Aging, Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Ending One Chapter and Writing a New One

We got good news yesterday!  Essie is cancer free!  The lump was benign.  I have been worried for so long it is going to take some doing not to be.  This afternoon I take Essie in to get her staples out.  And hopefully this will be the last vet visit for a while!

I need to make some changes around here.  Specifically to myself.  I need to figure out where I am and where I am going not that the scares with the animals is over.  I can focus on myself and school.  I need to do my class work today.  If nothing else I need to watch the videos today and then I can work on the writing portion this weekend.  I have been very good about keeping up the house so I do not have that as an excuse.

I will also try to work on alteast one of the novellas.  Hopefully both but I know if I work on the fiction (versus the horror one) I will get stuck and not work on either one.  The goal is to work on the horror one (that seems to be coming along quite well) and then sit and mull over the fiction one.  I am not sure why it has stalled out.  I keep saying it is because I don’t know enough about surfing (mostly the practical side) but I think the big thing is I’m not sure where the story is going.  I have all these great plans and they don’t feel like the right thing.  If they aren’t the right thing then what is?  So If I get one story worked on I can sit and mull over the second one and not feel guilty.

Tomorrow is August already.  I can’t believe how much has happened in the past 7 months!  And good grief my birthday is coming up… I suppose I should get myself moving.  Atleast I should watch some of the videos for class.  (The dogs want me to go outside and play with them so maybe I’ll wait?)  I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my various posts and give their support and good vibes for Essie.  It means a lot.  Thanks, as always, for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Figuring Out Where I Am

Anxiety has been with me all night.  I am hoping to get word on Essie’s biopsy today.  Last night I saw that the paw she got the splinter again was infected.  I got all the puss and possibly the splinter out.  Poor little thing!  I have been so worried about the cancer that I never checked her paw.

I wrote a few pages yesterday on one of the novellas.  I don’t know if more will get done today or not.  I have more running to do (going out to get the groceries they were out of when I went the other day).  I also need to order canned dog food for Moose as he is on his last three.  I am glad it is only one of them on a special diet.

I can’t believe that July is pretty much over.  That means summer is on the wind down.  That makes me sad.  I love this time of year, even this year with all it’s funkiness.  I love keeping the house opened up (although another hummingbird came in the other night).  I love being able to keep all the plants outside and watering them all with the hose.  I love being able to spend countless hours outside playing with the dogs or doing whatever.

It’s after 9am now.  The vet’s office opens at 9am.  I find myself watching my phone out of the corner of my eye.  Will the results be in today?  If I don’t hear anything by 3pm I will call and find out.  I have to set up a date for Essie’s staples to come out as well.  This feels like it is never ending for that poor girl.  She is wandering in the gardens just outside the window.  I can hear the rustle of grass as she walks.

I suppose I should get myself together and either go get my running done or try to watch my videos for class.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Creativity, Emotions, Gardening, Guitar, Life, Music, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Music and Creativity

I have a song stuck in my head so I have turned on Pandora to get rid of it.  I am listening to my Spanish Guitar Station.  Like me the sun doesn’t know if it wants to stay out or not.  We got awakened by rain and a bit of thunder in the wee hours this morning.  It was supposed to be dry but SURPRISE!  It has made everything feel that much more comfortable.  Last night it got warm once I shut the house up for the night.

I am considering trying to send out my two novellas to be published.  I need to type them into the computer first but if there is interest that might get my motivated enough to keep things up consistently instead of in fits and starts.  I am going to to work on my classwork today but that might wait until Chris has gone to work.  This morning I feel the need to be outside.  So I will probably take my notebooks out and do my writing out there.

We have two tomatoes on the big tomato plant!  I am so excited.  I am anxious to see what else we will have to eat.  I have had my plants grow big and beautiful but no food.  So we will see.  I think we will have a good crop this year.  Some of it might be late due to my planting the seeds later but it is supposed to be a warm Fall so it might just turn out ok.

