Month: August 2021

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Reassembly Required

1972italy

It is going to be a challenging week. But hopefully I will come out of the end of the week with some answers with my back. And my phone will be intact. I am able to take off the last week of September. I asked yesterday. So that will hopefully help everyone while we transition into having roommates again (and I mean all of us including our house guest). Essie has spent the morning stalking around the backyard showing everyone whose yard it is. I did get her to come into eat between patrols. (The white shepherd from next door is lose again.)

I feel a little calmer. I tried a little meditation before bed last night. It was either that or the fact that I am just burnt out mentally but I slept hard last night. Some interesting dreams. My best friend from school was in them. Usually when she appears something is going to happen and she was a major player in my dreams.

Friday I am going to try to get things cleaned up a little more. I am hoping that I can do something every day off (more if possible but I’ll shoot for days off to make a decent dent in things) around here. Thursday I might not get much done with everything I have going that day but I will try to maybe do something with my rock collection that has grown exponentially over the past year or so. Part of it is me finding things in the yard. The other part is that customers know that I am a rock hound and will bring me rocks and stones as gifts.

I am looking at this mountain of paper work from all the medical crap I am doing. I asked to have all my bills consolidated on to one to make it easier to pay and know what I have paid. But yesterday I received yet another bill. So that request did not work. I have no idea what I still have to pay anymore.

My one bright spot was the letter and poem from my British penpal that arrived yesterday. It sounds like she is enjoying a much deserved vacation. I think I will wrap this up and answer her letter. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, the World, Thinking, Writing

Changes Big and Small

1972italy

This morning I broke out the Minion mug. Kevin has been sitting on my desk for a few months now just keeping and eye on things. With everything that is going on right now I needed some cheering up so Kevin has been filled with some flavored coffee from Dunkin Donuts (yes I am using their old name… it is what I grew up with).

The first change is that I am working today. It was supposed to be my day off but one of my coworkers is stuck in Kentucky with engine problems. The part won’t arrive until this morning (hopefully). So I was asked to work for her. I said yes because it is what I do. However…. that means I will be working 8 days straight. My next day off will be Thursday. Thursday morning is my appointment all the way in Traverse. Mom has to drive me because I’m not allowed to after my procedure. I also have a meeting that night. I will have Friday off instead of closing and having to be back at 7am Saturday morning.

The second change is a major change for the whole family. A family member will be moving in with us for a few months. After that few months we are going to see what happens. It will be a huge adjustment for all of us. This will hit the last week of September. Right after I get my colonoscopy lol.

So much so fast… one of my coworkers bought me a bottle of chocolate wine yesterday. He said he thought I might need it. I haven’t cracked it yet. It is still sitting in the fridge. I just don’t know what else to say. I am still trying to wrap my head around everything. Both have the potential to be good changes. That is what I am hanging on to. What can go right instead of what can go wrong.

I am going to try to relax a little before work. Thanks for reading and all the amazing support! Stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, retail, Thinking, Writing

Time, Timing, Timeless

1972italy

Despite the beauty of the morning I still feel a bit hopeless. Life seems to be moving too fast. Things that I want to do or need to do don’t get done. Too much to do or not enough time to do them? Or both? Am I a failure because things aren’t getting done? What about the things I try to do for other people? How do I chose what gets done?

As you can tell my mind is feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was able to get out of work a little early and spent pretty much the rest of the day with Chris and the girls. We had a lot of fun together. Despite my lack of sleep I still managed to stay up til almost midnight. I slept relatively well but I still could use more sleep.

I also notice that I have been buying things to fill a hole inside. Do you ever get things spur of the moment and then when you get them home wonder what you were thinking? Not that it is hideous or anything but you didn’t really need it (despite what you thought at the time). I have been doing that. I know part of it is missing my friend. Another part is I really don’t know what to do with myself. So I take photos. Or play in the garden. Or play with the dogs. Or read to escape. I don’t know what to do. I feel lost.

Essie really wants me to play. She and Stella both have come over while I am typing this for attention. Stella has brought me her ball. Essie has left her frisbee somewhere and I think I am expected to find it. Apparently this is part of the game. Now Stella is staring at me hard and wagging her tail. So I guess I need to wrap this up and go play for a bit before work. Thanks for reading! Stay safe!

Life

Scared Pibbles and Care Packages

1972italy

I have determined that Mother Nature hates me today. If she cared then she would not have started her storms just before I was going to bed last night. I might have an hour of sleep right now. Storms were supposed to atleast ease up before I left for work this morning but they are steadily rumbling and flashing along. I have Essie sleeping at my feet. I did get her to eat breakfast. Stella is in with Chris. She ate a little bit too.

