Here I am. Not much sleep but what I did get was deep. I gave up around 6:30am. Things to do at work before the inspection (although truthfully not much since I do my best to keep on top of things) and then the dreaded vet appointment at 3pm after work. Essie isn’t going to be happy but she is limping badly. They couldn’t get her in yesterday so we went for after work today. I hope it is something we can get her healed from.
I am so bad with putting on books I read with Goodreads. I have read like four books since this weekend and not put any on there. The other reason I drag my feet is if I put a book on and mark it as read then it looks like it is just a book I have that was read at one point. You have to put in the book when you start it and I am not good at remembering to do that. What I should do is start writing little reviews for each book and posting them. (Ahhh, did I just feel a twinge of anxiety there with that simple suggestion?)
I had a few good days of being anxiety free and looking forward. Right now I feel like my mind just shoved everything in a closet instead of out the door and to the curb because I can feel things starting to creep up on me mentally. I was fighting with depression yesterday despite having made all my phone calls and getting things set up even before Chris got up. Is it because of my birthday? I’m not sure.
I fight to get myself to believe that things can be positive and happen the way they are supposed to without being screwed up. Even my writing now I worry that people won’t like it or won’t read it or both. Where is all this anxiety coming from? Not so long ago I would’ve jumped at the chance to do what I am doing and now that I have achieved some of my dreams it’s like I am too scared to live them. I want to put them up on a shelf so that they don’t break. Last chance? At this point in my life maybe my brain is thinking “this is it, no redos anymore!”?
The kids and Chris have been hugely supportive during this time of issues with me. I am grateful. I seem to fake it for everyone else.
Speaking of the kids everyone is asleep. Poor Moose tried to let me know he needed to go out a few times but I didn’t understand. I thought he got down because he was too warm then wanted back up. Another reason we were up early. I knew I couldn’t fall back asleep.
I need to start getting ready to go. I will leave you with some pics of the kids to brighten your day. Cheers!