I really hate the ads on Pandora.  I am tempted to try the free ad free on but I don’t want to get sucked into the monthly fee.  I may though.  I like having my guitar music to listen to as I write.  I have a lot of CDs but nothing to play them on sadly.  I miss my stereo!  I used to listen to my jazz, classical and acoustic guitar CDs while I wrote.  Pandora does a decent job but it is a hodge podge versus me playing the songs I want to hear.  Just being able to hear my CDs again would be worth it.

I think I will stop here and head outside.  It’s too nice to be inside.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Learning, Life, Nature, Reading, Thinking, Writing

Busy to Keep Anxiety at Bay

No rain yesterday but it was nice enough to work outside some.  I primarily took care of stuff around the house.  No word from the vet yet.  I will call the finish paying the bill and see if there is any word.  I rushed in and did my classwork. I thought I had a few more days but it was due at like 2:30 am yesterday so I got everything written and handed in.  I also got my peer reviews done.  I had intended to start the next class last night but I was just so tired that I was sure I wouldn’t retain any of the information.  I may try it this morning.  But I may not.  Essie keeps coming in to see me.  She wants me to follow her and I do but I don’t know what else she wants.  She hasn’t eaten again.  This is becoming a regular thing.  Just like before the surgery.

I am starting to feel overwhelmed again.  I am trying not to panic.  There is so much here that I should have done but don’t.  Things I said I would do but haven’t.  I tried book reviewing and it’s just not working for me.  I can’t seem to find the words or the words I fins aren’t good enough.  Aren’t sophisticated enough.

I have a meeting tonight via Zoom.  I have an alarm set to remind me.  With everything going on in my head I know I will forget.  Once Chris gets up I will go get groceries.  I wanted someone to be home so the house wasn’t shut up.  It is just too hot for that right now.

My mind is a total blank right now.  There is nothing.  I try to pick  topic to rite about and gone.  Like someone hit the delete button on everything.  Stella has come to be with us.  She is laying out in hallway just outside my office door so she can get the cool breeze coming through.  I’m going to wrap this up.  I can’t focus when I am this anxious.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, family, Gardening, Life, Photography, Racing, Writing

Looking to the Storms

The storms from yesterday have lightened the air and cooled things off tremendously.  The wind has been steady since we got up.  Which is nice because I can open the windows and cool down the house.  I don’t know what I have planned for the day.  I do know that I am keeping one eye on the phone because I should get a call about Essie’s biopsy results.  I am anxious about it because I think I already know the answer.

With the weather as it is I feel creative.  I have been reading that is pretty much it lately.  It is so hot if you move from one spot the sweating starts.  The kids have been getting way too hot despite my best efforts.  Since we are down to only one AC unit it’s hard.  The only way they would go in would be if I did and I didn’t want to spend the whole day in the bedroom.  But I took my time putting laundry away so they would all spread out on the bed for a bit.  For some reason Moose has to be touching me as I write this.  I think once I finish this I will open more windows and stay outside for a bit.

Well I am pleased to say that Valentino Rossi finally got a podium!  Yesterday’s MotoGP in Jerez, Spain saw three racers unable to compete due to injuries which shook things up a bit.  It is so good to have Rossi back on the podium!  He’s been complaining about issues with his bike and Yamaha finally addressed them.  After all these years they should know that listening to him about the set up on the bike is what is going to win them races.  I was unable to watch the race so I can only share what I gleaned from online.

I will add some photos from the gardens here.  They are growing like weeds!  lol  The food gardens, though small should get us some sustenance.  We now have four different day lilies in the yard.  The tiger lilies have finally bloomed in the front yard.  I have no idea where all the other ones came from.  When we moved in it was all tiger lilies.

I know this is rather a hodge podge of events.  Sorry about that.  I’m a bit scattered this morning.  My brain seems to already be working on the story.  I hope everyone has a great day!  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

family, Life, Photography

Show Don’t Tell

Not much to say this morning.  It is hot and sticky to the point that I am sticking to my old desk and when I pull my hand away the stain from the wood comes with it.  The AC in the living room over heated it’s power cord last night and took the power out of 3/4 of the house.  Once we got power back then I plugged into a power strip.  It tried to melt the power strip.  So the only working AC is in the bedroom.  That is closed off to us right now because Chris is asleep.  So today’s post is gonna be photos.