We are in my office with the light on. That seems to help with the lightening. Until the power cuts out. But I will take it. I hate having to leave them when it is storming out. The bonus about leaving this early is that they can have Chris to cuddle with. I don’t shut the bedroom door.

When I get home tonight I hope to finish putting together the care package for my friend. I picked up some more goodies for her. I hope they cheer her up. The long and short of it is that some idiot made a left hand turn after essentially cutting her off on her motorcycle at 60mph. She was helicoptered out and had to be shocked back to life I think three times. But after several surgeries she is resting back home. Seriously people! Watch out for motorcycles! Hell EVERYTHING when you are driving!!!! I get so mad when I see people playing around with their phones and stuff while they are driving not even looking at the road. No one seems to feel they need to pay attention. 😡🤬

And here is Stella…. the thunder is literally rumbling across the sky for like a minute or longer now. Sigh… they both seem to be ok with me here in the lighted office. Mostly. Stella still shivers when the thunder goes. It seems to have quieted down???? Nope. Lightening AND thunder. One right on top of the other. Oh boy. I am going to wrap this up and try to calm the girls. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Nature, Photography, retail, Thinking, Writing

Feeling the Fall

1972italy

It looks like we have been getting rain from the hurricane weather along the east coast. We need the rain. For whatever reason it seems to freak out Stella when it rains. I have no idea why. I noticed that the bathroom door had been shoved open when I got up this morning. That means Stella got scared and went in there to hide.

I don’t know how work will be tonight. It was slow but we had a call in so that made things a bit sketchy. We actually had two call ins. The night manager and the closing carry out. But we managed. I hope all goes smoothly tonight. I have a good crew so….

I just want to sleep today. I know part of that is because I’m not getting any tonight. I am closing manager tonight and opening manager tomorrow. Which means if I get home around 10:15pm and get to bed 11pm (ha ha) then get up at say 5am so I can get this done before work then I get six hours of sleep. I don’t know if that will be enough time but I will try. I have to remember that I need to get to work early to get everything opened before we do. Especially since I seem to be manager and gas tomorrow. That is not going to be fun.

With everything going on I’ve not been able to get many new photos to share. I have been culling through what I have and trying to share ones I haven’t yet. I did try to get a few this morning in the rain. I’ll see if any turned out. Sorry this is so blah. I can’t seem to wake up. I did treat myself to some goodies from the Dollar General. I also decided to send them to a friend who is recovering from a bad motorcycle accident. So I will slide into work early again so that I can get one or two replacements for myself. I know they will make her smile. I hope to send the care package out soon. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, retail, Tattoos, Thinking, Writing

Pushing to Move Forward

1972italy

This morning I sit here at the table coffee in hand. Stella is on her back sleeping chasing something. Essie will come over every once in a while to see if I am done, see that I am not then go back and lay in front of the bedroom door. I glance out the sliding glass door to the cooler overcast day outside. I try not to think if the friends I have lost this year.

One remarkable bit though. The other day when I asked what Linda’s favorite butterfly was (I had planned to get a memorial tattoo for her) her daughter said that she would get back to me on it. When she did it turned out that it was a Monarch. I immediately took a quick photo of my new tattoo and sent it to her explaining that I had just gotten it. So I guess this tattoo is for both of us.

Essie has noticed that I stopped typing. I heard her get up. Then she heard the keys clicking and went to lay back down. She is such a busy girl! But I can go outside and she is content to do her own thing. She is eating again and taking her medicine. I am very grateful.

I wasn’t up to work yesterday. To add to that we got a brand new system at work. No one got any training. No manual or paperwork. Just figure it out as you go and hope you don’t screw it up. Not a fan of that. Neither was anyone else. So I get to try it all over again today since I am gas. Then I have to figure out how to close and open it Friday and Saturday. Not looking forward to either one.

I did get a page written on my novel. That is a step in the right direction. I have to be to work a little earlier today than yesterday so I’d better wrap this up if I am going to work on the novel again. One day at a time. I can hear Linda telling me that in my head. I miss her. Have a great day and thanks for reading. Stay safe.

