I feel a little better today. But the sad reality is that I did nothing yesterday. Why should me taking time for myself be a tragedy? Why should it matter that I did nothing for a day? If I am honest with myself it is because I feel like I have plenty of free time and I do nothing with it. Then I claim that I got nothing done. I am stuck in neutral. When I get going things move right along. I look at what got done and I am happy. But stuck in neutral… that means I am stuck in my own head again.
I can go on about how it happened but that really doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am stuck where I am and I need to find a way out. I watch tv and read books to get out of my head. But that still doesn’t get me doing anything. I need to get motivated to get back into my life, to start living again. This is also part of my problem with anxiety. I freak when faced with leaving my comfort zone. Even something as simple as leaving my house to drive to Traverse for a day trip or dinner can set me off.
So that has been my goal of late. The problem is that with winter fast approaching I will get even worse when it comes to leaving the house. I hate being out in the snow let alone driving in it. (Another side note, I notice that my parents and I will go through the same type of experiences at the same time with similar reactions. Both my parents suffer from anxiety and depression. I don’t necessarily talk to them every day but I suppose we could somehow be feeding each others problems. Oh and my parents are divorced with Mom living up here and Dad is in Montreal.)
Sorry for all the back and forth. I’m trying to get it all straight in my head. Ok I just lost 10 minutes worth of writing and pouring my heart out despite saving every few lines. I am going to add some photos from yesterday and send yet another message to WordPress about the problem. Thanks for listening. Have a great day.