I had an extra busy day at work (wasn’t helped by the 90F (32C) plus degree weather) so when I got home I didn’t do much of anything. And this morning my anxiety is through the roof. I am at a complete loss as to what to do with myself. My new writing gigs either aren’t paying or aren’t paying enough and I don’t know what to do. I can’t find anything that will work me minimally so I can still do what I do. But bills are getting a bit much. And I can’t crank out short stories like I used to which seems to be what the higher paying places want. I’m not making enough to be able to save any money. Every month all the money goes to bills.
The big storm we had last night didn’t help clear my head like I hoped it would. Or maybe it did but not as I expected. I just don’t know which way to turn or what to do. I prefer the whole work-from-home gig. I want something that I can fit into what I am already doing.
I don’t want to lose my quality of life. I enjoy both my jobs (I guess I really have more than just the two and I enjoy those as well) and I have time to live my life. I can putter in the yard, spend time with Chris and the kids, go see friends and all that. I don’t want to lose that again. I gave that up for almost 15 years. That is why I am so desperate to find something on my terms. I finally got my life back. The only thing that needs to change is my income needs to increase dramatically. Yes, I understand that I would need to write more and work harder to get said increase. I’m ok with that. I don’t expect handouts. But I want to enjoy things. Not do them just for the money. I’ve already done that. I don’t want to do it again. I’m not going to prostitute my dreams and life for money again. I can’t.
Things have cooled off here since the storm. I think today’s high is only 67F (about 19C). That will make everything comfortable again.
I was going to end the blog here but I am debating over the title I have chosen “Hack For Hire.” I feel it fits not because of the quality of my work but because that is how I feel right now. Like a hack. Should I change it incase someone who reads this will want to hire me? So I don’t sound like a degenerate writer looking for work? I think I will keep it. If they read this far to see how I write they will understand why I chose the title I did.