This morning is not a good one mentally or physically. The sun is shining and the insects are humming. The birds are chatting away. I am hoping the I will get in a better place as the day goes on. But right now…. not so good. It all boils down to me doing too much. I went outside my comfort zone for too long yesterday. I got a lot accomplished but too much of a strain. I am going to just stay home and putter today. Spend time with Chris and the girls while trying to find my balance. I can feel my anxiety pushing forward. There is a little bit of darkness mixed in as well.
Talking to my son (it feels so weird to say that and mean it… to have that specific connection and have it acknowledged by both sides….) Is opening old deep wounds that I had thought healed up. This is also made difficult because the questions he is asking are not meant to hurt me. He just wants to know about me. So that will be today’s…. hardship? Not really. Challenge? Better. I need to respond to his questions today. After I finish this as a matter of fact.
I was able to talk to both my parents yesterday. I shared more stuff with Mom and told Dad about my son. Right now I feel like I have gone in for invasive surgery to see if my wounds have healed. I went to bed way early for us (as soon as it got dark we were in bed). The long sleep did some good.
I did something good yesterday too. My beloved bracelet that has the human hand holding the dog paw? I am passing it on to a Vietnam Vet that ran point with his German Shepard. They basically went ahead of the platoon and spotted out the mines and such. His wife wanted to get him one but they are no longer available. So… I am giving him mine. He saw things that no one should and come home to an unwelcome at home. He was unable to bring his service dog back with him. I met the woman when I was checking in at the doctor’s yesterday. I wore my REDD tank top (Remember Every Dog Deployed) and she asked about it so we got to talking. She gave me her phone number to give to the gal about getting a bracelet like mine.
I can feel the tears coming on so I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and stay safe!