Month: August 2019

Books, Dogs, Gardening, Life, Nature, Thinking

Ramblings

1972italy

Thank you to everyone for your support yesterday.  It was needed and very much appreciated.  Things are marginally better today (aka I can mostly function).  But I don’t want to rehash yesterday.  I want to move on from that.  I look around the room for something to write about…  I am trying not to be in a bad place.

My big escape has been books.  I’m back to Agatha Christie novels.  Getting lost in the 20s and 30s is an enjoyable thing.  I’ve not gotten to any Miss Marple books yet.  I am still randomly going thru Poirot and the like.  I imagine I will escape there after I finish this.

A quick (because there is not much to tell) garage update… They are supposed to come out today to “finish.”  There are no doors that have been delivered.  No other equipment or parts have been delivered.  No one has done anything all week except for a quick few hours earlier in the week.  For those following this saga you will remember that things were supposed to be finished by the end of August.  Today is the last day of August.  Truthfully I don’t expect anyone to show up today.  I expect that we will have to go to court and that someone else will be finishing the garage.

It is very chilly this morning.  I am not in the least ready for Fall, let alone Winter this year.  I have been using the heater at work in the mornings.  I also need to start trying to figure out where I am going to put all these plants that I have brought home.  I’m sure it will be cold enough to frost before I know it.  There is no place to put all those plants.  I also wanted to dig up a few tomato and cucumber plants to keep in the house over the winter (like I have my pepper plants).  I may end up repotting a few plants to use their big pot.  We shall see.

The kids are asleep in their various spots.  We went to bed last night around 9pm.  I had been awake since 4am so I was beat.  We got up at our usual 7am.  I am trying to keep to a routine even on days off.  That and if I get up early it is my quiet time.  Everyone is still sleeping and I can pretty much do what I need to with no issues.

I hope everyone has a great day.  Thank you again for all the support.

 

Life

Bad day

1972italy

I am so very sorry. I can’t post today (atleast not now) because I am having probably the worst anxiety attack I have ever had. I can barely function and I still have to go to work. Take care everyone. ❤️

Aging, Books, Dogs, Emotions, family, Friends, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Do I Expect Too Much?

1972italy

Maybe I’m just becoming a fuddy duddy.  I don’t know.  For the past few days the two track to our West has been extremely busy.  Not the people way back going to and from on their daily route but about three trucks at any given time, chainsaws going and just a bunch of people hanging around.  We have five acres and where they have set themselves up is just beyond the house and backyard.  For starters I’m not really comfortable with people I don’t know partying just beyond our yard.  I don’t know them or what may or may not happen at their evening bonfire.  I am very territorial.  Second I prefer the solitude.  We have five acres that are very peaceful and quiet.  I can play with the kids or just sit and stare at the sky.  No revving truck engines as they haul down the two track.  No cranking of the music with questionable lyrics (one song was vulgar names for private body parts… I am no prude but I am not going to blare that for everyone to hear).  I enjoy the quiet.  Yes I do play my music loud sometimes but there is no one to hear it because our neighbors are far enough away.

I enjoy bonfires and the like with friends.  They did pack up once dark hit and they got better with the music.  But I am still not comfortable with the whole situation.  Am I being too paranoid?  Am I being a fuddy duddy?  I don’t know.  It will be interesting to see what the weekend brings.  Not that I will see much of it.  I have the event I’m covering for the paper this weekend and it is all three days.  (I need to make sure they know no article will be written until Tuesday.)

I have pulled out yet another of my favorite books on writing looking desperately for inspiration, Ray Bradbury’s Zen and the Art of Writing.  It has been a long time since I have had it out.  My copy is old enough that it talks of him in the present tense.  (That got me thinking of all of the great authors I lost in my lifetime… there are so many.)  I forgot how eternally optimistic the man was.  Always a fun big kid.  He never lost that in his writing.  I notice I have.  I didn’t realize it until I read the introduction last night.  So one more thing to work on and strive for.  I am going to read and try to get some writing done today.  I should come up with a game plan for this weekend.  I’ve never been to one of these MC events.  I know there will be music and adult beverage (no one under 21 allowed) but beyond that nada.  I don’t know if I’m going on my own or not either.  Chris may or may not go and I don’t know if I should invite someone to go with me or not.  Hell I don’t even know if I have to pay to get in!  It will defiantly be interesting!

