Books, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life

Getting Things Into Focus

Have you ever woken up from a dream just emotionally drained?  I did this morning.  I just feel raw.  I have also made a major decision.  I’m going to pull out one of my novels and run it through a first edit.  I’m one of those who will write a novel then set it away for a bit.  Unfortunately I keep putting it off because I am afraid that it won’t be any good and I am so proud of the novel.  So today I am going to bite the bullet and begin the first reread.  And I have mean to do this for a few years now but I always found an excuse not to.  So.

I did get Essie in to the vet yesterday.  She never limped once.  I could see she was holding back but if you didn’t know how she walked it looked like she just had a bit more swagger in her walk.  The vet examined her from nails to spine and she found nothing.  Essie didn’t even flinch when she was being poked and prodded.  We get home and maybe a half hour 45 minutes later I see the limp slowly coming back.  (Oh and she has gained 4 pounds in weight due to her inactivity; I am also supposed to keep her quiet AND get her to lose those 4 lbs… how?  by starving her?!)  This morning she can barely walk again.  I don’t know what to do for her.  I was given pain meds (which she got this morning before breakfast) but the vet didn’t know what else to do.  Needless to say I am frustrated.

I need to get my Jeep up in the air so I can pull off my rear tires and check my brakes.  I think my calipers are either sticking or frozen.  Naturally this sets off anxiety as I have not done anything with this car on my own.  But I don’t have the money to take it anywhere to have it looked at so I have to do it myself.  Atleast I can pull into the garage to do it.  (No it’s not been touched but we have parked in it when needed.)

I am trying so hard to move forward on so many fronts.  And it is all do-able.  I can even get all this accomplished this weekend but anxiety kicks in and overwhelms me.  So I sense this will be a struggle to get things done.  So after I finish this I will make a plan of attack.  And my brain has frozen.  I just sit here and stare at the computer screen…  How quickly one’s positive mindset can change!  I sit and look at the baby steps I can take and it’s like looking over the edge of an abyss.  The steps don’t concern anyone but me (which makes it easier to blow them off in a panic).

I find that I do better with spontaneous stuff.  Then I don’t have time to think about it.  But at the same time I need to have my “to do” list so I know what needs to be done.  To be able to get out of my own way would just be fabulous!  Ok.  I can do this.  I will wrap up this post and get started on something off my list.  Cross your fingers and toes!  Cheers!

*I was going to share some pics again but the internet has gone crazy at my end.  Hopefully I can atleast get this to post!

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