Aging, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Knowing The Unknowable

A day at home. I hope. I have a meeting tonight that will not be Zoom so I have requested that someone else go. My back hates those seats and tomorrow morning’s meeting will be longer on those same seats. So if I only do one meeting I am hoping to limit the pain. We’ll see if anyone can do it. I am frustrated because the other night meetings do Zoom but not this one. I hate to step back from my meetings. I am also unsure as to what I can do once my Father-in-law arrives. The Zoom meetings won’t be a problem but I’m not sure about the in person ones. I don’t know if I want to leave him alone. But that will be next month. Hopefully we will be settled into our various routines.

Why is it that in the beginning I had all these good thoughts and ideas regarding the move now my mind is just focusing on all the things that could go wrong? I was wide awake at 3:30am. I took a sleeping pill but I didn’t manage to get back to sleep until after 5:30am. Every time I would start to drift off my brain would spit out a “what if” and I would be wide awake again.

Today’s goals are to get the backyard mowed (I know it will screw with my back but it needs to be done before the move), work on my novel, work on using my new lenses (I am going to try not to get frustrated… some photo opportunities only “happen” and won’t pause while I switch lenses), learn how to use my various fountain pens (they have refillable cartridges and there seems to be some trick to doing it that I don’t know so I have a DVD on how to do it from the set Mom gave me) and talk to Dad. I will try to talk to him on Wednesday as well. I am not sure when I will be able to again once the move happens. Dad and I can have very open conversations and I am not sure how the father-in-law will be regarding that. Talking on the phone is an option but a very expensive one. An hour will be several hundred dollars and we usually talk for several hours. I can’t afford that. Facetime is free. So.

I am trying to adjust by not thinking about it. Which gets my mind thinking about it. The closer we get to the date the more anxious I become. I know it is the same for Chris… all the “what-ifs” that could happen as well as a game plan for what will happen (such as getting him into the doctor for a general check up).

Right, this novel is not going to write itself nor will the experiences happen without me so I’d better get back to it. Thank you for all your support and for being a constant reader! Stay safe!

2 thoughts on “Knowing The Unknowable”

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