Aging, Animals, anxiety, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Gardening, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, the World, Thinking

Friends Are Family

1972italy

Yesterday started out well but then went down hill and hit rock bottom. Chris stayed home because he was very sick. No idea what made him sick but it was bad. Things got a little better for him since he was able to keep down food but he still didn’t feel good. Then last night I got a text from a stranger. I had been trying to contact my good friend Linda (you might remember her from my posts about our monthly lunch dates) because the last I heard from her she was in the hospital because of her pain. We were hoping to be able to do our lunch date soon. Well this stranger was Linda’s daughter. Linda had died the previous night. The good news is that she was at home with her family and cats.

And there I stop. I can hear Essie’s tummy gurgling unhappily by the bedroom door. I am again worried about her. And again it happens on a Wednesday when the vet’s is closed. She didn’t eat dinner last night. She did not eat breakfast this morning. I don’t give her her medicine at night unless she has had a hard day of playing. So she didn’t have any meds since yesterday morning. She doesn’t eat random things she finds like her sister. They haven’t had any treats in several days. I have no idea why she has an upset stomach again.

So unlike the last few blog entries this one will be decidedly shorter. I have to go back to work today. My heart hurts. Hopefully I can stop crying. I hope Essie is ok but I feel that something is wrong. If I lose her too this year…

I hope everyone has a great day. Sorry for the downer post but that is where I am right now. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Love, Nature, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Travel, Writing

Want to Do, Need to Do, What to Do?

1972italy

Here we are with another beautiful morning. The insects are a constant buzz with the cicadas reigning supreme. It is very hot and humid already. A day to be lazy. But my mind whirls to dishes that need to be done, lawns that need to be mowed and….. It has been like that every time I have free time. My mind will not let go of stuff like that. I feel guilty that I am not doing anything. Then I fight the mental battle when I want to just relax or do something else and then nothing gets done. Or I do other things and feel guilty the whole time because nothing got done. I get so mad at myself…. but try and try again right? I have a meeting tonight but I plan do attend via Zoom. That is all I really have to do. Yes there is laundry (I did start that last night) and dishes and mowing but if I don’t do everything right away that is fine.

Grandpa’s flag is up on a top shelf here in the living room. I also brought out all the dog tags I have collected from family and draped them over the peak of the case. I need to make sure it stays dusted (I am awful at the whole dusting thing). I shared a photo with my family once I got it set up. I almost took Gram’s engagement ring off of there but it feels right to have in there. (I have her ring on with Grandpa’s dog tag.)

Dad and I were talking last night (over four hours) and I mentioned that I still want to learn Italian. I have the tools. Several years ago Dad got me Rosetta Stone Italian. I also have several books that Mom has gotten me as well as little cards that they used while learning Italian almost 50 years ago (Mom has the same set at her house). Do I start? Or am I putting too much on my already full plate? More excuses?

Listening to the rhythm of the cicadas as the song goes up and down like a wave. There is one right outside the door in a tree. It’s song just flowing. And more take up the same rhythm but at a different time. Just like sitting at the waters edge as the water laps at the shore. Sigh….

Visiting with my cousin Wyatt and seeing what he can do with a camera makes me want to learn more about photography. I think it is time to move on to the next chapter in my dvd course. I stopped at one point because I was trying to get a handle on how to use what I was being taught on the camera. I am comfortable now and I think I will move forward and see what is next. Mom and the girls got me a book on advanced photography. So that will come in handy. I want to learn to use what I have in my kit before I try to get more stuff. Wyatt has a full rig for his camera (which is a Cannon like Mom had) but is looking to upgrade several pieces. I think he had a total of three cameras. He’s looking to sell one and several lenses that he doesn’t use. I was sorely tempted but I’m not getting anything more until I am better and use everything that I have in my kit. There is a lot in there I have no idea what to do with.

My lower back is starting to spasm so I ought to wrap this up. My back has not been happy since I got back from my road trip Sunday night. Sorry this is so long but thanks for reading! Stay safe!

Life

Family, Love That Never Seems To Fade

1972italy

I hurt a lot this morning. But it was worth it. It was about a two hour drive down to Bay City (Back in the day it was longer but since they bumped the speed limit up to 75mph you can get places a lot faster). I got to see all but one of my aunts and uncles and their families (essentially my cousins that I grew up with and their kids). It was a bit emotional seeing everyone again. The last time we were all together was my aunt’s funeral several years ago. That time I was able to talk Mom into going down with me. She enjoyed her time but more importantly reconnected with the family. Dad’s side of the house still considers her a part of the family. I think she feels she doesn’t deserve it because of how much she hates my Dad. She stayed in touch for a little while but now she’s back to contact just through me. Anyway, I found out that my Aunt’s cancer is back and there is nothing they can do to remove it. That was a hard blow. I have always been pretty close with that Aunt. Everyone is getting older but I still see them as I did when I was a kid. I am the oldest grandchild/niece/nephew on my Dad’s side so I got pretty close to everyone when I was little. Once everyone started getting kids of their own we were still close but now they had their own little one to lavish love on.

