Finally a day off! I actually am quite pleased that I have made efforts everyday to get things done and stay active. The kids have had me extremely busy these past few days! Everyone has slept good at night. The only catch last night was that they kept going right up until dark. Only then did they lay down and stay asleep. I am still pooped!
I need to find a different way to go about my writing. It is becoming like my riding. I procrastinate like crazy to avoid doing it. Even if I want to do it there is something pressing that has to be done now. In short I am getting myself into another rut. I am becoming stagnate. Fear of failure is at the top of the list. That has always been a big one because I have others depending on me. I can’t just do something and hope it works. But I know that this is just an excuse. After the blow up the other day I find myself less willing to put myself out there because of what could happen if I fail. The fear is numbing me… even to the good feelings.
I have been putting a good face on things and not telling people anything. I’m sure no one on my social media even suspects that anything even happened let alone that anything is wrong. I have tried to just be silent on there when something is wrong. Even on here I haven’t said what happened. Just that something happened.
I am trying to use this more as a sounding board for things I guess. To try to talk my way through things. To try to face things. The long and short of it is that I need to either move forward with all this or leave it behind. A choice has to be made.
I need to quit doing things half assed as well. Either do it or don’t. It’s all well and good to consider others but eventually I need to consider myself. I keep stepping into the shallow waters and dipping a toe in but never really going in the water. Which would be fine to start with but it has become all I do. I never really get in the water.
So some decisions need to be made. This week is as good a time as any. Many firsts have been going on and I have stepped out of my comfort zone. Time to step out and stay out.
I hope everyone has a great day!