dreams, Emotions, Life

Breathe… and go!

I am doing a bit of a scramble this morning.  And not with eggs either.  🙂  I went to bed at a decent time and got up at my regular time but I have to be to work at 10am this morning so that cuts an hour our of my normal routine.  So I am feeling a bit pressured.

I did get paid yesterday and we all received a $40 gift card for the store (and it is a grocery store so it is most welcome).  So that was good.  I still need to make a few phone calls to pay bills but I don’t see that happening before work.  I might have to go and slide out to my car on break.  I will try to make one phone call before I leave though.  I have an alarm set for 9:30am so that I don’t forget to get ready.  I am so used to the 11am routine that I could do just that.

I dreamt about a fried that died earlier this year, Margie.  She was the second person up here to die from the COVID-19.  I missed her funeral at the end of July.  We had fun in my dream so that was good.

A concern about work it that my arm keeps getting worse.  Chris got me some braces for my arm but I find that I am dropping things with that hand more and more.  And the pain is becoming a constant.  So I guess we will see.

Speaking of seeing I just checked the clock and if I am going to make that call and get ready for work I need to get gone.  Sorry for the short post.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Off Balance

I don’t know how long or short this post will be.  My right arm really hurts from the tendonitis.  I need to get a brace for my forearm and for my elbow but that can’t happen until I get paid.  And if I get the song and dance about how it takes a few weeks to get things set up I may have to figure out whether or not to stay.  That is becoming a big concern.

I woke up this morning and let Stella out and went back to bed.  I was sorely tempted to try to sleep another hour but I couldn’t remember if I started work at 10am or 11am.  I didn’t want to rush myself or the dogs.  I feel as though I have gotten no sleep at all.  I shouldn’t be this exhausted.

My mind is a total blank right now.  I keep staring at things around the room then remember that I am supposed to be writing.  Then I stare at the screen and wonder hat to write.  Here’s a random thought.  With Hollywood essentially shut down I wonder how many actors and actresses will find it hard to go back to that after being able to live like a “normal” person for all these months.  I’m sure some of them are itching to get back because that is their passion.  I just wonder about the rest.

I did promise garden photos.  Hang on while I go take them.  I got home last night and we essentially played til dark after they ate.  Be right back….

Ok I got this pics.  I am gonna wrap it up on here for today.  The typing is making my arm worse.  I took some photos of all the new tomatoes coming in as well as some green peppers that are sprouting out.  Minion’s memorial garden has taken off since I added the extra dirt the other day.  I think I will have to water them all tonight when I get home.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Keeping a Steady Pace

This morning finds me actually ready to face the day.  I got quite a bit accomplished yesterday including getting a week ahead on my class work.  I still need to watch the rest of my videos today so I can try to get the writing portion done.  The kids got their nails trimmed (I finally made puppy treats so I could bribe them), the mouse cage got cleaned out, laundry and dishes got done, trash went out and I got the tree out front trimmed and some weeding done.  If I can continue to keep things up this way I will be very happy with myself.

Getting my mind to not focus on trying to do it all at once is the tough part.  My mind will sit back and say, “Holy crap that’s a lot to have to get done!” and then I freeze and nothing gets done.  So when I feel the panic rising I try to focus on something else.

I really want to stay home and work on my writing but I know once I get to work I will be fine.  I feel bad because the deeper I get into my writing the less time I spend with the family.  And on mornings that I work that means the kids don’t get to play or do much of anything.  I don’t see Chris until his days off because he is still asleep when I leave.  But on the days I do see him I seem to be glued to the laptop doing class or outside reading up on something.  It will be a fine line balancing act.  But I suppose a lot in life can be like that.

With Fall approaching it will be interesting to see if the COVID predictions will be accurate with a new wave coming through.  I’m glad I don’t have to work outside of our little town.  But it is a wait and see.  Changes are always happening whether we want them to or not.

I intended to take some photos of how the gardens were growing yesterday but I never got round to it.  I will try to do that either before or after work today so I can share them tomorrow on here.  I still have no idea how to tell where the beans are in their growth.

