Bad night

This will be short as I am not really up to this. Yesterday went well until I did Skype with the family. It never ends well. I know better than to do it. But I did it anyway and I am paying the price. So I am deleting Skype again. We can just message one another.

I had hoped to ride in today but I don’t see that happening. On a happy note Chris and I each had a green bean and tomato off the plants and they are very good. I am going to stop here. Sorry for the short post. Thanks for reading and stay safe.


Mental Health Check

Yesterday was a beautiful day to ride. Unfortunately I missed most of it. The middle of the day was gorgeous! I know I was outside checking on the bike every little while lol. But I did ride the bike in to work. I thought about taking a wee ride after work but once I got my gear on I realized how tired I was. Temperature had a factor as well. If the sun would’ve still been up in the sky sharing the warmth I would’ve probably still gone for a ride despite being tired. I was surprised at the excitement from the dogs when I got home. It as more like I had been gone for the weekend instead of a 9 hour shift at work. I think it was because I rode the motorcycle in. All my dogs over the years have been concerned when I’ve ridden in or gone out for rides. I get home and get a much more excited welcome than normal (and that’s a LOT lol).

This morning has dawned very frosty. The sun is out so it seems to be warming things up. Next week is supposed to be summery warm so hopefully I can get the plants out for one more hurrah and get the outside plants harvested before things get cold and stay there. I’m not looking forward to it staying. More so this year because of the effect on those that I care about. Mom’s hands are really starting to hurt on the cold days from arthritis and Essie seems so have more problems getting around on cold days.

I am pretty happy with myself for keeping myself going these past few months. I have stuck it out and keep posting here every day. I have started classes and kept up with that (I need to write my paper after I finish this). I found a job that I enjoy. I also keep pushing myself to step outside of my comfort zone. A big one for me was riding in yesterday. I didn’t freak out and I didn’t back down. I have also still been able to take care of and be there for my loved ones. It has been a struggle at times but I still managed to make it. I don’t feel like a fraud wearing my my motorcycle jewelry and clothes now. A small thing for others but a big thing for me.

Ok, I need to wrap this up so I can get my classwork done. The natives are getting restless and are starting to bug me to get love and play. I should be able to get my classwork done before they get too bad. We’ll probably need to go out and play in a little while. I need to clean the motorcycles so maybe a trip to the garage later too. Thanks so much for reading! Have a great day and stay safe!

Emotions, Learning, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Photography, Riding, Thinking

And A Riding I Will Go

The goal today is to ride the motorcycle to work. Yep. And I don’t pick a nice day to do it (then I beat myself up if I don’t do it). No, I pick a cold day with frost in the morning. To ease the guilt if I back out? Maybe. Regardless I got all my gear etc laid out and ready last night so I don’t have to do anything but go today. As simple as just taking another vehicle. Atleast on the surface.

I have only allowed myself glimpses into the emotional box that I pulled out from under the bed by deciding to do this. If I pull the cover off and look inside I would never take the bike. So I peek beneath every once in a while to see if anything has changed, to see if I can control anything that is in the box. I allow myself little tastes of feeling in regards to the upcoming ride. I let myself feel a bit of excitement, but not too much because that can quickly turn to anxiety. I let myself think about where I will park once I get to work but not too much because then concerns over other things happening (or not happening) will take over. I do this for a little while then I shut the lid and make myself think about something else. I try not to wonder if it is a good idea or not. I try not to talk myself into it or out of it. I turn to just let it be.

The sun is out so that is a good sign. I checked all my gear so I will have music because my helmet Bluetooth is charged and paired with my phone. I am choosing to wear chaps instead of my full blown riding pants. Since I am only going a short distance I should be ok. If I was riding to Traverse I would put on the pants. I am not hooking up the heated gear again because of the short distance. I do have all the jacket liners zipped in and my purple Ride Like A Girl Racing hoodie to wear.

Another bonus of riding in is that I can’t buy anything. Last night I brought home four plastic trick or treat buckets that I am going to use as planters. I also brought home a mum plant to go in one of them.

The Jeep can’t go in for atleast another week due to unforeseen circumstances with our mechanic. So atleast I have a date of sorts. And if I am riding the bike now it will be less of a shock when I have to ride in colder weather. I am grateful I don’t have to ride all the way into Traverse anymore.

I think I will wrap this up for now. I’ll add a few photos I took yesterday around the yard. Probably the last nice day this week but we’ll see. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Gardening, Life, Nature

Little Update With the Gardens

As the sun comes up I look around in a panic. I thought I had enough time to get everything done including this. I got up extra early so that I would have time to do all of it. So where did the time go? I get out at 3pm today so I can finish things up when I get home.