One last thing before I sign off.. So Stella did the cutest damn thing last night!  We are in bed and the kids are settling in.  I have a bunch of blankets on the bed for when we get cold.  Stella leaned back and grabbed one in her mouth and pulled it over herself!  It was so adorable!  (Yes I am that Mom lol.)

Side note: Still no doors on the garage.  No one has showed up yet today.  I do have three rather large trucks that look like they are from the County Road Commission parked to the East in front of our property.   I’m not sure what is going on there.  I will be making a phone call to our contractor to see why no one is here.  He has today and tomorrow to finish the garage.

I will add pics.  Cheers!  Have a great day!

 

All my petunias jusr keep blooming and blooming!
I love how this looks like flames
One of my hanging baskets
Essie always manages to look like a puppy when she curls up. You’d never know she is 9 years old.

 

Dogs, Emotions, Life, Nature, Writing

Feeling Good But Needy

1972italy

We were up before the sun this morning.  I got my article written and sent in so I am going to try to get this done before I have to head to work.  As of right now there is no one here to work on the garage.  We shall see…

On my other writing site (Writing.com) I was blessed with two wonderful reviews to my mind fodder as well as an award.  This really made my month.  Other than feedback from you folks I don’t feel that anyone reads or cares what I write.  And that shouldn’t matter but it does.  (I do get nice feedback from my articles in the paper.)  I can be high maintance when it comes to my writing.  I try not to bother others with it but in my head I am going crazy wanting to know what people think of what I wrote or if they care.

Jinkies it is chilly this morning!  I should’ve set out a hoodie last night.  I guess one of my jackets will have to do.  I have a busy schedule at work then once I get home Chris and I are hopping on his bike to run to town and back again.  Then he’ll drive back in for work.  Busy busy busy!

Last night we had a pretty big thunderstorm.  We were only supposed to get rained on.  So I ended up with three Pittys that were not at all happy.  Fortunately the storm was strong but short lived.  Stella still spent a good portion of the night on the floor in the bathroom.

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Well looking at the clock I need to get moving.  Thanks for reading and I hope everyone has a great day!

 

Dogs, family, Friends, Life

Looking Forward and Remembering

1972italy

Things are taking forever to load this morning.  The day has dawned dark and chilly.  We got much needed rain last night.  I do see some blue peeking out to the North though.  It will still end up being a Summer’s day for which I am grateful.  This summer has passed way too quickly.

I’m trying to figure out just what I want to do for the winter.  I should try to pick up another job maybe one or two days a week.  Something near by.  I have been looking off and on.  A lot of the things I thought about trying aren’t worth the drive for the pay so I keep looking.

Last night all three of the kids were sleeping in various positions with me on my side of the bed.  The nice thing was no one was taking up too much space.  I could still move if I needed to.  All three have been continuing to be very attentive to me.  It feels weird.  Right now Stella is asleep on the love seat behind me and the other two are asleep facing opposite directions on the couch.

I have started working out with weights.  I have a bar and two 25lbs. weights for it.  I’m keeping it at work and using them on my downtime.  So far so good.  I’m just doing simple exercises to start with.  As I get stronger I will expand the repertoire.  I will probably end up getting more weights as well but that is in the future.

We just had a big burs of sun from the East.  It shone all the brighter because of how complete and how dark the clouds are this morning.  It was really cool to watch.  Now the clouds are back in.  You can hear a lot of insects but only the occasional bird.  Atleast the wind has died down.  It was awful yesterday with trees leaning way over.

One of my close friends from growing up just got a new job over by my old house.  She said she thought about going to see if she could remember which on it was.  Immediately I rattled off the address and the exact location.  She said she would drive by and see what she could see.  I kinda hope she takes pictures.  I did drive Chris by there when we were downstate visiting Dad.  Mom and I both miss that house.

