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Pushing Through The Walls

Ok. I give. Between my physical pain and mental anxiety I feel broken. Right now everything is out of my control and I feel broken. I can barely walk in the mornings. My feet are swollen enough that even the bottoms are rounded so it is easier to lose my balance. Everything hurts when I try to get up in the morning. (I’m not complaining this is just my reality right now.) I am also second guessing having my Father-in-law stay with us. It is a done deal at this point. I can’t back out but everything that could go wrong is now playing in my head. Add to that the anxiety of not having Chris for about a week.

I am trying to find joy in the small things. I got my handmade wooden fountain pen. I was so excited last night! Then I could not figure out how to use it. The ink cartridge that was sent it very small and doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. The second cartridge is a refillable one. I have not yet mastered that ability (I do have two other pens that have this so I need to get watching the DVD that came with the one on how to do it). I am tempted to try one of my other cartridges to see if it will work. I would like to use it. I am hoping I could use it on the leather journal that Chris got me. The pages are handmade so finding a pen to write on it is a bit difficult because of the rough and unevenness of the paper.

Another small thing, out of my multitude of rocks and stones I pulled out a Petoskey stone and I thought about polishing it by hand. Literally. Using my hands to slowly polish and smooth the stone with the natural oils in my skin. Well I got a heck of a start last night! I am very pleased with how it is turning out. I didn’t think to take a before photo but I will share some of how it is coming along. It has become darker and different aspects are getting a lot more defined.

I truly don’t want to go to work. My body feels like it is trying to pull in on itself. I just want to stay home and rest. I do have tomorrow off but I have a meeting that night. Thankfully it is via Zoom. The one the next morning will be in person and I will have to work that night. But I believe I have the following day off. I am trying not to think of next weekend. There will probably be a lot of tears shed on my part. Thankfully I will have the dogs with me. The girls have been trying to get our mind off of things with love and constantly wanting to play. I had better wrap this up for now. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

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