I will wrap this up for now and try to get some more classwork done before work.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Food, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Another Day

I am trying to find my words.  So much going on in my head.  Stella and Moose are in here with me again.  I found that miss thang (Stella) has been going potty in the hallway again.  There is no reason for it as she has ample opportunity to go before we go to bed and Chris is home not long after we go to bed.  Grrrrr.

I got my jack-o-lantern necklace yesterday in the mail.  Between that and me making snickerdoodles last night I feel like Fall is almost here.  And I am not ready for it.  That was the one draw back of my birthday as a kid.  It meant that the following week school started.

After I finished this yesterday I not only got my piece written for class but I also got all the reading and videos done for this week.  All I have to do is do the writing portion.  So the question is do I do it today and keep going or do I let myself have a rest day?  The thing is I have a meeting to cover next week and I don’t want to get behind.  We’ll see what happens after I finish this.

I spent a good deal of my day yesterday outside.  I did vacuum the house, get all the dishes done and get the vacuum blown out (because we have so much sand that gets tracked in as well as the dust I try to use the air compressor to blow the dust and dirt off every few uses).  Today I need to make puppy treats and clean out the mouse cage.  I am trying to keep busy instead of sit and do nothing.  For me it won’t be a time of rest but a time of over indulgence.  This way I can look and see that I did something.  Most of the stuff only takes a few minutes so if I just spend a few minutes doing something that needs to be done every little while then a lot can get done.

Moose has taken to not eating breakfast like me.  It seems to make him sick.  I guess Chris got him to eat his breakfast around noon on Sunday while I was at work and he threw it all up not long after.  But he will munch veggies and banana chips through out the day and eat dinner with no problem.  I don’t know if it is him or the food.  Either way it’s not good.  If it’s the food we have tried the two flavors available in kibble and the flavors in canned have been gone through (since it is for kidney disease it is limited because it is a special diet).  If it is him then that means his disease is getting worse and that it not good.  Since I don’t get paid til Friday (I hope… it will be my third pay day with no money if that is the case and I already have people calling for money from bills) I can’t take him to the vet.  So I guess we wait and see.

I’ve not taken many photos as my memory card has filled up once already.  I deleted a bunch but I still don’t have much room.  I need to get another memory card.  I am hoping Friday.  I also need to order more kibble for Moose.   That being said I will share the few photos I have taken.  Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Creativity, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Thinking, Writing

Pushing Past the Impossible

When I started this this morning I was contemplating not doing anymore online classes due to it being so difficult with everything going on.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized that it would be the easy way out.  It would be easy to say I couldn’t do it because of work and writing for the paper.  But it wouldn’t be accurate.  What would be accurate would be that I quit because I was afraid to fail.  I was afraid that all my efforts would fail and someone would tell me that I was no longer a writer.  (Writing for the paper is journalism and that is a different type… yes it is writing but there is a difference (to me atleast) between being a journalist and being a fiction writer.)

So after some soul searching I decided to stick with it.  Which means that I need to write my story after I finish doing this.  I do this a lot.  I stop doing some thing I enjoy (or even love) because I am afraid that I will make a mistake and mess it all up.  Riding the motorcycle is another prime example.  I am afraid I will make a mistake.  It doesn’t matter that I do know what I am doing.  I know all the mechanics of riding and I really do enjoy it.  But I psych myself out.  The flip side of that is that I have been ok mentally and even excited to ride and I get on the bike and completely freeze up.  I get so overwhelmed that I have to get off the bike and not ride.  And so my beloved motorcycle sits (thankfully in the garage).  I guess that is how I know that I care about something.  I am terrified of messing it up or making a mistake.

People will tell me that is how you learn but it depends on the mistake.  If I make a mistake on the bike then I will either suffer cosmetic damage to the bike (low end of the spectrum) to death or injury (high end of the spectrum).  If I mess up my classes then I will feel that I am no longer a writer even though it has been my dream forever and I have been writing since I could pick up a pen.  I would lose a piece of my soul.  (I faced similar heartbreak when I tried to go to school for archaeology.  Mom paid for my first semester and I was having trouble getting my paper (which I was very proud of) submitted.  Nothing worked.  I would send the paper via the net and they never got it.  We finally decided to try by mail but I would be penalized with my grade and then I didn’t have the money for postage…. essentially it snowballed and I dropped out.  I still feel like a failure.  But I would try doing the class again if I could.)