I’d better get myself going if I’m going to get stuff done around here.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

family, Gardening, Life, Writing

Here, There and Everywhere

1972italy

Today is supposed to be overcast and rain.  I am looking forward to it.  We need the rain.  I just worry about Chris riding in.  He will regardless since his truck isn’t done and my brakes are in need of fixing.  But it’s what I do.  Worry.

I got some writing done yesterday and I got some of the plants repotted.  I could do more but I need some containers.  I let myself have some time in the sun yesterday afternoon.  I stayed out even when the clouds rolled in.

I have a meeting I am covering on Thursday and I have that MC party this weekend.  I’m not sure about the MC party anymore.  It’s three days long.  And I am doing my own pictures.  Gulp!  I just don’t want to go out on that limb.  But I have to.  Where else am I going to be able to cover something like that right now?  If it turns out well enough I may ask if I can republish it in a magazine.

I am keeping an ear out for the guys.  The construction is supposed to begin today.  I’m willing to bet that they will use the weather as an excuse.  Rain isn’t supposed to start until this afternoon though.  We’ll see what happens.

I’m trying to put more in here this morning but my head is already at work.  I have to repack my bag for work, bring some food, I have two people coming in to get their stuff as soon as I get there…  So I guess this will be short but not necessarily sweet.

I hope everyone has a great day!  Cheers!

Creativity, dreams, Emotions, family, Gardening, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Making Some Choices

1972italy

This is a very late morning blog entry.  I decided to sleep in a bit.  I feel better for it but I feel as though I am starting out behind.  Oh well, I will get over it.  Yesterday was spent with the family once Chris got up.  We did go to the fair but everything was a little lackluster so we wandered around for a little while then left.  I did run into a friend from my previous job and she and I chitchatted  for a bit.

I am doing my best not to beat myself up if I don’t get something done I had planned on.  Mostly to avoid stressing myself out.  I want to try to encourage myself to write more (I did get 4 pages in my journal yesterday and I did some reviewing on my other writing site) and not get upset if I don’t get any writing done.  That is hard because I feel that I am slacking off without reason in that department most days.  I don’t have any focus.  I don’t know what to write.  I start and stop on these various fiction ideas but don’t follow up.  It’s something I need to do everyday or I will be in the situation I’m in now.  But I need a focal point.  Maybe that needs to be today’s goal.  To find a focal point for my writing that I can go to everyday.

I think I will spend time outside today as well.  I have some potting soil that I need to put to use before it ends up all over the floor (the only place to keep it right now it by the sliding glass door and that is where everyone goes ripping in and out).  And that is just as well.  Some of the plants (all of them actually) are growing like gang busters and need to go into a bigger pot (if I have them).  If I can find another set of gloves around (Stella eat a pair) I will get in and around my three rose bushes out in the backyard and see about cleaning them up better and getting some kind of fence around them so they don’t get walked on.  I should dig up the irises that are all in there too.  They are all lined up along what used to be a fence.  Since I took the fence down they are kind of all in limbo just hanging out in the middle of the yard.  The big rosebush will stay.  I have no idea where I would move it to and I don’t want it to die.  The guys almost killed it as it was putting the new fencing up.  It does need to be trimmed though.

Well this stuff won’t do itself so I’d better get to it.  Did you notice how easily the gardening thing took over and the writing kind fell to the side?  That’s something I need to be working on.  I do all this other stuff and not my writing.

I hope everyone has a great day!

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Animals, Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Figuring Out a Plan of Action

1972italy

Finally a day off!  I actually am quite pleased that I have made efforts everyday to get things done and stay active.  The kids have had me extremely busy these past few days!  Everyone has slept good at night.  The only catch last night was that they kept going right up until dark.  Only then did they lay down and stay asleep.  I am still pooped!

I need to find a different way to go about my writing.  It is becoming like my riding.  I procrastinate like crazy to avoid doing it.  Even if I want to do it there is something pressing that has to be done now.  In short I am getting myself into another rut.  I am becoming stagnate.  Fear of failure is at the top of the list.  That has always been a big one because I have others depending on me.  I can’t just do something and hope it works.  But I know that this is just an excuse.  After the blow up the other day I find myself less willing to put myself out there because of what could happen if I fail.  The fear is numbing me… even to the good feelings.

