally that I connect with about it. The same with being Pagan. I know there are others out there but in a small town it’s not like you can just reach out to your local Pagan place and go spend time.)

I guess I will wrap this up. I am always anxious bringing my beliefs on to my page. I am not looking to change anyone or anything. I am stating what I believe. I have been lucky in that regard. After the initial shock most people just pepper me with questions. I haven’t had anyone try to convert me. But I still worry. People pass judgement so quickly sometimes. Anyway I will try to get a few photos to share. The day is grey and dreary. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

2 thoughts on “Introspection”

  1. Jen, fifty is just a number – but if you approach it worrying about it, hell your 50 may as well become your 60 or 70. Think not that you are a half century, but think you are fifty years wise 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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