So now that I have reopened old wounds it is time for me to get to work on my writing paper.  Thanks so much for reading.  Have a great day and stay safe!

Aging, Animals, Books, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, History, Life, Thinking

The Big Day

Well the day is finally here!  It is hard to believe that I turn 48 years old today.  So much has happened over the course of my life… and so much is yet to happen.  I really am at a loss as to what to write about this morning.  I have spent a bit on Facebook this morning saying thank you for my birthday messages.  It gives me the warm fuzzies to know that people take time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday.  ❤

I think Moose is not happy.  Stella has taken to coming in the office with us in the morning.  Her spot seems to be at my feet under the chair.  He stretched and I told him “Good stretches!” and then Stella stretched as well.  Lol.

I’m sitting here looking at all the things I have collected over my years.  I have so many memories packed into my office!  And not just mine.  I have stuff from my parents trip to Italy as well as things from my Aunt Rita (well she was my great aunt).  I guess you could say they are little cast offs from people I care about.

Do you ever sit in a room and look at things and just let your mind wander?  That seems to be what I am doing this morning.  Mom sees my room as cluttered because there is so much but to me it is my history made accessible.  My book shelves are crammed full and then some but they are organized.  I have my knickknacks pretty much all over.  I have flags, posters, autographs, framed photos, license plates etc on the walls.  I even have a bunch of flies that Chris tied stuck to my corkboard.

Since my mind doesn’t seem to want to stay focused I will share a few “full” photos of my office.  It is my happy place.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!  Stay safe!

 

Aging, Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Taking Time to Breathe

First off happy Independence Day to all my Indian friends!  As I am going through and reading blogs this morning this is a reoccurring theme so I will add my well wishes to the pot!

I find myself behind in what I wanted to get accomplished today.  I am trying to get everything done but at the same time I need to take some time to rest and regroup.  I think I will do as much as I can with my classwork today and since I have Monday off I will finish up then if I need to.  I don’t need to beat myself up with this.  I am finally getting into a good head space with my life.  I don’t need to let this mess things up.

Today is going to be my pre-birthday celebrations.  Since I work all day tomorrow I will spend time with Chris and the kids having fun today.  I cannot believe that I will be turning 48 tomorrow.  They might be doing something for me at work.  We’ll see, lol.

I passed my first set of classes and received my certificate yesterday.  I printed and saved a copy.  Just four more to go!  I do like the instructors so far.  They are diverse and articulate about their trade.  Although I do prefer the current instructor she is also more exacting about what she wants from her students.  Which is good but…. 🙂

I have Stella and Super Moose in her with me.  Super Moose is when he completely stretches out like he is flying.  Stella is stretched out beneath my chair.  The sky is overcast but it is still a beautiful day.  I got my plants more dirt and finally put the dirt in the respective containers last night.  I can’t believe how well they are all doing!  I have some green peppers coming in and the tomatoes are still growing.  I think the big plant is cherry tomatoes.  The ones have not gotten any bigger that a golf ball so I am just waiting for them to ripen.  I have never grown beans before so I don’t know what to look for in regards to what to harvest but they are very happy plants growing up the side of the tree.  The few tomato plants I have in there with them are doing very well.  I think I have some cucumber plants in there as well.  I kept the seed packets for what I put in there.  I just need to find them again.

I need to wrap this up and get to some of my classwork.  As always thanks for reading, stay safe and have a great day!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Trying to Get My Wayward Ducks in a Row

I finally got the photos from my camera transferred to the computer.  I also transferred the photos from my old Kodak digital/film camera.  On there I found photos of a very tiny Essie (she was only a few months old) as well as photos of Maxie Joe, Molly Rose and Dante.  I am over the moon about this as I don’t have many photos of Max and Molly (they were before cell phones became a thing and I could just whip out my phone and take a picture).

Moose is in the office with me now, sound asleep.  I so wish I could stay home today!  I just have to get through this shift and I have a day off.  Scary to think the day after tomorrow is my birthday.

