I went to sleep with a headache and woke up with one. I even had fun in my dreams which usually dispels any stress headaches. So is it the weather or just stubborn? I know I went to bed frustrated with my novel. Writing in general if I am honest. I am not happy with myself or my work. Yesterday sparkled in front of me like a happy dream. A whole two days to do whatever I wanted. But I didn’t do that. Instead I did dishes, laundry, swept and washed the kitchen floor (I even scrubbed on my hands and knees…. yes stupid idea with my back but there we are), paid bills, set up appointments for today and played with the girls. No writing at all was in there. And when I did pull it all out I hit a mental wall. Now I have today off but it will pretty much be filled. I have appointments and running to do. (I’m not looking forward to the meeting tonight. The drive and I won’t be able to sit in the chairs with my tailbone.) I find myself feeling very glum.
Now I know that there will be spare moments. But I honestly think those spare moments will be spent trying to breathe. I just feel rushed and overwhelmed. Even when I’m not. Today will be busy but everything can fit and get done. Things might not be comfortable (I whine about going to the meeting but the driving that I have to do before that will be worse and I have no idea if I can sit when we go out for lunch this afternoon) but things will work out. But I still need time to breathe and not feel overwhelmed. And writing. I need to get back to that too. All I seem to do is this and my personal journal. There’s all the writing stuff that should/needs to be done for others. There is a lot that I just need to let go of. I missed the boat and need to move on. I still haven’t done anything for the editor of the local paper that offered to look at my writing for possible publication. (In my defense work has been hugely busy since she and I talked.) There is just so much…..
Today is another rain filled day. I had hoped to use my new swing (yes the same one I fell out of and broke my tailbone) but no joy. Both girls are asleep. Atleast the plants outside have gotten a good stead watering. I am training some of the beans to go up the tree they are planted under. The pumpkin seeds have taken off so I think we will have a bumper crop this fall. Good thing I know people with kids! (I got the big jack-o-lantern type of pumpkin seeds.)
I see that I have gone on at length. Thanks for listening… I will share some cool photos. One is of an Imperial moth that has been hanging out on our back door for the past day or so. He is as big as the palm of my hand! Beautiful too! I think the poor thing is trying to dry off (good luck in this weather!). I was tempted to move it say under the roof of the motorcycle pad but I didn’t want to do the wrong thing. So now I just try to be careful when I go in and out of the house.
See? There I go again. Chattering away… Ok so I am wrapping this up (I tell myself sternly). Thanks for reading and stay safe!