My heart hurts. It is way too early and I am exhausted. Both girls are out here with me. Essie has a vet appointment at 3:30pm. And I think I have made the decision. She has too much that is going on right now. Too much is going wrong. We are up this early because Essie woke me at 5am panting heavily slamming her hear against me. It was like she couldn’t get up. I had to pull her away from Stella and just pet her for a bit. Even then she wouldn’t get up. Finally I went and got a big glass of water (she has been panting this whole time… and yes I realize that panting is a sign of pain in dogs) and that finally got her up. I let her out for a few minutes and when she came back in she got a drink. She wouldn’t go back to bed so I got my stuff and we came out here. I am so tired but when I tried to lay down on the couch (Essie left the couch and went to sleep on the loveseat since it is leather and cooler) sleep would not come. I just laid there and listened to her breathe. Then Stella came out and instead of curling up on the empty spot Essie had left at my feet decided to stand on me. I asked if they wanted breakfast and here we are. They are both sleeping and I am typing away.
Yesterday was filled with blessings despite my phone call to the vet. My Aunt made me a blanket and included two little buddies as a surprise. My Bath and Body Works order arrived (I love the smell of the coconut and sandalwood soap and they finally got more in and they were on sale cheap). One of my regulars at work who is an artist brought me more rocks that he had painted (he has given me several over the past few months as he cleans out his old work). I am being teased that my totem animal must be a penguin since all these guys keep bringing me rocks.
When Chris gets up I am going to give Essie a lot of tea kettle and then I got them bones. I will tell him to love on our baby girl as best he can. I don’t know if I am making the right decision but I can see that she is starting to suffer and I don’t want that for her. She scared the hell out of me this morning. I refuse to go to the emergency vet because I will be required to just drop her off at the door. I am not sending her in there by herself. The last time she was there was for stitches. She won’t be happy. She won’t be happy either way but my vet will let me come in with a mask. They understand and care. Here come the water works. I am trying not to cry because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. Nor do I want to wake Chris.
Laundry is going since I need jeans for today. I was hoping to put things off with Essie until Monday since I have Monday and Tuesday off (I have a meeting Tuesday night but I can hang at the back on my own) but I guess I will have to deal with people raw. I think they will understand but I can’t turn my emotions on and off like a light switch. I really hate Januarys.
I am shocked that it is still pitch dark out. I had better stop here. In my current mental state I could go on for a long time. Thanks for listening. Stay safe.