We have another Jennifer that just hired in at the store.  I go by Jen so that makes it easier.  I am frustrated though because she pretty much spent the whole time bagging.  She would always manage to drift off from where they were training her so she could bag.  And no one said anything.  I kept my mouth shut.  I mean I would have a line and instead of going to the other register and asking people to go with her to the other lane she stayed and bagged for me.  A few times I suggested that she go over to do that but then someone else would do it.  So I’m not sure if they are deciding where they are going to put her or what.  On the other hand the store owner bought us lunch yesterday.  Not long after I arrived I was handed a menu and told to pick something out.  It was really good!

I have so much I need to catch up on Saturday!  I need to do some stuff around the house (Chris and I need to move the non functioning ACs out of the way) and I need to do my classwork.  I have not done anything this week.  I tried after work but once I get the kids tired out I am too brain burnt to focus on much of anything.  Soooo the piece I am supposed to write is due Monday in the wee hours and I work pretty much all day Sunday.  I feel bad asking Mom to not get together Saturday but I may need to so I can get everything done.

I think I will wrap this up for today.  I need to get things together for work and see if I can atleast watch a video for class.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

A Little Visitor

I hurt and I am so very very tired.  Work is short handed and we have been madly busy lately.  It will but quiet a lot of the time but then we get hit with these rushes where people are lined up down the aisles.  Everyone is friendly and we chit chat but once the day is done… I am tempted to ask Mom to wait on getting together Saturday even if it is for my birthday.  I am glad that I don’t have any meetings next week.  I need a little break from doing two jobs for a few days.  I am proud to say that I can do it though.

We had a small visitor yesterday in the yard.  I’m not sure what type of bird it was but Essie pointed it out (She stood on the boards next to the long planter on the deck and leaned as far out as she could sniffing until I noticed and asked her what was up, then she looked down towards the ground and I saw the little bird).  I got some photos with both my phone and the camera to try to find a way to identify what type of bird it was.  I left a note for Chris so he could try to keep an eye on it. I guess it was gone by the time he got up.  I hope it flew off.  There were no feathers or anything to suggest a struggle so I am hoping for the best.  I will share some of the pictures.  If anyone knows what kind of bird it is please let me know.

Moose is back to not eating breakfast.  He eats dinner so atleast there is that and he is losing weight.  I need to order him more food on Friday.  Tomorrow I guess.  The week has gone by pretty quickly.

I decided to sit in my office this morning.  Moose has been with me pretty much the whole time.  Stella has been in here a good part of the time.  Essie will pop in to see if I am done every once in a while.

I need to see what I need to do for class.  I keep forgetting about that when I get home.  I will put a post it note in the car.  I might end up cramming Friday night and Saturday.  I am going to stop here so I can get a few things done before work.  I was able to read some of your blogs (finally!).  Keep up the good work!  As always thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, family, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Ready, Set….RUN!

First off I apologize for not being able to read blogs this morning.  I had an article I had to write and get in to the paper.  This will most likely be a short post since I am running.  Not late but I just need to keep up the pace to get to work on time.

Yesterday was full!  I was able to spend about an hour or so at home after the meeting.  I got to do my running as well.  Then work and and I came home to busy pups.  After they ate dinner we played til about dark.  I made the choice to stay up til midnight to watch the night sky for the big show but between 11:30pm and 12:30am all I saw were 7 comets and 1 shooting star.  I was a bit disappointed but it was still beautiful to see all the stars.  That’s one of the many things I really love about being here in the middle of nowhere.  When it’s dark it is dark and you can see soooo many stars!

Today I get out at 6pm so that will be nice for all of us.  I plan to crash early because honestly I am wiped out this morning.  I will take coffee with to drink at work.  I need to text Mom as well.  One of her dogs went in for AC surgery yesterday and she is picking her up today.  I also need to find out what time we are meeting Saturday.  Honestly I hope she changes her mind.  I would like to stay home.

I see by the clock that I need to get moving.  Sorry this is so random and short.  Thank you for all the comments!  As always thanks for reading and stay safe!