Books, Creativity, Emotions, family, Friends, Life, Reading, Writing

Reading Leads to Writing

I did get some writing done on one of my stories yesterday.  I am rereading a series that I have not read in many years, Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles.  I had forgotten how her words and stories flow carrying the reader from the past to present and back again effortlessly.  It gave me some more creative juice to use on my own work.  So for now during the day I will read Anne Rice and at night I seem to got to H.P. Lovecraft on my Kindle.  Both authors have a lot to teach with their writing.  Both can tell a good story (it may take Lovecraft more words to do it sometimes).  Rice paints her worlds and characters with a loving and lavish brush to make them come to life.  I can lose myself in either author’s stories.

Today’s goal is to be able to work more on one or both of my stories.  I have to say that I am having an easier time with the one that has horror in it.  I am not very adept at the straight fiction anymore.  It is easier to lose myself to the supernatural.  Which is evidenced by my library, lol.  I have limited straight fiction.  Looking at my book shelves I am tempted to reorganize them and have a section of the classics.  That would include such works as King Solomon’s Mines (one of my favorites), Frankenstein, Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz (I am trying to get all the books) and other such gems from the past.  I have things divided into topics such as horror, mystery, research, children’s books, creativity and writing… you get the idea.  Other shelves are dedicated to specific authors like Anne Rice and Stephen King.  I do have to say that I love my library.  There are only a handful of books that I have not read in all of them.  Most of them have been read more than once.  Sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for examination and sometimes for a bit of both.  Right now the Vampire Chronicles are a bit of both.

I find myself drawn to different books and I am remembering when I received them.  I have the Chronicles of Narnia that Mom bought me when I was going on the road trip with my Grandma Morin for the summer.  She bought me the whole series to take with as well as a beach towel, a deck of cards (I still have those as well), sunscreen and a few other goodies.  I have A Ring of Endless Light by Madeline L’Engle that Dad got me (with a loving note from him written on the inside) because I loved reading it in the school library.  There is a book of love letters that Chris got me for an anniversary present (the same on he had flowers delivered to my work and I cried my eyes out).  I even have Dad’s copy of the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe (Dad memorized The Raven while he was on a ship in the Navy and that was the first thing I learned to read… and I still have the children’s book we read it from).  Sooo many memories on these shelves!

Goodness I have gone on!  Sorry about that!  I will stop here because I could go on endlessly!  lol.  Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Books, Creativity, dreams, Friends, Life, Thinking, Writing

How to Write (?)

I envy those that can just sit right down and start writing.  I used to be one of those people.  My imagination just feels like a dry vessel.  I seem to be able to do everything but write anymore.  Anxiety creeps in as I am forced to face the world outside of my home on a regular basis.  Seemingly all because I cannot find my way to regularly putting words on a page for money.  I cannot finish a story, polish it and send it out.  It sits barely visible on the page, unable to fight free.

Then there are those that publish and make money from seemingly bad writing.  And the particular piece I am thinking of might actually be very good in it’s native tongue but the translation leaves much to be desired.  What’s worse is that it is a friend of mine and I have been asked to read and review said published piece.  Each page is difficult to get through because of run on sentences and wording that doesn’t make sense.  Usually it is a failed colloquialism.  The piece has gone through numerous editors but it doesn’t show.  A well known book is referenced by name but the title is incorrect.  Not only that but the person that wrote the referenced book is the topic of the book I am reading and my friend is supposed to be an authority on this writer.  I am still only on page 3 of this book.  I skipped ahead thinking that maybe the writing would get better but it doesn’t.  And I don’t know what to do.  I read lines out to Chris and he just stared at me in shock.  It is so difficult to read and if I do finish the book I cannot favorably review it.  The “expert” can’t even get titles correct.  I’m not sure about facts.  I haven’t gotten that far.  This friend is bugging me to tell him if I like the book.  What do I do?  I can’t find anything good to say about the piece.  If I am honest it will probably cost me the friendship no matter how much I sugar coat it.  If I lie then others will wonder what the hell I was on when I read it.