I have been putting a good face on things and not telling people anything.  I’m sure no one on my social media even suspects that anything even happened let alone that anything is wrong.  I have tried to just be silent on there when something is wrong.  Even on here I haven’t said what happened.  Just that something happened.

I am trying to use this more as a sounding board for things I guess.  To try to talk my way through things.  To try to face things.  The long and short of it is that I need to either move forward with all this or leave it behind.  A choice has to be made.

I need to quit doing things half assed as well.  Either do it or don’t.  It’s all well and good to consider others but eventually I need to consider myself.  I keep stepping into the shallow waters and dipping a toe in but never really going in the water.  Which would be fine to start with but it has become all I do.  I never really get in the water.

So some decisions need to be made.  This week is as good a time as any.  Many firsts have been going on and I have stepped out of my comfort zone.  Time to step out and stay out.

I hope everyone has a great day!

 

my baby Moose
busy busy busy
one of the naps between playing
the famous Pitty frog legs
cooling her tummy
Moose enjoys his frog legs too
Baby girl catching the last of the sun for the day
Animals, Dogs, family, Life

Two Stepping

1972italy

I got up extra early but I spent more time than normal doing things so I seem to be a bit behind.  Yesterday I was a bit overzealous and got a lot done.  Which would’ve been fine had it not been day four of me doing that.  By the time I got to bed last night my body was not happy with me.  It isn’t thrilled this morning but it is a damn sight better than last night.  And I would like to rest but no rest for the wicked.  We are talking about going to the local fair on Saturday.  If things keep up I will want to stay home.  But it is time together that we normally do not have doing things that we do not normally do.  So…

Essie looks so sweet in her blanket nest.  She usually has to have a nest before I leave for work.  And I try to oblige since she has been having problems with her walking and such.  The kids were very busy yesterday with two new toys and lots of play time.  The girls even played together without fighting.

I have to leave early this morning as well since they scheduled two people to get their things as soon as I get there.  So even getting there early may or may not work in my favor.  I try to have everything ready so all we do is sign paperwork and they get their things and leave.  But if they are there earlier than me I will have no time and feel rushed.  So I guess we will see.  And on that note dear friends I must leave you.  I will add some photos of the kids though.  Cheers!

 

The mice got a new wheel
Chilling outside last night
A new toy
The other new toy
Happy Stella with a bone
Baby Essie in her nest
Moose snoozing
Stella telling me to turn the lights off
Creativity, dreams, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Looking

1972italy

Days are getting shorter as nights are getting longer and chillier.  As much as I love Halloween and Fall I am not ready for my Summer to end.  I am not ready to have to keep the windows and doors shut against the cold and snow.  Chris and I joke that we need to have a place in Australia so we can just live Summer in both places year round.  Probably not going to happen but it is a fun thing to dream about.

Work ended up being a pretty busy place for the most part yesterday.  I tried doing some journaling but I never did finish my entry until I was in bed that night.  I am going to sit down at one point today and do some more journal work.

I have plenty to do today but I am not going to force myself.  I will probably get everything done but I will do a little here and a little there.  I have my interview due today as well.  That will take priority.  There are the usual domestic things that need to be taken care of but I want to try to set some time aside for creating.  Not just with my writing but in other mediums as well.  Be it photography or drawing (I have several books on drawing and watercolors that I have wanted to try) or just coloring (I have numerous coloring books… and not just adult ones I have Scooby Doo and the like).

My shoulders are particularly achy this morning.  Between the heavy lifting at work and everything I did here the day before my body is letting me know I have been busy.  In a good way though.  I’m not in pain because I did too much.  I’m achy because I pushed my limits.  I find that I whenever I think I am getting stronger I will throw a leg over the bike and feel like a complete weakling.  I need to try to cross-train.  There might be things I can do at work and such over the course of my days that will translate to being a better rider.

Time for me to stop talking about doing things and do them.  I hope everyone has a great day!  Cheers!

 

My three babies
the girls
and yes Stella does enjoy the couch (because she can roll her ball off the end for people to throw for her)