Too Much All At Once

I never did get back to this yesterday.  I felt like I was on some kind of roller coaster.  This morning isn’t much better.  I am feeling overwhelmed by everything.  The State is open and the only thing we have to do is wear masks.  I should be looking for work.  I do need to get out of the house more.  But the anxiety can get overwhelming.  I took an anxiety pill before I left yesterday morning on the bike.  The ride wasn’t bad.  It was the first ride of the season for me.  But the anxiety…

I got my Jeep back.  All he did was fix the brakes.  It will be another two weeks before he can get to engine.  And this will probably be upwards of $1000.  Moose and Essie are not eating.  Every few days they seem to be going off their kibble.  I am worried that Essie’s cancer is back.  I am worried that Moose will start going down hill with his kidney disease.  I am afraid to put myself out there for a job.  I don’t want to leave the house.  I don’t want to deal with people.

I have a funeral to go to on the 24th of this month.  Way back when this all started a friend was diagnosed with COVID-19 and died.  She was the second person up here to die from the disease.  I am trying to see if a bunch of us want to get together later in the day since not everyone can come to the funeral.  We’ll see.

Oh damn. I just realized that I have my birthday next month.  I need to renew not just the tabs for the bike and car but I need to replace the driver’s license as well.  All this is hitting harder than normal.  I have been able to stay home and get my head together and find my happy place.  Now I am faced with giving it up or atleast part of it.  And things feel like they are piling up.  Change is good.  Change is needed.  But right now it needs to happen to someone else.

I feel restless.  I suppose I should start calling around for work.  I know it’s available.  I just don’t wanna.  Gradual would be better than all at once.  Today feels like all at once.  Maybe I will work on my writing for class.  Before I screw that up too.

Thanks for reading.  Stay safe.