I am sad to say that I had to cover my plants outside last night. I brought the rest inside. There was a freeze warning and the upcoming nights don’t look much better. So what do I do with all the stuff that is still growing? I believe that a cucumber plant has started to produce little ones on the vine over the past few days too. Last time I had to cover everyone up they looked really good when I pulled the covers off. I am hoping this will be more of the same. The question will be down to sunshine and temperature.

I was informed yesterday at work that I was going to be getting a raise already. It should kick in either this week or next. So I will be able to tell next weeks paycheck or the following. I was pretty impressed.

No photos today as I haven’t had any time to take any. And I see by the clock that I need to get it in gear to go to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography

Current Photos

I am worried about Moose. He is getting worse. Atleast he is still playing. I need to request the 25th off for his vet appointment. On a positive note I took a bunch of photos yesterday with the camera so I can share those today. I downloaded them last night since I knew it would take a while this morning. And I think that will be the bulk of today’s post. I just don’t have it in me this morning. I keep cramming everything into my days off. But I am mostly caught up with everything. So that is good. I hope you enjoy the photos. Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Things Are a Little Brighter

This morning has been busy already. I have emailed with Dad (he is home and there was a doctor there that actually paid attention to what Dad needed namely help with his physical pain because that was accelerating his depression). So Dad is on a new regiment that includes pain therapy. We are both very excited about this. Then I answered an email from my Aunt in Florida. But before all that I got my article written for the paper. It was a blessedly short meeting last night so I covered it even though my editor told me not to worry about it. The one I missed however might stay missed. I still have my classwork to do this morning before Chris gets up as well as meeting Mom at 1pm and then Facetiming with Dad this afternoon. I also need to make treats for the kids.

I left the plants outside last night but when I let Stella out a few times last night I was worried that it had been a bad idea. Everything seems to be ok this morning but I need to check everyone to make sure. We have beans too! I am so excited as I have never grown beans before. I will share photos. I am worried that the cold nights have affected the new goodies growing. I think that is what happened to the green pepper buds that I had going. It got too cold and they just fell off. I am happy to say that I have more buds growing in the memorial garden.

The sun is out but the wind is strong. I might need to see about propping some plants up. It is supposed to be nice and warm today so I plan on doing my usual shorts and a tank top. I do have a cool sweater that I want to try out but I can wait.

That is about all the news from here right now. I’d better refresh the coffee and get to watching my videos for class. Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Emotions, family, Life, Photography, Writing

Wide Eyed But Not Bushy Tailed

I have essentially been awake since 1:30am. I woke up with a panic attack and could not get back to sleep. I napped for maybe 15 minute increments only to wake to look at the clock and check the time. And so begins another fun filled day.

Dad will be evaluated later today and either sent home or kept up to two weeks. Dad said he would text me (he has his phone with him) and let me know. I left work last night around 6:20pm. I was working on not coming completely apart so I was given the option of going home. It was slow and I needed to get away from needy people.

I hope my mind is functional enough for the meeting tonight. I also need to listen to the recording of one that I missed this afternoon. Hopefully it was an hour meeting. We’ll see. I tried to listen last night but I just couldn’t focus. So I will have to do it this afternoon.

I took some more photos yesterday. Another (or the same) butterfly feeding on the butterfly bush in the afternoon sun. I also took some of a maple tree across the street that is changing color on a daily basis. I will try to share all those on this post. (Nuts… camera battery is low so we’ll see how many I am able to download.)

Tomorrow morning I will get up and hopefully get both article written then tomorrow afternoon I am meeting Mom for a little bit. It’s been over a month since we’ve seen each other. We are going to meet at McDonald’s and do lunch. It should be a fun time. Wonder if we’ll eat inside or in one of our vehicles. Speaking of vehicles I had planned on riding Rogue in but not with this little sleep. That is very frustrating. On the flip side I get to wear shorts to work again.

It looks like I will get most if not all of my photos downloaded before the camera battery dies. I will have to plug that in before I leave this morning. Oooo… I just remembered I need to watch my class videos tomorrow as well. That way I can get my paper written my next day off and turned in. I got all the photos I selected downloaded so I will share them here and then get ready to go to work. Thanks for reading and stay safe!