I got surprisingly close to all of my cousins yesterday. It almost never happens. I am barely around so I am not part of the family that is always there to help on a daily basis. I think that I was resented for a bit because my aunts and uncles still really care about me despite the distance. But yesterday I got a hug and “I love you” from each one. Even the kind of standoffish ones talked with me. I also spent some quality time with one of my cousin’s sons who was really into photography. As a matter of fact I had to go over to get some thing from their house and he insisted on showing me his gear. He is amazingly talented and knows way more than I do. But it sounds like he has been serious about this for quite a few years. All in all a good visit. I always find it interesting that I hang with the “adults” and not my cousins. I have always been that way. Better stories! Lol.

I got some physical gifts to take home as well. My Aunt made a witch towel as well as a pot holder and little scrubbie pad for dishes. My one cousin gave me freeze dried ice cream, peaches and bananas. My Uncle got me some really cool puppy treat pans. They are made out of rubber so I can either cook my treats or put them in the freeze. One pan is paw prints and the other bone shapes. And…. the big gift is my Grandpa’s flag from his coffin. I got that after all the cousins and their families had gone. All the Aunts and Uncles thought I should have it since I have the dog tags from family that has been in the military. It means a lot. It even survived the fire at my Aunt and Uncle’s house. Pretty much the whole house went up and they lost everything. But the flag survived. And now I am it’s care taker. Chris pointed out an empty shelf that I can use here in the living room. I think I might dig out my photo of Grandpa and Grandma and put that up there as well.

I did get a few photos. Not as many as I hoped but I was busy spending time with the family. That was more important. I did get some sunset photos as well as some of the sassy moon last night. I hope you like them. Sorry this on is so long. Thanks for reading! Stay safe!

Animals, anxiety, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Friends, Holiday, Learning, Life, Movies, Nature, Photography, Tattoos, Thinking, Travel, Writing

New Tattoos and Halloween Festivities

1972italy

Another day full of ink and fun is in the books! Two of the four of us never had any tattoos. Even though she had a panic attack part way through once she was done my friend Erin was ready to plan her next bunch of tattoos. I am so proud of her! She got angry with herself because she had the panic attack but we talked her through it and our artist was amazing with her. He had her laughing loud at some points.

I went first, then Chris, Erin and Jim. We all got essentially the same thing in the same spot. Chris and I were the oddballs. Mine went on my back because Moose’s paw is where everyone else put their piece. Chris has the words “Death Is Certain, Life Is Not” in runes at the top and bottom of his piece. The ink will remain with us forever and mean even more to all of us because we were together to support each other when we got them.

Other plans were made once we were all together again chatting. As Halloween is a massive favorite (Chris is really just along for the ride, he enjoys it but not like the rest of us do…. which is to say that we love horror and Halloween year round) we decided to do another movie night but this time over several days if I can get the time off. We did it last year in lieu of the movie marathon we did at a local theatre in Traverse the year before. (There were games and prizes and we watched the Halloween horror movies til around 6am. I have my certificate on the wall still.) And since it will be a cheat day for their keto diets we can get pizza, wings and have popcorn. We might even dress up! I am thinking of trying to go to one of the local haunts. There is an amazing one in Traverse. I have a friend that works it every year (he’s a big tall guy… I think 6’3″ or something like that so he towers over most people) and keeps telling me I need to come. The last time Chris and I went we had a blast. So I am thinking that I might throw that out as an option.

Tonight is the first night of the full moon. Tomorrow will be the official Blue Moon, the biggest and best of the year according to the astronomers. I got some really cool night shots last night with the camera that I will share. Truthfully I prefer a bit of cloud cover when photographing the moon at night. It give a very awesome light contrast.

I should wrap this up. I need to get myself ready for my trip downstate to see my family. Chris and the kids are staying home. I am strangely calm about it all. For now. I think part of it is that I am in pain with my back. Not the tattoo mind you but my lower back really hates me. Anyway I will share a few shots from yesterday. I will have a photo of my full back tomorrow to share. I really like how the new tattoo goes with my dragons! Thanks for reading and stay safe!