Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Life, Thinking, Writing

Talking With Myself

This is shaping up to be an odd day.  The rain comes and goes.  It was dark enough that I had to turn on some lights so we could see this morning.  Chris is up as well.  He normally sleeps til 11am or so if I am home.  Stella has been busy chewing her toy like mad (I think she has finally given up and gone to sleep) and also annoying her brother Moose with the noise.  At one point he picked his head up and gave her the stink eye.  Then he moved from the couch to the love seat.   With all this busy-ness my schedule has been thrown off.

Do I work on my writing?  Do I spend time with the family?  My first reaction is to guard my writing time because it is my writing time.  But it doesn’t happen that often sooooo maybe I could make an exception?  But if you do that then you will mess up the schedule that has been working so well for you for about a year now.  (See how I argue with myself?)

I guess I could argue for my time more strongly if I did anything with it.  You know had an article or was working on a story.  (I so dropped the ball yesterday.)  But I will be tinkering.  But it’s still my time.  It doesn’t help that I didn’t do everything I was supposed to with my writing yesterday.  The sun stayed out pretty much the whole day.  And I did all kinds of stuff around the house (besides the mouse cage).  If I don’t take my writing seriously why should anyone else?  So maybe I do need to stick to my writing schedule.  Even if I am tinkering.

I am trying not to get frustrated with myself.  It is easy to do when I don’t make a decision or when I do make a decision and wonder if I did the right thing.  I want everything to work out right.  I want everyone to be happy.  I want everyone to like me and what I do.  But that is not possible all of the time and I feel guilty on a deep level for days or longer when I can’t fix  everything or atleast make things all right.  Times like that I take too much responsibility.

Well if I’m going to use my writing time for my writing I ought to get to it instead of bending your collective ears.  Thanks for reading!

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