Looking for the Light

I’m afraid that today’s post isn’t going to be very happy. And it may be sporadic if I have to answer the phone. I woke up to text messages on my phone from my Dad. One was him saying good-bye and another was him typing that the police had arrived. So I have contacted whom I could with no response. I messaged our family and tried to keep them in the loop. Uncle Jerry is going to try calling the police there (Dad lives in Montreal). The last time I did that I got nothing but messages that they were closed due to COVID-19. I spent 30 minutes being transferred from one message to the other. I hope Uncle Jerry has better luck than I did.

I was surprised at how many posts were about suicide on my blog lists this morning. Normally you might have one or two (I am hyper aware of posts like that due to personal experience as well as that of my family) but today it was almost the topic of choice. I am tempted to wake Chris to tell him but what good would that do? He would be there for me but miss much needed sleep. And that would not help either of us. So I will let him sleep and tell him when he gets up on his own. I have to work tonight so that will be interesting. I hope it is slow so that I can keep an eye on my phone. This is assuming that I haven’t heard anything before then.

On a more positive note I did get some nice photos of probably one of the last butterflies of the season at the butterfly bush. I will share those to atleast brighten things a little. What little sun we had this morning has disappeared behind the clouds. It is staying warm enough despite that so I am able to leave the plants outside. I will stop here and download the photos. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Gardening, Life, Nature, Reading, Thinking, Writing

A Quick Check In

It is cool and raining her this morning. I want to still be in bed asleep but apparently the power blipped out at one point because Essie came and got me directly. So we are up. Or rather I am. The kids are all asleep in the living room. I am tired and sore from all the yard work I did. The weather makes me want to curl up with a book but I still have stuff that I need to get done. Like an article and my classwork. I desperately don’t want to do either.

My mind is blank this morning. I sit here and look around the room and listen to the rain not thinking about anything. I find myself drifting around mentally. And noticing that I have a headache coming on. I think it is due to the weather. Yesterday was beautiful. I am glad that I was able to be outside.

I suppose that I should try to get the writing done. This will be a very short blog entry for today. Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Books, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, History, Life, Love, Photography, Reading, the World, Thinking, Writing

A Day For Me

The sun is out in earnest this morning. And it will have a time of it warming things up. It was almost cold enough for frost this morning. That being said it is supposed to warm up quite a bit for the next few days so I may uncover the plants in the memorial garden and pull out the ones I brought in. I am hoping the nights stay as warm as they say or warmer. I don’t want to bring them all in and out everyday.

Today is 9/11. It feels like a somber day for those of us that were alive when the 9/11 bombings happened here in the U.S. It seems as though we have gone from outside enemies to inside enemies since then. With no end in sight. I had to unfollow a fellow blogger this morning because of the posts they were writing. They were getting angrier and angrier. Anyone that did not do and think as that person did would incur the wrath of God because that person was right. I don’t need to see that on my feed. That type of thinking is part of the problem. It certainly is NOT part of the solution.

It feels weird not watching the clock to see how much time I have before I need to get ready to go. A good weird. I got a bunch of stuff done last night after I got home so that will be less I have to do today. I do need to see if I can get the mower going today. If not I may ask for help from our neighbors across the street.

I feel like I want to work on my writing today. I got inspired by a documentary on Amazon last night about the controversial Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark. I had all three books as well as the on based on the movie (thanks Mom!). I really love the art and the content. For those who have never read the books they are a collection of scary stories and folktales from all over. This type of book is what got my love for horror started. Just sitting around telling stories to each other in the dark (or with just a flashlight). I still have my first collection that I convinced my parents to buy me (they were still married so I had to be in the single digits with my age). It was at the local bookstore in Ferndale, Michigan called “Paperback Books Unlimited.” This place was a staple of my childhood. I snuck a peek at my first Fangoria Magazine there as well. My parents tried to take me there as often as they could. I just dug the book out of my shelves. It was printed in 1973 so I had to be around 5 or 6 years old. Some Things Strange and Sinister edited by Joan Kahn is the book.

I have always loved short stories because they are small bites that you can snack on if you aren’t in the mood for a full novel (or don’t have the time). It has been a long time since I last wrote a short story. The last one I sent out into the world was college and was a runner up in a contest. They were only going to print the winners but they liked mine so much they made and exception. I still have the copy of the magazine. I have a few done that I need to polish and get out there. But, again, I need to get myself a copy of WordPerfect. Everything is digital now. Very few places will accept hard copy sent through the mail. So I need a reliable program that I can edit and send my work on. That may be something I save up for. I need to make sure bills get paid and Moose has a vet appointment coming up.

Ok, I see that I have talked quite a bit. I will wrap this up and share a few photos. I hope you have a great day! Thanks for reading and stay safe!