So I sit and stare at the pages and think that I would be better off working on my own writing.  I got close yesterday morning.  I pulled out the notebooks containing my various projects and went outside.  I did the sit and think for a bit and next thing I knew I was sawing off branches of trees for the next few hours.  Things look nice and I won’t have to battle the branches when I mow.  But STILL NO WRITING WAS DONE. So I will try again today.

Thanks for reading and as always stay safe!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Movies, Nature, Photography, Writing

Cloud Watching

This morning my thoughts are a grey as the skies.  Essie won’t eat which means she hasn’t had her medicine.  I still haven’t received my money from the 401K so the vet bill is still unpaid.  I am concerned that Essie does indeed have cancer and that her time with us is more limited than we think.  It is not me being negative.  It is me watching her and her habits.  I’ve not voiced this to anyone here because I would get the talk about being more positive.  I’m not sure how long til we get the results from Essie’s biopsy.  Maybe as late as next week.

We slept later this morning.  Mostly due to us being up late.  We would’ve been in bed by 10pm but when I went to close the sliding glass door I noticed that I could see stars which meant that the clouds from earlier had gone.  Sooooo I decided to wander out and see if I could see the comet.  And lo! there it was just over the house.  So then I had to get the binoculars to see how well I could actually see it.  Well by the time all was said and done it was going on midnight.  The kids really wanted me to go to bed but they wanted to make sure I was ok outside.  Moose and Essie came out alternately with me while I was star gazing.  My patient puppies!

I watched two movies I hadn’t seen for years yesterday.  The first was “Sleuth” with Lawrence Olivier and Michael Caine.  The second was “Deathtrap” with Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve and Dyane Cannon.  I enjoyed watching both of them.  Sadly we had no popcorn but that’s ok.

The sun is trying to come out.  That will bump up  the humidity which I am ok with but I am in the minority.  I am going to try to get some work done on my stories.  Since I seem to be willing to do it mentally I’d better do it while I can.  I will leave you with some photos I took yesterday around sunset.  The one cloud formation reminded me of Godzilla, one of my favorite childhood “monsters” (I never thought of Godzilla as a monster and I always thought that Godzilla was a she because of baby Godzilla).  Anyway thanks so much for reading and your awesome comments!  Stay safe and have a great day!

Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Gardening, Guitar, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Evaluations

Moose is gently snoring on the floor behind me.  I am in my office waiting for the rain to fall.  We had a storm last night.  Poor Stella hid in the bathroom for a bit while Essie curled up closer to me.  Moose did not care.  He just laid his head on me and went back to sleep.

I have no idea what to do today.   I didn’t do much yesterday beyond keep an eye on Essie.  I take that back.  I got my custom made leather bag (I ordered this way back in April) in the mail yesterday.  I sorted through and packed it with some necessities and am trying to get used to having it.  It’s quite beautiful.  I also planted a white onion that had sprouted as well as a few garlic cloves that had sprouted.  We’ll see how they do.  It was good timing with the rain.\

I still haven’t done my class work.  I need to do it or cancel the class.  I go great guns then stall out.  I pulled out my guitar and tuned it the other day.  And it is still sitting here in the office unplayed.  Chris loaned me a guitar stand so it is up off the floor.  It all sounds good and fun until it comes to the execution of the project.  Then I stall out.

I think I will make pasta salad for later.  If I do it now it ill have time to cool in the fridge instead of wasting all those ice cubes to cool it in a few minutes.  I’m not sure what to do about the funeral Friday.  I might ask Chris to borrow his truck.  I don’t know if the Jeep will be up to it.  Hell, I don’t know if I am up to it.  But that is the day after tomorrow.  I have a local meeting tomorrow night.  Truthfully I don’t want to do it.  But the flip side is that once I am there I will be fine with it.  It is the thought of leaving the house.  Chris is not going to work Thursday so he can stay home with Essie while I am at the meeting.

I’ve not written any reviews.  I’ve not worked on either novel.  The dogs are restless and so am I.  Nothing interests me.  I usually end up reading or watching tv.  I am currently binge watching The X-files.  We are well into season 8.  I just can’t find anything to hold my interest.

The coffee is almost empty so I will rap this up.  Thanks for reading.  Stay safe.